Ayyyy!

Working till dawn and need a little pick-me-up? You could do worse than a Tequila Sunrise. Or maybe you couldn’t?

Tequila is really like a choose-your-own-adventure novel except everyone has the same ending:

Emotionally distraught-> drinking in large quantities sounds like a good idea -> you are so not getting back together with this person so stop trying -> puke.

You’re barely legal -> cheap shots at the bar provided by strangers -> dancing on said bar -> puke.

Where was I? For some reason really fuzzy this morning…

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Burton vs McQueen (TeenyManolo)

Paris Hilton, Global Village Idiot (Websters)

Gamer on! (TenGossip)

Affleck amok! (ASL)

Channing Tatum Fighting! (JustJared)

A minute Mike Myers moment (SeriouslyOMG)

Kate Winslet vs the Daily Mail (INO)

Holy cow (WizbangPop)

Kate Moss needs help finding a man (UKPopSugar)

Jack Black’s on-set orgy (GetLippy)

Rihanna, pixillated (HolyMoly)

Karl Lagerfeld on Twitter (FakeKarl)

anal bleaching is the new Kazakhstan? (Movieline)

Megan Fox is, like, smart (EvilBeet)

Intern George’s Fug cocktail (GoFugYourself)

Free Chocolate (DailyStab)

Stark Trek trailer (AgentBedhead)

The Oprah riots, dissected (AmyGrindhouse)

Katy Perry is on fiyah! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Porn star or network anchor quiz (Gawker)

I’ll get healthy if it kills me! Have I said that before? What do you expect, I’m utterly stoned on flu medicine! In any case, that great theory about spinach, that you can put it in anything because it doesn’t have any flavour? Is a myth. My mouth has an aftertaste known only to raw vegan extremists and pedigreed racehorses.

Skittles Vodka: just shoot it (BWE)

Hugh can do it (AgentBedhead)

Miley? Can sue it! (AmyGrindhouse)

He knew it! (AprilWinchell)

Beth Ditto just nudes it (CelebWarship)

Mickey Rourke talks sh*t (CelebritySmack)

Jane Krakowski’s cans can’t (CelebuWreck)

Barrymore on Grant? (CandyKirby)

Britney on Trent? (GabbyBabble)

Jessica splits her pants (CeleBitchy)

Courtney Love, heirophant (GoFugYourself)

All hail Tina Fey (EvilBeet)

A new job for Aubrey O’Day (DailyStab)

Peck or Sidney Poitier? (TeenyManolo)

Celebrate the Harriet Carter way (IBBB)

Heidi Klum’s got tubby, eh? (DListed)

Someone’ll get it from Michael Bay (Defamer)

Gwyneth will get it from Oprah Winfrey (Defamer as well, this was too good to skip)

Announcing James Roday (SeriouslyOMG)

Lily Allen’s overexposed tittay (Websters)

Blogs invaded by Jordan’s Peter Andre (UKPopSugar)

Ivana Trump goes on holiday (HolyMoly)

and this concludes our rhyming-on-flu-meds experiment for this evening.

Sometimes the week needs a Bronx cheer sendoff, and this is one of those weeks.

In a world with Lily Allen, why does anyone still hate Sinead O’Connor? (AgentBedhead)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Cary Grant vs Marlon Brando (TeenyManolo)

Esquire’s rip away Obamaface (AmyGrindhouse)

Oprah takes the cake (BWE)

Boy George really DID want to hurt him (CelebWarship)

Courtney Love hates heebs, in Heeb (CeleBitchy)

Also hates Grandma (DailyStab)

Barack Obama’s letter to his daughters (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Fabio Lives! (CelebritySmack)

The recession comes to Sundance (Defamer)

Lindsay and Ali Lohan pill shopping (DListed)

Joaquin Phoenix is the next Vanilla Ice (EvilBeet)

Johnny Depp will bring The Doctor back (TheRadReport)

Juliette Lewis is the best agent L.Ron Hubbard ever had! (HolyMoly)

Kate Moss turns 35 (CandyKirby)

Wilson Philips on the comeback trail? (GabbyBabble)

The world’s greatest motivational video (YouTube)

Audrina’s surprise package (IBBB)

Ricky Martin rocks the Boy George Bag Man look (JustJared)

Russell Brand, the next Simon Cowell? (UKPopSugar)

Jonas panty raid! (Websters)

You need something nourishing if you’re going to pull an all-nighter, and the midnight cocktail has nutritious Stout, full of sustaining carbs!

Michael Jackson “his” Blanket (YBF)

Bai Ling and Mickey Rourke, king and queen of Hell Prom Night (Websters)

Dame Edna for MAC cosmetics, NO REALLY (WOWReport)

Paula Abdul changes it up (CityRag)

Oprah was a bad girl? Are you on crack? (CeleBitchy)

How to make it onto American Idol in 20 easy steps (BWE)

Is this the next Ambassador to the Court of St. James? (FakeKarl)

The Hudson River Miracle (Gawker)

The Hero of the Hudson (EvilBeet)

Christmas lives forever in the heart of Taylor Momsen (JustJared)

Jade Goody has never looked better (HollywoodTuna)

The BAFTAS don’t care about British people! (Defamer)

Katie Holmes is on fiyah! (CandyKirby)

Sienna Miller shops from someone else’s cart (Lainey)

Britney’s Fantasy Island discovered, mapped (GOTA)

Patrick Swayze is ON! (SeriouslyOMG)

Stars as Big Girls (PopBytes)

Pink never drops them, she just recycles them (POTP)

Lily Allen is VERY close to her brother (BFYL)

Travesty Alert: Karate Kid remake (IBBB)

The hottest accessory in Hollywood (CelebritySmack)

Karl does not care about your demode recession woes (HolyMoly)

Fake Chanel, real useful (Cvxn)

Anne Hathaway has found her new liar (AmyGrindhouse)

Verne Troyer on the rampage! (TheLondonBlog)

How to start a cult (AgentBedhead)

The Happy Birthday Kate Moss quiz (UKPopSugar)

Today there was a big, scary yellow thing in the sky. Someone said it was something they’d had in Alberta as a child, but I’d never seen it before in Vancouver. Someone else said it emitted harmful radiation and we should all take cover. I took her advice, took off, took cover, and took solace in a fine merlot from a friend. What are you taking?

The latest trend in Wall Street downsizing (Jossip)

Run DMC this way to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (AgentBedhead)

Jennifer Hudson goes back to work (AmyGrindhouse)

Amy Winehouse limbers up for a long day of getting drunk (CeleBitchy)

MacBecks, the opera (HolyMoly)

A day without Bobby Trendy is like… (CelebritySmack)

BAFTA nominations announced (UKPopSugar)

Have YOU been infected by Paris Hilton? (DailyStab)

Paula Abdul’s bondage bodice (DanasDirt)

RIP Ricardo Montalban (Defamer)

Kelly Rutherford’s divorce gets dark (GabbyBabble)

Victoria Beckham in someone else’s underwear (EvilBeet)

Morgan Freeman wants to know if you have a problem with it? (CandyKirby)

Harriet Carter Beauty Wednesday (IBBB)

Sienna Miller apparently on the Courtney Love diet (JustJared)

Before They Were Famous: Simon Cowell (SeriouslyOMG)

Oprah loves Kate’s Golden Globes (ASL)

Cam vs Drew? (Websters)

For just five cents a day you can feed a Hollywood stylist (CelebWarship)

Tom Cruise busts a move (AgentBedhead)

Paula vs Simon. It’s ON, bitches! (GenosWorld)

Beyonce beaten! (AmyGrindhouse)

Kiefer’s a star in our hearts and on our sidewalks (UKPopSugar)

Childhood trauma explains Pam Anderson’s taste in men (CelebritySmack)

Brad Pitt’s kids will ask him to get married (CeleBitchy)

The Black Hole of Hasselhoff (CityRag)

“I love you.” “What?” (Reuters)

The weirdest way to skip work (Crunk+Disorderly)

Oprah admits she fell off the wagon (DailyStab)

William Shatner plays doctor (Defamer)

Your Illinois governor scandal sheet (EvilBeet)

Jessica Simpson learned from these guys (FourFour)

Cate Blanchett’s Spanx are showing! (GabbyBabble)

JLo learns Angie but good! (GoFugYourself)

You know what they say: big feet… (HolyCandy)

The 5th Day of Harriet Carter Christmas (IBBB)

Rumble at Chuck E. Cheese! (CandyKirby)

The day the Earth stood still for Keanu and Jennifer (ImNotObsessed)

The Brangelina clan to expand again? (JustJared)

Miley Cyrus, silent at last (SeriouslyOMG)

Jim Carrey will do anything for a laugh (ASL)

Lindsay Lohan’s leggings are flying off! (Websters)

Megan Fox and Zac Efron are brothers under the skin (AgentBedhead)

Robert Pattison has one hell of an icebreaker (CeleBitchy)

Lilo and Sam maintain their net celebrity couple attractiveness quotient (CelebritySmack)

Bloodbath on Days of Our Lives! (DailyStab)

Kate Moss has a zit! (UKPopSugar)

Pax Jolie-Pitt is no fool (BabbleBaby)

The Defamer Simpson-Wentz baby name generator (Defamer)

Couple of the Month (DListed)

The incredible shrinking Lilo is back (Lainey)

The Obama girls are not taking the Amy Carter route (EvilBeet)

Katy Perry: the good, the bad, and the fugly (GoFugYourself)

Gwyneth Paltrow can get away with wearing a pillowcase: photographic proof! (HollywoodOffender)

Cruella deVille Ann Coulter, 47, Pin-Up (CandyKirby)

Teri Hatcher dates down (IBBB)

People Magazine vs The New York Times (JustJared)

Oprah cheaps out (MollyGood)

Britney asks “What’s normal?” (CelebWarship)

Putin sez: You CAN see Alaska from here! (Lolebrity)

Alaskans say: You CAN see Russia from here! (Radar)

Kurt Cobain’s ashes up in smoke? (AgentBedhead)

Barbies of the rich and famous (SeriouslyOMG)

Oprah’s mom is a deadbeat (CeleBitchy)

TJ Hooker’s police blotter (CelebritySmack)

Megan Fox has gender identification issues (DailyStab)

Melissa Etheridge is going to make an honest woman of Tammy Lynn Michaels (DListed)

Simon Pegg vs Ricky Jervais is the new Paris vs Lindsay (Defamer)

Celebrity moose knuckles (CityRag)

Sarah Palin blows a wicked flute (Gawker)

THIS time Jennifer Aniston is taking no chances (Websters)

Leo DiCaprio wants kids (ASL)

The new look from Paris: carny! (CandyKirby)

Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr are the new Watson and Holmes? (UKPopsugar)