and, apparently, oblivious to the fact that her dress is caught in her pantyhose.

Let’s toast the fact that WE are not, as Gallagher says, walking around with our clothes tucked into our underwear, with a Kilt Lifter Ale and a sigh of relief.

Angels are devils (raincoaster)
Lady Gaga is an ape (Ayyyy)
Survival tips for meeting the savage Naomi Campbell (CelebrityBeehive)
The end of civilization as we know it (AgentBedhead)
This will probably be the most beautiful child ever made (BusyBeeBlogger)
Some fine DNA dodged a bullet with this one (CeleBitchy)
Meanwhile, Gisele is spreading hers around (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Hairless ape has, yes, another book deal (DailyStab)
This is like crossing a Shetland Pony and a Mastodon (HaveUHeard)
Vestigal celebutard, the last of its species, manages to survive (INeedMyFix)
RIP James Dean (Lolebrity)
Former child stars butt heads to establish dominance (PerezHilton)
For conspiracy fans: The Midwich Rockers Approacheth! (PregnancyFashion)

Sari about that: renowned ecdysiast Dirty Martini models perhaps the only example of a bondage sari in existence.

Here are your Dirty Martini emo links. Why am I so emo today? Read the last post and then mix a pitcher of Black Widows for yourself and me.

Underemployed Jedi single dad starts drinking early (Lolebrity)
Brian Atene is at the Nembutal and self-doubt again (raincoaster)
Brian Atene invented Superman Vodka, he’ll have you know (raincoaster media)
Here are two decorative, talented men as a sort of unicorn chaser (TeenyManolo)
This mystery man is filthy (ManoloMen)
Blohan blew it (AgentBedhead)
More Don Draper! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Paris Hilton says “Marriott? I wish I’d thought of buying it! I love Pocahontas!” (CeleBitchy)
As if the world didn’t have enough stupid things that make you want to die in it (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Hey Gaga, Scotch is fattening! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Well, alcohol IS a preservative (CelebritySmack)
Dita, NEVER get between me and the Cointreau (CojoStyle)
My god, what were they ON when they greenlighted this? (DailyStab)
THIS man is intoxicating! (DListed)
This is the only man perhaps more perfect than Jon Hamm (EvilBeet)
Hallelujah and pass the Jesus Juice! (GabbyBabble)
I thought what happened in Vegas stayed there? Is that too much to ask? (HaveUHeard)
Where was SuperHamm when THIS happened? (INeedMyFix)
What’s wrong with Drink, Bitch, Sulk? (JustJared)
Can even Jodie Foster’s might save Mel? (PerezHilton)
If Pink is a drunk I love her even more (PoorBritney)

and now, your cheer-em-up unicorn chaser featuring OK Go and Puppehs!

I don’t care if it made you famous, pick that up and put it back where it belongs. And put on some damn pants while you’re at it; I’m sure there’s an industrial-gauge denim manufacturer who can carve you a pair of supportive jeans.

Paris Hilton’s smug mug (Lolebrity)
Feel! My! Pain! (raincoaster)
Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Kiefer vs Idris (TeenyManolo)
What disheveled, used-up Hell is this? (AgentBedhead)
LiLo guilty of crimes against fashion! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Was that “gum” or “dumb,” Paris? (CeleBitchy)
Sentences I never thought I would write: Kelly Osbourne looks fabulous (CelebFashionWatcher)
Back to the SuperSquats, honey (CelebDirtyLaundry)
For THIS a Muppet had to die? (CelebritySmack)
All-Time Emmy Dresstastrophies (CojoStyle)
Their drug use nose no bounds (CityRag)
Cougar Power! (DailyStab)
Breakup breakdowns? (LaineyGossip)
Rita Wilson’s shoes match that dress in Gone with the Wind…you know the one (DListed)
Anna Paquin wore Elvish armour to the Emmys (MoeJackson)
That’s just how she rolls (EvilBeet)
Dancing with the … these people??? (GabbyBabble)
Sexy Spies! (HaveUHeard)
I swear to god this is the gayest thing I have ever seen (INeedMyFix)
Michael Jackson is the king of iTunes? (PerezHilton)
Courtney Cox has gotten HUGE! (SeriouslyOMG)
Welcome to America, Mister Beckham (ASL)

"Rebelle Fleur?" Rihanna?

Elle ne parle pas le Français. Nor her inkster neither. They should frappez la rue. Today’s links are brought to you by a lovely, dew-beaded glass of chilled Chablis.

This image is eternal (Lolebrity)
Keith Richards is a zombie (raincoaster)
raincoaster on the radio! (TheShebeenClub)
This blind item leads to undying infamy for “Interesting Nickname” (AgentBedhead)
Kanye wants braiiiinnssssssssssss! (AmyGrindhouse)
Zombie Karl Lagerfeld rolls with a hot pants posse (BusyBeeBlogger)
The Mummy speaks: backtracks (CeleBitchy)
Would a silver bullet work on this one? She MUST BE STOPPED (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The timeless (and possibly immortal) Osbourne family (CelebritySmack)
Crunk is not dead (CityRag)
It’s the END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT (CojoStyle)
Wrestlers fail the immortality test (CelebrityFashionWatcher)
Conan rises from the dead! (DailyStab)
The Mommy Speaks! (DListed)
Undying divas: JLo and LTay (Lainey)
He’s no druggy, he just heard they were preservatives! (EvilBeet)
Presenting the pagan priestess of pop (GoFugYourself)
The Eternal Empress of Romcom slaughters Bill O’Reilly (HaveUHeard)
Jersey Shore sacrifices your childhood dreams (IBBB)
The Ladyparts That Will Not Die just swallowed another victim (JustJared)
Interview with the vampire (MovieLine)
The JLo rumour that refuses to die! (PerezHilton)
How to make a Frankenstein monster (PoorBritney)
Paris attacked by android body parts (PopBytes)
Sneak a peek at Supernatural! (SeriouslyOMG)

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why some people thought the Trout Pout was a good idea. If you’re thinking of telling your surgeon to do this, reflect for a moment, realize you are not Brigitte Bardot, and move on.

Inception Spoiler! (Lolebrity)
Feets Speaks! (raincoaster)
Courting scandal (Shoeblogs)
Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Christian Bale vs Liam Neeson (TeenyManolo)
Happy Birthday, baby! (ManoloBig)
Welcome to Diabeteez, NC (ManoloFood)
Book ‘em! (ManoloHome)
Using your head (ManoloBrides)
Tila Tequila, Dre, and some Juggalos walk into a bar… (AgentBedhead)
Cameron Diaz is a cow-renter (AmyGrindhouse)
Aaron Eckhart, my imaginary boyfriend, defends LA (BusyBeeBlogger)
Awww, Eli Roth took his little girl to Comic-Con! (CeleBitchy)
Apparition spotted in Brooklyn (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Bret Michaels is a noted herbologist (CelebritySmack)
Stallone vs Stallone (CityRag)
Don’t Hassel the King? (CojoStyle)
We can dream, can’t we? (DListed)
Say it isn’t so, Kelly Bundy! (EvilBeet)
Is it too much to ask that he’ll play the corpse? (GabbyBabble)
Project Runway giveaway (HaveUHeard)
And in return, Arizona is boycotting alt-rock (INeedMyFix)
Jennifer Garner and Russell Brand barebacking (JustJared)
Eva Mendes, chicken hawk (MovieLine)
Tiffany and Debbie Gibson in the catfight of the year (SeriouslyOMG)

Whoa, they aren’t messing around anymore! I’d like to know who down at Headquarters okayed that hiring decision.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail:
I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

What Would Neil Patrick Harris Do? (Lolebrity)
World’s cutest octopus (raincoaster)
These boots were made for stalking (Shoeblogs)
Why dress well? (ManoloBig)
This is a pervy poultry fancier’s dream come true (TeenyManolo)
Stacked! (ManoloHome)
New Dork Times (ManoloBrides)
Bill Murray previews Amy Winehouse’s retirement plan (AgentBedhead)
Lindsay Lohan’s lesbian prison chixploitation script writes itself (BestWeekEver)
Jennifer Aniston raises a stink in London (BricksAndStones)
I’d do that all the time if I were a Lohan (BusyBeeBlogger)
Whoopi brought her friend Harvey on the View (CeleBitchy)
A heaping hunk of himbos (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Ben Affleck’s Batcave (CelebrityMound)
Katy Perry gives a generation of fanboys diabetes (CelebritySmack)
Foxy Brown performs her version of “New Moon” (Crunk+Disorderly)
I could make a tart joke but I’ll just say “bun in the oven” (DailyStab)
Twit o’ the Day: LindsayInJail (Twitter)
Is this the long-awaited Hilton sister porno? (DanasDirt)
Some people will do ANYTHING to be like their favorite star (EvilBeet)
Forget Zardoz: Hail ZDROK! (FourFour)
Beauty and the Geeks (GabbyBabble)
STOP! In the name of fug! (GoFugYourself)
Kim Kardashian ->Victoria Beckham? (HollywoodBackwash)
Hey LOTR nerds! It’s BloomsDay! (HollywoodRag)
The Big Babeh Bummer (INeedMyFix)
Leo lays it out (HaveUHeard)
The strangest strap-on I have ever seen (IBBB)
16-year-old learns to dress herself (JustJared)
Situation Normal…rest of them AFU (MaterialBitch)
Britney Spears is team LAY OFF ME (PerezHilton)
Natalie Portman’s swan song (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Katie Price is so not G-A-Y (UKPopSugar)
We’ve lost her (PopBytes)
V for…vajayjay? (SeriouslyOMG)

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Don’t forget our Caption Contest for this week, featuring Travis Barker and his brood.

And now, to our winner of this week:

redsquid Says:
June 26th, 2010 at 7:21 pm

The new Scrabble Body Board Paris Hilton edition is the perfect size for children! Coming soon: the Heidi Montag Bangin’ Bosoms Board for expert wordsmiths who need more real estate.

Congratulations and imaginary swag to redsquid! And I’ll have you know the results of this contest was not at ALL swayed by my notorious fondness for the tentacular. To redsquid we hypothetically present the fabulous and virtual Galleria Paris Umbrella, with the bonus, brain-curdlingly-titled book “On Paris,” by Ernest Hemingway.

Just in case you’ve ever wondered what our ancestors saw in high-waisted pants, here’s Tom Jones to clarify, in eye-ripping orange.

and now, your gossip link roundup:

Why do they love Michael Jackson so much? (TrueSlant)

Celine and Cher stare into the past and the future (Lolebrity)

Secret Love (TheManolo)

Love animals? (ManoloHome)

Who loves School Food? (ManoloFood)

Love to hate this type (ManoloBrides)

Leg-loving men (ManoloMen)

Which celebrity dad do you love best? (TeenyManolo)

Love the model, hate the artist? (ManoloBig)

Pigs in love (raincoaster)

Shirley loves Kristen (AgentBedhead)

Whitney Port’s new look: Love it or Leave it? (AmyGrindhouse)

Love floats? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Worst Guy in the World finds Love (CeleBitchy)

Everybody loves Susan Boyle (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

We all love to watch Paris go down (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Give your heavy metal patriotism some love (CelebritySmack)

Granny will love this (CojoStyle)

Gerard Butler speaks out about his secret love (DailyStab)

Don’t you love a good Lilo fight? (DListed)

Amy Winehouse, slave to love (EvilBeet)

Karl Lagerfeld’s advice on love’s little side-effects (FakeKarl)

Betty White loves LeBron and Cleveland (GabbyBabble)

Britney LOVES her coffee (GoFugYourself)

Rihanna shows the Look of Love (HaveUHeard)

Somebody’s in love with Matt Damon (INeedMyFix)

Mel Gibson loves four letter words (IBBB)

Men love Marisa Miller (JustJared)

Sending our love to Back to the Future: Happy 25th! (Movieline)

Love among the Vampires (UKPopSugar)

Everybody loves Liza! (PopBytes)

Nobody loves Stephen Fry’s new look (SeriouslyOMG)

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