What kind of callous person abandons a lady with a twisted ankle, leaving her with nothing more than a sweat rag to fend off the hungry paparazzi!  Better take a seat and make yourself comfortable love, because it doesn’t look like he’ll be back anytime soon.

Dere’s nuttin lyke a Dame Helen Mirren in a bikini (Lolebrity)

Her Majesty’s only suitable consort: James Bond (Websters)

Aubrey O’Day: when drag queens go bad (JustJared)

Jordan: when drag queens get it right (GoFugYourself)

Justin Timberlake gets a makeover (Defamer)

In unrelated news, Amy Winehouse has gained weight (Towleroad)

Finally, Ben Affleck understands what all those high school health classes were about (ImNotObsessed)

The private hell of the professional autographer (Radar)

Kate Hudson goes the distance to whack some balls (PopSugar)

Emmy nominations; Katherine Heigl surprisingly absent (SeriouslyOMG)

The Goot is a lover AND a fighter (Mollygood)

Breast Dressed: the Estrogen Gladiator (CandyKirby)

The Peroxide Twins do lunch (IBBB)

HBO tells Seth Rogen that Canadians don’t deserve entourages (HollywoodBackwash)

Pete Doherty is wanted? (GabbyBabble)

Claire Danes is the Skeleton in Red (EvilBeet)

Katie Holmes commits the ultimate fashion crime (DListed)

Heidi Klum’s body not perfect enough for insurance company (DailyStab)

Amy Winehouse spotted in a bathroom stall (CelebritySmack)

Chav Pride! (AgentBedhead)

Dress your children in Avril Lavigne (CeleBitchy)

Hoo hyerd Amy Winehouse 4 “babbysittur?” (Lolebrity)

Matt Damon = “Ned Flanders?” Must be seen to be believed! (Websters)

Britney looks, behaves, “almost” like a normal person (ASL)

“It’s SIR Salman to you biotches now!” (WizbangPop)

“Teh gheys” are hot for Frodo (Radar)

Is Colin Farrell Minnie Driver’s “babydaddy?” (CeleBitchy)

Justin Timberlake neglects hygene “down below” (UKPopsugar)

Sean Avery learns why they call it a “promotion” (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Brooke Hogan’s butt is “an old car” (CelebritySmack)

File under “no surprise:” Denise Richards/Charlie Sheen kids are in therapy (ImNotObsessed)

Solange looks “interesting” don’t you think? (CandyKirby)

“The Hoff” is hurting! (DailyStab)

“Mulder and Scully” smack down the lone remaining G&R fan (AgentBedhead)

“Rumble” in Malibu II! (Defamer)

Sherri Sheppard is a “big” fan of Chippendales (Crunk+Disorderly)

Drew Lachey is a “Patsy” (JustJared)

Sarah Jessica Parker haz a ward robe malfunkshun (Lolebrity)

Trent Reznor doubles his chances of a date Saturday night (AgentBedhead)

Eva Green searching for Trent Reznor’s number (TheBlemish)

Jessica Alba talks about the new baby (ImNotObsessed)

Tori Spelling pops (CelebritySmack)

Naomi Campbell threatens a generation yet unborn (DailyStab)

Eva Longoria may be people-smuggling (DListed)

Mark Wahlberg also pregnant (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Lindsay Lohan is working on Labour Pains (PopSugar)

Roman Polanski loves children (Mollygood)

Diddy is Daddy (UsMagazine)

Who wore it best: Larry King vs Donald Trump Hair Edition (CandyKirby)

Keith Urban unfamiliar with hippie babywear (Defamer)

Justin Timberlake is not amused (Gawker)

Patrick Swayze ingeniously extends health insurance by going back to work (Radar)

Blaaaaaaaaaaaake to be Incaaaaaaaaaarcerated for several years (CeleBitchy)

Madonna’s roots have roots (CityRag)

Perez Hilton’s clothing line launch mobbed by invisible people (EvilBeet)

Kate Moss can’t even go to the bathroom by herself (ShowHype)

John Mayer commemorates this day with historic haircut (CelebrityDirt)

Christina Aguilera is overcome at the emotional celebration (CandyKirby)

Asbestos is the opiate of the people…the people who go on Scientology cruises (AgentBedhead)

Madonna and Justin Timberlake entertain the masses (DailyStab)

Let them eat brioche, say Angie and Brad (ImNotObsessed)

Brazilian shoemaker poses with accessibly-priced, responsibly-manufactured footwear (DerekHail)

Britney Spears blew $61 million dollars in one year and you earn no interest on your tax refund (CeleBitchy)

Gadfly of the establishment the DC Madam dies under mysterious circumstances (Jezebel)

The Man keeps the People down yet again (DListed)

Comrade Ricky Martin launches human rights hotline (ICYDK)

Performers reenact the effect of Capitalism on the Worker. Also: hawt (CelebSlam)

People Magazine now the official newsletter of Doublethink (Websters)

The Opiate of the People just got the cover of Time (Mollygood)

SATC collective maintains party line (PopSugar)

Rehab a rehab: do I smell a new Vegas-themed commune? (Defamer)

At least someone was on hand to sound the death knell for protest marches: Million DJ March (Gawker)

Control of the means of production means Stella McCartney will keep you in pretty, lucite chains (GabbyBabble)

The overlords stick together even on AI (CelebritySmack)

The Ozzfather: Survivor Micronesia recap (RealityTV)

Margaret Cho is a tour guide in the Tunnel of Love (AgentBedhead)

Quentin Crisps (FrontierFormerEditor)

Pete Doherty stole Paula Abdul’s gloves (Dlisted)

Anonymous vs Scientology, round n+1: Operation Reconnect (1stepbeond)

Cult Friction, Scientology decoded (RadarOnline)

Jerry Seinfeld flips out (Derober)

Lindsay Lohan loses a zero, finds the role of a lifetime (CelebritySmack)

Justin Timberlake was a little bit country when he was only a little bit, himself (AllieIsWired)

Angelina Jolie before she had Brad and rhinoplasty (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Naomi Campbell behaves Naomi Campbellianly again (CelebWarship)

New pic of JLo’s twins: r not so cute akshuly (TeenyManolo)

Larry Campbell behaves Larry Campbellianly at Little League (Bumpshack)

OK what? Suri Cruise returns to Earth; celebrity mags, not so much (OK)

Anne Hathaway’s boytoy arrested for blowing through others’ cash like it was…blow? (WendyWayrad)

Baby wants her back back: entire Beckham family stuffs their jeans (TheRadReport)

Steve Jobs takes on the Big Apple (Wired)

Celebrity moose knuckle (Cityrag)

Happy birthday, Britney! (CircusHour)

Happy birthday, Jamie-Lynn (CelebrityBabyScoop)

George Clooney’s not-so-secret bromance (Celebitchy)

Claudia Schiffer hits the slopes with Mini-Her (JustJared)

Tomorrow NKOTB on Today! (DailyStab)

The Butterscotch Stallion cannot outrun the consequences of his hotness (Defamer)

Amy Winehouse possessed by demons! (AgentBedhead)

The many faces of Tracey Ullman (Popbytes)

A day in the life of batshiat Britney (Celebitchy)

Nicole Kidman is not nocturnal, nor is she possessed of leathery wings? (WWTDD)

She is, however, visibly different from 20th Century Nicole Kidman (TressedOutCelebs)

Kanye’s girfriend decides he’s still too annoying to marry (Bossip)

Charlie Sheen to appear in his underwear? (ICYDK)

Amy Winehouse is Amy Winehouse’s Dad’s fault (HollywoodRag)

James Gandolfini hospitalized (CelebritySmack)

John Mayer is a pillhead (AllieIsWired)

Celebrity sex dolls (Radar)

Top ten fake celebrity blogs (Gawker)

Posh and Becks are leaving us because we just don’t love them enough. Kidding! (Mollygood)

George Clooney in Darfur (Popsugar)

One we could live without (DailyStab)

Has Sheryl Crow gone Scientologist? (PerezHilton)

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden buy a NYC condo (ImNotObsessed)

Iggy Pop knows you want him (GoFugYourself)

Oscar nominated celebrity strippers! (Defamer)

Owen Wilson was the Times Square bomber? (Gawker)

Celebrity Sex Scenes (raincoaster)

Liam Gallagher enjoys a Metrosexual Oasis (AgentBedhead)

Lucy Liu is the wildcat to Jenna Jameson’s Jocelyn Wildenstein (GabbyBabble)

Helen Keller can still make the news even without Patty Duke Astin (DiscoveryNews)

Greasy Gummi Bear busted with heroin (CelebritySmack)

Colin Farrell is intense in GQ (AllieIsWired)

Butt, Mischa… (TheBastardly)

$1.5 million still won’t buy you a brain; the most painful pictures you will see all day (CoEdMag)

SJP fall down, go BOOM! Go BOOM real good! (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Dita von Teese still takes her clothes off for a living, looks better in them than we ever will (ImNotObsessed)

Jack Nicholson was kicked out of a Rolling Stones concert (DailyStab)

Buster Martin is more man than Jack Nicholson will ever be! (CircusHour)

Owen Wilson and me (JustJared)

Britney’s got a new stalker! (PerezHilton)

Wino lives up to her name (Mirror)

Justin Timberlake has a problem with women (HollywoodReporter)