Rolling Stone drives stake into Britney Spears with unholy hackiography (Defamer)

Britney’s only Goth from the waist down (DailyStab)

Pete Doherty seeks new life as Smackbob Nopants (Gawker)

or maybe the Easter Bunny? (AgentBedhead)

Top 10 reasons to miss Anna Nicole Smith (Jezebel)

Lindsay Lohan goes dark (CelebritySmack)

Amy Winehouse will bring the funk, may bring the crack to the Grammies (TMZ)

We traded the UK Snoop Dogg for Amy (HolyMoly)

Eva Mendez more Disco than Goth, in rehab for coke (LARagMag)

Scott Weiland, Velvet Revolver front man, back in treatment (GenosWorld)

ScarJo and PeCru go pansexual for ex-sexagenarian Woody Allen (Gabsmash)

Goths Celebs of the Day: Demi and Ashton wear all-black to his 30th birthday party (HolyCandy)

Kill me now: Cher and Tom Cruise were lovers? (Dlisted)

Top 5 celebrity Goth chicks (Hi-5)

The Last Supper of Trent Reznor (LolNIN)

Another reason to drink as if you need one (WorkoutMommy)

Mystery man in black (ImNotObsessed)

Brittany Snow joins the Trenchcoat Mafia (DerekHail)

Lost Boy still lost, still blood-sucking (PerezHilton)

Dita von Teese as the Girl Next Door (SkunksBlog)

Kat von D will never tattoo another agent as long as she lives! (Mollygood)

Kirsten “Vampire Chronicles” Dunst vanishes (Celebitchy)

Madonna is immortal. Because plastic can’t die (TheMeatScale)

Sorry, no Angelina Jolie or Avril Lavigne stories today. Haven’t you heard? They’re not Goth.

On its own, this snippet of information doesn’t offer much gossip fodder:

WOODY ALLEN gifted Spanish star PENELOPE CRUZ with a pair of his own spectacles after wrapping their new film VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA. Cruz confessed she liked the look of the movie director’s classic glasses while they were shooting.

But put it in context with Penelope’s choice of facial accessories in her recent lesbian makeout session (use family wherever possible – it’s a great way to keep costs down!), and we suddenly understand the motivation behind Woody’s generosity (sourcing free props also saves on expenses!).  Nothing relieves a desirous old man of his visual aid faster than telling him you’d like to have a threeway with his glasses and your lookalike sister. 

Jenny from the cell block (GoFugYourself)

The five unsexiest women alive (Maxim)

Kate Moss as the Debbie Harry Zombie (AgentBedhead)

Backstreet’s back! (DailyStab)

Michelle Rodriguez is lost for 180 days (TMZ)

Paris Hilton to annoy Kiefer Sutherland in jail (CelebritySmack)

Britney stands up kids, judge. Again. (I’mNotObsessed)

Penelope Cruz is dating down (HolyCandy)

Angelina Jolie, Jon Voight continue to avoid one another (USWeekly)

Amy Winehouse seeks freedom, fries (GlossLip)

Sarah Jessica Parker covets the scent of superior styling (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

American Idol’s Corey Clark could be touring the slammer soon (WizbangPop)

Reese Witherspoon works the red carpet without Jake (EvilBeetGossip)

Victoria Beckham’s forehead of pebbly doom (Mollygood)

Famous Hookups: just what it says (FamousHookups)

Ricky Martin rocks the sysadmin look (TheMeatScale)