Katy Perry lives the moment

To be specific, that one moment from a 1986 Swatch ad when this outfit was considered totally tubular.

There are few people more reliable for risibility than the pop tart Katy Perry, so do your best/worst in the comments section.

Katy Perry has forgotten something

Marta Marzotto

Italian designer Marta Marzotto is indeed the epitome of fierce, and if you doubt it, she will most likely shiv a bitch, this ex-Countess having been sentenced to hard prison time for blithely making off with her almost-stepson’s patrimony. As if that weren’t enough, she’s related to my beloved Lapo! Why, she’s like a lost Gabor sister! Who’s to say those booties don’t conceal a tracking anklet of some kind? Just as soon as I reconfigure the DEW Line to trace Julian Assange’s movements, I’ll take a quick peek around Milan for Marta M. and let you know. We should probably keep an eye on this one.

She looks like she’d take her vodka neat, so let’s toast this crazy old cougar with some Cougar Juice Vodka and some gossip links.

The Importance of Being Guido: in which transcripts from the Jersey Shore are read in the style of Oscar Wilde(raincoaster)

Rihanna’s Waking Nightmare looks strangely like most of mine, actually (Ayyyy)

Bagel BBQ FTW! (ManoloFood)

That Kardashian Style! On display at closing time in bars everywhere (Lolebrity)

Worst TV Show Openings; why do I just know there will be a lot of 80′s in there? (Crasstalk)

Ben Affleck, ironic hairpiece wearer (BusyBeeBlogger)

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake stays Brooooooooooooooooooooke! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Mariah Carey is sefectly pober! (CelebritySmack)

Smoker Katy Perry, on addiction (CelebVIPLounge)

Those British coroners can make a mystery out of ANYTHING, can’t they? (DailyStab)

Lindsay Lohan, too, is serfectl – LISTEN PEOPLE IT’S SPELLED “Ketel One” AND IF I SEE ANOTHER “Kettle” I AM GOING TO COME OVER THERE AND GIVE YOU ONE OR TWO LUMPS WHERE IT’LL DO THE MOST GOOD OKAY????(EarSucker)

Harrison Ford is a GILF (FitFabCeleb)

6 celebrity pizzafaces (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Mister President, I am here to serve. That’s why I brought these kneepads (HaveUHeard)

RIP Amy Winehouse: no, Blaaaaake is not invited to the funeral (HollywoodHiccups)

Prince Hot Ginge at the races; Ladies, start your engines! (INeedMyFix)

Linnocent can’t afford therapy, because Saint Tropez is expensive, dammit! (PopBytes)

Bloggers take note: Alan Rickman appreciation=automatic inclusion in the links. Got it? (SwoonWorthy)

Annalynne McCord could use a good seamstress (TheSkinny)

Jay-Z and Kanye want you to watch them on the throne? (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

Autobiography: Good anecdote, bad reality

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a quote for the ages:

“When my mother was about 7, my grandmother locked her in the closet. So, after my mom had been in the closet for about an hour, she asked my grandmother for a glass of water. My grandmother, naturally, said ‘Why?’ and my mother said ‘Because I’ve spit all over your dresses and now I’ve run out of spit and I wanna spit all over your shoes.’ These are the people I hail from.”

— Carrie Fisher

She’s also the author of one of the best opening lines in history, “I never should have given my phone number to the guy who pumped my stomach.”

Michael Jackson gave me the BEST present (raincoaster)

Who wore it better: a Gareth Pugh model or Godzilla (Ayyyy)

Frank Sinatra vs some pasty vegan (ManoloFood)

Katy Perry won’t admit she has a problem (Lolebrity)

This part is so radioactive they may have to hire Lindsay Lohan (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse was once more ambitious than you (AmyGrindhouse)

RPattz pub candid! (TheBosh)

Reese Witherspoon ups the ante with her exes (BusyBeeBlogger)

This will not end well: fag vs hag (CeleBitchy)

Nicole Richie is no Lilo, yo! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Times Square is a Snooki-free zone (CelebritySmack)

Xtina has reXamined her approach to FARDS (CityRag)

No Doubt McCartney was thrilled to the core of his being (DailyStab)

Lock up your sperm! It’s time for Dancing with the Professional Uterus (Earsucker)

This has to be the best headline I have seen in WEEKS (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Archie Leach is appalled at this! (HaveUHeard)

Kelly Osbourne is OUT of control (INeedMyFix)

Kate Moss tiptoes her way out of modeling (JustJared)

A Charlie Sheen Christmas (PopBytes)

Coolest Hogwartian casts spell on Disney World (PerezHilton)

Kate Gosselin escapes to Australia to shoot her children (Radar)

Best-dressed heads of state (Styleite)

Jake Gyllenhaal. I was going to write a more elaborate caption, but I got distracted

Yes, yes, we’ve featured Jakey-poo time without number, but I defy you to watch this video and not give it up for him (although perhaps Anne Hathaway sort of steals it). Jake Gyllenhaal, talking about his favorite romantic love song.

Adolf Hitler, found at last? (raincoaster)

Who’s Sari now, Elizabeth Hurley? (Ayyyy)

Daniel Radcliffe is naked without it (Lolebrity)

Food porn, Yorkshire style (Manolofood)

I need this like I need another hole in the head (ManoloJewelry)

The Big O (GreenManolo)

Knit one, parle two! (CraftyManolo)

No lip from you! (ManoloBeauty)

Madonna has cooties! (AgentBedhead)

Enter the Soundgarden! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Katy Perry’s secret not so secret anymore (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The Dream Team: Cojo and Paula Abdul (CojoStyle)

Pastel on board! (DailyStab)

Get into Grace Kelly’s skirt! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Yes, Carrie Underwood, this makes your ass look fat (HaveUHeard)

Sexiest Men Alive, or: Your Christmas Shopping List (INeedMyFix)

Harry Potter wears Canadian makeup (FabSugar)

Funny, I wouldn’t have called her a dog, but I guess her new boyfriend is a furry. Wash that picture out of your mind with a couple of tall Salty Dog cocktails and enjoy your gossip links.

Happy Halloween from 1928 (raincoaster)
This Bear Jew takes no prisoners (Lolebrity)
How to dispose of the body (ManoloFood)
US now exporting celebrity wingnuts (CelebrityBeehive)
Crocman stalks Hollywood! (Ayyyy)
Shirley Manson recycles Garbage (AgentBedhead)
Jason Statham is unsafe at any speed (BusyBeeBlogger)
Katy Perry has a bad case of Russell Brand (CeleBitchy)
If these two crazy kids can’t make it, then who can? (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Cougar keeps her dog on leash for now (CelebritySmack)
Horrifying celebrity Halloween costumes (CojoStyle)
So that’s ONE blind item solved (DailyStab)
Beyonce returns from Sweden (EvilBeet)
The scent of revenge! (GabbyBabble)
Katy and Russell get even more bull (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Demi Moore tortures a child (GoFugYourself)
Kim Kardashian’s Halloween costume is definitely not a Treat (HaveUHeard)
Rihanna dresses up for Halloween (INeedMyFix)
Leo DiCaprio is going to be a serial killer (JustJared)
She has FANS? (PerezHilton)
The greatest musical triumph since Springtime for Hitler (PoorBritney)
Kristy McNichol is ageless (SeriouslyOMG)

…her new movie, “Money Never Sleeps In Its Clothes The Night Before a Big Premiere.” Looks like the poor girl could use a drink, and so could we, since we have to look at that. I suggest a hearty and nutritious Pick Me Up Cocktail, to pry those heavy eyelids open.

Hipster Potter and the Philosophers, Stoned (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Cravat Edition (Ayyyy)
Ozzy and Slash: pocket queens (Lolebrity)
The Gruesome Twosome are no more (CelebrityBeehive)
Kate Moss is just dicking with Pete Doherty now (AgentBedhead)
Alicia Keys popped! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Pink gets on the horn (CelebDirtyLaundry)
We’ll have no Beyonceing here! (CelebritySmack)
Eva Longoria Parker poses next to a Paula Abdul impersonator (DailyStab)
Kim Kardashian’s butt armor needs a blacksmith ASAP (GabbyBabble)
NPH officially world’s coolest dad (HaveUHeard)
Katy Perry is no Julie Newmar (INeedMyFix)
What happens in Vegas stays…on PerezHilton (PerezHilton)
St Britney (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
10 best-dressed authors (Flavorwire)

That’s right: Charm, Beauty, and Creativity. It’s anyone’s guess which is which.

The Monkees never knew what hit them (raincoaster)
Meryl Streep is the answer, no matter what the question (Lolebrity)
Chris Noth reduced to bumming gum from Paparazzi (AgentBedhead)
Lilo is FREE!!!! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Blog comments by celebrities are not a substitute for competent medical advice (CeleBitchy)
Happy Birthday, Luke! What did your dad get you? (CelebrityBeehive)
My boy is as straight as the day is long, yessir (CelebDirtyLaundry)
James Franco wears Frankenshoon! (CelebritySmack)
Feets of the Weak Week (CityRag)
Good to know, good to know, thanks, Queenie (QueenUK)
This…THING is not like that THING (CojoStyle)
You again…and again… (DailyStab)
RIP Eddie Fisher (GabbyBabble)
Katy Perry can’t bring her assets to Sesame Street (HaveUHeard)
Can ANYONE make Louboutins work with a prison jumpsuit? (INeedMyFix)
Audrina is “excited about her cha-cha” (IBBB)
Brit-Glee (Movieline)
Brittany vs Britney (PoorBritney)
Motorists of Manhattan, you missed your chance! (Radar)
Sesame Street by the Jersey Shore (SeriouslyOMG)