Ayyyy!

Well, well, well, look who got a Time Machine to celebrate New York Fashion Week? Set the dial for “Seventies Fabulous” Jason, and let the good times roll (on old-skool skates).

What was this year’s theme do you think? “Stuff you wouldn’t normally be caught dead in”?

It’s not clear whether these two are competing for the title of Pastiest Complexion or Most Unflattering Angle of the night – but either way there can be no real winners in this ghastly little contest.

If you’re thinking that Kirsten Dunst is looking slightly knackered above, you might want to consider checking back in a bit later in the night. It now becomes clearer which are the “Before” and “After” pictures, doesn’t it?

Kirsten Dunst sez: ohai this ar seckshool assawlt  (Lolebrity)

Miley Cyrus sez: Meet the boyfriend! (CelebuWreck)

Diablo Cody sez: I may be a badly-inked-up ex-stripper in a muu-muu with a sad robot fetish and twenty dollar Buster Brown haircut, but I’m still better than any of you (Defamer)

Pete Doherty sez: THIS is what became of the likely lads (AgentBedhead)

Elle MacPherson sez: please don’t tell Naomi or Kate! (DailyStab)

NYPost Columnist sez: kittens deserve to die (CelebritySmack)

TomKat sez: our love can never die! Never! Never, I Tell You! Hahahahahahahahawhat? (CandyKirby)

Pearl Jam(?) sez: HR Pufnstuf, where’d you go when things get rough? (raincoaster)

John McCain and Sarah Palin say: watch me pull a polar bear out of my hat (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Zuzu sez: every time Courtney Love flips the bird an angel gets its wings (CelebSlam)

Victoria Beckham sez: I’m 90% less plastic now! (CeleBitchy)

John Mayer sez: at least my Blackberry loves me! (PopSugar)

Madonna sez: hey, big deal! The guitar was eighteen! (SeriouslyOMG)

Sarah Palin sez: I don’t need to hear that Tina Fey! (PopEater)

Lindsay Lohan sez: Stay Gold! (Dlisted)

Here we are forced to consider which would be more noticeable to a fashion watcher’s discerning eye: the lack of a well-constructed hem or the lack of pants all together. What would be more acceptable to you, dear readers?

Q: I recently checked out of rehab and guess what, all the spa treatments, shopping and fine dining really really worked wonders.  How do I showcase the new improved me?

A: They say that green is the colour of renewal so I encourage you to go forth and make it your own.  Show the world that they dragged you away kicking and screaming trussed in nothing more than a drab hospital gown, only to re-emerge through the dirt as fresh as a budding shoot!  Cap off your look with the simple innocence of daisies, looking as if they’ve sprouted from washing your hair with rainwater.  The Cirque Lodge may never have had a better success story!

The Divine Miss M rises from the dead, returns to play Vegas (disembedded)

These boobs were made for Walken (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan vs Marilyn Monroe: duelling nekkids (CelebritySmack)

Mr. Amy Winehouse OD’s in prison again (Celebitchy)

Joan Collins, home on the range (TheMeatScale)

Chez Suri: The TomKat love nest (Derober)

Heather Mills stands by her man, whether he likes it or not (Dlisted)

Aretha fails to get respect from PETA (Bossip)

Jake Gyllenhaal dumped Kirsten Dunst for being Drunkst (Yeeeeah)

Jakey gets a makeover (PopSugar)

Kathleen Turner made of stone, not romancing (HollywoodRag)

Russell Crowe cast in new Austin Powers flick? (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Lily Allen, stripper chauffeuse (ImNotObsessed)

Poll: Who’s the hottest American President? (HolyCandy)

Travis Barker dates up, Paris Hilton dates down (DailyStab)

Heath Ledger: Saint or Sinner?  (Defamer)

Do women want gossip that hates women? (Jezebel)

Celebrity toplessness reaches critical levels: McConaughey alert! (Gawker)