Ashley Kaufman can has dysfunctional famlee, recording contract? (Lolebrity)

Heidi Fleiss, failed madam, successful reality show star (WOWReport)

A-Rod behaving like a free agent (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Is this a musical which I see before me,
The Beckhams the subject? Come, David, let me clutch thee;
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. (SeriouslyOMG)

Jake Gyllenhaal is a swordsman (ASL)

The pregnant woman/man gives birth (LilSugar)

England hates America: REVOLT! (Radar)

Jay-Z keeps slaves? (PerezHilton)

Chris Martin: a boob saved by boobies (Mollygood)

Anderson Cooper is in the Advocate and he doesn’t care who knows it (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Jack Black stole his mom’s stash (ImNotObsessed)

Chace Crawford hearts the cougars (JustJared)

What not to wear…LIVE! (GoFugYourself)

Relive the Rave! (FourFour)

Christie Brinkley will soon be free of that creep (DListed)

Lindsay Lohan beats the odds, makes it to 22 (Defamer)

Matt Damon no longer sexiest man alive (DailyStab)

Coming soon: a mysterious poisoning in Afghanistan (Crunk&Disorderly)

Shockingly, Katie Holmes fails to sell more than a million dollars in tickets (AgentBedhead)

Matt Damon ar Canoodlian? (Lolebrity)

Brit Naomi Campbell represents Africa (AgentBedhead)

Mary-Kate Olsen brings, wears, the kimono and kiltie-based Wackness (CelebritySmack)

Brangelina donates $1million to help children of war (Websters)

Amy Winehouse downsizes the party (DListed)

Sigourney in space? (DailyStab)

Ben Affleck talks about the Congo (ImNotObsessed)

Barack Obama loses the bimbo vote! (CandyKirby)

Cruise Beckham (CelebDirtyLaundry)

GyllenSpooning (JustJared)

Five dumbest reality show gimmicks (Mollygood)

Gayest movie robots (Radar)

Prince Harry, rump roast inspector (UKPopsugar)

Mario Lopez ChestHairGate! (Defamer)

Tim McGraw boots an attacker (CeleBitchy)

I didn’t know Ashanti was in Ice Capades (GoFugYourself)

Oprah’s is the biggest I’ve ever seen! (CrunkAndDisorderly)

Kanye’s mother’s Doctor Death no longer Doctor, DUI’d for good measure (PerezHilton)

Well, what do you know? You CAN be too thin! (ParkAvenuePeerage)

Oh the things actors put themselves through in pursuit of their craft. Just as Charlize Theron decimated her eyebrows for Monster and Javier Bardem stolidly accepted his bad haircut for No Country for Old Men so Matt Damon will be enduring endless “washed up 70s porn star” jibes for his latest movie.  There better be an Oscar in it for him, if only to commemorate the passing of his abs.

Hoo hyerd Amy Winehouse 4 “babbysittur?” (Lolebrity)

Matt Damon = “Ned Flanders?” Must be seen to be believed! (Websters)

Britney looks, behaves, “almost” like a normal person (ASL)

“It’s SIR Salman to you biotches now!” (WizbangPop)

“Teh gheys” are hot for Frodo (Radar)

Is Colin Farrell Minnie Driver’s “babydaddy?” (CeleBitchy)

Justin Timberlake neglects hygene “down below” (UKPopsugar)

Sean Avery learns why they call it a “promotion” (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Brooke Hogan’s butt is “an old car” (CelebritySmack)

File under “no surprise:” Denise Richards/Charlie Sheen kids are in therapy (ImNotObsessed)

Solange looks “interesting” don’t you think? (CandyKirby)

“The Hoff” is hurting! (DailyStab)

“Mulder and Scully” smack down the lone remaining G&R fan (AgentBedhead)

“Rumble” in Malibu II! (Defamer)

Sherri Sheppard is a “big” fan of Chippendales (Crunk+Disorderly)

Drew Lachey is a “Patsy” (JustJared)

Blog Wars: John Cusack on line one… (Defamer)

Buy Bill Cosby’s Eighties sweaters (eBay)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Viggo vs Clive (TeenyManolo)

Prince is a Princess, and Creep will have none of him/her (TheRadReport)

Hanson breeds (CelebWarship)

Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth to be made into an opera (GenosWorld)

James Spader and Jon Cryer together again! (SeriouslyOMG)

SLIME! (raincoaster)

The Classics meme (Nylusmilk)

Audrey Landers breeds true! (DListed)

Remember Vanity Fair? They’ve got Angelina on the cover! (VF)

Charlie Sheen is a hot bachelor (ImNotObsessed)

Giselle is all, like, what I meant was no more plastic surgery (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Aerosmith songsmith Steven Tyler seeks rehab for his feet? (CelebritySmack)

Welcome to Margaritaville! (DailyStab)

Extravagant hats: in or out? (CandyKirby)

Sex and the Lamé   (GoFugYourself)

KISS rocks Condi’s world (AgentBedhead)

TAPS for the Internets (Lolebrity)

Token Madonna story (GabbyBabble)

Headlines of the Enquirer (Popbytes)

Jenny Holtzer’s got a Twitter feed! (Gawker)

Elmo’s in the closet (AgentBedhead)

The debauched escapades of the tweaking, giggling, starfarking homunculus Elmo (TeenyManolo)

Miley Cyrus’s furst kizz. an sekund. an therd… (Lolebrity)

Giselle Bundchen wants to be just like Mom (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

New Harry Potter book coming out (DailyStab)

Clay Aiken and partner Jaymes are expecting (CelebritySmack)

Casa Brangelina is ruled by children (ImNotObsessed)

Charlize Theron wants to be a Mom (IBBB)

Jennifer Hudson’s public service announcement (CandyKirby)

Celebtags: there are no wrong answers (Celebtags)

More about Bill Murray’s divorce than you ever wanted to know (Defamer)

Kirk Douglas and his wife dedicate their 400th donated playground, break it in (CeleBitchy)

Naomi Campbell vs Officer Friendly (US)

Victoria Beckham donates dresses to children’s charity (JustJared)

New Kids are back on the Block! (SeriouslyOMG)

Mazel Tov, Indy! (Mollygood)

Heidi Klum enjoys happy finish to Happy Meal (TheBlemish)

Where’s Mischa? (EvilBeet)

Supernanny volunteers to help Britney (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Presenting: Matt Damon as Ned Flanders (PopSugar)

Ben and Casey Affleck introduce their Baby to Britain (UKPopSugar)

Batman drinks milk. And the blood of his enemies (Webster’s)

Pete Wentz commissions Lego artwork (WWTDD)

The Office is TV with a heart? (Defamer)

Barack in drag! (Gawker)

Liveblogging Battlestar Galactica premiere (io9)

Sonny Bono died for your sins (AgentBedhead)

Perez Hilton is a big, fat truth-teller? (PerezHilton)

Elvis lives! (WebstersIsMyBitch)

YOU don’t know medical marijuana! TOM CRUISE DOES! (Celebitchy)

Snoop Dogg has apparently been sampling the Tom Cruise Purple (Bossip)

Ben Affleck rear-ended! (DailyStab)

Everything Matt Damon knows he learned from his mom (Popsugar)

Dress your children in Uggs and belly shirts (CircusHour)

LOST love re-discovered (FemaleFirst)

Hollywood’s gropiest! (Starpulse)

Royals a-go-go at Mahiki (Lainey)

After all this, they’d BETTER be getting married (ASocialitesLife)

Keanu brings the fierce, Minnie Driver brings the funbags (ImNotObsessed)

Fug-off championship round (GoFugYourself)

Chosen One martyred! (Star)

Mariah Carey may have slightly diva-iss tendencies. Who knew? (DListed)