Ayyyy!

At last we learn the backstory to the shot herd ’round the world. Oh Snoop, we’ve all been there.

Claire Danes knows how to work a trenchcoat (Lolebrity)

Celebrities! They’re not like us! They can walk in these shoes! (CelebToast)

The best 404 message online (AgentBedhead)

Om Nom Nom WHA???? (AllieIsWired)

Brittany Murphy, Casey Johnson, Basic Health Rules laid to rest (AmyGrindhouse)

Demon in sheep’s clothing (BWE)

Anne Hathaway flips the bird (BricksAndStones)

Alexis for Alexis! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ooh La Little Girl Lingerie? (LaughingStork)

Kate, I think you dropped something (HolyMoly)

Sandra Bullock will cut a bitch (LitelySalted)

Forget Mischa Barton, try Carole Channing! (LaineyGossip)

Kristen Stewart in court for prostitution (TMZ)

Ralph Lauren snubs in public! (CelebrityMound)

Ellen for President? (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Tom Brady’s 2-month-old can run??? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Oooh, ACDC MUST DIE!!!! (CeleBitchy)

Jay-Qui? (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Possibly the most terrifying headline I’ve ever read (CelebritySmack)

Kanye survives horrifying ordeal (CelebSlam)

Bublé’s bongo bowl (CityRag)

Dennis Quaid’s farmer’s tan (CrazyDaysAndNights)

The Real BabyMamas of Atlanta (Crunk+Disorderly)

Brangelina lives! (DailyStab)

Paris has gone to the dogs (DanasDirt)

Nicknames of the literati (Gawker)

The return of PuppyBowl (DListed)

Betty White is terrifying (EvilBeet)

Small Wonder it was cancelled (FourFour)

Janet Jackson is a Janet Jackson impersonator (GabbyBabble)

Best Dressed/Worst Dressed at the Grammys (GoFugYourself)

Snooki’s makeover (ImBringingBloggingBack)

Qween no longer on Scene (INeedMyFix)

How Hugh Jackman rolls (HaveUHeard)

World’s most expensive benchwarmers (HollywoodBackwash)

Flack pointedly does NOT deny Paris Hilton is dumb (HollywoodRag)

Sniff Beyonce for $50 (HollywoodTuna)

KFat achieves self-awareness (ImNotObsessed)

Leif Garrett busted NOT A FLASHBACK TO 1975 (Janet CharltonsHollywood)

Virgins versus Texting! (JustJared)

PETA vs Avatar (Movieline)

Jessica Biel definitely not Jewish (FitCeleb)

Frances Bean taking singing lessons (PerezHilton)

Stock Anderson Cooper Adorable Story (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Russell Brand shoots, scores (UKPopSugar)

Jamaican Bobsled Team not so cool (WizBangPop)

Orlando Bloom is all wet (PopBytes)

Kelly Clarkson in flamewar (RadarOnline)

Re-Enchanted (SeriouslyOMG)

Tila says the butler didn’t do it (ASocialiteLife)

Conan O’Brien’s Valentine to Britney (SquareEyes)

Saffy, darling, are you slumming in this movie? (TenGossip)

John Mayer needs to take off the Wayfarers (TheBosh)

Mischa Barton wins Best Supporting Hose (TheSkinny)

Elijah Wood’s man of the people move: messenger bag strap: OVER the tie, ON the red carpet. Awwww.

Fashion correspondent wars! (DemiCouture)

Law and Order and Vanity and Fair and Blogs and Sex and Death (AgentBedhead)

Kanye Kant (BusyBeeBlogger)

BatBoy and Ed Anger sign with CAA in Axis of Hollywood Evil Pact (TheHollywoodReporter)

The Return of Old Spice (AmyGrindhouse)

Jessica Simpson is William Lyon Mackenzie King’s dream girl (FatbackMedia)

Mass conversion to Russian Orthodoxy advised (CelebritySmack)

John Mayer reduced to dating editors (Celebitchy)

Leona Lewis, author, gets no respect (DailyStab)

How to get a head in fashion (DListed)

RIP Captain Lou (BWE)

David Duchovny, cougar bait (INO)

Al Pacino is a hustler (GabbyBabble)

Where The Wild Things Are: New York City (HolyMoly)

Blake Lively juggles three jobs: flamenco dancer, hooker, and ostrich (JustJared)

Fattie Fired! Lauren Mired! This is tired! (EvilBeet)

Emails of the Great Directors, part one (Movieline)

The Jackson Family Tragedy remake (Websters)

Dear John…why isn’t Channing Tatum naked? (TenGossip)

The Bitch is Back (SeriouslyOMG)

BOTH sides of this couple are female impersonators (UKPopSugar)

Well, it was a slow start (I think the sheer nekkidity stunned people and rendered them incapable of commenting at first) but we’ve finally got a winner for last week’s caption contest.

Jodie Says:
September 28th, 2009 at 7:57 pm

At least before she knocked poor kid down to get at the flowers she thought were rightfully Brittany’s, she said “Imma letchoo finnish”

Congratulations and imaginary swag to Jodie for her first win! Now to the virtual presentation of the hypothetical trophy: Alain MiklisShutter shades, Kanye-style! See up to 50% less of nekkid Pamela Anderson!

B-Ball A-listers (AgentBedhead)

Brad Pitt hot coffee vid (AmyGrindhouse)

AlpacaAlpacaAlpacaAlpaca not as much fun as a llama (BWE)

John Mayer has found true love (CandyKirby)

Britney’s Circus comes to town (CelebritySmack)

Gladiator aprons are the new black (CelebuWreck)

Feel Kanye’s pain (DailyStab)

Octomom poses for a portrait (POTO)

Vanilla Ice finally mans up (EvilBeet)

Hell hath no fury like a baseball player scorned (GabbyBabble)

Someone should tell Jennifer Aniston about SmartCuts (HollywoodBackwash)

Katie Holmes is pure, detoxed, exhausted (HollywoodRag)

Mario Lopez has yet to meet Miss Right (Websters)

It’s not the size of your caulk, it’s how you use it (IBBB)

It’s now officially okay to laugh at Sherri Shepard (ImNotObsessed)

The Young Victoria premiere in London (UKPopSugar)

The Return of Super Dave! (SeriouslyOMG)

This will not end well (HolyMoly)

Make mine a double. I need the caffeine to counter the No-Name Cold And Flu Extra Super Megatron Strength tabs I picked up off that guy in the alley.

Slumdog Millionaire or Future Nike Factory Worker? (TheBlemish)

Beverly Hills Millionaire or future therapy patient? (AllieIsWired)

at least he can still fly (AmyGrindhouse)

Does Rihanna have an undiagnosed head injury? (WizbangPop)

Times are tough for everyone as U2 does an honest day’s work (YouTube)

As does Debra Messing (GoFugYourself)

Will Joke For Food (ASL)

The Butterscotch Stallion puts the feedbag on (Websters)

Social media at its most anti-social (IBBB)

Duffy’s duff (SeriouslyOMG)

Lindsay and Lily: when drama queens collide! (UKPopSugar)

Duchess of York, Countess of Cavalli (Grazia)

Happy belated birthday, Jensen Ackles (TenGossip)

The Britney Spears circus is a tease (ImNotObsessed)

Like, dating is hard (EvilBeet)

Bruce Springsteen vs the Evil Empire (GabbyBabble)

Snoophammad? (HolyMoly)

The return of the Wino (PopBytes)

First Lady not second best (POTP)

Lindsay Lohan plans ahead (DailyStab)

and it takes a LOT to mortify Kanye (CelebuWreck)

Freebies aren’t good enough for Octomom (CelebritySmack)

Scarjo rocks the purple turban? (AgentBedhead)

Jonas Brothers go topless (Towleroad)

Tom Cruise sez Anonymous causes paranoia (AgentBedhead)

But he’s willing to risk the lives of nine unborn children (AmyGrindhouse)

JLo to divorce? Oh no! (HolyMoly)

Chynna falls off the celebrity rehab wagon (BusyBeeBlogger)

Nice day for a white wedding, Woody (SeriouslyOMG)

How to dress like Brad Pitt (ChicagoMetromix)

Rachel Ray wants to poison your pup? (CeleBitchy)

We still have Heather Mills to kick around (DailyStab)

Madonna and Guy have the classic Exes Family Christmas (CelebWarship)

The world welcomes a new Palintot (DListed)

Where there’s celebrity smoke, there’s … a cheap story? (Defamer)

Cate Blanchett in Vanity Fair (EvilBeet)

Kanye West does not chant or do New Year’s (JustJared)

Amy Winehouse’s taste isn’t getting any better (Websters)

John Travolta chats up mystery man (UKPopSugar)

To be quite frank, Glogg is horrible to the point of turning your mouth into a place old spiders go to die and really aught to be the name of a Scandinavian troll of questionable hygene instead of a mildly intoxicating mulled wine drink, but having tasted Glogg the beverage I have to say that I can’t rule out it simply being the distilled legpit perspiration of said troll. I mean, have you put that stuff in your mouth? WHY OH GOD WHY???

Where was I?

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Clark Gable vs Cary Grant (TeenyManolo)

Diddybreath; that just can’t be good! (AgentBedhead)

Poor Miley Cyrus gets hand-me-downs for her birthday (AmyGrindhouse)

America’s favorite felon is great company when she gets a few belts in her (CeleBitchy)

Jennifer Aniston ties one on (Websters)

The Battle of Christmas (AprilWinchell)

Tara Reid Promises to rehab this time for sure (TMZ)

The Devil Wears SeanJohn? (ASL)

The past tense of Reality Star is… (WOWReport)

Disney goes to the Porn Emporium (SeriouslyOMG)

Daniel Craig, 40, rocks the 65-year-old Scottish mackerel fisherman look (JustJared)

Lost Olsen Triplet found! (IBBB)

Brian Grazer donates to the needy (CandyKirby)

Hugh Jackman hosts the Oscars (DListed)

KFed is back, ladies! (GabbyBabble)

At least TWO teenage boys are sick of Hugh Hefner’s lothario routine (Defamer)

John Mayer enjoys Don Rickles’ technique of tension and release (CelebritySmack)

When you’re out of rum, you’ve got to improvise. And you think those French farmers would drink imported stuff, cold night or not? Hardly!

Tina Turner is hot stuff! (SkinnyVsCurvy)

Tom and Katie and Dave and Vicky heat up (AgentBedhead)

Ivana new boytoy (CelebritySmack)

Patrick Swayze sets things straight (CeleBitchy)

Colbert vs Kanye; the war heats up (TheBastardly)

It’s the Great Recession, Charlie Brown! (IBBB)

Pure evil vs natural beauty (DListed)

Blaaaaaake Incarcerated Again (DailyStab)

Was Kate Winslet cheated of nude glory? (Defamer)

Can “Zoolander II” be true? (EvilBeet)

Sean Penn turned the heat up on James Franco (GabbyBabble)

Starlet attacked by yeti (GoFugYourself)

Camilla Belle not so hung up on personal hygiene (Websters)

Boy George will cuff you! (Mollygood)

Helena Bonham Carter’s mime performance of Les Miserables (CandyKirby)

Jessica Alba’s a Campari calendar girl (PopSugar)

Tonight we dedicate our gossip link roundup to the concept, consumption, and practice of the Suffering Bastard.

HoverSuri iz hovering (Lolebrity)

Redmond O’Neal to re-try rehab (CelebWarship)

Even Paris Hilton looks down on Sarah Palin (Websters)

Chauncey Gardener makes her look dumb by comparison (Gawker)

Tom Cruise enters the Bedhead Hall of Shame (AgentBedhead)

Kiefer Sutherland is terrified of imaginary sharks (DailyStab)

George Clooney suffers Tom Selleck Follicular Syndrome (Defamer)

Bill Gates is a dick (NSFW!) (Valleywag)

Can you even imagine the suffering involved in dating Anna Wintour? (Radar)

Hitler’s is better than Zac Efron’s, to be honest (UKPopSugar)

John Cusack’s stalker FINALLY gets a date. In court (WizbangPop)

The Naked Chef is terrified of herpes! (GetLippy)

Kanye West’s narrow escape (HolyCandy)

Sting has a monkey on his back (CandyKirby)

another helpless victim of the economic downturn (IBBB)

The sadly out of fashion Monkey Gland is not as naughty as it sounds. Ditto panko mango.

Salma Hayek shows off (Lolebrity)

Sweatin’ to the Oldies with Britney Spears! (CelebrityDirt)

Jennifer Aniston goes back to her roots (BusyBeeBlogger)

Janet Jackson unable to perform because of old U2 song (CelebuWreck)

Kanye West’s sitcom goes south (AgentBedhead)

Minnie Driver end-runs the tabloids, releases baby pix on MySpace (CeleBitchy)

Can somebody loan Lindsay Lohan 5k? It’s for a good cause! (CelebritySmack)

Joe Biden’s botox bombshell? (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Britney continues her ongoing attempt to crack the professional go-kart circuit (IBBB)

Captain Jack Sparrow’s treasure chest is worth $54 million (Defamer)

The cult of Tina Fey (Gawker)

Robert Downey Jr doesn’t need your abuse; he’ll abuse himself! (CandyKirby)

Karl Lagerfeld in: Green Acres! (FakeKarl)

Sarah Palin for Covergirl (GOTA)

CROCS ATTACK THE CHOSEN ONE! (PopSugar)

Kingston Rossdale upstages his has-been entourage (SeriouslyOMG)

It’s that kind of day.

The True North, strong and free to look at posters for Kevin Smith films (AgentBedhead)

The VMA’s: from the ridiculous to…the ridiculous (CelebritySmack)

Hilary Swank to swell (DailyStab)

Take a walk down WTF lane with Nicholas Cage (Defamer)

Bai Ling admits her head is just a place to put wigs (CandyKirby)

I’m Bringing PrivacyWatches Back! (IBBB)

That poor horse should fire her agent (UKPopSugar)

So, just how fast DOES Sarah Palin type? (Radar)

Akon’s fans achin’ (SeriouslyOMG)

Miley Cyrus buys herself a pimpmobile (Websters)

William is Hurt-ing for an intervention (CeleBitchy)

Amy Winehouse loves J— D——, who was big in the 80’s (DListed)

That’s why it’s called VICE president, silly! (Bossip)

Matt Damon ar Canoodlian? (Lolebrity)

Brit Naomi Campbell represents Africa (AgentBedhead)

Mary-Kate Olsen brings, wears, the kimono and kiltie-based Wackness (CelebritySmack)

Brangelina donates $1million to help children of war (Websters)

Amy Winehouse downsizes the party (DListed)

Sigourney in space? (DailyStab)

Ben Affleck talks about the Congo (ImNotObsessed)

Barack Obama loses the bimbo vote! (CandyKirby)

Cruise Beckham (CelebDirtyLaundry)

GyllenSpooning (JustJared)

Five dumbest reality show gimmicks (Mollygood)

Gayest movie robots (Radar)

Prince Harry, rump roast inspector (UKPopsugar)

Mario Lopez ChestHairGate! (Defamer)

Tim McGraw boots an attacker (CeleBitchy)

I didn’t know Ashanti was in Ice Capades (GoFugYourself)

Oprah’s is the biggest I’ve ever seen! (CrunkAndDisorderly)

Kanye’s mother’s Doctor Death no longer Doctor, DUI’d for good measure (PerezHilton)

Well, what do you know? You CAN be too thin! (ParkAvenuePeerage)