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Jessica MacGuyver!

Jessica Biel improvises

Jessica Biel improvises

Now THAT is a star! Caught in Berlin without her luggage, Jessica Biel quickly ripped down the wallpaper from the lobby of a Best Western and contrived a nifty little top and bottom number that had the fashionistas swooning. With laughter.

Jessica Tiel

Jessica Biel in Teal

Jessica Biel in Teal

Is this allowed? Posting a picture of something really, really Austin Powerseriffic and saying “I like it?” Or will the blogging police come for me? Do I need to say it’s too long and she really needs to comb her hair, or can I just say “I like it” and leave it at that? Or should I pretend to do some research and toss on another pic and a poll to legitimize it?

Austin Powers

Austin Powers

Hump Day Links: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Editon

Snoop Vader Luv Show the Dark Side of Luv

At last we learn the backstory to the shot herd ’round the world. Oh Snoop, we’ve all been there.

Claire Danes knows how to work a trenchcoat (Lolebrity)

Celebrities! They’re not like us! They can walk in these shoes! (CelebToast)

The best 404 message online (AgentBedhead)

Om Nom Nom WHA???? (AllieIsWired)

Brittany Murphy, Casey Johnson, Basic Health Rules laid to rest (AmyGrindhouse)

Demon in sheep’s clothing (BWE)

Anne Hathaway flips the bird (BricksAndStones)

Alexis for Alexis! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ooh La Little Girl Lingerie? (LaughingStork)

Kate, I think you dropped something (HolyMoly)

Sandra Bullock will cut a bitch (LitelySalted)

Forget Mischa Barton, try Carole Channing! (LaineyGossip)

Kristen Stewart in court for prostitution (TMZ)

Ralph Lauren snubs in public! (CelebrityMound)

Ellen for President? (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Tom Brady’s 2-month-old can run??? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Oooh, ACDC MUST DIE!!!! (CeleBitchy)

Jay-Qui? (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Possibly the most terrifying headline I’ve ever read (CelebritySmack)

Kanye survives horrifying ordeal (CelebSlam)

Bublé‘s bongo bowl (CityRag)

Dennis Quaid’s farmer’s tan (CrazyDaysAndNights)

The Real BabyMamas of Atlanta (Crunk+Disorderly)

Brangelina lives! (DailyStab)

Paris has gone to the dogs (DanasDirt)

Nicknames of the literati (Gawker)

The return of PuppyBowl (DListed)

Betty White is terrifying (EvilBeet)

Small Wonder it was cancelled (FourFour)

Janet Jackson is a Janet Jackson impersonator (GabbyBabble)

Best Dressed/Worst Dressed at the Grammys (GoFugYourself)

Snooki’s makeover (ImBringingBloggingBack)

Qween no longer on Scene (INeedMyFix)

How Hugh Jackman rolls (HaveUHeard)

World’s most expensive benchwarmers (HollywoodBackwash)

Flack pointedly does NOT deny Paris Hilton is dumb (HollywoodRag)

Sniff Beyonce for $50 (HollywoodTuna)

KFat achieves self-awareness (ImNotObsessed)

Leif Garrett busted NOT A FLASHBACK TO 1975 (Janet CharltonsHollywood)

Virgins versus Texting! (JustJared)

PETA vs Avatar (Movieline)

Jessica Biel definitely not Jewish (FitCeleb)

Frances Bean taking singing lessons (PerezHilton)

Stock Anderson Cooper Adorable Story (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Russell Brand shoots, scores (UKPopSugar)

Jamaican Bobsled Team not so cool (WizBangPop)

Orlando Bloom is all wet (PopBytes)

Kelly Clarkson in flamewar (RadarOnline)

Re-Enchanted (SeriouslyOMG)

Tila says the butler didn’t do it (ASocialiteLife)

Conan O’Brien’s Valentine to Britney (SquareEyes)

Saffy, darling, are you slumming in this movie? (TenGossip)

John Mayer needs to take off the Wayfarers (TheBosh)

Mischa Barton wins Best Supporting Hose (TheSkinny)

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Retroactive Links

Strippers set up swordsman (CBC)

Trent Reznor has had enough of you (AgentBedhead)

Marilyn Manson’s new rent-a-chick exposed (CelebWarship)

TR Knight is outta Grey’s (CeleBitchy)

Ricky Martin shows off the twins (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Santa’s looking for work (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Audrina Patridge finally earns an entry on ayyyy (CelebritySmack)

Are  you calling in Gay? (DListed)

Jessica Biel can crack eggs with her sheer hotness (EvilBeet)

Karl’s nursery rhymes (FakeKarl)

Socialites of the world, unite! (GhostOfAFlea)

Helen Hunt is turning into Jodie Foster before our very eyes! (IBBB)

Brad is a lover, not a fighter (PopSugar)

Jessica Biel, languishing backstage

He will return for me..perhaps

What kind of callous person abandons a lady with a twisted ankle, leaving her with nothing more than a sweat rag to fend off the hungry paparazzi!  Better take a seat and make yourself comfortable love, because it doesn’t look like he’ll be back anytime soon.

Jessica who?

Wednesday Humperlinks

Blind-or-maybe-just-nearsighted Item: Jason Lewis’s stinky ex (AgentBedhead)

Christina Ricci cat iz disapprovin (Lolebrity)

George Clooney is a free man! (CelebritySmack)

Woody Harrelson, recreational hunger striker (HolyMoly)

David Banda now officially belongs to Madonna (DListed)

Kim Cattrall is ready for a SATC rematch sequel! (ImNotObsessed)

Bale’s tale of batshiat batsuit costume claustrophobia (DailyStab)

Rachel Ray, terrorist (HollywoodBackwash)

Dad of the Year KFed loses one of the brood at Disneyland (HollyWire)

Mariah Carey pitches…I always thought she was more of a catcher? (CandyKirby)

Gary Dourdan admits guilt (POTP)

Celebrity tattoo horror show (Defamer)

Not just pretzels: President Bush’s history of substance abuse? (Gawker)

Ashlee (Simpson-)Wentz is sperminated (EvilBeet)

Jessica Biel is still prettier than you (Websters)

Amy Winehouse’s babysitter fired for crack, her lyrics being studied at Cambridge. You know. The usual (UKPopSugar)

Is Kate Hudson dating for revenge? (CeleBitchy)

It’s a People Business

And the people are…

Catherine Zeta-Jones messy, still hotter than anyone you know (DanasDirt)

Trista Sutter, celebrity mom, self-hating whale (TeenyManolo)

Pete Doherty dumps Irina Lazareanu, targets Kate Moss (TheRadReport)

Scarlett Johansson gives away body parts to her men (CelebWarship)

Amy Winehouse won’t get sloshed before concerts, unlike the audience (WendyWayrad)

Katie Holmes, bastard spawn of Tinkerbell and Godzilla (GoFugYourself)

Ashley Olsen’s Donald Duck impression (ImNotObsessed)

Owen Wilson interview goes live at the witching hour (EvilBeet)

Cindy Crawford, serial sellout (DerekHail)

Natalie Portman, nude no more! (DailyStab)

Renee Zellweger rocks the inpatient look (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Britney Spears carrys drugs in her purse (HollywoodBackwash)

Japan makes Posh Spice smile (Glosslip)

Jessica Biel pulls a Britney Spears move, attacks with brolly (CelebSlam)

Keanu Reeves, 43, has girlfriend, 20 (GabbyBabble)

Borat sued for making etiquette expert look uptight. Whodathunkit? (HolyCandy)

Britney’s hit and run charge dismissed, DWL sticks (PopOnThePop)

Beyonce is your fat aunt (Fatback)

The Unsexiest Women: the blowback (2BlogOrNot2Blog)

Paris Hilton not to molest Rwanda just yet (Oscar Valdez)

Links, linked

Willie Nelson’s celebrity tractor race (Stillisstillmoving)

If a sex doll could sing, it would sound like this (MrTabloid)

Celebrity houses in Malibu wildfire danger (I’mNotObsessed)

Nicole Kidman, fattie (HolyMoly)

Kate Moss, fattie (TheSkinnyWebsite)

Hayden Panettiere, fattie (CelebSlam)

Britney Spears, fattie (TheMeatScale)

Paris Hilton, popsicle (AgentBedhead)

Zac Efron, cutie (JustJared)

Jessica Biel, Martian (CelebritySmack)

Britney Spears, bikini-buff (DailyStab)

Ellen DeGeneris, serial dog regifter (Yeeeah)

Jake Gyllenhaal, toilet connoisseur (BricksAndStones)

Anderson Cooper, built (LARagMag)

Marie Osmond, unconscious (Defamer)

Kirstie Alley, cheater (CelebrityBabylon)

Jennifer Hudson, bridesmaid (GoFugYourself)

Bo Duke, hunk(HolyCandy)

Tyra Banks, fierce (YoungBlackAndFabulous)

Dumbledore, gay (Popwatch)

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