Ayyyy!

La Toya Jacksanity (SeriouslyOMG)

Nicolette Sheridan exudes fabulousness (Celebslam)

America’s next top freak (IBBB)

Madonna Global Media Domination Tour (JensJuice)

Tom Cruise loses his Packer (AgentBedhead)

Ginger Spice and the Goth Lesbian of Doom (ImNotObsessed)

Britney Spears and Big Sur (DailyStab)

Play the Celebrity Cosmetic Surgery Game! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Daydream Believer in the magic of Davy Jones Karaoke (Defamer)

Amy Winehouse is a commuter’s worst nightmare (CelebritySmack)

Pot/Kettle Pot/Potkettle What I mean to say is Ashlee/Britney (CeleBitchy)

Uma Thurman’s lawyer will butt-rape France (InTouch)

Mariah and Mr Mariah have been inseparable since marrying last week. Uh, thanks for that, PR machine (PopSugar)

Beverly Hills Chihuahua! (DListed)

Happy Birthday, Cougarman! George Clooney is 47 (ImNotObesessed)

Would you be the filling in an Owen Wilson/Vince Vaughn sandwich? (CelebrityDirt)

Attack of the Slash! (TheRadReport)

Dustin Hoffman farts in Tom Cruise’s general direction (HolyMoly)

Karl Lagerfeld and Anna Wintour’s dream date (CandyKirby)

Ashley Olsen is no Elizabeth Hurley; Mary-Kate is no Joey Heatherton (Websters)

Uma Thurman’s stalker is a man of convictions. Felony convictions (GabbyBabble)

Pete Doherty on the loose! Lock up your crack! (SeriouslyOMG)

Mister Amy Winehouse may not be entirely respectable (TheSun)

Kate Moss in bondage, lingerie, matrimony, and gainful employment (AgentBedhead)

La Lohan is light-fingered (TheBlemish)

Ant-Man rides the Iron Man’s shiny coattails to new movie deal (Defamer)

Heath Ledger dolls selling like mad (Gawker)

Mariah Carey may have a brain under that weave: she got a prenup (CeleBitchy)

It’s SIR Kylie now! (UKPopSugar)

Beck is back, bitches! (PerezHilton)

Amy Winehouse’s brain makes a break for it, digging escape hatch now (CelebritySmack)

The Chronicles of Narnia, live at Barnes & Noble (JustJared)

Oprah’s critics pick wrong target (Bossip)

Scientology and bad PR: a deadly combo (AgentBedhead)

Tom Cruise explains himself (CeleBitchy)

Origami Guy Fawkes mask (Chosetec)

Anonymous vs Scientology, round eight-billion: May 10th (raincoaster)

The curse of Katie Holmes! (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Lindsay Lohan is an unhappy poster girl (DListed)

Beyonce has a pay to play deal (Bossip)

Gary Coleman makes sense? The end days are upon us (Mollygood)

Paris Hilton is engaging in substitution, but it’s better than the alternative (PopSugar)

Miley Cyrus is a bad influence on Minnie Mouse (Webster’s)

Agyness Deyns to make out with another girl’s boyfriend (TheRadReport)

Best (Worst?) Hollywood hellraisers (HolyMoly)

P Puff Diddy Daddy has a star on the Walk of Fame, now stuck with a name (SeriouslyOMG)

Chloe Lattanzi is Toxic! (AllieIsWired)

Shine on, you crazy Neil Diamond (DailyStab)

Brangelina beats Oprah like a red-headed mule (CandyKirby)

Obama is a Hills groupie (IBBB)

Miley Cyrus does something decent for a change (ImNotObsessed)

Stars! They’re just like us! They love free donuts too! (JustJared)

The Mariah Carey/Nick Cannon love child (PrettyOnTheOutside)

Valentino: Orange FAIL (Popbytes)

Megan was a light-fingered Fox (CelebritySmack)

Congratulations Mariah, I don’t know too much about your new husband but may he bring you more bliss than a rainbow-soaked field of dolphins being held aloft by butterflies ever will!

In Touch has exclusively learned that Nick Cannon worked with Jacob & Co. to design the $2.5 million ring he gave to bride Mariah Carey. The store’s rep confirms that Mariah’s new 17-carat bauble was crafted from platinum and features a square emerald-cut, fancy light-pink diamond as the center stone. It’s surrounded by 58 intense pink diamonds and two half-moon diamonds on each side.

Mariah reportedly eloped with new boyfriend, Nick, today. The 38-year-old “Touch My Body” singer married Nick, who’s 11 years her junior, during a small, “very impulsive” wedding ceremony, according to latina.com. The couple met on the set of Mariah’s latest video and tied the knot on an undisclosed island in front of a few close family and friends, including rapper Da Brat. Mariah was previously married to former Sony Music Entertainment executive Tommy Mottola in the ’90s, and Nick ended his engagement to Victoria’s Secret model Selita Ebanks last year. Reps for the stars did not return calls for comment.

Now for the important question on everyone’s lips:  Yes the diamond boulder sounds nice, but what was the dress like?!!? Unfortunately photos have yet to surface at this point, so in the meantime we can only imagine that she kept it short and sweet, just like everything else about the ceremony.

Gwyneth Paltrow wears what the Manolo tells her to (JustJared)

Renee Zellweger, charter member, Starfuckers Incorporated (DailyStab)

Elisabeth Hasselbeck and My Little Pony: which one of these is slumming? (CandyKirby)

Shia LaBoeuf may or may not have gotten lucky(? if you call it that) (WendyWayrad)

John Cusack refers Paul Leydon to the hand (JeanJacketsBad)

Bloody Hell! Pete Doherty is insane (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

JLo goes all, like, Alpha Mommy on Nicole Richie (IBBB)

Adrien Brody is marrying retired Aunt Selma from Miami Beach? (ImNotObsessed)

Flat busted: Amy Winehouse arrested (People)

Ellen DeGeneris gently gyno-probes Ashlee Simpson (CelebritySmack)

Harrison Ford’s Brazilliant deforestation PSA/man-on-man chest waxing video (Defamer)

Celebrity cosmetic surgery slideshow (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Betty and Veronica: still best frenemies (CounterfeitChic)

Madonna is a natural beauty on “Today.” And what planet? (DListed)

Mariah Carey to turn Empire State Building gay (HollywoodRag)

Heidi Fleiss on her high horse again (WOWReport)

The happy(?) couple: Carmen Electra and Rock Himbo #3 pose for engagement pix (Websters)

Encounters with Seth Green (Mollygood)

Jonas Brothers kill and bury Elvis Costello, Johnny Cash’s musical cred (MTVBuzzworthy)

Clay Aiken thinks people from Omaha are stupid (EvilBeet)

Rachel Zoe is one cougar who never changes her spots (GoFugYourself)

Scientology teaches Katie Holmes to speak in tongues (CeleBitchy)

Scientology’s niece speaks! (AgentBedhead)

Even though babies are the flavour of the season right now, don’t expect Mariah Carey to be daintily jumping on that particular bandwagon:

Her 40th birthday is approaching, but Carey told a reporter that she has no desire to have children. “It’s hard to have kids in this world,” she told the British version of OK! Magazine. “I don’t think I could properly educate a child right now. Maybe in the future, but I actually haven’t thought about it.”

Carey said having children would leave her feeling “violated… I know that’s a kind of weird thing to say, but that’s how I am.

“For now I enjoy my dog Jack’s company. It’s definitely because of childhood traumatic stuff. The whole not wanting to have a baby as a baby.”

Indeed, so serious is this lady about protecting the sanctity of her womb that she’s hired round the clock protection in the form of high-waisted shorts and an overzealous bodyguard.

Henry Rollins, gay icon (WendyWayrad)

The honeymoon is over for Beyonce and Jay-Z (Yeeeeah)

Debbie Gibson has a scary Spanish stalker (WhizbangPop)

CNN reporter in speed bust (CeleBitchy)

Celebrities celebrate 420 (CityRag)

A narrow escape for a cinematic classic: Tom Cruise as Edward Scissorhands? (HolyMoly)

Jude Law morphing into your creepy, manorexic uncle (SplashNews)

Heath Ledger may have taken The Method too far (Gabsmash)

Pete Doherty’s credit is good? (TheRadReport)

The incredible Tony Romo impregnation juggernaut? (CelebrityDirt)

Gary Busey soon to be as homeless as he appears! (CelebritySmack)

TomKat is the very picture of marital bliss (DailyStab)

Happy Birthday, Suri! (CircusHour)

Fundie fashion fun (Mollygood)

Evan Rachel Wood is over Marilyn Manson (or at least her face is) (JustJared)

Mariah Carey walks out on her fans (PerezHilton)

Perhaps the single greatest concentration of awesomeness in the entire celebrity gossip blogosphere (TaylorMayde)

What IS Dick Cheney looking at? The possibilities revealed (PrettyOnTheOutside)

Karl Lagerfeld’s coke dealer photographed! (Towleroad)

For your next necrophiliac Goth stag party: the Marilyn Monroe postmortem sex tape (Websters)

Pete Doherty adapting well to the bottom bunk (AgentBedhead)

But his ego needs a separate bed (CelebWarship)

Kate Moss dressed for a white wedding (TheRadReport)

Amy Winehouse with child (DListed)

Mariah’s diet secrets have nothing to do with lipo, coke, or diet Redbull. Honest to blog (HollywoodBackwash)

James Blunt is easily hurt (ICYDK)

The Hoff is hawt! (SeriouslyOMG)

Grandma got run over by Timbaland (DerekHail)

Britney Spears to show Chris Crocker how it’s done (TastefulCelebs)

The $90 million per year Chickenhawk strikes again! (CircusHour)

Did a jealous Woz put the hit on Adnan Ghalib? (CeleBitchy)

Jessica Alba visited by the Titty Fairy (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Britney gives ME whiplash, too (CelebritySmack)

JLo lost preggo weight, yo. You may now recommence hating her (JustJared)

Save the cheerleader (from the paparazzi) (GabbyBabble)

Hillary Clinton can’t even get a boilermaker right (DailyStab)

Renee Zellweger and the Curse of Bridget Jones (DailyMail)

I Know My Kid’s a Star lets everyone know your mom is a trainwreck (IBBB)

Recession makes Botox unaffordable? Twice the worry lines! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Silver Fox Smackdown: Miss Manners vs Anna Wintour (Gawker)

SATC spoilers. Uh, SPOILER ALERT! (Defamer)

Natalie Portman’s boyfriend Devendra Banhart: hawt or nawt? (Defamer)

Renee Zellweger’s true nature revealed at last! (CelebritySmack)

Renee gets it half-right (Yeeeeah)

Britney cleverly avoids tan lines, personal dignity (Cityrag)

But she DOES put out for charity: $25,000 on her Amex (PopSugar)

MILF vs MILF: Hurley/Paltrow edition (Bastardly)

No, you cannot get in George Clooney’s pants (HuffPo)

The ULTIMATE purse dog (CounterfeitChic)

Nicole Richie is fed up with Paris “Me Too” Hilton (HollywoodBackwash)

Only 40 people in the world want to be Paris’ friend (CeleBitchy)

ScarJo and RyRey have a fight (ICYDK)

Married man caught on film kissing Hillary and NO it’s not Bill! (AgentBedhead)

Pete Doherty has no friends; Kate Moss has no class (HolyMoly)

Mariah Carey says she has low self-esteem, demonstrates unsuspected gift for sidesplitting comedy (DailyStab)

Sandra Bullock is on the run from … wait for it … CANADA! (ImNotObsessed)

Joanie loves orgasms! (DListed)

Vanilla Ice put on ice (JustJared)

Britney Spears is Blanche DuBois in the new Moby musical A Streetcar Named Batshiat (CircusHour)

Alicia Keys is a conspiracy theorist (POTP)

RIP Cedella Booker. Say hi to your son Bob Marley when you get to the other side (CelebrityDirt)

Melanie Griffith’s kid is no Rumer Willis (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Padma Lakshmi models the Ed’s Linens Collection (GoFugYourself)

Hollywood flashback to 1999 (FilmExperience)

Reality tv kills four (Mollygood)

Drew Barrymore heckles for charity (WendyWayrad)

Naomi Campbell’s body fluids are felonious (CelebWarship)

Woody Harrelson is built, bald, and bare (Defamer)

Luciano Pavarotti pulled an Ashlee Simpson (Gawker)

What are the Presidential candidates like in bed? (TheStranger)

William and Harry react to the verdict in the Princess Diana inquest (PerezHilton)

Botox: it’s all about a jarring lack of self-awareness (CircusHour)

Demi Moore’s bloodsucking leeches (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Victoria Beckham attempting takeover of “Baby Spice” role (Mollygood)

Britney’s partner in fashion crime to be Christian Audigier (Styleguide)

The Britney-FedEx breakup starts a trend (ImNotObsessed)

Kate Moss weighs 98 pounds soaking wet: the proof! (ICYDK)

Like shooting fish in a barrel: Rob Lowe blackmailed! (HuffPo)

Kylie Minogue speaks out about breast cancer (CeleBitchy)

Whitney Houston’s boobs and Dionne Warwick’s face at Muhammad Ali’s Fight Night (Bossip)

Tom Ford is Gay James Bond (DListed)

Britney hitches her star to the comeback tour bus (CelebSlam)

Sharon Stone’s basic instinct is to keep her knees together, thankfully (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Hayden Panettiere terrifies a small child (WWTDD)

Jessica Alba wore black to her baby shower (DailyStab)

Ashlee Simpson vs Mariah Carey (Yeeeeah)

Vlad loves Georgie (KnowledgeIsPower)

Tony loves Georgie (raincoaster)

Stop Uwe Boll, save the world! (AgentBedhead)

V for Valtrex attends wedding (CelebritySmack)

The Office is TV with a heart? (Defamer)

Barack in drag! (Gawker)

Liveblogging Battlestar Galactica premiere (io9)

Sonny Bono died for your sins (AgentBedhead)

Perez Hilton is a big, fat truth-teller? (PerezHilton)

Elvis lives! (WebstersIsMyBitch)

YOU don’t know medical marijuana! TOM CRUISE DOES! (Celebitchy)

Snoop Dogg has apparently been sampling the Tom Cruise Purple (Bossip)

Ben Affleck rear-ended! (DailyStab)

Everything Matt Damon knows he learned from his mom (Popsugar)

Dress your children in Uggs and belly shirts (CircusHour)

LOST love re-discovered (FemaleFirst)

Hollywood’s gropiest! (Starpulse)

Royals a-go-go at Mahiki (Lainey)

After all this, they’d BETTER be getting married (ASocialitesLife)

Keanu brings the fierce, Minnie Driver brings the funbags (ImNotObsessed)

Fug-off championship round (GoFugYourself)

Chosen One martyred! (Star)

Mariah Carey may have slightly diva-iss tendencies. Who knew? (DListed)

She may enjoy the occasional traipse down Rodeo Drive to pick up diamond-encrusted accessories for her Jack Russell Terrier, but Mariah Carey reassures us that it’s still all about the music (and the tight mini skirts) rather than the money:

Mariah Carey has hit out at critics who accuse her of making music solely to enjoy the perks of fame - insisting she’s far more focused on releasing good tunes than banking multi-millions. The Hero hitmaker takes offence at suggestions she only makes records to fund her pampered lifestyle and is adamant she is not interested in the fame that comes with working in the music industry.

And Carey, 37, insists she is still as committed to her work now as she was at the beginning of her career.

She says, “I never really felt famous. I don’t do it just because I want to make money or I want to be famous. I need to make music.

“If I didn’t have this, I don’t know where I would be”.

Let’s take a stab at this.  Without her artistic core, odds are she’d probably be (a) still married to Tommy Mottola, having provided a fertile vessel for his spawn, (b) standing on a heavily soiled red carpet in Times Square, and worst of all, (c) forced to wear something that requires the words ”shiny” and “long-crotched” to describe it.