That’s right: Charm, Beauty, and Creativity. It’s anyone’s guess which is which.

The Monkees never knew what hit them (raincoaster)
Meryl Streep is the answer, no matter what the question (Lolebrity)
Chris Noth reduced to bumming gum from Paparazzi (AgentBedhead)
Lilo is FREE!!!! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Blog comments by celebrities are not a substitute for competent medical advice (CeleBitchy)
Happy Birthday, Luke! What did your dad get you? (CelebrityBeehive)
My boy is as straight as the day is long, yessir (CelebDirtyLaundry)
James Franco wears Frankenshoon! (CelebritySmack)
Feets of the Weak Week (CityRag)
Good to know, good to know, thanks, Queenie (QueenUK)
This…THING is not like that THING (CojoStyle)
You again…and again… (DailyStab)
RIP Eddie Fisher (GabbyBabble)
Katy Perry can’t bring her assets to Sesame Street (HaveUHeard)
Can ANYONE make Louboutins work with a prison jumpsuit? (INeedMyFix)
Audrina is “excited about her cha-cha” (IBBB)
Brit-Glee (Movieline)
Brittany vs Britney (PoorBritney)
Motorists of Manhattan, you missed your chance! (Radar)
Sesame Street by the Jersey Shore (SeriouslyOMG)

How does it feel to be no longer the freaky one, Joaquin? Judging from the sidelong glance he’s giving his other female companion, it is clearly bothering him to no end.

Sometimes you open a wine only to realize you should have left it unmolested for a couple of more years, minimum. And so it is with the Finca Flichman 2007 Malbec; currently, you could use it to cut the grease on your stove hood, or stain your deck, but I wouldn’t recommend drinking it for 24 months at least, unless raw velociraptor blood is your drink of choice. Which, knowing this blog’s readers, I don’t entirely rule out.

President Obama’s Inauguration Speech: full text (raincoaster)

Juliette Lewis speaks from the heart (AgentBedhead)

Kelly Osbourne busted for beat-down (AmyGrindhouse)

A complete beginner’s guide to Martin Luther King, in standup (BWE)

Blake more Incarcerated than he expected (CelebWarship)

John Cleese nekked (CeleBitchy)

The Paris Hilton Rerun channel (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

What’s up, Doc? (CelebritySmack)

Lindsay Lohan celebrates early (HolyMoly)

Madonna will give you what for (WWTDD)

Joiquin Phoenix’s new pseudeolife (Defamer)

Can a vagina win Miss Congeniality? (EvilBeet)

Nobody messes with Julia Farking Roberts (DListed)

Angelina Jolie/Paris Hilton One of these things is not like the other (CandyKirby)

The City, The Headband, The Recap (IBBB)

Britney’s got a book deal (ImNotObsessed)

The DC Celebrity Roundup (UKPopSugar)

Benjamin Button = Forrest Gump? (SeriouslyOMG)

Katy Perry satin it (Websters)

May everybody stay safe and well as you ring in the New Year, wherever you may be. Here’s hoping that 2009 is kind to us! Oh, and make sure you don’t end up next to the crazy guy with the beard on the stroke of midnight.

Joaquin Phoenix on his unexpected retirement from acting:

“It’s like greener pastures, you know what I mean?” Phoenix said Saturday. “And so, I’m just going to try and like, I’ll just be doing the other thing. … Hopefully, I will emotionally impact you with that, as well.”

Yes we will surely keep an eye out for him in our rearview mirrors as he goes careening down the highway of life, with the wind in his scruffy Neanderthal hair and his primal screams echoing into crisp mountain air.