Because the gossip blogging world has been on one long debauch since before Christmas, we’ve had a nice, restful layoff waiting for something, anything, new to post. It’s finally arrived, and to celebrate we shall raise a glass of something properly festive: a Champagne Cocktail (we at Ayyyy recommend the French 125, a French 75 with cognac instead of vodka; well, actually we recommend two. But definitely not four and we speak from experience, although our top story might just tempt us, sob).

Craig Ferguson just broke my heart (SeriouslyOMG)

One hit wonder vs one hit wonder (AgentBedhead)

Lilo sets us straight (AmyGrindhouse)

His Aspen froze! (BestWeekEver)

DIY Celebrity Wikipedia entries  (Cracked)

Happy Nonyverssary! (GhostOfAFlea)

Patrick Swayze update (CeleBitchy)

Celebrities as novelty hookers: the economics (CelebritySmack)

A girl for Bennifer 2.0! (People)

Isla Fisher isn’t loving the lawsuit life (UKPopSugar)

Bono confesses! (HolyMoly)

Stop! In the name of Adorableness (DailyStab)

Lisa Marie sez Scientologists do TOO do drugs! (Defamer)

Thank you for being a plastic injection moulded homunculus (DListed)

Godly author takes entire good BOOK in vain! (Gawker)

Has-been vs blogger (EvilBeet)

Is Karl a pimp? A ho? An alien? (FakeKarl)

Patricia Arquette files for divorce (GabbyBabble)

Owen Wilson needs your help! (CandyKirby)

Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn have twins (CelebWarship)

For some people, it’ll ALWAYS be too early for a comeback (IBBB)

Brad Pitt channels William H. Macy (JustJared)

Paris Hilton’s nose grows, rhinoplasty scheduled (Websters)

Ann Coulter: only her plastic surgeon knows for sure (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Donate your used cellphones and cameras to a good cause (FearlessCity)

ScarJo’s snot ‘spensive! (AgentBedhead)

Kate Beckinsale picks up the mantle of Eartha Kitt (AmyGrindhouse)

KFed sure can pick ‘em! (CelebWarship)

The 12 Blogs of the Lohan Family (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Santa brought Prince William a beard for Christmas (CeleBitchy)

Winehouse in St.Lucia, not in rehab (CelebritySmack)

Jessica Simpson has hope! (DailyStab)

The Flack Awards (Defamer)

Blogs are dead! (DListed)

War of the Bootsies! (EvilBeet)

Lance Armstrong to be babydaddy (CandyKirby)

Orlando Bloom is a biker for God (JustJared)

Late Christmas present (UKPopSugar)

and another pressie (SeriouslyOMG)

One more reason to hate Paris Hilton (Websters)

The Renaissance of Georgette Mosbacher (WOWReport)

Hey, nothing sets you up right in the morning like a steamed seasonal beverage, particularly one high in Vitamin C and natural sugars, and most particularly after an evening of Hot Tom and Jerry. Not that I would know anything about that.

Hey Santa, say hi to your mother for me (KnockedUpCelebs)

and just like that, a Himbo commits career suicide (AgentBedhead)

The victim statement of Miss Paris Hilton (AmyGrindhouse)

SamRo go to Hospital, yo (Bricks and Stones)

The Olsen Twins are different from you and me (CeleBitchy)

Amy Winehouse airs out the girls (CelebWarship)

The 12 Days of Drunk Celebrities (Cityrag)

The Bond Girl Murder (CelebritySmack)

Your rhetorical Michael Jackson question of the year (DailyStab)

Zac Efron, the fruity Christmas keepsake (Defamer)

John Mayer hates puppies (DListed)

A cultural history of the Star Wars Holiday Special (VanityFair)

Most scandalous celebs of 2008 (UKPopSugar)

Most inspirational animal of 2008 (EvilBeet)

Christmas Brangelina collectibles (HolyCandy)

Lily Allen: coming soon to a preschool near you (ImNotObsessed)

Katie Holmes stands up her husband (JustJared)

Peaches Geldof does same (HolyMoly)

Everyone complains about the weather but nobody does anything about it (IBBB)

It’s Bai Ling’s world, we just live in it (Websters)

I don’t even like icewine, which is weird because I am normally all about the dessert wines and so I am somehow vaguely unpatriotic for not liking Canada’s national dessert wine, but perhaps it has something to do with the bottle that had been open two years and stored next to the pickles and olives in the fridge which was my first taste of icewine.

Yeah. That’s it.

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Santa Dads (TeenyManolo)

Katie Holmes gets the makeover of her life! (Websters)

Because she really needs it (SeriouslyOMG)

Tony Parker thinks he has in vitro telekinesis (ASL)

Britney’s triumph of hope over experience (WizbangPop)

Partygoers must be on Pixie dust (UKPopSugar)

Pamela Anderson is the new house model at Vivienne Westwood (ElleUK)

Greatest gifts of all time, anywhere (CandyKirby)

Is this Mary-Kate? Or Ashley? (IBBB)

Happy 28th to Christina Drooguliera (Defamer)

Zac Efron at Children’s Hospital (JustJared)

Rihanna brings the bootaloons (GoFugYourself)

Bono is a Freudian (GabbyBabble)

William H Macy’s mercury levels well within safety limits (EvilBeet)

Pete Doherty’s arm assploded! (HolyMoly)

Karl Lagerfeld gets the funk up (FakeKarl)

Lily Allen is in the wrong line of work (DListed)

Smells like Beef Spirit? (DailyStab)

Click for a Cause (CelebritySmack)

Paris Hilton, burgled again (CeleBitchy)

Is ScarJo the new Jennifer Aniston? (AmyGrindhouse)

Buy a $1 beer and fight $cientology (AgentBedhead)

Well, if this doesn’t get me fired, nothing will.

Ashlee Simpson tries to rent out Bronx (CelebWarship)

RIP Bettie Page (BusyBeeBlogger)

Usher ushers in another son (BlackCelebrityKids)

The palace takes protective measures against Paris Hilton (TheBlemish)

Viggo relives WWII (HolyMoly)

At last: proof Lily Allen wears underwear (SeriouslyOMG)

Clay Aiken is a lucky, lucky man (POTP)

Ho, ho, ho, George Clooney (AgentBedhead)

Merry Christmas, y’all! (AmyGrindhouse)

Desperate fabric shortage in Russia! (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

The REAL reason Hollywood is going on strike! (CelebuWreck)

Paris Hilton claims she’s proof blondes aren’t dumb (CeleBitchy)

Jerry Springer, however, shows unexpected signs of intelligence (CelebritySmack)

Demi Lovato needs a better PR (EvilBeet)

Karl’s Kristmas Karols (FakeKarl)

The Golden Globes nominations (CandyKirby)

These are the greatest church jokes? (IBBB)

Who’s your favorite British man? (UKPopSugar)

For just five cents a day you can feed a Hollywood stylist (CelebWarship)

Tom Cruise busts a move (AgentBedhead)

Paula vs Simon. It’s ON, bitches! (GenosWorld)

Beyonce beaten! (AmyGrindhouse)

Kiefer’s a star in our hearts and on our sidewalks (UKPopSugar)

Childhood trauma explains Pam Anderson’s taste in men (CelebritySmack)

Brad Pitt’s kids will ask him to get married (CeleBitchy)

The Black Hole of Hasselhoff (CityRag)

“I love you.” “What?” (Reuters)

The weirdest way to skip work (Crunk+Disorderly)

Oprah admits she fell off the wagon (DailyStab)

William Shatner plays doctor (Defamer)

Your Illinois governor scandal sheet (EvilBeet)

Jessica Simpson learned from these guys (FourFour)

Cate Blanchett’s Spanx are showing! (GabbyBabble)

JLo learns Angie but good! (GoFugYourself)

You know what they say: big feet… (HolyCandy)

The 5th Day of Harriet Carter Christmas (IBBB)

Rumble at Chuck E. Cheese! (CandyKirby)

The day the Earth stood still for Keanu and Jennifer (ImNotObsessed)

The Brangelina clan to expand again? (JustJared)

Miley Cyrus, silent at last (SeriouslyOMG)

Jim Carrey will do anything for a laugh (ASL)

Lindsay Lohan’s leggings are flying off! (Websters)

I have to say, Paris Hilton and her new reality-show-chosen BFF Brittany Flickinger are really getting on like a house on fire! Which is great, because it’s given Paris hours of fun dressing Brittany up and playing with her hair.

Oh, they may have frou-frou names, but don’t let that fool you. Like many a stiletto-clad damsel, they have a kick like a mule’s hind leg.

In memory of Marjorie (FourFour)

You don’t have to be famous yet to hate your fans (AgentBedhead)

Canada dodges a bullet… a bullet named Baldwin (CeleBitchy)

Naaaaasty Celebrity PDA’s (PopEater)

Jennifer Garner needs your help! (DListed)

Brad Pitt, also, needs your help (Defamer)

All things considered, this year’s Sexiest Man Alive could be worse (CelebritySmack)

100 movie spoilers in 5 minutes (CityRag)

Jean-Claude vanDamme has a way with metaphor (CandyKirby)

Britney is running around on Ken Paves (CelebWarship)

Joan Collins at least knows her snow (SeriouslyOMG)

Johnny Depp does his Helena Bonham Carter impression (DailyStab)

Nicole 1, Paris 0 (PopSugar)

Real Lessons from the Real Housewives (IBBB)

At least SOME of Katy Perry is real (Websters)