…her new movie, “Money Never Sleeps In Its Clothes The Night Before a Big Premiere.” Looks like the poor girl could use a drink, and so could we, since we have to look at that. I suggest a hearty and nutritious Pick Me Up Cocktail, to pry those heavy eyelids open.

Hipster Potter and the Philosophers, Stoned (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Cravat Edition (Ayyyy)
Ozzy and Slash: pocket queens (Lolebrity)
The Gruesome Twosome are no more (CelebrityBeehive)
Kate Moss is just dicking with Pete Doherty now (AgentBedhead)
Alicia Keys popped! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Pink gets on the horn (CelebDirtyLaundry)
We’ll have no Beyonceing here! (CelebritySmack)
Eva Longoria Parker poses next to a Paula Abdul impersonator (DailyStab)
Kim Kardashian’s butt armor needs a blacksmith ASAP (GabbyBabble)
NPH officially world’s coolest dad (HaveUHeard)
Katy Perry is no Julie Newmar (INeedMyFix)
What happens in Vegas stays…on PerezHilton (PerezHilton)
St Britney (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
10 best-dressed authors (Flavorwire)

That’s right: Charm, Beauty, and Creativity. It’s anyone’s guess which is which.

The Monkees never knew what hit them (raincoaster)
Meryl Streep is the answer, no matter what the question (Lolebrity)
Chris Noth reduced to bumming gum from Paparazzi (AgentBedhead)
Lilo is FREE!!!! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Blog comments by celebrities are not a substitute for competent medical advice (CeleBitchy)
Happy Birthday, Luke! What did your dad get you? (CelebrityBeehive)
My boy is as straight as the day is long, yessir (CelebDirtyLaundry)
James Franco wears Frankenshoon! (CelebritySmack)
Feets of the Weak Week (CityRag)
Good to know, good to know, thanks, Queenie (QueenUK)
This…THING is not like that THING (CojoStyle)
You again…and again… (DailyStab)
RIP Eddie Fisher (GabbyBabble)
Katy Perry can’t bring her assets to Sesame Street (HaveUHeard)
Can ANYONE make Louboutins work with a prison jumpsuit? (INeedMyFix)
Audrina is “excited about her cha-cha” (IBBB)
Brit-Glee (Movieline)
Brittany vs Britney (PoorBritney)
Motorists of Manhattan, you missed your chance! (Radar)
Sesame Street by the Jersey Shore (SeriouslyOMG)

Sari about that: renowned ecdysiast Dirty Martini models perhaps the only example of a bondage sari in existence.

Here are your Dirty Martini emo links. Why am I so emo today? Read the last post and then mix a pitcher of Black Widows for yourself and me.

Underemployed Jedi single dad starts drinking early (Lolebrity)
Brian Atene is at the Nembutal and self-doubt again (raincoaster)
Brian Atene invented Superman Vodka, he’ll have you know (raincoaster media)
Here are two decorative, talented men as a sort of unicorn chaser (TeenyManolo)
This mystery man is filthy (ManoloMen)
Blohan blew it (AgentBedhead)
More Don Draper! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Paris Hilton says “Marriott? I wish I’d thought of buying it! I love Pocahontas!” (CeleBitchy)
As if the world didn’t have enough stupid things that make you want to die in it (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Hey Gaga, Scotch is fattening! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Well, alcohol IS a preservative (CelebritySmack)
Dita, NEVER get between me and the Cointreau (CojoStyle)
My god, what were they ON when they greenlighted this? (DailyStab)
THIS man is intoxicating! (DListed)
This is the only man perhaps more perfect than Jon Hamm (EvilBeet)
Hallelujah and pass the Jesus Juice! (GabbyBabble)
I thought what happened in Vegas stayed there? Is that too much to ask? (HaveUHeard)
Where was SuperHamm when THIS happened? (INeedMyFix)
What’s wrong with Drink, Bitch, Sulk? (JustJared)
Can even Jodie Foster’s might save Mel? (PerezHilton)
If Pink is a drunk I love her even more (PoorBritney)

and now, your cheer-em-up unicorn chaser featuring OK Go and Puppehs!

What do you think? Can even the mighty powers of John Hamm make chinos and a plaid shirt dapper? I’m unconvinced. I think one or two Dirty Martinis would help me make up my mind, or at least blur my vision sufficiently to get over the Suburban Dad-ness of the ensemble.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link? Links for sale…lovely links for sale…

Emma Watson’s (filthy) dirty laundry (Lolebrity)
Dino and Diogenes (raincoaster)
Bieber in the gutter! (SeriouslyOMG)
Paris Hilton no longer a Wynner (RadarOnline)
Great news! We may soon fob Katy Perry off on the UK full-time! (UKPopSugar)
Even great news: More Bill & Ted! (PerezHilton)
The Justice League vs City Hall (Movieline)
White Collar Battery! (INeedMyFix)
Happy Birthday, Cameron Diaz! (HaveUHeard)
Seriously the worst Emmy outfit (GoFugYourself)
Demi Moore does Snoop Dogg (GabbyBabble)
Rihanna gets waxed (DailyStab)
Spicy is a Calendar Girl (CelebritySmack)
I’ll buy the first two, but not the third, Mister Lowe (CeleBitchy)
Get your hands on Stephen Moyer’s sock! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Kate Hudson is not slutty! She’s “open.” (BusyBeeBlogger)
Let’s all hate rich people! (AmyGrindhouse)
What next, Lil Kim’s Calvados? (AgentBedhead)

Behold the wonderment of Dolly Parton’s fashions of the 70′s (although with her, it’s as if time stands still, in a honky-tonk at a crossroads in small town in Alabama, about 1974):

via OMGBlog

Let’s face it, Dolly: you and I are the only ones who remember who Chesty Morgan was.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail: I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Eli Roth explains the VERY odd couple (Lolebrity)
The most Canadian story ever told (raincoaster)
2012 2.0 (AgentBedhead)
Katy Perry angling for a Spanx contract (AmyGrindhouse)
Brad Pitt will never be ugly enough to satisfy some people (CeleBitchy)
Mrs Brady to Dance with Stars! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Jennifer Aniston’s nude year (CityRag)
Will Forte Will Leave (DailyStab)
This is Britney’s fallback (DListed)
Michael Jackson’s legacy endangered! (HaveUHeard)
You used to have to pay $50 to watch this in a booth (INeedMyFix)
Hippo breeding patterns in New Jersey (IBBB)
You’ll pry the crocheted cowboy hat from her cold, dead, manicured hands (PerezHilton)

"Rebelle Fleur?" Rihanna?

Elle ne parle pas le Français. Nor her inkster neither. They should frappez la rue. Today’s links are brought to you by a lovely, dew-beaded glass of chilled Chablis.

This image is eternal (Lolebrity)
Keith Richards is a zombie (raincoaster)
raincoaster on the radio! (TheShebeenClub)
This blind item leads to undying infamy for “Interesting Nickname” (AgentBedhead)
Kanye wants braiiiinnssssssssssss! (AmyGrindhouse)
Zombie Karl Lagerfeld rolls with a hot pants posse (BusyBeeBlogger)
The Mummy speaks: backtracks (CeleBitchy)
Would a silver bullet work on this one? She MUST BE STOPPED (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The timeless (and possibly immortal) Osbourne family (CelebritySmack)
Crunk is not dead (CityRag)
It’s the END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT (CojoStyle)
Wrestlers fail the immortality test (CelebrityFashionWatcher)
Conan rises from the dead! (DailyStab)
The Mommy Speaks! (DListed)
Undying divas: JLo and LTay (Lainey)
He’s no druggy, he just heard they were preservatives! (EvilBeet)
Presenting the pagan priestess of pop (GoFugYourself)
The Eternal Empress of Romcom slaughters Bill O’Reilly (HaveUHeard)
Jersey Shore sacrifices your childhood dreams (IBBB)
The Ladyparts That Will Not Die just swallowed another victim (JustJared)
Interview with the vampire (MovieLine)
The JLo rumour that refuses to die! (PerezHilton)
How to make a Frankenstein monster (PoorBritney)
Paris attacked by android body parts (PopBytes)
Sneak a peek at Supernatural! (SeriouslyOMG)

Seriously, those are fierce! I guess after stilettos, slingshots were next in the list of Top Ten Deadly Weapons That Make Cool Shoes?

And now, to the gossip roundup for the day:

Betty White’s might makes right! (Lolebrity)
Bad News for Dick Grayson (raincoaster)
Mirror, mirror, on my foot (Shoeblogs)
Giselle, you’re no Christy Turlington (TeenyManolo)
Monday and rainbows have been cancelled (ManoloBig)
Captions! In! Spaaaaaaace! (ManoloBrides)
Dr Atkins would have a heart attack (ManoloFood)
Dick Dale’s crib looks just like this (ManoloHome)
Nicole Kidman speaks for 5heads 4 Peece (AgentBedhead)
What kind of discount on rehab time will Lindsay get? (BusyBeeBlogger)
Katy Perry KNOWS she doesn’t make any sense (CeleBitchy)
Did Chelsea Clinton get chopped for her wedding? (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Now we know where Lady Gaga keeps her creativity (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)
More Hoff than you can handle (CelebritySmack)
Six STDs of Separation (CityRag)
Is there an archaeologist in da club? (CojoStyle)
JSimp found a Yalie (DailyStab)
Coming soon: the collected text messages of Ali Lohan (DListed)
Hey waitaminit: the company that turned down MY book said yes to Bieber??? (GabbyBabble)
Oh, don’t sweat it honey (GoFugYourself)
The Bachelorette finale (HaveUHeard)
Pamela Anderson welcomes the pitter-patter of little paws (INeedMyFix)
Cloris Leachman vs Betty White in Battle of the Cougars! (SeriouslyOMG)

Zac Efron is ... um, sorry, what were you saying?

Yes, he’s legal, so sexually objectifying him is totally okay. In fact, in that outfit it may be mandatory.

Gravity: I haz it (raincoaster)
Chuck Berry <3 Mommybloggers (raincoastermedia)
The acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree in this family (Lolebrity)
Poetry Wednesday (Shoeblogs)
That’s just cheesy (ManoloFood)
NO logo, yo! (ManoloBig)
Is that a G-roll in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? (ManoloMen)
Snoop and Seal, together again for the first time (TeenyManolo)
Ring burner (ManoloBrides)
Cutesville, USA (ManoloHome)
Lady Gaga’s true nature revealed (TheOnion)
Richard and Bruce have some differences (YouTube)
The sweet (?) smell of Denise Richards for Secret Deodorant (SeriouslyOMG)
Tara Reid’s bad outlook (PopBytes)
Britney’s comeback, by the numbers (PoorBritney)
Crazy couple: Ernest Hemingway and Lindsay Lohan (RadarOnline)
Alexander Skarsgard does his best to turn Annie Leibovitz straight (ASocialiteLife)
Dannii Minogue’s post-partum ScarJo ‘do debuts (UKPopSugar)
The Queen of the World is dead; long live the Queen of the World II (Movieline)
Zac Efron, topless (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
The two most irritating celebrities in the world together at last! (JustJared)
Presenting the Clitorati (GoFugYourself)
Just another night in the trailer park (IBBB)
American Idol: In like a lion, out like a has-been (INeedMyFix)
Nicole Kidman’s Forehead of Doom is back (HaveUHeard)
But Kesha, we ALL are (GabbyBabble)
The greatest threat to youth in our time (HolyMoly)
Chuck Berry’s favorite video (FourFour)
Selina Gomez has an interesting PA (EvilBeet)
The absolute opposite of the Zac Efron post above (DailyStab)
St Angelina flagellated (CojoStyle)
Joan Collins and Ivana Trump Whatever Whatever Boytoy Whatever together again for the first time (CelebritySmack)
Katy Perry is hunting out of her league (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Try 2b moar grammatickle (CelebCosmeticSurgery)
Celebrity Soduku (CelebrityBeehive)
“I was inventing the internet at the time” is NOT an alibi, Al (CeleBitchy)
Tom Jones finally released it, let it go (BusyBeeBlogger)
Taylor Momsen without makeup (AmyGrindhouse)
Celebrating National Barbie in a Blender Day (AgentBedhead)