Archive - Joan Collins RSS Feed

Shoe Horns and Corn Links

Christian Louboutin has a lot to answer for (for which to answer? Whatever) in particular these heinosities for both sexes:

For Gentlemen:

This Louboutin demonstrates what men think of as "spikes"

This Louboutin demonstrates what men think of as "spikes"

And for the Ladies:

To Lady Gaga, these are just fluffy

To Lady Gaga, these are just fluffy

Now, I’m sorry.

No, I’m not.

But these BOTH look like either two people suffering from EPIC plantar warts (isn’t it nice they found each other? I bet the romcom would star Jennifer Aniston and Ben Stiller, and be nearly as painful as the disease) OR they were lovingly hand-crafted in an Italian atelier from the intimate membranes of a Stegosaurus with history’s worst case of genital warts.

Having planted that lovely thought in your head, I’ll now degrade you further with todays corny links.

Britney Spears is corny (Lolebrity)

Just say YES to creamed corn and ketchup with this delicacy (Manolofood)

“Evergreen” is still the top kernel of corn (raincoaster)

Joan Collins’ liquor is a little more rarefied (ayyyy)

Gaga’s brains are totally frittata (AgentBedhead)

Chris CORNell (BusyBeeBlogger)

Duelling cornballs, nobody wins! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Bagel-to-Perogy communications perfected (DippedInCream)

Kingston’s just a niblet off the ol’ cob (CelebritySmack)

What the Adele? Isn’t WalMart too cornepone? (CelebVIPLounge)

Elisabetta Corn-all-ass (CityRag)

Aw, shucks, Canada’s hottest export returns! (DailyStab)

Gaga’s husky voice comes from the Whiskey Yoga Diet (GirlsTalkinSmack)

I always forget which one is Korny (FitFabCeleb)

Bieber creamed! (SeriouslyOMG)

Daniel Radcliffe is all Aw Shucks (CeleBitchy)

She’s a niblet, and shrinking! (TheSkinny)

Nice stalks! (GossipTeen)

Is that a corncob in your pocket, Brad, or??? (HaveUHeard)

Simon Cowell is picking Canada’s best crop of niblets (INeedMyFix)

If Gwyneth Paltrow is a vegan, does that make her a cannibal? (AmyGrindhouse)

Britney got her silks combed (PoorBritney)

Sui, Sui, pig, pig, pig (PopBytes)

Mariah’s ready to pop (EvilBeet)


Joan Collins will drink as much Cinzano as she pleases and she'll thank you to mind your own business

Joan Collins will drink as much Cinzano as she pleases and she'll thank you to mind your own business

It’s no secret that Joan Collins is not like other mortals (we’re not even sure she’s mortal to begin with). She is, of all the world, perhaps the person you would Least Like to Spill Your Drink On, particularly as she’s invariably clad head-to-toe in egret feathers and charmeuse, and that’s just for a run to Starbucks. But let us pause for a moment and cast our minds back to an earlier age: an age when the mighty Joan Collins was just a superannuated It Girl who was That Tragic Do-Gooder Kirk Got Off With in City on the Edge of Forever (incidentally, perhaps, the greatest single episode of science fiction television ever filmed, and don’t even START with me, you Babylon5ies!). An age when a B-list vaudevillian might get away with something like this:

Joan Collins and Leonard Rossiter star in Cinzano ads filmed between 1978 and 1983. The executive who dreamed up these ads used to discuss pitches with a hand puppet called Sniffy.

Clearly, the world has changed. It is Hers now.