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Keira’s Back!

Keira Knightley got back

Keira Knightley got back

Stars should never get themselves ready for a premiere; whatever Keira saved on self-tanner at the spa in advance of her outing the other night she will have to spend on PR to bury these horrible, mottled images. And to deny the rumour that she’s going to play the title role in Hidalgo II. On the plus side: scratches! Well, thanks to the pirate movies she IS an Action star; good to see she got some action!

Hump Day Links: Trent Reznor Edition

Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails performing on the 1999 MTV Music Video Awards at the Metropolitan Opera House, Lincoln Center in New York City on September 9, 1999. (Photo by Frank Micelotta/ImageDirect)

I don’t honestly think we’ve had Trent before, so here is the lovely Nine Inch Nails founder in all his post-heroinal, pre-steroidal glory from a few years back. He’s so thick and beefy lately that he’s got double chins behind his ears. Not. A. Good. Look.

Instead of toasting this with the obvious choice of a protein shake, I suggest a nice goblet of Mansinthe: sure, Absinthe tastes appalling, but it sets the goth/emo tone and whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Aw, shaddap and write a poem about the taste of wormwood, whydoncha?

Chairdancing With The Hotties (raincoaster)
Bobby Trendy, Big Mouth (Ayyyy)
Johnny Depp-O-Rama (Lolebrity)
Lindsay Lohan’s badass, coke-seeing escape attempt (CelebrityBeehive)
Heather Graham has swimmer’s ear (AgentBedhead)
David Arquette mistakes Howard Stern for Oprah Winfrey (AmyGrindhouse)
Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Suddenly, there’s not a dry seat in the house! (CeleBitchy)
The end days are upon us: even men hate Jennifer Aniston now (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Bad Panda! (DListed)
That’s a whole LOTTA tablecloth, Keira (GoFugYourself)
Taylor Swift is still an angsty teen (HaveUHeard)
Raisin on board! (INeedMyFix)
Perez Hilton, nice guy? (PerezHilton)
Does Britney Spears have a crush on George Stephanopoulos (PoorBritney)
Michael J. Fox goes back to Back to the Future! (SeriouslyOMG)
Adam Sandler makes a lousy lesbian (ASL)

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Friday Caption Contest Results: Keira Knightly Edition

Time to announce the winner of our Kaption Keira Kontest:

LONDON - JUNE 19:  (UK TABLOIDS NEWSPAPERS OUT) Actress Keira Knightly arrives at the Private VIP Party for the 'Edge of Love', at the Berkley Hotel June 19, 2008 in London, England.  (Photo by Dave Hogan/Getty Images)

renalfailure Says:
August 7th, 2010 at 12:44 pm

The Cloverfield monster goes to a debutante ball.

As always, congratulations and imaginary swag to our winner. For fearlessly comparing one of our age’s great beauties with an unspeakable abomination from the stars he wins this fantastic, and entirely virtual, prize: the wicked and deadly FMOM Industries Wave Disrupter Gun from Dr. Grordbort’s Infallible Aether Oscillators. Yes, this actually exists, although its effect on British starlets is as yet unknown:

you don't expect me to type all that out again, do you?

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Friday Caption Contest: Keira Knightly Edition

Do your best/worst to the over-eager Miss Knightly here in the comments section and win fabulous, imaginary prizes:

LONDON - JUNE 19:  (UK TABLOIDS NEWSPAPERS OUT) Actress Keira Knightly arrives at the Private VIP Party for the 'Edge of Love', at the Berkley Hotel June 19, 2008 in London, England.  (Photo by Dave Hogan/Getty Images)

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Black Coffee Links

B-Ball A-listers (AgentBedhead)

Brad Pitt hot coffee vid (AmyGrindhouse)

AlpacaAlpacaAlpacaAlpaca not as much fun as a llama (BWE)

John Mayer has found true love (CandyKirby)

Britney’s Circus comes to town (CelebritySmack)

Gladiator aprons are the new black (CelebuWreck)

Feel Kanye’s pain (DailyStab)

Octomom poses for a portrait (POTO)

Vanilla Ice finally mans up (EvilBeet)

Hell hath no fury like a baseball player scorned (GabbyBabble)

Someone should tell Jennifer Aniston about SmartCuts (HollywoodBackwash)

Katie Holmes is pure, detoxed, exhausted (HollywoodRag)

Mario Lopez has yet to meet Miss Right (Websters)

It’s not the size of your caulk, it’s how you use it (IBBB)

It’s now officially okay to laugh at Sherri Shepard (ImNotObsessed)

The Young Victoria premiere in London (UKPopSugar)

The Return of Super Dave! (SeriouslyOMG)

This will not end well (HolyMoly)

Michelle Pfeiffer, showing them how it’s done

Watch and learn, little girl

Isn’t it great to have Keira Knightley turn up to my premiere looking like that. Chloe pantsuit my ass – time for me to take off my coat and really have some fun!

I am here for the job interview

It’s alive!

Back to the dungeon with you

Having brought his latest creation to life with the promise of limitless couture, it was now time for Dr Lagerfeld to put it to good use. Surely the villagers could be easily terrorised into buying wagonloads of Coco Mademoiselle perfume.

Is it Tuesday Already Links

Yes, yes it is. So have a nutritious Maple Leaf Martini and enjoy some tasty gossip links.

LolPalin (Lolebrity)

Suri! Step away from the Man in Black! (Websters)

How does it go? Ashes to ashes, guano to Posh? (SeriouslyOMG)

Actual pirates take a write-down as result of credit crisis (Radar)

Today in Things We’d Rather Not Think About News, David Crosby on the NBA’s members (DListed)

CBS desperately needs David Crosby’s help (CandyKirby)

What will Matt Damon say? Jimmy Kimmel’s right hand will soon find out! (EvilBeet)

Absolutely Fabulous to be imported, made 80% less fabulous (WoW)

Halle Berry is the sexiest woman alive (JustJared)

George Clooney is hot, wet, and ready for some one on one (PopSugar yes PopSugar!)

The latest Bond Girl was born with uh … extra appendages (HolyMoly)

Diddy fires Aubrey O’Day, the only woman who wears false lashes on the bottom, too (PerezHilton)

George W Bush offers his thoughtful perspective on the Iraq War (Mollygood)

Anna Faris stars in: Lopsided In Pink (GoFugYourself)

Today in Crazy Cab Driver TV (FourFour)

Steve Carell has shingles (Defamer)

Vlad (Putin) the Impaler (Gawker)

Keira Knightly’s life is worth Writer’s Guild of America minimum $ (DailyStab)

Shirley Manson speaks! (CelebritySmack)

Wait, Amy Winehouse can read? (AgentBedhead)

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