Ayyyy!

Okay, Sven Kramer, my imaginary boyfriend, you may have gotten the gold for the fastest skater and the gold for the purtiest Olympian other than Johnny “Fierce” Weir, but I’m still saying the Russian in the back there wins the platinum medal in the fashion Olympics. Don’t nobody look their best in orange. Not even you:

And seriously; ankle socks?

Lindsay Lohan airs it out (Lolebrity)

Lara vs Leia (AgentBedhead)

Elvis Pattinson immortalized (AmyGrindhouse)

Clive Owen steals some poor girl’s jacket (BusyBeeBlogger)

and she wonders why she doesn’t have any friends (INeedMyFix)

Gilligan’s Island of the Living Dead (CelebritySmack)

Lohan throwdown (AllieIsWired)

Lilo on the down low (HolyMoly)

Flying Tomato peels! (DailyStab)

The family that tases together, stayses together (GabbyBabble)

Betcha can’t fug just one (GoFugYourself)

Someone please give Sarah Palin a real job (Gawker)

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! (EvilBeet)

Giantess free to attack again! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

These tourists are SO much prettier than ours (HaveUHeard)

Fran Drescher Fission! (IBBB)

There’s a thin line… (LitelySalted)

Moon, June, Spoon, Gay PrOn? (Movieline)

We like JLo’s Hue (TenGossip)

Bride of Freakenstein (PopBytes)

Well THIS should get a telethon (DListed)

Remember … to SMILE, dummy (UKPopSugar)

Jane Fonda shouldn’ta blogged it! (CelebCosmeticSurgery)

My, my. That’s quite a treasure chest you’ve got there. Model (no specific gender) and Madonna impersonator Gina Lisa Lohfink shows off a corset good enough to eat. Below, more chocouture from the Lambertz chocolate boutique fashion show.

Although he may be a little childish…

there’s really no question that Hugh Jackman is well-adjusted.

Paris Hilton’s truth in advertising (Lolebrity)

Michael Jackson, still dead (AgentBedhead)

Celine Dion shooting blanks (AmyGrindhouse)

Shakira: wigger, PLEASE! (HolyMoly)

Eat, Pray, Love, Get A Really Bad Bathtub Bleach Job (BusyBeeBlogger)

Emanuel Ungaro calls Lindsay Lohan “Destroyer of souls” (CeleBitchy)

Marlee Matlin tells world to STFU, get a life (HollywoodInsider)

I’m the Gossip Queen of the Universe!!! (CelebritySmack)

Yet more Robert Pattinson pix (TenGossip)

Emma Watson is, like, totally a commie pinko satanist (CelebJihad)

Kathy Griffin and the Fresh Prince: is this what you call the Dream Team? (SeriouslyOMG)

And the Nightmare Team: Brandon Davis and Avril Lavigne (PopBytes)

Smells like…Has-been! (LitelySalted)

Lilo is cutting (AllieIsWired)

Levi gets out of his Levis for Playgirl (TheAwl)

Kate Moss is a furry (UKPopSugar)

Why is NOBODY talking about Wino’s new freckles? (ICYDK)

Find SamRo a new girlfriend (CityRag)

oh wait, someone already found her one (Gawker)

Behold the moose knuckle of Robert Downey Jr (DailyStab)

Kristin Stewart lets a 4-year-old dress her (INO)

Carrie Prejean to put her video experience to good use (GabbyBabble)

The country music a-wars (EvilBeet)

Who’s the wind beneath Rihanna’s buffalo wings? (JustJared)

Francomania! (Movieline)

It’s true what Glinda says: so purty you almost forget he’s a bit of a douchenozzle.

Rob Zombie’s Where the Wild Things Are (AgentBedhead)

Corey Feldman’s back on the market, ladies! (AmyGrindhouse)

James Franco must not be a REAL Italian (BusyBeeBlogger)

Back to the Eurasian Orphan Emporium for Tomkat (CeleBitchy)

World’s worst toupee? (CelebritySmack)

Gordon Ramsay experiences pain, a generation of sous chefs yell, “TELL me about it!” (DailyStab)

Gore Vidal destroys a potentially lucrative career as a childcare professional (Gawker)

Pete Wentz is a marked man (EvilBeet)

Jimmy Kimmel, claws out (GabbyBabble)

Rosielina? J’Odonnell? (INO)

Twihards about to blow their stack if RPattz is a free agent (UKPopSugar)

Hamthrax in Hollywood (Movieline)

Craig Ferguson joins the Navy (SeriouslyOMG)

But IS this, in fact, IT? (ASL)

Elijah Wood’s man of the people move: messenger bag strap: OVER the tie, ON the red carpet. Awwww.

Fashion correspondent wars! (DemiCouture)

Law and Order and Vanity and Fair and Blogs and Sex and Death (AgentBedhead)

Kanye Kant (BusyBeeBlogger)

BatBoy and Ed Anger sign with CAA in Axis of Hollywood Evil Pact (TheHollywoodReporter)

The Return of Old Spice (AmyGrindhouse)

Jessica Simpson is William Lyon Mackenzie King’s dream girl (FatbackMedia)

Mass conversion to Russian Orthodoxy advised (CelebritySmack)

John Mayer reduced to dating editors (Celebitchy)

Leona Lewis, author, gets no respect (DailyStab)

How to get a head in fashion (DListed)

RIP Captain Lou (BWE)

David Duchovny, cougar bait (INO)

Al Pacino is a hustler (GabbyBabble)

Where The Wild Things Are: New York City (HolyMoly)

Blake Lively juggles three jobs: flamenco dancer, hooker, and ostrich (JustJared)

Fattie Fired! Lauren Mired! This is tired! (EvilBeet)

Emails of the Great Directors, part one (Movieline)

The Jackson Family Tragedy remake (Websters)

Dear John…why isn’t Channing Tatum naked? (TenGossip)

The Bitch is Back (SeriouslyOMG)

BOTH sides of this couple are female impersonators (UKPopSugar)

Kim Cattrall begins a new career as a Farrah Fawcett impersonator. What Would Patrick Swayze Do?

Phew, what a day it’s been! First Farrah and then someone who we’d thought would be captivating the tabloids for many more years to come. If you’re in a mind to rush out and stock up on some memorabilia, here’s a little something from the Tragic Music Star spring/summer collection.

Yes, herbal tea. We’re way holistic around these parts, yo. Especially when we’re hung over.

Time for the Libertines (AgentBedhead)

Christian Bale’s Terminal hotness (AmyGrindhouse)

Hugh Jackman dials down the testosterone (BusyBeeBlogger)

Michael Jackson’s kids surprisingly normal-looking (GlamBabyBumps)

Let’s speak Frankly (BWE)

Emma Watson, princess? (CeleBitchy)

Michael Jackson has skin cancer (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Kathleen Turner, you’ve changed (CelebuWreck)

Katie Price pimps out pix (HolyMoly)

The Ricky Martin of Greece wins Eurovision (DListed)

Shia’s greatest roll? (EvilBeet)

Patriotic partying with the Hoff (GabbyBabble)

Uncle Karl’s walk in the park (FakeKarlLagerfeld)

More Mariah (PopBytes)

New Viggo! (UKPopSugar)

CHiPs 2.0 (INO)

John Mayer survives brutal attack (SeriouslyOMG)