Ayyyy!

Sometimes you open a wine only to realize you should have left it unmolested for a couple of more years, minimum. And so it is with the Finca Flichman 2007 Malbec; currently, you could use it to cut the grease on your stove hood, or stain your deck, but I wouldn’t recommend drinking it for 24 months at least, unless raw velociraptor blood is your drink of choice. Which, knowing this blog’s readers, I don’t entirely rule out.

President Obama’s Inauguration Speech: full text (raincoaster)

Juliette Lewis speaks from the heart (AgentBedhead)

Kelly Osbourne busted for beat-down (AmyGrindhouse)

A complete beginner’s guide to Martin Luther King, in standup (BWE)

Blake more Incarcerated than he expected (CelebWarship)

John Cleese nekked (CeleBitchy)

The Paris Hilton Rerun channel (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

What’s up, Doc? (CelebritySmack)

Lindsay Lohan celebrates early (HolyMoly)

Madonna will give you what for (WWTDD)

Joiquin Phoenix’s new pseudeolife (Defamer)

Can a vagina win Miss Congeniality? (EvilBeet)

Nobody messes with Julia Farking Roberts (DListed)

Angelina Jolie/Paris Hilton One of these things is not like the other (CandyKirby)

The City, The Headband, The Recap (IBBB)

Britney’s got a book deal (ImNotObsessed)

The DC Celebrity Roundup (UKPopSugar)

Benjamin Button = Forrest Gump? (SeriouslyOMG)

Katy Perry satin it (Websters)

Halp! Iz Mary-Kate Olsen! (Lolebrity)

Peaches gets her apricot kicked by NYC (AgentBedhead)

Ali Lohan’s Why HELLO There Kitty costume (Yeeeeah)

Hudson family murder suspect has long criminal history (CelebritySmack)

Julianne Hough suffers through Attack of the Ladyparts! (DailyStab)

Hollywood Zombie Boobies! (Defamer)

Deep Throat goes down for the last time (CandyKirby)

The Hills in black and white (IBBB)

Simon Cowell has a heart? (CelebrityDirt)

The Trollsen protest (Mollygood)

Is that a euphemism for “lesbian?” (PopSugar)

Now, I KNOW this has to be a euphemism, but for what??? (Websters)

Julia Roberts, however, is NOT about the euphemisms (SeriouslyOMG)

Donate to the Blogger’s Challenge (EvilBeet)

Hilary Duff has no respect for her elders (DListed)

Dita von Teese has the best Halloween costume! (CeleBitchy)

The Good Soldier: Link challenge accepted (AgentBedhead)

NHL/Hollywood doppelgangers (Defamer)

Hey, big spender! TomKat blows $100,000 on Suri’s birthday party (GabbyBabble)

Smelling a trend: Julia Roberts is “naturally fragrant” (Ecorazzi)

Kelly Clarkson is a naturist (TheBlemish)

Paris Hilton doesn’t stay at the Moscow Hilton, got banned from Moscow Hyatt (TheRadReport)

Spears Family a living example of laissez-faire divinity (WendyWayrad)

A waiting world salivates: OJ Simpson vs Donald Trump on Celebrity Apprentice! (AgentBedhead)

Harriet Carter and the penis leaker? (IBBB)

Laurie Anderson finally makes an honest man of Lou Reed (CelebWarship)

Miley Cyrus, literatus? (People)

Will Ferrell still willing to work with children (DailyStab)

The Revenge of Grace Jones: hot male celebs who look like lesbians (CityRag)

That’s so Orlando Brown: star goes missing (BittenAndBound)

Also missing: Lake Bell’s neck (WebstersIsMyBitch)

MarkeyMarkMarkIII (ImNotObsessed)

Mariah Carey not a breeder: call from Alicia Keys on line #1? (CelebritySmack)

Elijah Wood in: Sex and the Spaghetti (CandyKirby)

Amy Winehouse is British youth’s top heroin heroine (NewMusicExpress)

Kumar goes to U Penn without Harold! (Celebitchy)

Rachel McAdams is a Genius Barfly (JustJared)

Michelle Williams is haunted by the ghost of Heath Ledger? (Mollygood)

American Idol, kiss, KISS (PrettyOnTheOutside)

Tila Tequila has a series and Paris Hilton doesn’t: justice? (Dlisted)

Patrick Swayze’s dismal diagnosis (Defamer)

The 5 best faces of Patrick Swayze in Ghost (BWE)

50 gayest songs of all time (SameSame)

Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz are dancing, but who’s the fool? (AgentBedhead)

Salma Hayek prefers boys. Sorry Penny! (Dlisted)

Catherine Zeta Jones has some body image issues (GabbyBabble)

Demi Moore allegedly does not? There’s no justice! (CelebritySmack)

Conflicted Matthew McConaughey designs the very t-shirts he spurns (E!)

The Amy Winehouse soap opera continues apace (Yeeeeah)

Mary-Kate Olsen better keep her monkey paws off mah mayun! (Star)

Daniel Radcliffe faces serious death threats, gets SAS guards (Celebitchy)

Shar Jackson sticks up for FedEx (Bossip)

The Anna Nicole Smith movie: words fail (JustJared)

Julia Roberts and Ozzy Osbourne? (Cityrag)

Smells like…Daddy’s concert! (CelebNewsWire)

Best comedy of the last 30 years is…a joke! (HolyMoly)

Lily Allen is hospitalized for depression (EvilBeet)

Ben Stiller is pumped, Robert Downey Jr is black. Huh? (DailyStab)

Posh Spice, thumb-sucker! (CelebritiesEating)

Pete Doherty, guidance counselor (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse is the new Brigitte Bardot. Karl Lagerfeld is, apparently, the new Frances Farmer (CelebritySmack)

Christina Aguilera’s baby shower (HollywoodBackwash)

Angelina discriminates against blue-eyed blondes. Like Shiloh (WWTDD)

Fergie tries out for Texas Chainsaw Massacre update (DailyStab)

Jessica Simpson is ready for her full-frontal closeup (DerekHail)

Kate Moss wears a pantsless panda ensemble to Led Zeppelin (DListed)

-Kat is tired of Tom- (CeleBitchy)

Renee Zellweger needs help staying sane (ImNotObsessed)

Lindsay Lohan thinks Bud Light isn’t real beer. She may have a point (NinjaDude)

Kylie Minogue and the Nobel Prize. Yes, you read that right (PerezHilton)

Teri Hatcher power walks, could use another 2% bodyfat (TheSkinny)

PETA vs the Olsen Twins (HolyCandy)

Adam Sandler to the rescue! (Defamer)

Gwyneth Paltrow may not be the friendliest person on the planet (Jezebel)

Alex Trebek in jeopardy (Mollygood)

Julia Roberts is back, and bigger than ever. Also starey in a Nicole Kidman way (EvilBeet)

Pink and Juliette Lewis could both use some decaf (Webster’s)

Behold the hotness that used to be Sean Connery (TheMeatScale)

Danny Bonaduce’s penis needs a PR (Radar)

The personal journals of Angelina Jolie (Dissfunktional)

Julia Roberts, handicapped parking-stealer, paparazzi-attacker (WendyWayrad)

Gene Simmons rocks the dragonskin platform boots (TheMeatScale)

Katie Holmes loses the Posh at the Bambi Awards and no, I’m not making this up (PerezHilton)

Cyndi Lauper goes under the needle (Mollygood)

Prince William still has his girlfriend, most of his hair (JustJared)

Hollywood’s top 10 shocking secrets (CelebSlam)

Posh’s implants bow to gravity, but not much (Egotastic)

Jennifer Love Whoitt engaged (USmagazine)

Gwyneth Paltrow wears Uggs, hangs head in shame (Jezebel)

Jerry Seinfeld’s family troubles (Chicago Sun-Times)

Did Reese and Jake join the Mile High Club? (ShowbizSpy)

Johnny Depp, manorexic, but still purty (ImNotObsessed)

The Curse of Monica Lewinsky (fortunately not a menstruation story) (HolyCandy)

Lilo drinking again, yo (DerekHail)

Ads that work… on Winehouse and Doherty at least (AgentBedhead)

Shocker of the day: KFed wants more money! (EvilBeet)

John Travolta? No way!!! (LARagMag)

Angelina Jolie is coming soon to a barstool near you! (CelebritySmack)

Britney spends time with her kids, ignores them (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Lucille Le Sueur? Celebrities’ real names revealed! (Dissfunktional)

Britney is pulling a Meg Ryan (NewsOfTheWorld)

Duelling bedhead: Javier Bardem vs Eli Roth (AgentBedhead)

Johnny Depp looks sweet in Sweeney Todd (GothMagazineBlog)

Marilyn Manson starts his holiday shopping early, gets sued (HolyMoly)

Boy George’s morning-after look. Morning after arrest for being kinky and felonious, that is (TheBlemish)

Pete Doherty’s bus is as dry as Utah, perhaps as full of powder (WOWReport)

news flash: Scarlett Johanssen says Woody Allen likes looking at boobs (WendyWayrad)

Now hear this! Lindsay Lohan has her period (Lohanfan)

Dennis Rodman may not be 100% gentleman (FemaleFirst)

Obama sez: “I inhaled!” (CNNPoliticalticker)

Paris is back, biotches! And looking like a Florida retiree (TheMeatScale)

Tyra’s sex life ruined by “problem hair” (HolyCandy)

Shia Laboeuf on Shia Laboeuf (ImNotObsessed)

Quiet Riot goes quiet once and for all (CelebritySmack)

Battle of the Saints: Julia Roberts vs Angelina Jolie (CeleBitchy)

Black, whack, and back: The Jackson 5 are going on tour! (Idolator)

Is Disney “Enchanted” by the F-bomb? (Defamer)

Britney Spears IS: the Bionic Woman! (AgentBedhead)

How drunk do you have to be to get arrested for drunkenness in Dublin? Jonathan Rhys Myers knows! (CelebritySmack)

Guess the celebrity whale tail (LiquidGeneration)

Heidi Klum forgot her pants, whale tail (GoFugYourself)

The UN takes on Amy Winehouse, will sendiCanadian peacekeepers to Notting Hill (Mollygood)

Kanye breaks down onstage (StereoHyped)

Alicia Keys is a ninja at the AMA’s (TheMeatScale)

Putting the “whatever” in Model/Actress/Whatever (CrabbiesHollywood)

Jessica Alba is not a morning person (DailyStab)

RIP Mister Whipple! (DListed)

The Hoff takes a bite out of Pamela Anderson (WebstersIsMyBiotch)

Julia Roberts shows off her new baby (PerezHilton)

Julia Roberts steals Handicapped parking spaces (Scandelerious)

13-year-old Amy Winehouse on her hopes for the future (WendyWayrad)

The Redemption of Omarosa (Defamer)

Kim Kardashian vs Beyonce: duelling junk (D*anasDirt)

Naomi Campbell: what an ass (Bossip)

Kristen Bell and her boxer (ImNotObsessed)

Give Thanks: KFed gets the kids for Thanksgiving (EvilBeet)

Owen Wilson, beach boy (Celebslam)

Simon Cowell is a Botox bohunk (US)

Vince Vaughn could cornrow his nosehairs (JustJared)