"Rebelle Fleur?" Rihanna?

Elle ne parle pas le Français. Nor her inkster neither. They should frappez la rue. Today’s links are brought to you by a lovely, dew-beaded glass of chilled Chablis.

This image is eternal (Lolebrity)
Keith Richards is a zombie (raincoaster)
raincoaster on the radio! (TheShebeenClub)
This blind item leads to undying infamy for “Interesting Nickname” (AgentBedhead)
Kanye wants braiiiinnssssssssssss! (AmyGrindhouse)
Zombie Karl Lagerfeld rolls with a hot pants posse (BusyBeeBlogger)
The Mummy speaks: backtracks (CeleBitchy)
Would a silver bullet work on this one? She MUST BE STOPPED (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The timeless (and possibly immortal) Osbourne family (CelebritySmack)
Crunk is not dead (CityRag)
It’s the END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT (CojoStyle)
Wrestlers fail the immortality test (CelebrityFashionWatcher)
Conan rises from the dead! (DailyStab)
The Mommy Speaks! (DListed)
Undying divas: JLo and LTay (Lainey)
He’s no druggy, he just heard they were preservatives! (EvilBeet)
Presenting the pagan priestess of pop (GoFugYourself)
The Eternal Empress of Romcom slaughters Bill O’Reilly (HaveUHeard)
Jersey Shore sacrifices your childhood dreams (IBBB)
The Ladyparts That Will Not Die just swallowed another victim (JustJared)
Interview with the vampire (MovieLine)
The JLo rumour that refuses to die! (PerezHilton)
How to make a Frankenstein monster (PoorBritney)
Paris attacked by android body parts (PopBytes)
Sneak a peek at Supernatural! (SeriouslyOMG)

Just in case you’ve ever wondered what our ancestors saw in high-waisted pants, here’s Tom Jones to clarify, in eye-ripping orange.

and now, your gossip link roundup:

Why do they love Michael Jackson so much? (TrueSlant)

Celine and Cher stare into the past and the future (Lolebrity)

Secret Love (TheManolo)

Love animals? (ManoloHome)

Who loves School Food? (ManoloFood)

Love to hate this type (ManoloBrides)

Leg-loving men (ManoloMen)

Which celebrity dad do you love best? (TeenyManolo)

Love the model, hate the artist? (ManoloBig)

Pigs in love (raincoaster)

Shirley loves Kristen (AgentBedhead)

Whitney Port’s new look: Love it or Leave it? (AmyGrindhouse)

Love floats? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Worst Guy in the World finds Love (CeleBitchy)

Everybody loves Susan Boyle (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

We all love to watch Paris go down (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Give your heavy metal patriotism some love (CelebritySmack)

Granny will love this (CojoStyle)

Gerard Butler speaks out about his secret love (DailyStab)

Don’t you love a good Lilo fight? (DListed)

Amy Winehouse, slave to love (EvilBeet)

Karl Lagerfeld’s advice on love’s little side-effects (FakeKarl)

Betty White loves LeBron and Cleveland (GabbyBabble)

Britney LOVES her coffee (GoFugYourself)

Rihanna shows the Look of Love (HaveUHeard)

Somebody’s in love with Matt Damon (INeedMyFix)

Mel Gibson loves four letter words (IBBB)

Men love Marisa Miller (JustJared)

Sending our love to Back to the Future: Happy 25th! (Movieline)

Love among the Vampires (UKPopSugar)

Everybody loves Liza! (PopBytes)

Nobody loves Stephen Fry’s new look (SeriouslyOMG)

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• Tom Jones: Chicken Thief (manolith.com)

I’m not exactly sure how to parse this platform-stiletto-and-cropped-sweats look. Perhaps Mariah’s gym is flooded?

Nuts! Sami Salo’s balls of steel hit the ice, go down (TrueSlant)

Cthulhu sex tape shocker! (raincoaster)

Karl Lagerfeld haiku for u! (Lolebrity)

Whose shoes? (TheManolo)

Nips Akimbo! (ManoloBig)

Out! Out! (ManoloHome)

Stick a fork in it! (ManoloBrides)

Demons begone! But only on weekends! (AgentBedhead)

Gisele inspires thoughts of death! (AmyGrindhouse)

Hayden Christensen back from career death (BusyBeeBlogger)

St Bono is invoked for protection against sanctimony (DippedInCream)

Vampire babies! (CeleBitchy)

The tears of a Golem! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Lisa Marie wants offerings to the dead! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Death runs in the family (CelebritySmack)

Keith Richards is Benjamin Button! (HolyMoly)

Career ambitions slaughtered! (DailyStab)

Sir Ian McKellan not quite dead yet! (DListed)

Necronauts need money, too ya know! (EvilBeet)

A threat from Skeletor! (GabbyBabble)

Is Calvin Klein a soul vampire? (Gawker)

The franchise that CANNOT DIE! (HaveUHeard)

Yetis! (INeedMyFix)

Zombie Katherine Heigl? (JustJared)

Helen Mirren and Doppelganger Mirren! (LitelySalted)

Salute the dead! (MovieLine)

Kiefer is eternal! (UKPopSugar)

The tomb is open but the body is dead! (SeriouslyOMG)

I kid! I kid! Madame Rykiel is one of France’s greatest living treasures, and if she can keep dusting off that old hair crimper and getting her wave on, then so can we, dammit! Frizz out! The 80′s really are back, once and for all.

Indeed, the dinner to celebrate the opening of the new Ralph Lauren store in Paris was a night for miracles, as the Emperor Karl was spotted almost almost forming his terrifying visage into a … smile???

And Anouk Aimee proved once again that she isn’t human; she simply does not age.

How can this be anything but WIN, unless you’re RPattz’s parents, that is?

Rachel vs House (Lolebrity)

Australia versus Versace (News)

“Pneumonia” is the new “exhaustion” (INO)

Vampires and the swine flu (JustJared)

Will Sandra Bullock take over the whole world? (Movieline)

Behold the sexiest man alive! (UKPopSugar)

Is this whole month a DON’T? (GraziaFashion)

Behind closed doors with Tom Cruise (PopBytes)

Too much to hope for? Miley Cyrus’ Last Song (SeriouslyOMG)

Ten’s Ten Sexiest Men (TenGossip)

Lindsay Lohan, grab bag lady (LitelySalted)

New Moon underwear wars (AgentBedhead)

Levi without his Levis (DailyStab)

Rachel Maddow <3 Sarah Palin (Gawker)

CourSem sez SamRo somethingorother LiLo (EvilBeet)

Harry Connick Jr has the filthiest look at a Christmas concert (GabbyBabble)

The Shoehan blog (Shoehans)

What Karl hates (CeleBitchy)

Taylor Lautner still hot, not legal (BusyBeeBlogger)

And this is why Canada rules hockey (BWE)

Stevie Wonder’s on Twitter! (CelebritySmack)

Karl Lagerfeld mozées on down to the Grand Palais for another of his good old-fashioned, down-home Chanel shows. “I ‘og-tied zhem maizelf.”

“Has anyone seen the pitchforks we used in the Jesuit-themed show last year?”

“Scarecrow? I just intimidate them instead.”

MaryAnne’s home ec project won her the coveted Nimble Thimble award.

And we don’t even have an affiliate deal with Barefoot Wines. Still. Num.

Join the Bloggerati (TeenyManolo)

Parisian snobbery (AgentBedhead)

Mean Girl is mean (AmyGrindhouse)

Bill Gates is no Steve Jobs (BWE)

Steve Jobs is no Bill Gates (Stanford.Edu)

Even Jennifer Aniston finds Jennifer Aniston’s lovelife laughable (BBB)

Pantyhose for Twilight freaks (LaughingStork)

Party for the Congo! (CeleBitchy)

John Mayer stages publicity stunt for dude who REALLY needs publicity (CelebritySmack)

Nikki Cox Mohr or Less (CelebuWreck)

St. Brangelina strikes again (DailyStab)

Meet NYC’s first married gays (Gawker)

Uncle Karl prowls the depths of Hell (DListed)

Happy Pre-Celebrity Father’s Day (EvilBeet)

Who (the Hell)’s That Girl? (GoFugYourself)

British Beef=Mad Cow Disease? (GabbyBabble)

Russell Brand is a hairy situation (INO)

Curb your enthusiasm (JJ)

Royals on parade (UKPopSugar)

Pushing Daisies goes six feet under (SeriouslyOMG)

RPattz’s new moon (TenGossip)

Yes, herbal tea. We’re way holistic around these parts, yo. Especially when we’re hung over.

Time for the Libertines (AgentBedhead)

Christian Bale’s Terminal hotness (AmyGrindhouse)

Hugh Jackman dials down the testosterone (BusyBeeBlogger)

Michael Jackson’s kids surprisingly normal-looking (GlamBabyBumps)

Let’s speak Frankly (BWE)

Emma Watson, princess? (CeleBitchy)

Michael Jackson has skin cancer (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Kathleen Turner, you’ve changed (CelebuWreck)

Katie Price pimps out pix (HolyMoly)

The Ricky Martin of Greece wins Eurovision (DListed)

Shia’s greatest roll? (EvilBeet)

Patriotic partying with the Hoff (GabbyBabble)

Uncle Karl’s walk in the park (FakeKarlLagerfeld)

More Mariah (PopBytes)

New Viggo! (UKPopSugar)

CHiPs 2.0 (INO)

John Mayer survives brutal attack (SeriouslyOMG)