“Basher” Bassey demonstrates how a real Dame handles uppity paparazzi. Perhaps she’d had a few Street Fighter Cocktails beforehand.

MJ fans stopped, got enough (raincoaster)
Saturday Caption Contest: Johnny Depp 2.0 (Ayyyy)
Under New Management (ManoloFood)
The latest OH GOD IT CAN’T BE TRUE couple (CelebrityBeehive)
Walken in a winter wonderland (Lolebrity)
Bill and Ted’s not so excellent time machine (AgentBedhead)
Kathy Griffin has hit rock bottom (BusyBeeBlogger)
NOBODY messes with Joan Freaking Collins (CeleBitchy)
World’s worst couple back together (CelebDirtyLaundry)
When your star has faded, isn’t it “Cold boxing?” (CityRag)
Carousel of Couture (CojoStyle)
World welcomes two new Canadians (DailyStab)
Bert comes out (EvilBeet)
Celebrities bare their fangs (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Lady Gaga is a billionaire (HaveUHeard)
That’s 100,000 loonies, bitches! (INeedMyFix)
Mariah and mom come (JustJared)
Lock up your babehs! Madge is on the loose! (PerezHilton)
Britwick -> Lawyer’s office??? (PoorBritney)
Marky Mark vs Bieber Fever (SeriouslyOMG)

Want:

The Marie Antoinette Hoodie. Decapitate! It's great!

I NEED this in time for Bastille Day! Let’s toast to this excellent Threadless design with a glass of fine Armagnac diluted with just a splash of the late queen’s favorite tipple, Evian water. I can’t drink Evian straight; as Janis Joplin said, No water in my whiskey, man. It hurts my throat.

And now, your Friday gossip link roundup:

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Shadow of a Superstar (Ayyyy)
Katherine Heigl gets the new Colonic Facial (CelebrityBeehive)
Herman. Pee-Wee Herman. (Lolebrity)
Fresh, free-range Hamm (Gawker)
War Dog of the Week (Warning: sappy) (ForeignPolicy)
That’s no lady! (AgentBedhead)
Two minutes and thirty-nine seconds with James Franco (AmyGrindhouse)
Dolph Lundgren is just asking for it (BusyBeeBlogger)
Dora the Explorer on the rocks (CeleBitchy)
Lindsay Lohan is not such a twit anymore (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Kim Kardashian’s snack tray holds a drink (CelebritySmack)
Britney weaned the kids off Cosmos (CityRag)
Cojo vs Ronald McDonald (CojoStyle)
Amy Winehouse crashes a lap (CrazyDaysAndNights)
Wino has “something” up her nose (INeedMyFix)
I SAID, Pull up yo damn pants! (Crunk&Disorderly)
Awww, I bet on Aeschylus (DailyStab)
Sienna Miller loves dressing up in Grandma’s outfits (DListed)
Is Renee Zellweger Bridget Jones or Jennifer Aniston? (EvilBeet)
Gooooood morning, Republicans! (HaveUHeard)
Snooki is a lobster racist! (IBBB)
80′s cartoon trivia quiz (LitelySalted)
Grover stars in new Old Spice campaign (MovieLine)
Amy Winehouse’s Taxi Driver (PerezHilton)
Weird celebrity fetish news (SeriouslyOMG)
Creepy celebrity dolls (ASL)

I know, I know, we just had him, but for some reason I just feel like featuring him again today. The only problem is, I can’t decide which picture to use.

Do you like this one?

or this one?

Let’s drink to that with a nice, refreshing Screwdriver, from the official index to Mad Men Cocktails.

Mean Disney Girls just a bunch of drama queens (raincoaster)
At least they were free of Yoko in there (Lolebrity)
Reznorvision coming soon to your screens? (AgentBedhead)
The Face of Kotex! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Some people will do ANYTHING to impress Sandra Bullock’s castoffs (CeleBitchy)
Spot the cyborgs among us! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Violent repeat felon seeks custodianship of Lindsay Lohan (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Michael Bolton, it is FAR too late for respect! (CelebritySmack)
Gaga a Go-Go (CityRag)
Naomi Campbell’s feet are HUGE (CojoStyle)
Yes, everyone but me DOES have a book deal (DailyStab)
Macaroni Rascals (DListed)
A foursome isn’t just for golfing and bridge? (EvilBeet)
Sly, stylin’ (GabbyBabble)
Brigitte Nielson is looking younger (GoFugYourself)
Get your Bieber Babies! (HaveUHeard)
Michael Bolton is the Rodney Dangerfield of show pony has-beens (INeedMyFix)
Catching up with Bristol Palin’s favorite show (IBBB)
Oh holy Jeebus, even Hilary Duff has a book deal (JustJared)
This will be some actress’s lowest career point (MovieLine)
Baby Buble (PerezHilton)
B from the block (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Backney! (PoorBritney)
The Mysteries of Minnelli (PopBytes)
Jon’s got a Ham in his pants (SeriouslyOMG)

If it were literally anyone else on Earth, I’d say this was just too Bing Crosby, but Downey is edgy enough to keep it from being boring. I like to think he’s the reformed bad boy who’s clean and sober, but still a little crazy. Now, if those jeans had been skinny hipster jeans, or the hat a titch smaller, I’d have said (rightly) throw that sad fashion victim under a bus for the good of humanity, but my boy is too smart to be a sucker to somebody else’s trend, thank GOD.

So let’s raise a cup of Irish Breakfast Tea to a clean and sober and still kooky Robert Downey Junior.

Britney Spears, like you’ve never heard her before (raincoaster)
The Ages of Lindsay Lohan (Lolebrity)
Bai is Back! (AgentBedhead)
James Franco denies he has class (AmyGrindhouse)
Kristin Davis is holey (BusyBeeBlogger)
And ours, too, Taylor (CeleBitchy)
Mariah Carey falls hard…for backup dancer? (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Look what ol’ ceiling eyes landed (CelebritySmack)
Lindsay Lohan’s high school yearbook photos? (CityRag)
Elmo’s playmate on SNL (DailyStab)
Charo and…Iggy Pop??? (DListed)
Fergie rocks the Merv Griffin caftan (EvilBeet)
Nicole Richie has her Tinkerbell costume all ready for Halloween (GabbyBabble)
They’re even recycling bachelors now (HaveUHeard)
I think that’s Ann-Margret’s body, Bret (INeedMyFix)
NOBODY remakes The Duke (MovieLine)
Sex and the Single Hobbit (PerezHilton)
Daniel Radcliffe is retro-fabulous (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
KFat takes the munchkins to mingle with proles (PoorBritney)
Brad and Zahara ditch the old ball and chain (UKPopSugar)
This divorce WILL cost a pound of flesh (SeriouslyOMG)

That’s right: Charm, Beauty, and Creativity. It’s anyone’s guess which is which.

The Monkees never knew what hit them (raincoaster)
Meryl Streep is the answer, no matter what the question (Lolebrity)
Chris Noth reduced to bumming gum from Paparazzi (AgentBedhead)
Lilo is FREE!!!! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Blog comments by celebrities are not a substitute for competent medical advice (CeleBitchy)
Happy Birthday, Luke! What did your dad get you? (CelebrityBeehive)
My boy is as straight as the day is long, yessir (CelebDirtyLaundry)
James Franco wears Frankenshoon! (CelebritySmack)
Feets of the Weak Week (CityRag)
Good to know, good to know, thanks, Queenie (QueenUK)
This…THING is not like that THING (CojoStyle)
You again…and again… (DailyStab)
RIP Eddie Fisher (GabbyBabble)
Katy Perry can’t bring her assets to Sesame Street (HaveUHeard)
Can ANYONE make Louboutins work with a prison jumpsuit? (INeedMyFix)
Audrina is “excited about her cha-cha” (IBBB)
Brit-Glee (Movieline)
Brittany vs Britney (PoorBritney)
Motorists of Manhattan, you missed your chance! (Radar)
Sesame Street by the Jersey Shore (SeriouslyOMG)

Quote of the day: Jackie O would not have camel toe.
Tim Gunn

Apparently, looking like a hermaphroditic Moroccan bellhop is going to be big in 2011. And camel toe.

Everybody looks fab in go-go boots (Lolebrity)
Bill Gates’ Manhunt profile (raincoaster)
Tony Blair’s criminal mind (TheShebeenClub)
Ben Afflecks’ red carpet reign of terror (AgentBedhead)
Miley Cyrus’s grunge stripper look (AmyGrindhouse)
Caption Hamfleck! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Brad no longer Pitted? (CelebCosmeticSurgery)
Lou Reed snubs Susan Boyle (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Dream couple to reunite? (CeleBitchy)
Julia Roberts graded C (CelebritySmack)
Celebrity mug shots (CityRag)
Diane Krueger wins another fashion award (CojoStyle)
Tom Brady’s crackup (DailyStab)
Everybody loves a man in uniform! (DListed)
Look who has a record deal and you don’t (GabbyBabble)
Who wants to see Goopy yodel for two hours? (HaveUHeard)
Karl is laughing at Diane too (INeedMyFix)
Jon Hamm discussing porn and … you’re not still reading this are you? (JustJared)
Tacky press release of the day (MovieLine)
Megan Fox takes over Ben Affleck’s role in Dogma (PerezHilton)
Britney’s bodyguards bio’d (PoorBritney)
PUT THE MAKEUP BACK ON!!! (SeriouslyOMG)

Today we learn a new term from our friends at Celebitchy: Mullet Dress. As shown here on Jessica Alba, it describes a gown that says Party in the front, Tragedy in the back. Doesn’t she just look like a prom-themed novelty stripper caught on a loose nail halfway through “November Rain?” That’s not the look you’re going for, generally speaking. Also, she needs to pee really, really badly.

Hot Tub Hobo! (raincoaster)
Meryl “The Silencer” Streep (Ayyyy)
Director Wars 3-D! (AgentBedhead)
Lindsay Lohan goes to war (AllieIsWired)
Gay war on gay spies is so gay! (TheAwl)
For god’s sake, Kellan, put on some armor! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Debuting the Kim Kardashian line of spiked breastplate (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Michael Bay launches attack on Bosnia (CelebritySmack)
It’s Starlet vs Celebutante in the war of the column inches! (CityRag)
Jessica Alba’s feet taken prisoner (CojoStyle)
Hunk-off! McConaughey vs Phillipe! (HaveUHeard)
Yoko attacks your ears (INeedMyFix)
The War on Drugs is over (PerezHilton)
Blogger vs blogger over Britney! (PoorBritney)

Behold the wonderment of Dolly Parton’s fashions of the 70′s (although with her, it’s as if time stands still, in a honky-tonk at a crossroads in small town in Alabama, about 1974):

via OMGBlog

Let’s face it, Dolly: you and I are the only ones who remember who Chesty Morgan was.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail: I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Eli Roth explains the VERY odd couple (Lolebrity)
The most Canadian story ever told (raincoaster)
2012 2.0 (AgentBedhead)
Katy Perry angling for a Spanx contract (AmyGrindhouse)
Brad Pitt will never be ugly enough to satisfy some people (CeleBitchy)
Mrs Brady to Dance with Stars! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Jennifer Aniston’s nude year (CityRag)
Will Forte Will Leave (DailyStab)
This is Britney’s fallback (DListed)
Michael Jackson’s legacy endangered! (HaveUHeard)
You used to have to pay $50 to watch this in a booth (INeedMyFix)
Hippo breeding patterns in New Jersey (IBBB)
You’ll pry the crocheted cowboy hat from her cold, dead, manicured hands (PerezHilton)