Sari about that: renowned ecdysiast Dirty Martini models perhaps the only example of a bondage sari in existence.

Here are your Dirty Martini emo links. Why am I so emo today? Read the last post and then mix a pitcher of Black Widows for yourself and me.

Underemployed Jedi single dad starts drinking early (Lolebrity)
Brian Atene is at the Nembutal and self-doubt again (raincoaster)
Brian Atene invented Superman Vodka, he’ll have you know (raincoaster media)
Here are two decorative, talented men as a sort of unicorn chaser (TeenyManolo)
This mystery man is filthy (ManoloMen)
Blohan blew it (AgentBedhead)
More Don Draper! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Paris Hilton says “Marriott? I wish I’d thought of buying it! I love Pocahontas!” (CeleBitchy)
As if the world didn’t have enough stupid things that make you want to die in it (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Hey Gaga, Scotch is fattening! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Well, alcohol IS a preservative (CelebritySmack)
Dita, NEVER get between me and the Cointreau (CojoStyle)
My god, what were they ON when they greenlighted this? (DailyStab)
THIS man is intoxicating! (DListed)
This is the only man perhaps more perfect than Jon Hamm (EvilBeet)
Hallelujah and pass the Jesus Juice! (GabbyBabble)
I thought what happened in Vegas stayed there? Is that too much to ask? (HaveUHeard)
Where was SuperHamm when THIS happened? (INeedMyFix)
What’s wrong with Drink, Bitch, Sulk? (JustJared)
Can even Jodie Foster’s might save Mel? (PerezHilton)
If Pink is a drunk I love her even more (PoorBritney)

and now, your cheer-em-up unicorn chaser featuring OK Go and Puppehs!

Foiled in her attempt at a stealthy getaway, she decided to answer those pesky reporter questions with a few well-aimed fireballs.

Blake Lively h8s kritikz (Lolebrity)

Seal busts an illegal Nicole Richie move (GabbyBabble)

David Beckham is stuffed into his Armani briefs (PopSugar)

Diddy discusses manscaping (CandyKirby)

Jennifer Lopez gives a performance for autistic kids (ImNotObsessed)

Sienna Miller rocks the Carwash Cabaret look (JustJared)

Miley Cyrus gets a namecheck in the R Kelly trial (Crunk&Disorderly)

Pete Doherty does TOO know how to bathe (AgentBedhead)

Jack Black, the Doctor Frankenstein of breakfast cereal (DailyStab)

Gisele makes the Mischa mistake (CelebritySmack)

One dog down, one to go (People)

Jodie Foster loses her sh*t (TheBosh)

Kiera Knightly is a bobblehead (Websters)

American Idol loser is airport terrorist? (IBBB)

Mickey Rourke, testicle inspector (Yeeeeah)

How to date an Olsen (Defamer)

The Amy Winehouse Well Duh (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Brangelina is insatiable! (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Britney’s with Jamie-Lynn for the birth while Dad is selling her house (CeleBitchy)

Claymates are a different breed (Mollygood)

Nicole Kidman is barefoot and pregnant and nude and on the cover (JustJared)

Martha Stewart’s double entendre (Websters)

Diddy’s duds do a dong good(YBF)

Prop-powered penis protest (HolyMoly)

Lily Allen’s zipper problem (SeriouslyOMG)

The Butterscotch Stallion rides again! (POTP)

Jennifer Aniston, defying all odds, turns into girl you’d take home to mom (ICYDK)

Scientology is a cult, and saying so can get you arrested (AgentBedhead)

Madonna apparently stealing Liza Minnelli’s old clothes (ImNotObsessed)

Top 50 Man Candy! (OK!)

Emos Unite! My Chemical Romance protest! (DailyStab)

The crazy cat lady recommends… (IBBB)

Pete Doherty makes the cover: of Celebrity Drugs and Alcohol Weekly! (CandyKirby)

Founder of NKOTB and Backstreet Boys gets 25 years (GabbyBabble)

Steven Tyler is back in rehab (CelebritySmack)

25 funniest people in the US (EW)

25 least funny people in the US (Defamer)

Jodie Foster opens a new can of…no, I can’t finish that joke. I have STANDARDS! (DListed)

Celebrate National Dance Like a Chicken Day! (CandyKirby)

Jack Black in Disco Panda-Fu Attack! (Defamer)

Top Ten TV Meltdowns (Gawker)

Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty star in Dancing With The Has-Beens! (DailyStab)

Britney does Da Bump (IBBB)

Colin Farrell in Mars Attacks! (CelebritySmack)

Comrade Christie Brinkley Leads Dance Dance Revolution (Gabsmash)

Jim Rockford won’t let a minor stroke keep him down! (Bumpshack)

Miley Cyrus will drink your milkshake, fail to shake skanky image (Websters)

Diddy drinks down. Waaaaaaay down (EvilBeet)

The curse of going public: Jodie Foster splits with Cydney (GabbyBabble)

George Clooney settles for scorpion’s sloppy seconds (ImNotObsessed)

Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty to perform duet of death (CeleBitchy)

Sir Paul McCartney has environmentally-sensitive car flown in from Japan (HuffPo)

Maxim’s minimal-impact hottie list (AgentBedhead)

Mary Ann FTW! (Celebritysmack)

Owen Wilson discovers he’s not Jesus (Defamer)

Discovers he may be dating Jennifer Aniston (Star)

Maybe Ginger Spice is Jesus? (Dlisted)

How to annoy Mariah Carey (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Jodie Foster just can’t catch a break (Celebitchy)

Madonna is afraid of you (ImNotObsessed)

Lindsay Lohan is a do-it-yourselfer (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Betty White kicks ass (Cityrag)

Iggy Pop will not be stopped (Mollygood)

Eddie Van Halen is back in rehab (PerezHilton)

Bigfoot invades LA (CircusHour)

Jodie Foster and her sons (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Britney Spears hates her life (PopOnThePop)

Julianne Moore spits on Spitzer (JustJared)

Cindy Crawford’s child is beautiful beyond the lot of mortals (Celebslam)

Your latest “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to marry” rumour (HollywoodRag)

Ashton Kutcher IS Santa (raincoaster)

Get into Mel Gibson’s pants, make somebody’s dreams come true (Defamer)

Party with Michael Jackson (CelebSlam)

Tony Parker is suing, not screwing (CelebritySmack)

Kiefer Christmasing in jail (CityRag)

Borat and AliG killed! (DailyStab)

Jamie-Lynn Spears has the Facts of Life going for her! (CelebrityMound)

Jamie-Lynn is afraid of Britney’s temper (IDLYITW)

Shane McGowan, who Pete Doherty wants to be when he grows up (Dlisted)

Why you should have heard of Shane McGowan (YouTube)

Oprah oppressing Obama! (EvilBeet)

Rupert Everett lays the smackdown on Jodie Foster, may need UN protection (GabbyBabble)

Lily Allen, her smokes, her pregnancy, and her new tv show (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Cutest Celebuspawn of 2007 (GoFugYourself)

Zac Efron wigs out (HolyCandy)

Britney Spears flashing figurine (PopOnThePop)

On the Fifth Day of Britmas… (DoodleWhore)

Carleton scores a porn star! All the ladies love a man with smooth moves (CeleBitchy)

The ongoing saga of PerezHilton vs YouTube; advantage: Perez (PerezHilton)

Brangelina on a bike and a trike (INF)

Jen vs Angie onstage! (ImNotObsessed)

Naomi Campbell IS Brenda Starr! (Mollygood)

Amy Winehouse primps. Can’t fault the girl for trying (TheMeatScale)

Scarlett Johannson channels Anna Nicole Smith (Websters)

Britney Spears give her kids toxic playthings of death (WendyWayrad)

Paris Hilton’s new movie has Oscar buzz. I kid! (Yeeeeah)

Pamela Anderson divorce is on/off/on/what time is it? (CelebritySmack)

Jennifer Love Hewitt is not big-bottomed, she’s pregnant! (Yeeeeah)

Michael Jackson, natural beauty. Do. Not. Click. Without. Strong. Stomach. 4realz (PopOnThePop)

Nicole Kidman wears tinfoil pantsuit, picks up thetans at three furlongs! (CelebWarship)

Heather Mills to write gold digger’s manual? (Gabbybabble)

Beyonce Knowles: singer, dancer, actress, psychic (HolyCandy)

Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton welcome another little Goth (CelebrityBabyScoop)

10 most stylish stars of 2007 (ImNotObsessed)

Best autographers in Hollywood (Defamer)

Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson sing gaily about drugs! (Jezebel)

Julia Roberts knits fan sweaters for Johnny Depp’s kids (CeleBitchy)

Is Amy Winehouse an addicted loser or a racist addicted loser?  (Mollygood)

Picket-busting buttho’s? (Dlisted)

Any Winehouse Suicide Pact (PerezHilton)

Scared of Santa gallery (TeenyManolo)

Jodie Foster is an officer and a gentleman (DListed)

Merry Christmas from the Cruises (DailyStab)

Tour Kiefer’s cell! (Defamer)

Laurence Fishburne sez don’t toke and drive! (CelebritySmack)

Jack Frost makes a housecall to Amy Winehouse’s nostrils (HolyMoly)

Kiefer’s mugshot hotness! (GabbyBabble)

Shields and Yarnell and Knightly (GoFugYourself)

Amy Winehouse upgrades the shoes; unfortunately, not the rest of her life (HolyCandy)

Today’s Hell Freezes Over story: Aniston to spend the holidays with Brad’s folks (Popbytes)

Vivica A. Fox turns herself in, perhaps hoping to room with Kiefer (PopOnThePop)

Johnny Depp, still single, still pretty (Glosslip)

Lucy Liu goes Ninja on paparazzi! (ImNotObsessed)

Britney threatens BFF Paris. (HollywoodBackwash)

Zac Efron may not be world’s most macho male (DerekHail)

Eva Mendes goes skyclad for PETA (JustJared)

Cindy Crawford is still dancing on tables (JanetCharltonsHollywood)

Ricky Martin outed, pores-first! (Mollygood)

The George Clooney quiz (ivillage)

Daniel Radcliffe is hung like a horse (raincoaster)

Who is it that’s reduced A-listers Julia Roberts and Jodie Foster to a pair of giggling fangirls who can’t wait to get home and breathlessly share their experience on whatever social networking site is in vogue nowadays?

Why of course it’s the ultimate prize himself, Denzel Washington.