Ayyyy!

I want Daphne Guinness’ Alexander McQueen outfit, and the invisible sword that presumably goes with it. And a moderately-sized vat of gin, STAT; this is a medical emergency. We lost to the US in an Olympic hockey game for the first time since 1960, and all of Canada is in bed, drunk and sobbing and holding on to it’s little Troll doll for dear life; all of Canada except me. Someone has to blog this pain away. I am in no mood to be trifled with, except perhaps by Hugh Jackman, and he should wear body armour just to be safe.

Alfred Hitchcock’s ultimate nightmare (Lolebrity)

Robert Pattinson is greased and ready! (AgentBedhead)

Jessica Simpson gets her mask on (AmyGrindhouse)

Jude Law, swordsman (BusyBeeBlogger)

Travis Barker’s boxing match aborted (CelebritySmack)

JLo misses hat trick (CeleBitchy)

Bag a king! (True/Slant)

Conan hits the road (DailyStab)

Dancesport according to Dita (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Hilary Duff teams with NHL Player (BricksAndStones)

Kate Moss, suited for action (DanasDirt)

Bigots! On! Ice! (Gawker)

Ice escapades with Johnny Weir (DListed)

Xtream Martial Arts Birthday Party? (EvilBeet)

The Champions! (INeedMyFix)

Ken Paves wins the Snatch and Grab (SeriouslyOMG)

The pairs event (UKPopSugar)

Yes, yes, boring I know. Herbal tea gossip links just don’t have the dash of cocktail links, but what can I say? I’m giving my liver a month off for bad behaviour. It’s probably snorting Drano with Lindsay Lohan in Ibiza right this very moment.

Here’s a pic of Old Four Eyes to soften the disappointment.

Who Will Be the Olympic Torchbearer? (True/Slant)

Sandra Bullock’s Sure-Fire Oscar Strategy (Lolebrity)

Paris in Paris (AgentBedhead)

Babeh Becker (AmyGrindhouse)

Topless models make passes at men who wear (Tom Ford) glasses (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lilo too partied out to party? (CeleBitchy)

Ireland is SO grounded! (CelebritySmack)

Travolta’s toupe (HolyMoly)

The World of Plastics on display (IBBB)

Do they HAVE interns in hospitals? (DailyStab)

RIP Alexander McQueen (INeedMyFix)

Gwyneth Paltrow, Brown Rice Queen (LaineyGossip)

Alan Rickman reading love poems – thud! (UKPopSugar)

Are you DOWN with the CLOWN? (EvilBeet)

Another Vacation coming soon (CelebrityVIPLounge)

The secret to longer life (CelebDirtyLaundry)

John Edwards closes barn door after horse bolts (CelebrityMound)

Project Runway recap (HaveUHeard)

Robert Pattinson shower scene (HollywoodBackwash)

Lindsay Lohan, Closet Case (Movieline)

Lost Valentines (TenGossip)

Busted! Robert Downey Jr playfully outs Jude Law’s clever hickey-hiding strategy. How is Sienna these days, anyway?

It’s true what Glinda says: so purty you almost forget he’s a bit of a douchenozzle.

Rob Zombie’s Where the Wild Things Are (AgentBedhead)

Corey Feldman’s back on the market, ladies! (AmyGrindhouse)

James Franco must not be a REAL Italian (BusyBeeBlogger)

Back to the Eurasian Orphan Emporium for Tomkat (CeleBitchy)

World’s worst toupee? (CelebritySmack)

Gordon Ramsay experiences pain, a generation of sous chefs yell, “TELL me about it!” (DailyStab)

Gore Vidal destroys a potentially lucrative career as a childcare professional (Gawker)

Pete Wentz is a marked man (EvilBeet)

Jimmy Kimmel, claws out (GabbyBabble)

Rosielina? J’Odonnell? (INO)

Twihards about to blow their stack if RPattz is a free agent (UKPopSugar)

Hamthrax in Hollywood (Movieline)

Craig Ferguson joins the Navy (SeriouslyOMG)

But IS this, in fact, IT? (ASL)

Experts estimate that every seven minutes, one of Sienna Miller’s ex-boyfriends will bump into another one at social events.  Here are two such specimens with varying degrees of facial hair – who would you rather cavort with in front of the obliging paparazzi?

Putin sez: You CAN see Alaska from here! (Lolebrity)

Alaskans say: You CAN see Russia from here! (Radar)

Kurt Cobain’s ashes up in smoke? (AgentBedhead)

Barbies of the rich and famous (SeriouslyOMG)

Oprah’s mom is a deadbeat (CeleBitchy)

TJ Hooker’s police blotter (CelebritySmack)

Megan Fox has gender identification issues (DailyStab)

Melissa Etheridge is going to make an honest woman of Tammy Lynn Michaels (DListed)

Simon Pegg vs Ricky Jervais is the new Paris vs Lindsay (Defamer)

Celebrity moose knuckles (CityRag)

Sarah Palin blows a wicked flute (Gawker)

THIS time Jennifer Aniston is taking no chances (Websters)

Leo DiCaprio wants kids (ASL)

The new look from Paris: carny! (CandyKirby)

Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr are the new Watson and Holmes? (UKPopsugar)

Amy Winehouse: HoverWino is Hovering (Lolebrity)

Attention Bloggers: enter the Stylin’ Stila giveaway #2 (TeenyManolo)

Nicole Kidman has Sunday on Monday? (SeriouslyOMG)

The Pivert is a scofflaw! (ASL)

“Air Quotes” are “in” (WizbangPop)

Mac Guy single again (PopSugar)

Laura Bush, American Wife? (Radar)

Party at Barack’s! (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Homebody Chelsea Davy tired of Partying Prince Harry of Hearts? (PerezHilton)

Matthew McCoughCoughHey knows where the beef is (Defamer)

Blaaaaaaake Incarcerated still smack’s bitch (Mollygood)

Jude Law and Lily Cole look down their tiny noses at Radiohead (JustJared)

Steve-O makes hella sense. World Ending! (ImNotObsessed)

Kim Kardashian smells (DailySta

The shocking shrunken head of Katie Holmes (IBBB)

All the Mini Me Sex Secrets you didn’t know and really didn’t feel like asking about (GabbyBabble)

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy rock the Boratkini (CelebritySmack)

It’s “Osbournes,” not “Osmonds!” (CeleBitchy)

Britney Spears has dim inisht car pass city (Lolebrity)

The first Triple Crown win in thirty years? (TheAspiringHorseplayer)

Lindsay Lohan has more lives than a house full of cats (AgentBedhead)

Vin Diesel is a daddy! (DailyStab)

Evander Holyfield nearly loses ear, may lose house as well (CelebritySmack)

KFed will not be bought! Cheaply! (ImNotObsessed)

Click here and watch your ovaries expload: Prince Harry holding a baby! (DListed)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Viggo Mortensen vs Jon Bon Jovi (TeenyManolo)

Willy Nelson is a nut; Jessica Simpson is a speed demon (Defamer)

Lynda Carter reports finding a dead woman in the Potomac (CeleBitchy)

Christina Aguilera misuses the American flag (Yeeeeah)

Jennifer Lopez defects to Moscow, twins nowhere in sight (PopSugar)

Kate Beckinsale is uni-talented (Websters)

They grow up so fast…when their mother is Kate Beckinsale, that is (Mollygood)

Jude Law will have none of your “match the shoes to the outfit” Naziism! (JustJared)

“Do ya feel lucky, Spike Lee? Well, do ya?” (CandyKirby)

Billionaire Nerd is secret sex, drug fiend (PerezHilton)

The first rule of Metallica is, you don’t talk about Metallica (Idolator)