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Don’t stop Beliebing

Selina Gomez ;aughs at your notions of conventional beauty

Selina Gomez ;aughs at your notions of conventional beauty

That’s right, girls. He gave up being with you to be with that. Sharpen your emery boards: it’s a rumble in the common room after third period.

Friday Caption Contest: Bieber Ballistic Edition

You know what to do. Do it in the comments section for fabulous, completely imaginary prizes!

Biebs Ballistic

Biebs Ballistic

Post-Friday Caption Contest: Belieber edition

You know what to do. Do it in the comments.

Bieber vs Cobain Twitter Wars

Bieber vs Cobain Twitter Wars

Happy 48th Birthday, Johnny Depp!

Johnny Depp birthday boy

Johnny Depp birthday boy

Happy birthday to Johnny Depp, everyone’s favorite artsy pirate. I love this picture, both for the ripped knee (even though it’s so obviously done for fashion, rather than simply worn through and I normally hate that) and for the fact that THANK GOD my invisibility cloak worked and you can’t see what Johnny’s smiling at.

Ahem.

Let’s toast the birthday with a truly delicious Blue Jeans cocktail and some celebrity gossip:

Did I say I was finished with Julian Assange? Oh baby, I haven’t even STARTED yet. Here are his delicious links (insert dirty play on words of your choice here) plus more evidence he thinks of himself as Bill the Galactic Hero. (raincoaster)

Guess the Mystery Feet! This is a former A-lister with Garbo-esque tendencies and major sex appeal. Also: you KNOW what they say about men with long toes… (Ayyyy)

Will it saber? With a massive freakin’ Kenyan Spearhead? You bet your sweet bippy it will! GI Joe meets Funnest Bartender On Earth in the latest in the beloved YouTube series starring Matt Stache. (ManoloFood)

Arianna Huffington is so trendy! She’s seen here attempting to drain a media rival of blood. Bad news, Ari: you’re thirty years too late! (Lolebrity)

Caption Obama and his new best friend. Captioning iz hard, yo! (Crasstalk)

II, Claudius. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there’s a sequel for everything. (AgentBedhead)

Can a blogger get a Like, y’all? Vote for sleepy Bee and win eternal gratitude and possibly backlinks! (BusyBeeBlogger)

11 things you did not know about Jennifer Hudson but were obviously too afraid to ask, right? I mean, she’s pretty intimidating since the Oscar and all, eh? God, that woman terrifies me. (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Cocaine is a helluva drug. This is not a repeat from 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007… (CelebritySmack)

The Social Climber Formerly Known as Kate Middleton is not resting on her laurels. In fact, her laurels are shrinking. (CelebVIPLounge)

And the #1 thing you didn’t know about Jennifer Hudson: she was hospitalized today. (DailyStab)

Insufferable celebrity complains about insufferable celebrities who complain about people. Fuckit, I only click to Taylor Swift stories for eyeliner tips. (EarSucker)

Billboard becomes target. As Bieliebers descend upon convenience stores nationwide in hormone-crazed fugue state, actual magazine readers suffer. (FitFabCeleb)

Is your Bichon Frise a total Celine-diva? Your Rottweiler ready for prime time? Your Vizla good enough for The Voice? Yes, it’san Animal Lip Dub video contest! (HelloGiggles)

Russell Crowe is no Roundhead! Team Cavalier here! In other news, if he ever tweets his penis we’ll all be able to pick it out of a lineup more easily, so thanks for that, Russ! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Put yourself in Shania Twain’s shoes. Literally. (HaveUHeard)

Selina Gomez is taking desperate measures to protect herself from Bieber fans. What, no “exhaustion” dearie? (HollywoodHiccups)

Ryan Reynolds is INSATIABLE! Yeah, it’s a clickbaiting headline. What, you expected more from me? (INeedMyFix)

Britney covers Madonna. No, it doesn’t mean that, you perv. Although I did think of leading with “Britney ON Madonna” as I’m all clickbaity today. (PoorBritney)

Goopy on Teh Ghehs. Because that’s ALL they need. (PopBytes)

48 sexy shots of Johnny Depp. In other news it’s Johnny Depp’s birthday, but why am I still typing? You’re not gonna read anything past that link, are you? (SwoonWorthy)

Shania Twain goes down. That’s a three-point landing the hard way. (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

Who Wore It Better: Celine Dion vs Angelina Jolie

One of these things is not like the other

One of these things is not like the other

Celine demonstrates the authentic, little-known Quebecois-Canadian Tuxedo technique, here incorrectly applied to an American Tuxedo. Vote below:

And now, let’s have a dashing Tuxedo Cocktail and a few stiff gossip links:

Paul Rudd, birthday boy (raincoaster)

Lindsay Lohan’s staple food (ManoloFood)

Carrie Fisher captures your captions! (Ayyyy)

Angelina not so Jolie (Lolebrity)

Beastie Boys have got to fight! for the right! to remake material from 20 years ago (AgentBedhead)

John Legend is my imaginary boyfriend even if he does love Adele and golf (BusyBeeBlogger)

Kate and William are bringing my invite in person (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Nicki Minaj is trying to muscle in on Carrie’s caption game (CelebritySmack)

Mandy Moore, the extreme closeup is NOT your friend (CelebVIPLounge)

Oregon: Greatest state or GREATEST STATE? (CityRag)

Keanu Reeves has big plans for your sex life (DailyStab)

Hugh Hefner takes a load off my mind (EarSucker)

Nicky Hilton appears to be chilly (FitFabCeleb)

Solange Knowles in: Who Invited HER? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Pia J’adore (HaveUHeard)

Helen’s Magical Bosom (HollywoodHiccups)

Katherine Heigl is about to piss off the Knitting Lobby (INeedMyFix)

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at who he gives it to (MathewGuiver)

Adele vs Britney (PoorBritney)

The Bride of Wildenstein lives! (PopBytes)

Hottest Male Athletes for your aesthetic appreciation (SwoonWorthy)

Kate Moss uses her mouth for something (TheSkinny)

Justin Bieber, keepin’ it teal (TheSkinnyChic)

Mystery Flapper Links!

Yes, it’s another round of “Guess the Celebrity(and let’s see if it takes you more than fifteen minutes this time).”

Mystery Flapper

Mystery Flapper is where Karl Lagerfeld stole his fan?

Guesses in the comments, and while you’re pondering, I suggest you enjoy a tasty and nutritious Strawberry Flapper and some gossip links:

The most epic post in the history of epicosity! (raincoaster)

Brando prepares for his greatest role (ManoloFood)

Lindsay Lohan SANS FARDS (Ayyyy)

Harry Potter and the Slash of Fandom (Lolebrity)

Nicole Kidman’s been swallowed by a python (AgentBedhead)

And her baby is all, “Wasn’t SATC ten years ago? Whatever, Mom.” (BusyBeeBlogger)

So does three quarters of Louisiana, but that won’t make it happen (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Xtina has the hiccups (CelebDirtyLaundry)

OH MY GOD I AM SUDDENLY SO HAPPY AND DUMB. AND HAPPY!!!1!! (DailyStab)

Won’t you spare a thought for the poor reality show millionaires? (EarSucker)

What Beaker Saw (cannot be unseen, I warned you!) (FitFabCeleb)

No, Justin, that’s not what she meant by the Burning Bush (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kirstie Alley not immune to gravity (HaveUHeard)

L. Ron Jr is five! (HollywoodHiccups)

Amy Winehouse put a ring on it (INeedMyFix)

The Oddest Couple (MathewGuiver)

Then she took some gigolo to Disneyland (PoorBritney)

Garey Busey almost gets Meatloafed (PopBytes)

I don’t know who this is, but I want it (SwoonWorthy)

Tara Reid still clinging to life, relevance (TheSkinny)

On the other hand, how much do most 90-year-olds make? (TheSkinnyChic)

 

Semantic Style

 

alexa chung is in no sense turned out

alexa chung is in no sense turned out

She must be studying yoga intensely;, it’s really rare to see anyone as completely “centered” as fashion diva Alexa Chung.

On that note, let’s toast todays perfectly centered gossip links with a perfectly symmetrical Cross-Eyed Skull Cocktail.

Animal Hats of the Rich and Famous (raincoaster)

Oh! Livia! (Ayyyy)

The Things I Do for You People! (ManoloFood)

Darth Vader, social media master of disaster (Lolebrity)

Is this part of an LRon approved diet? (AgentBedhead)

One less candidate for Celebrity Rehab (BusyBeeBlogger)

Playgirl, RPattz, and you already clicked this didn’t you? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

No, Kat, “WeHo” isn’t a descriptor. (CelebritySmack)

Ben Affleck might have a career after all (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Some traumas you never overcome (CityRag)

Kelly Clarkson assumes holding pattern (DailyStab)

Playgirl wants to bag a Silver Fox (EarSucker)

Grizzlies don’t whine! (FitFabCeleb)

Does pigeontoe cause crosseye, Alexa? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

JUSTIN! NOT IN PUBLIC!!! (HaveUHeard)

Rihanna untapped! (HollywoodHiccups)

Stern ‘n Sexy in Rolling Stone (INeedMyFix)

The “ugly bridesmaid dress” effect, with cheerleaders! (MathewGuiver)

Blogger busts Brit-Brit cherry (PoorBritney)

The family that rehabs together… (PopBytes)

Ellen Pompeo’s bizarre nipple situation (TheSkinny)

Wrap it or suck it, Ryan (TheSkinnyChic)

 

 

Sexy Sexy Links!

I’m sorry, people, do we really have to go over this after all this time?

Charo cannot be upstaged. It cannot be done. Stop trying.

And now, it’s time for our Sexy Links. Enjoy them with a sexy cocktail like the Big Blue Sexy:

Sextradited! Julian Assange is going to Sweden! (raincoaster)

and how much do they make busking in that lobby anyway? (Ayyyy)

Dinner with Julian could get sexy! (Manolofood)

Steve Martin is a spammer! (raincoastermedia)

Marlon Brando is rollin’ dirty! (Lolebrity)

The King must be hard up (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan can afford a car? (BusyBeeBlogger)

How to Kreate a Kardashian (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Let them eat Paris Hilton’s birthday cake! (CelebritySmack)

Champagne wishes and caviar … nails? (CelebVIPLounge)

Making money this way is still more respectable than doing Glitter (CeleBitchy)

EVERYBODY’s a Material Girl (DailyStab)

Buy some Bieber! (Earsucker)

It’s a living, eh Natalie? (FitFabCeleb)

Kiki Drunkst spent her allowance on eyeliner (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Rosie O’Donnell is gonna have to get a job now! (HaveUHeard)

Also, she was trying to auction off her Plus One (INeedMyFix)

Is there MONEY in being an internet troll? (PoorBritney)

The Donald is just pissed Rihanna is richer than him (PopBytes)

and for this she gets $5million a picture (SeriouslyOMG)

I’d pay good money to have seen this live (TheSkinny)

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