Ayyyy!

Just a casual night out with some friends and a neverending wine list and before you know it, your worries are laid bare for the world at large! See if you can match the above expressions on Jessica Simpson’s face with the descriptions below. 
(a) Fatigue over having to plan another Instyle wedding and star in ensuing reality show about married life
(b) Grave concern that even Stampeded Light Plus Beer could be tainted with melamine
(c) Gloomy contemplation of a Kim Kardashian-less Dancing With the Stars
(d) Serious reflection on whether her hypothetical mug shot would look better than Heather Locklear’s

It’s the last days of summer, so get your patio drinks and girly salads while you can!

Nine Inch Fails (Lolebrity)

50 cent truly worth about that much (AgentBedhead)

Victoria Beckham to make available to fans all that food she doesn’t eat (DailyStab)

Presidential O-Faces (CandyKirby)

Canuck Hayden Christensen takes “American” lessons (JustJared)

Madonna takes her house husband out for a treat (IBBB)

The Curse of Clooney (Mollygood)

The Curse of Jessica (Websters)

Drunk celebrities! (CityRag)

Kanye kant kope (CeleBitchy)

Barbara Walters promises to care for her slaves (DListed)

Tyler Perry, decoded (Defamer)

Dolly Parton to the rescue! (WOWReport)

Rebecca Romijn takes the baby bump for a walk (GabbyBabble)

Americans can now get into Kate Moss’s pants (PopSugar)

Kiefer kant keep sekrets (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Larry Birkhead is not proud (TMZ)

Most generous celebrities (HollywoodBackwash)

Surprisingly, Amy Winehouse does not appear to be improving (Yeeeeah)

Pete Wentz does his David Soul pornalike impression (SeriouslyOMG)

Bundle the wee ones off to school and relax with a Back to School Martini and some wholesome gossip links.

Steve Jobs is IMMORTAL! (Lolebrity)

The femullet is BACK! (JustJared)

Naomi Campbell is ovulating: everybody PANIC! (BlackCelebrityKids)

Boy’s gone FIRED! (Websters)

David Beckham is MASSIVE! (CeleBitchy)

Has Sarah Palin been PEELED? (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Sarah Palin is 100% PLASTIC! (UsMagazine)

Pete Wentz plays Russian Roulette and guess what? We ALL LOSE! (CelebritySmack)

Get into Michael Jackson’s PANTS! (DailyStab)

Megan McCain wants to go to IRAQ! (Mollygood)

Scientology gets SCHOOLED! (AgentBedhead)

Dakota Fanning is BACK! (Defamer)

Sleep with a MORMON! (Gawker)

It’s a Jessica Simpson OMEN! (DListed)

The Banksy World Tour hits Birmingham’s KKK! (Raincoaster)

Lindsay Lohan is REAL! (EvilBeet)

It’s Hugh Grant’s birthday: PARTY! (UKPopsugar)

Blake Lively loves dogs! (lolebrity)

Gary Coleman is white trash? (Defamer)

Dakota Fanning, however, is not (AgentBedhead)

Eva Longoria Parker shills candy (DailyStab)

Bottom feeding on the LA dating scene (CelebritySmack)

Heather Mills is the earthly vessel of the divine principle of Schadenfreude (CeleBitchy)

Torontonian schools whiny busker/Oasis frontman attacked (HolyMoly)

We can’t believe it either, Jessica (PopSugar)

Jennifer Aniston is unbelievably thrilled to see you (ImNotObsessed)

France lays the smackdown on grifting for Xenu (Mollygood)

Smells like tween spirit! (BWE)

Britney Spears cleans up real good at the VMAs (EvilBeet)

This woman’s got her head screwed on wrong (IBBB)

Katy Perry’s stylist goes into production of silk purses (GoFugYourself)

Quote of the day: Katy Perry is nothing but Diablo Cody with an actual stripper’s body, instead of a former stripper’s body (FourFour)

Matt Damon vs Ben Affleck face off! (SeriouslyOMG)

Girls Gone Wild: Disney fake lesbian edition (Websters)

The real father of Bristol Palin’s baby (Radar)

Don’t you have to be a diva to throw a diva fit? (DListed)

What’s this I hear about a four-day weekend? Outrageous rumours!

Steve Jobs sez: OBITUATE DIFFERENT! (Lolebrity)

The weirdest Japfro you’ll ever see! (CelebuWreck)

Face it: Michael Jackson is 50 (PopEater)

Pamela Anderson is Botox-free (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Caligula’s horse speaks! (DailyMail)

Tricia Yearwood has instant karma (CelebrityDirt)

When Canadians Attack! Jessica Simpson! (Websters)

The Mandala of Madge’s vadge (CityRag)

Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey sitting in a tree… (AgentBedhead)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Ewan McGregor vs Gavin Rossdale (TeenyManolo)

The Hillary kerfuffle (disembedded)

Obama’s acceptance speech (FoodPlusPolitics)

Jesus appears on an insect! (Membracid)

David Beckham is afraid of turning into Homer Simpson (CeleBitchy)

The 12-step recovery plan for David Duchovny (BestWeekEver)

Aaron Sorkin will Friend you (Valleywag)

The Collected Facebook Status Updates of Aaron Sorkin (Vulture)

Madonna goes Howard Hughes on us (SeriouslyOMG)

Singer’s uncle off to Sing-Sing (ICYDK)

I will NOT use the headline “Sarah Palin tapped by McCain”!!! (CitizenSugar)

Lindsay Lohan takes a shot at the gold medal (HolyMoly)

Carrie Underwood might have to settle for silver (DailyStab)

Jeremy Piven can’t keep a civil tongue in his head (ImNotObsessed)

No, he really can’t: the collected rants of Jeremy Piven (Defamer)

Blind Item Roundup! (Gawker)

Solange Knowles bans the Big B (CelebritySmack)

The Broony Bromance (CandyKirby)

Been that kind of day. Gossip blog linkination, take me away!

(low standards, I know, I know)

Princess Beatrice duz not has British Teeth! (Lolebrity)

Henry Rollins thinks you’re a twit! (AgentBedhead)

Save the Cheerleader’s Undergotchies! (DailyStab)

Drink beer to become as smart as Jessica Simpson (CelebritySmack)

Get your hands on Matthew McConaughey’s Hook ‘Em Horns (SeriouslyOMG)

Mini Me, Maxi Media (CelebuWreck)

Matt Damon re-dads (CeleBitchy)

Be Nicole Richie’s slave! (BricksAndStones)

Now we know where Cher gets her wigs (IBBB)

Enter HoffSpace! (TheBlemish)

Ricky Martin: Livin La Vida Breeder? (CandyKirby)

This could be the greatest British comedy show ever (UKPopsugar)

Angie Harmon expecting (ImNotObsessed)

The Michael Phelps/Amanda Beard drinking game (ItsCandyTV)

The Legend of Spaghetti Cat (Mollygood)

Harry Potter had “a lot of fun” with Lavender Brown (JustJared)

The love triangle that ate the internet (Radar)

Liveblogging Project Runway (Gawker)

The Periodic Table of Awesoments (TheDapperstache)

Will this performance save Tom Cruise’s careeer? (Defamer)

Liza with a ZOMG! (Lolebrity)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: David Boreanaz vs Ewan MacGregor (TeenyManolo)

Perez Hilton explained in math (SuperfantasticPlastic)

Kate Moss and Sly Stallone want you to bend over for them (AgentBedhead)

Paul Newman finishes chemo (CelebritySmack)

John Edwards admits cheating while his wife had cancer (EvilBeet)

Clay Aiken has a baby! (WRAL)

LiLo and SamRon out for her birthday (DailyStab)

Suri Cruise is a natural! (CandyKirby)

Brian Atene: riddle wrapped in an enigma and posted on YouTube (YouTube)

Jessica Simpson pulls the old “Baby on Board” on Tony Romo’s family (CeleBitchy)

Bleachonce not bleached, sez Loreal (EOnline)

Top Five Failed Olympic crossovers (Defamer)

First pic of Clay Aiken’s baby (Gawker)

“Dress” for the red carpet not just a vague metaphor (GoFugYourself)

The quotable Tori Spelling (IBBB)

Levi McConaughey pimps out the murse (Mollygood)

Miley Cyrus in All About Eve (Websters)

Your GenX Moment: Mary Tyler Moore Show reunion! (SeriouslyOMG)

Lindsay Lohan throws a lingerie party for her girlfriend (JustJared)

Suri has a muneez (Lolebrity)

Richard Simmons is a man’s man (Websters)

Guyliner goes mainstream (AgentBedhead)

Eyeliner works wonders (DailyStab)

Lance Armstrong comes out…of relationship (CelebritySmack)

Janice Dickinson, hot tranny mess (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Tranny or Trash: YOU decide! (CandyKirby)

Britney’s new friend is hung like a horse (IBBB)

New Trannie Barbies: Xtina and Eva (ImNotObsessed)

Ashley Tisdale trawls for tuna (JustJared)

Paris Hilton, cobbler to the creme de la creme of drag performers (Mollygood)

So then, what does Tony Romo get if he wins MVP? (PopSugar)

NIN, straight up (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

America’s Got Confusion: there are professional Ozzy Osbourne impersonators? (Defamer)

Morrissey invades Israel (Gawker)

____er ____ed for ****ing in ___ (Radar)

Flannel-shirted Miley Cyrus will NOT kiss a girl! (CeleBitchy)

Tom Cruise no longer a mama’s boy? (InTouch)

Amy Winehouse is a vampire (DListed)