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Pray for Miley

Miley is writhey

Miley is writhey

Poor countrypop caterwauler Miley Cyrus seemed to be in a bad way at the opening of her Bangerz tour in Vancouver. Not only did budget cuts force her to make her entrance riding an Aldi hot dog instead of the scheduled white stallion, but it later became clear, from her uncomfortable fidgeting atop this and various other props, that the poor girl was suffering a brutal infection, and needed to see a doctor urgently. No wonder she opened the tour in Canuckistan, home of socialized Kwellada.

That looks painful. For once, I feel bad for the guys in gynecology row. Look at that guy on the left. He hates himself so much right now.

Miley should see a doctor about that rash

Miley should see a doctor about that rash

Once you’re cured, dear, please take note: THIS is how you writhe to a country song.

Music made moving

 

What fresh Heck is this, y'all?

What fresh Heck is this, y’all?

Mistress Tongue and the Acoustic Mayhem made their appearance on MTV Unplugged, and sadly the same word applied to our ears. Fortunately we found the remote after a mere 90 seconds of this caterwauling travesty and didn’t have to endure the torture any longer.

Now, I may be old and crochety, but it seems to me that if you’re going to go back to the 90′s for inspiration like Unplugged, there are better ways to combine top contemporary performers with vintage cool.

This, for instance.

Starring my old friend Mike from Vancouver. And also:

NEVER FORGET!

It’s Twerky Time!

Miley werky the Twerky

Miley werky the Twerky

Wow, from the looks of that Miley must be doing a lot of yoga lately. Compare to dat (pancake) ass of just a few short months ago.

Happy Halloween from Ayyyy!

Princess Charlene is Disney's newest villainess: Melancholia

Princess Charlene is Disney’s newest villainess: Melancholia

Looking like Maleficent’s blonde evil cheerleader niece, Princess Charlene represents dutifully, as she always does. The day when she finally snaps, I hope the paparazzi are there to see it.

If you’ve left things till far too late and still haven’t got a good costume (what, no Guy Fieri?) and decided you haven’t got the bod (or the tolerance for synthetics) to do a Miley Cyrus, never fear. We’ve got a do-it-yourself gecko costume from the same YouTube genius as brought you Miley. Enjoy?

Also, we toast the return of Chloe!

If you neglected Halloween altogether, you can always print yourself out an Anonymous mask and hang out till November 5 and the Million Mask March.

Celebrity Fashion DIY! Miley Edition

Miley apple bum. No, we're not quite done with her yet

Miley apple bum. No, we’re not quite done with her yet

Well, friends, we found it: The ultimate celebrity fashion how-to video on the entire interwebz. This, dear readers, cannot be topped. Not even by Robin Thicke.

Baby Got…what IS that thing?

The looks on the faces of the witnesses said it all.

The Smiths

The Smith Family

Rihanna is not worried. One Direction is drunk.

Rihanna is not worried. One Direction is drunk.

Is that guy in the back watching the sky, waiting for a lightning bolt to strike this unholy abomination? Has he called in a drone strike? What unspeakable apparition has so horrified the normally unflappable Smiths? Click over the jump to see, but remember: what has been seen cannot be unseen!

(more…)

Oh. Gee.

Oh Jeez, Miley!

Oh Jeez, Miley!

Here is fresh-faced country-western scion and pop princess Miley Cyrus demonstrating just how white a white girl can look while appropriating slogans from black culture. She looks like a Harvard Park & Ride lot lizard the day after Labor Day.

Twink Twerk

Former child star and current P!nk impersonator Miley Cyrus has jumped aboard the twerking bandwagon and the result is…well…

We suggest viewing this with the sound off, for Buster Keaton-esque levels of amusement. As we are a celebrity fashion blog and not a dance crit blog, we will confine our remarks to noting that if people can see your VPL through your onesie, you’re doing it wrong.

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