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Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

In this handout photo provided by MTV, actors Sacha Baron Cohen, Jennifer Aniston and John Cusack participate in the Hope For Haiti Now: A Global Benefit For Earthquake Relief telethon on January 22, 2010 in Los Angeles. UPI/Jeff Kravitz/HO

Sacha Baron Cohen, Jennifer Aniston and John Cusack enjoy a quiet Saturday night together, crank-calling Angelina Jolie. What do you think fueled this phone frenzy? I’d guess a few Wild Turkeys (like Jen’s last five movies).

Paul Newman has enemies (raincoaster)
Hogwarts uniforms get a fashionista makeover (Ayyyy)
Gaga is a MONSTER! (Lolebrity)
Liam Neeson elbows drunk anti-semite aside for part (CelebrityBeehive)
See Taylor. See Taylor’s Momsens (AgentBedhead)
If I were marrying that man, I’d hide my face too (BusyBeeBlogger)
Jon’s Hamm is free range (CeleBitchy)
Marion Cotillard should have bought a matched set (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Rod Stewart is a new parent (sorta) (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Celebrity pumpkinheads (CelebritySmack)
Dear Raccoon McPantsless (CojoStyle)
Canada’s most perennial export shows her assets. Again. (DailyStab)
Kim Kardashian doesn’t eat anyway (earsucker)
Your cokepants are safe! (EvilBeet)
Is there anyone this famewhore won’t date? (GabbyBabble)
Lady Gaga wearing half a My Little Pony (HaveUHeard)
This woman has the world’s most powerful cellphone (INeedMyFix)
This is the World’s Greatest Chick Flick (PerezHilton)
Britneyland is another country (PoorBritney)
Paris Hilton is dating up (PopBytes)

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Katie Holmes is tight, tucked

Katie Holmes floral nightmare

and, apparently, oblivious to the fact that her dress is caught in her pantyhose.

Let’s toast the fact that WE are not, as Gallagher says, walking around with our clothes tucked into our underwear, with a Kilt Lifter Ale and a sigh of relief.

Angels are devils (raincoaster)
Lady Gaga is an ape (Ayyyy)
Survival tips for meeting the savage Naomi Campbell (CelebrityBeehive)
The end of civilization as we know it (AgentBedhead)
This will probably be the most beautiful child ever made (BusyBeeBlogger)
Some fine DNA dodged a bullet with this one (CeleBitchy)
Meanwhile, Gisele is spreading hers around (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Hairless ape has, yes, another book deal (DailyStab)
This is like crossing a Shetland Pony and a Mastodon (HaveUHeard)
Vestigal celebutard, the last of its species, manages to survive (INeedMyFix)
RIP James Dean (Lolebrity)
Former child stars butt heads to establish dominance (PerezHilton)
For conspiracy fans: The Midwich Rockers Approacheth! (PregnancyFashion)

Hairy Situation

Oh, Gaga, how you make me gag. The Italians just stomp down one stereotype and there you are, flaunting your pelt for all to see:

lady gaga furry furyOn the plus side, she won’t have any difficulty finding a date for Howloween.

Hump Day Links: Reheated Hamm Edition

I know, I know, we just had him, but for some reason I just feel like featuring him again today. The only problem is, I can’t decide which picture to use.

Do you like this one?

Mad Men actor Jon Hamm arrived at an office building in West Hollywood, California on September 27, 2010 to take care of some business. Jon was dressed very casual, could this be the studio of a new project?  Fame Pictures, Inc

or this one?

Jon Hamm got back. He should get back to my apartment as quickly as possible

Let’s drink to that with a nice, refreshing Screwdriver, from the official index to Mad Men Cocktails.

Mean Disney Girls just a bunch of drama queens (raincoaster)
At least they were free of Yoko in there (Lolebrity)
Reznorvision coming soon to your screens? (AgentBedhead)
The Face of Kotex! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Some people will do ANYTHING to impress Sandra Bullock’s castoffs (CeleBitchy)
Spot the cyborgs among us! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Violent repeat felon seeks custodianship of Lindsay Lohan (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Michael Bolton, it is FAR too late for respect! (CelebritySmack)
Gaga a Go-Go (CityRag)
Naomi Campbell’s feet are HUGE (CojoStyle)
Yes, everyone but me DOES have a book deal (DailyStab)
Macaroni Rascals (DListed)
A foursome isn’t just for golfing and bridge? (EvilBeet)
Sly, stylin’ (GabbyBabble)
Brigitte Nielson is looking younger (GoFugYourself)
Get your Bieber Babies! (HaveUHeard)
Michael Bolton is the Rodney Dangerfield of show pony has-beens (INeedMyFix)
Catching up with Bristol Palin’s favorite show (IBBB)
Oh holy Jeebus, even Hilary Duff has a book deal (JustJared)
This will be some actress’s lowest career point (MovieLine)
Baby Buble (PerezHilton)
B from the block (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Backney! (PoorBritney)
The Mysteries of Minnelli (PopBytes)
Jon’s got a Ham in his pants (SeriouslyOMG)

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Tim Gunns them down

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 10: A model walks the runway at the Guli Collections Spring 2011 fashion show during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week at The Studio at Lincoln Center on September 10, 2010 in New York City. (Photo by Jemal Countess/Getty Images for Guli Collections )

Quote of the day: Jackie O would not have camel toe.
Tim Gunn

Apparently, looking like a hermaphroditic Moroccan bellhop is going to be big in 2011. And camel toe.

Everybody looks fab in go-go boots (Lolebrity)
Bill Gates’ Manhunt profile (raincoaster)
Tony Blair’s criminal mind (TheShebeenClub)
Ben Afflecks’ red carpet reign of terror (AgentBedhead)
Miley Cyrus’s grunge stripper look (AmyGrindhouse)
Caption Hamfleck! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Brad no longer Pitted? (CelebCosmeticSurgery)
Lou Reed snubs Susan Boyle (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Dream couple to reunite? (CeleBitchy)
Julia Roberts graded C (CelebritySmack)
Celebrity mug shots (CityRag)
Diane Krueger wins another fashion award (CojoStyle)
Tom Brady’s crackup (DailyStab)
Everybody loves a man in uniform! (DListed)
Look who has a record deal and you don’t (GabbyBabble)
Who wants to see Goopy yodel for two hours? (HaveUHeard)
Karl is laughing at Diane too (INeedMyFix)
Jon Hamm discussing porn and … you’re not still reading this are you? (JustJared)
Tacky press release of the day (MovieLine)
Megan Fox takes over Ben Affleck’s role in Dogma (PerezHilton)
Britney’s bodyguards bio’d (PoorBritney)
PUT THE MAKEUP BACK ON!!! (SeriouslyOMG)

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Hump Day Hunk Links: Ben Affleck and Black Beer

Sept. 8, 2010 - Hollywood, California, U.S. - Director Ben Affleck attends the photocall of ''The Town'' during the 67th Venice International Film Festival at Palazzo del Casino in Venice, Italy, on september 8th, 2010. K65734AM. © Red Carpet Pictures

I know, I know.

I don’t CARE! I like him anyway: he purty. I propose a toast to Ben Affleck’s enduring aethetic appeal, and to make that toast we shall raise a glass of this newfangled Brewmaster’s Black Lager from Okanagan Springs that I just tasted today, as I was being interviewed for a podcast in the back room of a pub, which is generally the way I like to be interviewed if it can’t be on the deck of my shiny new yacht or the terrace of my beach villa in Costa Rica. Yes, black lager; that is what I call affirmative action, and I intend to affirm it as frequently as my diet will allow. This has been an un-paid-for plug inspired by Ben Affleck’s hawtness. You may now return to your regular gossip links.

Poor Elvis (Lolebrity)
Cruise with Captain Charon (raincoaster)
James Franco is a wanker (AgentBedhead)
St Angelina consoles sadly unfabulous Pakistanis (BusyBeeBlogger)
Gaga’s got some meat on her bones at last (CeleBitchy)
Oh come on; next you’ll be telling us her boobs are fake! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The caftan does JSimp no favours (CelebritySmack)
I’m on a (filthy) boat! (CityRag)
This is an awkward triangle! (CojoStyle)
Jennifer Aniston attacking by proxy (DListed)
Billy Ray Cyrus produced a goth? (GabbyBabble)
Taylor Swift has the best hair in the NFL (HaveUHeard)
Someone PLEASE give Dennis Rodman a radio show (INeedMyFix)
Some Twihard’s dreams are coming true! (PerezHilton)
Eli Roth wanted for questioning (Pajiba)
But Mommy IS white trash (PoorBritney)
So Cougartown is bi-curious now? (SeriouslyOMG)

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Rihanna’s mots mauvais

rihanna rebelle fleur

"Rebelle Fleur?" Rihanna?

Elle ne parle pas le Français. Nor her inkster neither. They should frappez la rue. Today’s links are brought to you by a lovely, dew-beaded glass of chilled Chablis.

This image is eternal (Lolebrity)
Keith Richards is a zombie (raincoaster)
raincoaster on the radio! (TheShebeenClub)
This blind item leads to undying infamy for “Interesting Nickname” (AgentBedhead)
Kanye wants braiiiinnssssssssssss! (AmyGrindhouse)
Zombie Karl Lagerfeld rolls with a hot pants posse (BusyBeeBlogger)
The Mummy speaks: backtracks (CeleBitchy)
Would a silver bullet work on this one? She MUST BE STOPPED (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The timeless (and possibly immortal) Osbourne family (CelebritySmack)
Crunk is not dead (CityRag)
It’s the END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT (CojoStyle)
Wrestlers fail the immortality test (CelebrityFashionWatcher)
Conan rises from the dead! (DailyStab)
The Mommy Speaks! (DListed)
Undying divas: JLo and LTay (Lainey)
He’s no druggy, he just heard they were preservatives! (EvilBeet)
Presenting the pagan priestess of pop (GoFugYourself)
The Eternal Empress of Romcom slaughters Bill O’Reilly (HaveUHeard)
Jersey Shore sacrifices your childhood dreams (IBBB)
The Ladyparts That Will Not Die just swallowed another victim (JustJared)
Interview with the vampire (MovieLine)
The JLo rumour that refuses to die! (PerezHilton)
How to make a Frankenstein monster (PoorBritney)
Paris attacked by android body parts (PopBytes)
Sneak a peek at Supernatural! (SeriouslyOMG)

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Emma Thompson’s Pint of Victory Links!

HOLLYWOOD - AUGUST 06: Actress Emma Thompson at the Hollywood Walk Of Fame Star Ceremony for Emma Thompson on August 6, 2010 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

In honour of the imperfect, yet impeccable Emma Thompson, seen here toasting her long-overdue Hollywood Walk of Fame star with a pig (not ex-husband Kenneth Branagh) we are returning to our boozy-style links. Today your gossip links are brought to you by a good British pint of what looks like lager, which would be very woman-of-the-people of her.

As for me, I’m on the wagon or rather on the stationary bike until I lose ten pounds and at least one letter of the alphabet.

It’s Nick Jonas’ World (Lolebrity)
World’s LEAST cute octopus found (raincoaster)
Red shoe diaries
(Shoeblogs)
Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Harry Connick Jr vs Idris Elba
(TeenyManolo)
Getting PRIMED for action
(ManoloBig)
Show us your drawers
(ManoloHome)
Soba what?
(ManoloFood)
Lindsay Lohan’s best movie in years
(AgentBedhead)
Renee Zellweger gains 20 lbs (BusyBeeBlogger)
Sean Bean soon to make raincoaster wife #5 (CeleBitchy)
Botox is sacred to Hindus? Who knew? (CelebCosmeticSurgery)
Lady Gaga insists she’s an incestuous ghost (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Emma Watson IS Twiggy (CelebritySmack)
There’s ONE part of Megan Fox that’s still natural (CityRag)
Sylvester Stallone’s rug does not have cherub imagery (CojoStyle)
Sandra Bullock wins! (DailyStab)
The Megan Fox shot the world is not ready to see! (DListed)
It’s Emma Thompson’s world (LaineyGossip)
No, it’s Iman’s world (GoFugYourself)
Jack White does not like hipsters (EvilBeet)
JBieb has gotten to Marky Mark (GabbyBabble)
Jen Garner and Hugh Jackman are like buttah (HaveUHeard)
Sum 40 now (INeedMyFix)
What, the arrow-shaped vajazzling didn’t help? (IBBB)
“Did y’all know that King Tut’s penis is missing?” (MovieLine)
Yoko Ono vs Steve Jobs (PerezHilton)
Britney has a secret (PoorBritney.com)
Britney Spears does not know how to get dressed (SeriouslyOMG)

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