Lindsay Lohan would like to inquire as to what, specifically, Willis is discussing.
It’s great to see gossip blog stalwart Lindsay Lohan climbing back into that cover girl saddle and debuting a radical new look at her latest probation hearing. Ayyyy would like to extend to Ms. Lohan our congratulations on Black and Blue Steel.
Marta Marzotto
Italian designer Marta Marzotto is indeed the epitome of fierce, and if you doubt it, she will most likely shiv a bitch, this ex-Countess having been sentenced to hard prison time for blithely making off with her almost-stepson’s patrimony. As if that weren’t enough, she’s related to my beloved Lapo! Why, she’s like a lost Gabor sister! Who’s to say those booties don’t conceal a tracking anklet of some kind? Just as soon as I reconfigure the DEW Line to trace Julian Assange’s movements, I’ll take a quick peek around Milan for Marta M. and let you know. We should probably keep an eye on this one.
She looks like she’d take her vodka neat, so let’s toast this crazy old cougar with some Cougar Juice Vodka and some gossip links.
The Importance of Being Guido: in which transcripts from the Jersey Shore are read in the style of Oscar Wilde(raincoaster)
Rihanna’s Waking Nightmare looks strangely like most of mine, actually (Ayyyy)
Bagel BBQ FTW! (ManoloFood)
That Kardashian Style! On display at closing time in bars everywhere (Lolebrity)
Worst TV Show Openings; why do I just know there will be a lot of 80′s in there? (Crasstalk)
Ben Affleck, ironic hairpiece wearer (BusyBeeBlogger)
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake stays Brooooooooooooooooooooke! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Mariah Carey is sefectly pober! (CelebritySmack)
Smoker Katy Perry, on addiction (CelebVIPLounge)
Those British coroners can make a mystery out of ANYTHING, can’t they? (DailyStab)
Harrison Ford is a GILF (FitFabCeleb)
6 celebrity pizzafaces (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Mister President, I am here to serve. That’s why I brought these kneepads (HaveUHeard)
RIP Amy Winehouse: no, Blaaaaake is not invited to the funeral (HollywoodHiccups)
Prince Hot Ginge at the races; Ladies, start your engines! (INeedMyFix)
Linnocent can’t afford therapy, because Saint Tropez is expensive, dammit! (PopBytes)
Bloggers take note: Alan Rickman appreciation=automatic inclusion in the links. Got it? (SwoonWorthy)
Annalynne McCord could use a good seamstress (TheSkinny)
Jay-Z and Kanye want you to watch them on the throne? (TheSkinnyChic)
Selah.
Adrien Brody's prayers were answered when he made Hump Day Hunk
There’s just something about this skeevy bastard that I like. Maybe it’s that he’s a winning rally driver. Maybe it’s that he looks so intellectual, and dresses so Pool Shark. Maybe it’s that hell, it’s been a long time and … but there, I’ve said too much. And besides, I can’t run Prince Harry every week, can I?
Let’s toast to Adrien’s dream come true with a spirited round of Pool Shark, the Drinking Game and some gossip links.
Wine A-Z; the ultimate Go Cup! A jogging bra/wine skin combo? Why the hell not, my camelbak imbues my Sauv Blanc with aromas of Gatorade as it is. (Manolofood)
Van Gogh and Orcas Unicorn Chaser. Make your hump day a little smoother with soothing pictures of swirling stars and wild whales in Downtown Vangroover. Yes, orcas belong in a gossip roundup. I’m Canadian, dammit. (raincoaster)
Top That! Princess Beatrice’s amazing Hat of Hideousness (+10) is for sale on eBay to benefit children, if not onlookers (Ayyyy)
George Clooney chickens out. The television remake of Men Who Stare At Goats was disappointingly downscaled. (Lolebrity)
Life, Death, Violence, Barbie, and extremely mixed messages. I’m not exactly sure where the war crimes tribunal comes into it, but apparently it does, somewhere. Also: Ken is a draft dodger? (Crasstalk)
Dear God, Johnny Depp is a kinky beast. Taking a page from Chuck Berry, he made Penelope Cruz dress up as a … no, I can’t even say it. Seriously, nobody would put Salma Hayek through that. (AgentBedhead)
Is House getting evicted? Hugh Laurie has a great big, leaky mouth. There, take THAT image into your Bertie/Jeeves slash-thinking mind. (BusyBeeBlogger)
Yet another Jagger kid poses nekkid. Surely I thought we’d run out of these potato-faced wonders by now, but apparently not. Is “Club Kid” really a career choice? (CelebDirtyLaundry)
This is perhaps the most terrifying headline of all time, until you smack yourself in the head and say “IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU PERVERT” and move on. But still. (CelebritySmack)
Oh, Will Smith. It’s not the size: it’s how you use it! And using it to annoy an entire neighborhood is just Letting the Thetans Win. (CelebVIPLounge)
Bristol Palin, now surgically enhanced! But not improved: it wasn’t brain surgery, after all. (DailyStab)
Taylor Swift will out a bitch! This girl doesn’t exist off the record, and if you’re dating her, neither do you (EarSucker)
Lady Gaga is Asian? Golly, she MUST have had some serious work done; she doesn’t look it. (FitFabCeleb)
Owen Freaking Wilson and yeah, like, a bunch of other celebs in Cannes, but who gives a rat’s ass about them? Eh? OWEN WILSON! (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Jennifer Aniston’s steamy banana handling. Look ma, no hands! No desperation, either…that is so NOT the sound of faint weeping I hear. Nosiree Bob. (HaveUHeard)
L’innocent sentenced to live in mansion next door to coke connection. Poor thing. That’ll teach HER! (HollywoodHiccups)
Who’s the $100 million man? The one going around spreading herpes? Yeah, “That one who dated Paris Hilton” doesn’t really narrow it down any. (INeedMyFix)
Joan Rivers better watch her back: Kermit the Frog is after her job. The Red Carpet just got a little greener and a LOT cuter (PopBytes)
Adorable Prince Harry and adorable puppy being adorable. Adorbz! What are you still doing here? CLICKY CLICK CLICK! (Swoonworthy)
Caption the Gouvernator and his ex. I’m thinking something Harry Potter related. She reminds me of Emma Thompson’s character, the Divinology professor. (RightCelebrity)
Stop! In the name of ... all that is holy
The Fake and Bake is strong with this one.
Let’s all have a glass of Bolli fortified with Stoli and a good hard look at ourselves in the mirror (are we really turning into our mothers?) and a few celebrity gossip links with a Mother’s Day theme.
The great Hillary Clinton cover-up (raincoaster)
Mother’s Day food porn (ManoloFood)
Guess the celebrity and her mom (Ayyyy)
Norman Bates LOVES his mommy (Lolebrity)
Rock on: Mother’s Day ditty from Dwayne Johnson (AgentBedhead)
Sheryl Crow’s building her own Partridge Family (BusyBeeBlogger)
That’s it, Bieber! Go to your room! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Sean Penn, you listen to your mother! YOU COME BACK HERE YOUNG MAN!!! (CelebritySmack)
It’s okay, Kate, don’t be jealous. Mom always liked you best (CelebVIPLounge)
Is this woman the fiercest mom on the planet? (CityRag)
Baby Beckham is already colour-coordinated (DailyStab)
Mommy had better get out of rehab soon (EarSucker)
Uh, is this some kind of bizarre Hollywood fertility rite? (FitFabCeleb)
Celebs and their moms on Mother’s Day (HaveUHeard)
Sparklepants and the world’s most famous unwed mother pose (HollywoodHiccups)
Mom Julia Roberts wants to save millions of moms’s lives (INeedMyFix)
Xtina shows off her babyfeed silos (MathewGuiver)
Teen mom Jamie Lynn is scaring me (PoorBritney)
Saluting Sophia Loren, about 40 years late (PopBytes)
Happy mother’s day from Roseanne (SeriouslyOMG)
In certain circles George Clooney’s birthday was also a holiday (SwoonWorthy)
World’s most famous barren womb indulges in Salvation Armani (TheSkinny)
The torch is passed: Madonna’s girl-child releases a single (TheSkinnyChic)
Truly hath the poet and wise man said that no royal wedding, christening, or restraining order hearing is complete without a Bad Fairy. Given the charmed lives led by heir to the British throne and his intended bride, and the fact that his Great-Aunt Margaret is dead, there is no particularly obvious candidate for the office. We in the Manolosphere would like to present our own official candidate for this office:
Tara “I’m a drug addict, not a pedophile” Palmer-Tomkinson.
Co-starring with Mickey Rourke in The Boxer?
Cocaine is a helluva drug, people, and with an $800 dollar a day habit it doesn’t matter how many nose jobs you throw at it; you’re essentially throwing good money after bad cartilage. Tara, the woman once rumoured to have taken Prince William’s virginity, is invited to the wedding, but wants to get her nose done first. At this point, however, it becomes a Michael Jackson situation: there needs to be something there to work on in the first place.
Let’s toast Tara’s heart’s desire with your choice of a Mad Fairy cocktail or a Donkey’s Nob (made with Coke, of course).
And some gossip links:
Rebecca Black is SO JEALOUS of this woman (raincoaster)
Hugh Jass has nothing on this guy (Lolebrity)
Karl Lagerfeld, now *I* want to kill you (Ayyyy)
Vodka: is there anything it can’t do? (Manolofood)
The Anti-Gwyneth makes a mean Monte Cristo (AgentBedhead)
I’d cut off her head for that hat (BusyBeeBlogger)
There was an Octomom who lived in a shoe(box)... (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Did anyone see Perez Hilton or Michael Lohan at the scene of the crime? (CelebritySmack)
Princess Margaret is dead, so who will be the bad fairy? (CelebVIPLounge)
Kim Kardashian, Turkey, these things write themselves (DailyStab)
Courtney Cox is no Friend! (EarSucker)
Rebecca Blacklash! (FitFabCeleb)
PETA will get her! (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Who harshes on Robin Sweetest Man In Showbiz Williams and lives???? (HaveUHeard)
Planet Earth takes Lady Gaga DOWN! (HollywoodHiccups)
Tinkerbell’s new rival (INeedMyFix)
Fix! Fix! The fix is in at People! (MathewGuiver)
Old Britney vs New Britney (PoorBritney)
Yes, it’s another round of “Guess the Celebrity(and let’s see if it takes you more than fifteen minutes this time).”
Mystery Flapper is where Karl Lagerfeld stole his fan?
Guesses in the comments, and while you’re pondering, I suggest you enjoy a tasty and nutritious Strawberry Flapper and some gossip links:
The most epic post in the history of epicosity! (raincoaster)
Brando prepares for his greatest role (ManoloFood)
Lindsay Lohan SANS FARDS (Ayyyy)
Harry Potter and the Slash of Fandom (Lolebrity)
Nicole Kidman’s been swallowed by a python (AgentBedhead)
And her baby is all, “Wasn’t SATC ten years ago? Whatever, Mom.” (BusyBeeBlogger)
So does three quarters of Louisiana, but that won’t make it happen (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Xtina has the hiccups (CelebDirtyLaundry)
OH MY GOD I AM SUDDENLY SO HAPPY AND DUMB. AND HAPPY!!!1!! (DailyStab)
Won’t you spare a thought for the poor reality show millionaires? (EarSucker)
What Beaker Saw (cannot be unseen, I warned you!) (FitFabCeleb)
No, Justin, that’s not what she meant by the Burning Bush (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Kirstie Alley not immune to gravity (HaveUHeard)
L. Ron Jr is five! (HollywoodHiccups)
Amy Winehouse put a ring on it (INeedMyFix)
The Oddest Couple (MathewGuiver)
Then she took some gigolo to Disneyland (PoorBritney)
Garey Busey almost gets Meatloafed (PopBytes)
I don’t know who this is, but I want it (SwoonWorthy)
Tara Reid still clinging to life, relevance (TheSkinny)
On the other hand, how much do most 90-year-olds make? (TheSkinnyChic)
The icon Catherine Deneuve once said, “in her forties, a woman must choose between her face and her derrière.” She may or may not have stolen it, but there is a more important point to be made, if she wants to keep the statement current:
Lindsay Lohan could use a sammich and a time machine
She needs to subtract about fifteen years.
It's true, everyone loves a bad boy in a leather jacket
Happy 80th Birthday to Leonard Freaking Nimoy! You’ll always be a week and a day younger than William Shatner!
Now I think I’ll carefully sip a thimbleful of Romulan Ale in his honour.
Gramps Gets Down! (raincoaster)
This is why the pinkos never win (Lolebrity)
The Eternal Question: Mugler edition (Ayyyy)
Sophia Loren tries out a new look (ManoloFood)
That’s my dating life sorted then! (AgentBedhead)
Blind Item Egoist! Let me guess: Prince Philip? (BusyBeeBlogger)
It’s a dog’s life. Meanwhile, I stay in Motel 6 (CelebDirtyLaundry)
It’s Tween vs Tween! (CelebritySmack)
Angelina to step into Dame Elizabeth’s sandals (CelebVIPLounge)
Sean Penn gets made over (CityRag)
Khloe Kardashian Kovers Kosmopolitan (DailyStab)
Reese Witherspoon calls RPattz a dirty, dirty boy (EarSucker)
Lilo doesn’t look a day over 40 (FitFabCeleb)
James Franco: we get the public intellectuals we deserve (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Preppy label amputates model’s arm! (HaveUHeard)
Britney, Jackass, the jokes write themselves (HollywoodHiccups)
Do YOU have what it takes to be a Torontonian? (INeedMyFix)
Kingston Rossdale is a playa! (MathewGuiver)
Enrique can’t out-diva Britney (PoorBritney)
Thar’s gold in them thar hills alive with the sound of music (PopEater)
Judge Judy’s oral issue (Radar)
Now HERE Is some decorative royalty! (SwoonWorthy)
Tom and Katie have a time machine, apparently (TheSkinnyChic)
So Liv Tyler and Jimmy Fallon get in a time machine… (SeriouslyOMG)