What is this? I can’t even… are they Canadian or something? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this much blah and beige at a red carpet. Martha, cropped is an either/or choice, not an “all of the above” one.

Bad Girls Make Good Role Models (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Snooki Edition (Ayyyy)
The David Hassellhoff Paper Doll (smartbitchestrashybooks)
“Tattoos are the Walmart of rebellion” says Tattooed Man (AgentBedhead)
Gaga’s flesh is decomposing (AmyGrindhouse)
You will play this Mad Men gif endlessly (BusyBeeBlogger)
Blake Lively has lost what she treasures most! (CeleBitchy)
Gaga’s ladymeat is “Beefy,” cheap (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Oh, who DOESN’T love Lynda Carter and Pucci? (CelebritySmack)
These poor boys grew up to become Lady Gaga (CityRag)
Cojo’s best and worst (CojoStyle)
Oh, it’s MUTUAL, Gwyneth (DListed)
Get stalked by a celebrity! (EvilBeet)
Here’s to the douchebags (fourfour)
Smells like…desperation (GabbyBabble)
Efron.  Zac Efron (GoFugYourself)
Words I thought I would never type: Natalie Portman in Toronto! (INeedMyFix)
Rachel Bilson is homeless? (JustJared)
Conan questioned on Pedobear (MovieLine)
KStew bites the hand that breeds her (PerezHilton)
Happy Birthday, SPresFed (PoorBritney)
Marc Jacobs and his posse of stick insects (UKPopSugar)
Does this mean Jimmy Kimmel is f—-ing Kanye now? (SeriouslyOMG)

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To be quite frank, Glogg is horrible to the point of turning your mouth into a place old spiders go to die and really aught to be the name of a Scandinavian troll of questionable hygene instead of a mildly intoxicating mulled wine drink, but having tasted Glogg the beverage I have to say that I can’t rule out it simply being the distilled legpit perspiration of said troll. I mean, have you put that stuff in your mouth? WHY OH GOD WHY???

Where was I?

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Clark Gable vs Cary Grant (TeenyManolo)

Diddybreath; that just can’t be good! (AgentBedhead)

Poor Miley Cyrus gets hand-me-downs for her birthday (AmyGrindhouse)

America’s favorite felon is great company when she gets a few belts in her (CeleBitchy)

Jennifer Aniston ties one on (Websters)

The Battle of Christmas (AprilWinchell)

Tara Reid Promises to rehab this time for sure (TMZ)

The Devil Wears SeanJohn? (ASL)

The past tense of Reality Star is… (WOWReport)

Disney goes to the Porn Emporium (SeriouslyOMG)

Daniel Craig, 40, rocks the 65-year-old Scottish mackerel fisherman look (JustJared)

Lost Olsen Triplet found! (IBBB)

Brian Grazer donates to the needy (CandyKirby)

Hugh Jackman hosts the Oscars (DListed)

KFed is back, ladies! (GabbyBabble)

At least TWO teenage boys are sick of Hugh Hefner’s lothario routine (Defamer)

John Mayer enjoys Don Rickles’ technique of tension and release (CelebritySmack)

Katie Holmes, blogger! (CelebrityDirt)

Kid Rock is the Schlitz! (CelebuWreck)

No, seriously. David Letterman for President! (GabbyBabble)

Martha Stewart, size queen! (Lolebrity)

Amy Winehouse makes Guinness Book for largest dry cleaning bill (AgentBedhead)

Who’s a bad boy? Patrick Dempsey is! (CelebritySmack)

James Bond gagged! (MikeyMars)

Shack up chez Britney! (HolyMoly)

Captain Jack is back! (DailyStab)

Dog and Bride of Dog: deep-fried beauty, fake and bake fabulous! (CandyKirby)

Clay Aiken’s track record of heterosity! (FourFour)

Ed McMahon, rapper! (Crunk&Disorderly)

Carrot Top is a natural beauty! (IBBB)

Who is Rosh Hashanah? (Defamer)

Orlando Bloom in leather! (JustJared)

Metaphor gets literal on the strangest night of political television in history! (SeriouslyOMG)

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People premieres! (UKPopSugar)

Angelina Jolie is a doll! (ImNotObsessed)

David Blaine blames everything except the Large Hadron Collider for his failure (Mollygood)

Phoebie Price: Cannesed Chikkin Cutletz (Lolebrity)

Claymates are a different breed (Mollygood)

Nicole Kidman is barefoot and pregnant and nude and on the cover (JustJared)

Martha Stewart’s double entendre (Websters)

Diddy’s duds do a dong good(YBF)

Prop-powered penis protest (HolyMoly)

Lily Allen’s zipper problem (SeriouslyOMG)

The Butterscotch Stallion rides again! (POTP)

Jennifer Aniston, defying all odds, turns into girl you’d take home to mom (ICYDK)

Scientology is a cult, and saying so can get you arrested (AgentBedhead)

Madonna apparently stealing Liza Minnelli’s old clothes (ImNotObsessed)

Top 50 Man Candy! (OK!)

Emos Unite! My Chemical Romance protest! (DailyStab)

The crazy cat lady recommends… (IBBB)

Pete Doherty makes the cover: of Celebrity Drugs and Alcohol Weekly! (CandyKirby)

Founder of NKOTB and Backstreet Boys gets 25 years (GabbyBabble)

Steven Tyler is back in rehab (CelebritySmack)

25 funniest people in the US (EW)

25 least funny people in the US (Defamer)

Jodie Foster opens a new can of…no, I can’t finish that joke. I have STANDARDS! (DListed)

Japan goes insane for baseball-playing koala (WithMalice)

Martha Stewarts booze all-stars (Defamer)

Anderson Cooper recovering from cancer surgery (Gawker)

Scandal in the Heath Ledger estate (DailyStab)

Twenty-five most whipped men in the world (Style.com)

The exploitation of Daniel Radcliffe’s bum! Daniel Radcliffe’s Bum! (AgentBedhead)

You can never un-see this, so click at own risk (DListed)

Lindsay Lohan’s girlfriend gave her a ring. And not on the phone (Celebitchy)

Madonna still wearing hers, surprisingly (ImNotObsessed)

Cha-cha not the only thing going down on Dancing with the Stars (CelebritySmack)

When bad makeup happens to good C-Listers (DerekHail)

Colin Farrell celebrates his third Sober St Pat’s (ICYDK)

Jen/Owen/Kate/fake triangle fake drama (popbytes)

Shia LaBeouf is on the lam! (CelebNewsWire)

Things white people like: Dinner Parties! (ThingsWhitePeopleLike)

Jenna Jameson to star in Zombie Strippers? Documentary, perhaps? (CircusHour)

The pulling power of celebrity: someone still wants Carrot Top (Craigslist)

Amy Winehouse really could use that infamous red bra right about now (NSFW!!!) (POTP)

Is this the most disappointingly misleading headline ever? (Cityrag)

Halle Berry covers her baby’s bases. Planning a move to Gaza? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Steve Jobs = Cthulhu (Raincoaster)

See Saw? (AgentBedhead)

Martha Stewart enjoys a morning Martini with Meredith Viera (Defamer)

Celebrity Baby Auctions (Gawker)

Julie Christie is still a heartbreaker (Celebitchy)

So is Britney (Dlisted)

Ten smelliest celebs (Yeeeeah)

How gay is Top Gun? (Cityrag)

Lucy Lawless is a celestial body (GlitteratiGossip)

The Oprah Sarcophagus (CelebritySmack)

Portia and Ellen visi- HOLD THE PHONE! WHOOP, WHOOP, UGLY SHOE ALERT! (EvilBeet)

JLo and MarAn’s baby names revealed (DailyStab)

Spoiler Alert: Cloverfield Spoilers. Spoiler Alert! Duh. (fourfour)

Nicole Kidman is hoping for a visit from the Titty Fairy (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Julianne Moore is on the granola and yogurt diet (HollywoodBackwash)

Britney Spears is Bazooka Joe’s biggest fan (Celebwarship)

Bart Simpson is a Scientologist (HolyCandy)

Katherine Heigl is smoking, hot? (ImNotObsessed)

Jessica Alba is having a boy (Popsugar)

The Sean Young SAG wig-out video (PerezHilton)

RIP, Big Martha (FromScratch)

What the stars are mouthing silently (TheLiteraryPursuit)

Today in Job Satisfaction News: Paris Hilton imitator sick of Paris Hilton too! (AgentBedhead)

Mike Tyson does the pokey hokey-pokey. You put your right cross in, you take your right cross out… (GabbyBabble)

Heidi Montag cute, stacked, delusional (FatbackAndCollards)

Dennis Quaid’s babies overdosed! (HolyCandy)

Pamela Anderson is exquisite, corpse-like, strangely tentacled (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Kate Moss stays classy, threatens Sienna Miller at a drunken party (FemaleFirst)

Ben- congratulates -Nnifer on her pregnancy (CelebritySmack)

Munchkins get their star (Popbytes)

Interspecies compassion (CityRag)

Lachey is back, biotches! (DailyStab)

Beyonce’s booty is back (GoFugYourself)

Johnny Depp sings the hits of the Seventies: the Eighteen-Seventies! (EvilBeet)

Will Ferrell has a murder-boner (FunnyOrDie)

The Bachelor stays single (Defamer)

Audience freakouts are Oprah’s Favorite Thing (Jezebel)

Yet another angle on the Jen vs Angie thing! Isn’t that so last year? (HuffPo)

Dear Rachel Bilson, quit stalking me (Craigslist)