And your trashy, low-rent gossip links for today:

On the decline of civility in intra-office memos in the United Kingdom (raincoaster)

Ten carats of PAIN! (Ayyyy)

Betty White Power! (Lolebrity)

Tales of the Cocktail (ManoloFood)

Pete Doherty clean and sober. In related news, temperatures in Hell reached record lows today (AgentBedhead)

Everybody’s pregnant except me (BusyBeeBlogger)

Viiiiiiiiggo! (CeleBitchy)

Say hello to the Butterscotch Colt (CelebDirtyLaundry)

We call that a No-Hawk where I come from (CelebritySmack)

Charo is ageless: it’s official (CityRag)

Usher usher’d offstage (DailyStab)

No, it’s not the PICTURES that got small (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Win Kiefer Sutherland? I’m in! (INeedMyFix)

Sandra Bullock is Quote of the Day (FitFabCeleb)

The look of a Lardacious Libertine, that is. Way to win Kate back, Zits McChubbo!

Yes, it’s a special request Hump Day Hunk; normally we don’t take requests, but this was persuasively phrased and besides, we just like looking at Owen Wilson as often as humanly possible, so here. The nice suit and Keds look was invented for this man.

Tupac dodged a bullet…oh, wait. (Lolebrity)

It’s baaaaaack! (Manolo)

Ray Bradbury, interior decorator (ManoloHome)

Calling opinionated brides (ManoloBrides)

Suck it, Australia! (ManoloBig)

I hope they weren’t used! (TeenyManolo)

Manorexia’s poster boys (AgentBedhead)

Stop the presses: Tila Tequila is dumb???? (AllieIsWired)

Justin Bieber is black (AmyGrindhouse)

Stop the presses: Megan Fox is dumb???? (BricksAndStones)

John Travolta and Kelly Preston replace purse dogs with baby (BusyBeeBlogger)

Wait, Megan Fox really IS dumb (CeleBitchy)

The incredible, buoyant boobies! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

How today’s stars will age (MSNBC)

Dame Elizabeth: Cowboy boots, muumuu, and a king’s ransom in gems (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Stop the presses: Lindsay Lohan’s parole officer is dumb???? (CelebritySmack)

Stop the presses: Bristol Palin’s clients are dumb??? (CelebVIPLounge)

Six Degrees of STDs (CityRag)

Woody Allen’s threesome (CojoStyle)

We nose, NeNe! (Crunk&Disorderly)

Jennifer Aniston has rhinoplasty by photoshop (DailyStab)

Queen of the prom…in San Quentin, in about two months (DListed)

Don’t let her near the diamonds! (Lainey)

This man is my HERO! (EvilBeet)

Stop the presses: Eliza Dushku fans are dumb??? (GabbyBabble)

Stop the presses: Kennedys DRINK??? (Gawker)

Diaper jodhpurs are NEVER a good idea (GoFugYourself)

Red Carpet Slideshow (HaveUHeard)

Prince of Pers- oooooh, sorry, what was I saying? (INeedMyFix)

Hamlet was bulimic? (IBBB)

Ryan Gosling’s blue movie (JustJared)

Edgar Allan Poe’s had a little work done (LitelySalted)

Who you gonna call? (MovieLine)

Johnny Depp in your face! (PerezHilton)

Kylie is magic (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Robert Pattinson on Ellen??? (UKPopSugar)

Marion Cotillard has a sackful of mystery (PopBytes)

Lindsay will have to pull a Polanski (Radar)

Jake is trying to get my attention (SeriouslyOMG)

Ryan Reynolds wears the ugliest superhero costume of all time (TenGossip)

And, since you made it all the way to the bottom, you deserve some more Hump Day eye candy. Say hello to the future Mister raincoaster.

This? This is genius. And no doubt about to be a best-seller with single girls, who are up to their ears in articles on how to date hot men who bore them senseless (anything rather than be single!): just get him one of these super-turtlenecks and voila! Problem solved, and so much less stressful than just telling him to shut up.

M is for Muffle It, Heidi (AgentBedhead)

Shut Your Mouth! Elijah Wood is 29 (AmyGrindhouse)

Mad Man murdered by silence (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ben wants Jen to STFU (CeleBitchy)

Siskel shushes Ebert (Movieline)

Cows take Kiefer for a ride (PopEater)

Tina Turner is HOW old? Shut up! (CelebritySmack)

Say What? (DailyStab)

Monjack seeks to gag WarnerBrothers (DListed)

Amy Winehouse erases Blake (HolyMoly)

Things Jennifer Aniston DIDN’T say (PopBytes)

Denise Van Outen speaks in code (UKPopSugar)

Mariah’s dress covers her hidden charms (CityRag)

Hugh Jackman speaks! (LitelySalted)

Diddy did? I’m speechless (LaughingStork)

Clare Danes speaks for the autistic (INeedMyFix)

Pete Doherty continues to be unspeakable (CrazyDays&Nights)

Jay Leno hasn’t spoken to Conan (EvilBeet)

Ugly Betty silenced (GabbyBabble)

Alicia Keys has no comment (INO)

NBC slides Conan some hush money? (JustJared)

Zelda Rubenstein has gone dark (Movieline)

Jon Voight wants you to STFU HATERZ (PerezHilton)

Mariah shouldn’t talk! (ASL)

Lance Bass is quietly emo (TenGossip)

Chris Matthews puts his foot in his mouth (Gawker)

Shut up, Kanye (Lolebrity)

Time for the Libertines (AgentBedhead)

Christian Bale’s Terminal hotness (AmyGrindhouse)

Hugh Jackman dials down the testosterone (BusyBeeBlogger)

Michael Jackson’s kids surprisingly normal-looking (GlamBabyBumps)

Let’s speak Frankly (BWE)

Emma Watson, princess? (CeleBitchy)

Michael Jackson has skin cancer (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Kathleen Turner, you’ve changed (CelebuWreck)

Katie Price pimps out pix (HolyMoly)

The Ricky Martin of Greece wins Eurovision (DListed)

Shia’s greatest roll? (EvilBeet)

Patriotic partying with the Hoff (GabbyBabble)

Uncle Karl’s walk in the park (FakeKarlLagerfeld)

More Mariah (PopBytes)

New Viggo! (UKPopSugar)

CHiPs 2.0 (INO)

John Mayer survives brutal attack (SeriouslyOMG)

3 girls 1 cover (TenGossip)

Salma Hayek in disguise as a librarian (ASL)

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a Salma Hayek impersonator (CandyKirby)

Miley Cyrus sez Asians are goofy (Websters)

Britney’s still a two-fisted drinker (OMG)

Joaq toaqs (CelebWarship)

Grandma Fonda’s got a blog! (CeleBitchy)

How to date a Scientologist (AgentBedhead)

Introducing Neko Case (UKPopSugar)

Phelps thrown overboard (JustJared)

Lindsay Lohan hits the road (EvilBeet)

Madonna has issues (CelebritySmack)

Pet one-upmanship downsizes for the Recession (CelebuWreck)

Mack Rourke (Defamer)

Pity Jessica Alba! (AmyGrindhouse)

Pete to teach! (HolyMoly)

Viva la Diva! (HolyMoly)

Pete in Paree (LondonBlog)

Christian Bale, Dancing Queen (raincoaster)

Penny vs Woody (AgentBedhead)

Blond on Blonde? (Websters)

Suri: “Srsly?“ (SeriouslyOMG)

Ink not mink (CelebritySmack)

Duff guff (CeleBitchy)

Miley face (CandyKirby)

Meerkat Messiah (GOTA)

Jailbird Joe (CelebWarship)

Lady of Leisure (IBBB)

RyRey Rejected! (Defamer)

Silly Lily (UKPopSugar)

Fergie Ferg, Queen of Etiquette (Websters)

Never look a gift Tyra in the mouth (SeriouslyOMG)

Hayden Panettiere illegal, ejected! (ASL)

Jimmy Carter robbed! (WizbangPop)

Kate Moss’s day into evening look (UKPopSugar)

Ryan Seacrest low-fives (JustJared)

Britney and Justin’s awkward moment (ImNotObsessed)

Whitney Port’s bikini malfunction (IBBB)

A toast to Brad Pitt! (CandyKirby)

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner know Latin! (GabbyBabble)

Lil’ Kim attempts to upstage bereaved family (EvilBeet)

Wedding planning gone wrong (DListed)

Glenn gets too Close (HolyMoly)

Ann Coulter, 47, we salute you (Defamer)

For this, I went to Harvard? (CelebritySmack)

Pete Doherty’s career needs a shot in the arm  (AgentBedhead)

Britney Spears’s four letter lyrics (AmyGrindhouse)

Yeah. That’s it.

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Santa Dads (TeenyManolo)

Katie Holmes gets the makeover of her life! (Websters)

Because she really needs it (SeriouslyOMG)

Tony Parker thinks he has in vitro telekinesis (ASL)

Britney’s triumph of hope over experience (WizbangPop)

Partygoers must be on Pixie dust (UKPopSugar)

Pamela Anderson is the new house model at Vivienne Westwood (ElleUK)

Greatest gifts of all time, anywhere (CandyKirby)

Is this Mary-Kate? Or Ashley? (IBBB)

Happy 28th to Christina Drooguliera (Defamer)

Zac Efron at Children’s Hospital (JustJared)

Rihanna brings the bootaloons (GoFugYourself)

Bono is a Freudian (GabbyBabble)

William H Macy’s mercury levels well within safety limits (EvilBeet)

Pete Doherty’s arm assploded! (HolyMoly)

Karl Lagerfeld gets the funk up (FakeKarl)

Lily Allen is in the wrong line of work (DListed)

Smells like Beef Spirit? (DailyStab)

Click for a Cause (CelebritySmack)

Paris Hilton, burgled again (CeleBitchy)

Is ScarJo the new Jennifer Aniston? (AmyGrindhouse)

Buy a $1 beer and fight $cientology (AgentBedhead)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Clark Gable vs Jimmy Stewart (TeenyManolo)

ScarJo rocks the Mother Of The Bride look (Websters)

Amy Winehouse is back to the salt mines (SocialiteLife)

Boy George really DID want to hurt him (CeleBitchy)

Search for the real killers interrupted for next 33 years (SeriouslyOMG)

Justice for Cate Blanchett (PopBytes)

Anna Wintour still destroying the dreams of America’s best and brightest (WizBangPop)

George Clooney, Socialite for Africa (UKPopSugar)

Queen Oprah crowned (PerezHilton)

Nicole Kidman is stuck on Sunday (ImNotObsessed)

Full House refilled (IBBB)

Clay Aiken does not <3 Kathy Griffin (CandyKirby)

Jamie Lynn Spears’s doctor sucks (GabbyBabble)

The reports of the death of the gossip blogosphere have been greatly exaggerated (EvilBeet)

Yet another reason to hate Katherine Heigl (Defamer)

Bettie Page had a heart attack! (CelebritySmack)

Pete=Pete?!?!?!?! (AgentBedhead)