Ayyyy!

John Edwards’ love child rumors (ASocialitesLife)

Jennifer Aniston shacked up, not knocked up (yet) (ImNotObsessed)

Larry Birkhead is not done bottom fishing! He’s Britney’s #1 fan! (InTouch)

Nicole Kidman’s children call Katie Holmes “Mom” (EvilBeet)

Michael J. Fox is still the perfect man (CeleBitchy)

Pete Doherty is exactly 26.2 miles from reality (AgentBedhead)

The Eighties are back! and the Landers sisters have them! (DListed)

Sienna Miller has hairy fetlocks (TheMeatScale)

If grandma’s knitted mitts are good enough for Uma Thurman, they’re good enough for you (GoFugYourself)

They’ve just named the latest Bond girl, and no, you’ve never heard of her (DailyStab)

Jamie-LynnGate roundup (HolyCandy)

Tyra Banks, Scrooge of showbiz? (JanetCharletonsHollywood)

Why Liza fell (PerezHilton)

Christina Ricci talks about anorexia (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Matt Damon’s beautiful gal (JustJared)

Does Lindsay Lohan have a girl friend with benefits? (Defamer)

At last weekend’s Profiles in History auction, several bidders seized the opportunity to pick up some last minute Xmas gifts for the movie buff in their lives:

A cyborg skeleton from “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” brought in nearly $500,000 in an auction of Hollywood memorabilia dominated by props and costumes from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s shoot-’em-up sci-fi franchise.

The T-800 Endoskeleton used in the 1991 film brought in $488,750, said Marc Kruskol, a spokesman for Profiles in History, which staged the auction.

$500,000 may seem quite a sum of money to the average moviegoer but when you think about the wonderful thrills of fear and adrenaline-pumping excitement the cyborg has brought to so many audiences, the cost hardly seems worth quibbling about. Especially when you compare it to the $15 million paid over to Nicole Kidman for The Golden Compass to do pretty much the same thing.

Nicolas Sarkozy is a sexy bitch, and so is his supermodel (AgentBedhead)

Pamela Anderson divorce is on/off/on/what time is it? (CelebritySmack)

Jennifer Love Hewitt is not big-bottomed, she’s pregnant! (Yeeeeah)

Michael Jackson, natural beauty. Do. Not. Click. Without. Strong. Stomach. 4realz (PopOnThePop)

Nicole Kidman wears tinfoil pantsuit, picks up thetans at three furlongs! (CelebWarship)

Heather Mills to write gold digger’s manual? (Gabbybabble)

Beyonce Knowles: singer, dancer, actress, psychic (HolyCandy)

Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton welcome another little Goth (CelebrityBabyScoop)

10 most stylish stars of 2007 (ImNotObsessed)

Best autographers in Hollywood (Defamer)

Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson sing gaily about drugs! (Jezebel)

Julia Roberts knits fan sweaters for Johnny Depp’s kids (CeleBitchy)

Is Amy Winehouse an addicted loser or a racist addicted loser?  (Mollygood)

Picket-busting buttho’s? (Dlisted)

Any Winehouse Suicide Pact (PerezHilton)

Scared of Santa gallery (TeenyManolo)

How is it that the wax version of Nicole Kidman looks infinitely more approachable and capable of emotional expression than the actress herself?  The secret to humanising Nicole lies in months of painstaking detail and craftsmanship and possibly reading gossip magazines about where it all went wrong:

Designers spent about three months creating the figure, unveiled overnight in London, based on thousands of photographs of the Australian actress.

As opposed to the few minutes it took to find a headless store mannequin, attach something that barely passes for LeAnn Rimes’ face and slap on foundation that’s three shades too dark.

One is a confirmed Death Eater who fears very little, the other is rumoured to be deathly afraid of eating too much.

“Little girl, your skin is not bad but I can see the faint beginnings of forehead lines caused by your petulant frowning and brow-furrowing. 

Not to worry, with a wave of my magic needle we’ll soon have you looking as eternally youthful as Christian Slater.”

Giorgio Armani, Queen of the Eighties (TheMeatScale)

Britney Spears, terror of the streets (WOWReport)

Kate Middleton, future barista? (Radar)

Supermodels hit the runway…at LAX (PopSugar)

Jack Nicholson has words of advice for young people (Goldenfiddle)

Brad Pitt’s long-lost Pringles commercial (JustJared)

Christina Ricci, owl monkey impersonator (TMZ)

Conan O’Brian met his stalker (CelebSlam)

Kiefer Sutherland parties on (Mollygood)

George Clooney on his first time  (ImNotObsessed)

Neverland is safe! (PerezHilton)

Far more of Mickey Rourke than you ever wanted to see (HolyCandy)

Fabio and Clooney: the romance novel (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Owen Wilson, barefoot in the park (DailyStab)

Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Jason Leigh faceoff (HollywoodOffender)

Nobody likes Tom Cruise, not even nice people (Dlisted)

Farrah Fawcett still alive, tanned, and with fabulous hair (CelebritySmack)

Kelly Clarkson cleans up real good (D*anasDirt)

Winona Ryder is Spock’s Mom (Defamer)

Kate Moss parties with a Drag Queen (AgentBedhead)

Celebrities who look like they smell (CeleBitchy)

Kate Moss sleeps rough, REALLY rough (SondraKiStan)

Calling all nerds: Trek Needs YOU! (AgentBedhead)

Holy Stalker, Batman: Conan O’Brian’s got a priest on his tail (CelebritySmack)

Britney’s drug no-show total (TheBlemish)

Buy Lindsay Lohan’s old stuff on eBay (CityRag)

Tom Cruise, babysnatcher! (Defamer)

JLo IS preggo, yo. Toldja so! (DailyStab)

Mickey Rourke is busted. I mean arrested. (HolyCandy)

Amy Winehouse is raided! (DListed)

The Paris Hilton Happy Holidays card (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Carrie Underwood is just rubbing Faith Hill’s face in it now (PopOnThePop)

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman clean up real good (GoFugYourself)

Owen Wilson bends it like…a white boy from Texas (JustJared)

Suri Cruise’s pretend tea party (HollywoodOffender)

Daniel Craig hates plastic people (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Nicole Kidman thinks Daniel Craig will loooooove her! (MollyGood)

Robin Williams and Julianne Moore on the picket line (PerezHilton)

Willie Nelson’s celebrity tractor race (Stillisstillmoving)

If a sex doll could sing, it would sound like this (MrTabloid)

Celebrity houses in Malibu wildfire danger (I’mNotObsessed)

Nicole Kidman, fattie (HolyMoly)

Kate Moss, fattie (TheSkinnyWebsite)

Hayden Panettiere, fattie (CelebSlam)

Britney Spears, fattie (TheMeatScale)

Paris Hilton, popsicle (AgentBedhead)

Zac Efron, cutie (JustJared)

Jessica Biel, Martian (CelebritySmack)

Britney Spears, bikini-buff (DailyStab)

Ellen DeGeneris, serial dog regifter (Yeeeah)

Jake Gyllenhaal, toilet connoisseur (BricksAndStones)

Anderson Cooper, built (LARagMag)

Marie Osmond, unconscious (Defamer)

Kirstie Alley, cheater (CelebrityBabylon)

Jennifer Hudson, bridesmaid (GoFugYourself)

Bo Duke, hunk(HolyCandy)

Tyra Banks, fierce (YoungBlackAndFabulous)

Dumbledore, gay (Popwatch)

Hugh Grant’s cuddle puddle pix (PerezHilton)

Britney reunites with her Mom (People)

Pete Doherty rejected by Death (AgentBedhead)

Prince William’s taken, sorry (Mollygood)

Pamela Anderson’s married, sorry (Celebitchy)

Nicole Kidman’s military boob stance: drop and give me two pushups (TheMeatScale)

Christina Aguilera shows off her practice baby (DListed)

Jessica Simpson works it for charity (I’mNotObsessed)

Lohan is free: gentlemen, start your engines (TheBlemish)

Jaime Foxx’s training wheels bling (CelebritySmack!)

Maria Shriver, First Lady of California, picks her teeth in public (Celebslam)

It’s Britney, bitch: The official Gimme More video (PopBytes)

Britney, Lindsay, Paris: Mariah Carey has some advice for you (DailyStab)

JLo preggo, yo (TMZ)

KFed’s parenting tips (TeenyManolo)

“And when I heard that rumour about Karl Urban being cast as the main bad guy in Star Trek VI, I thought to myself, surely they’ve got their Urbans mixed up. I mean Karl is a perfectly serviceable actor and all….Keith may have limited acting credentials…but surely all that real-life experience that comes from being my primary mate has to count for something!”

It’s a better look than a bottle of cheap whiskey, for sure. Best get down to the local portrait studio now and have yours done ahead of the crowd.

If you don’t have a baby handy, why not use the next best thing?