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Angela Merkel is back, and so are we!

Angela Merkel is back, and so are we!

Congratulations to the Chancellor of Germany for her return from injury. Apparently she hurt herself cross-country skiing, went to the doctor for some bruising a few days after, and was informed she’d been walking around all this time with a broken pelvis. The doctor ordered bed rest and…well, you can see how she paid close attention to that order. Let’s raise a glass of Sekt to the Queen of the collarless jacket and her recovery, and to our own comeback after some technical difficulties.

Oh, and speaking of comebacks and booze, look who’s showing up places in outfits from 2012 and looking unexpectedly great doing it.

 

Lilo no longer lying low in any sense of the word

Lilo no longer lying low in any sense of the word

A Perrylous State!

Katy Perry at Nerdprom

Katy Perry at Nerdprom

Sure, Katy Perry has made something of a business out of looking hot and confused, but we’ve got the same blank look of puzzlement on our faces here (even the cats). What kind of world are we living in when Katy Perry is:

  1. invited to the White House Correspondent’s Dinner
  2. the best-dressed woman there?

To what, good readers, cometh the world?

 

Yo, Bro

It’s another episode of Who Wore it Best, only this time with gestures. In one corner we have Liev “I Know Your Cycle” Schreiber.

Liev this sessy man alone

Liev this sessy man alone

 

and in the other corner we have Master Debater Paul Ryan.

Ryant you axing for his number

Ryant you axing for his number

Caption Contest Results: BoJo Yo-yo edition

Well, we understand why you were intimidated out of commenting when this was only the second one posted…

Dangleboris

DangleBoris

Klee
August 4, 2012 at 8:00 am

I don’t think the brits quite grasp the concept of the pinata

Congratulations and imaginary swag to Klee, who’s no stranger to the podium if our memory doesn’t fail us. For her hypothetical swag we virtually present the veddy British (and veddy fragile) Royal Albert 100 Years of Royal Albert Teacups and Saucers, Set of 5, 1900-1940.

Cheers!

Friday Caption Contest: DangleBoris Edition

Dangleboris

DangleBoris

Go ahead and caption London’s incredible flying (well, hovering) mayor. Go for the gold in the lucrative sport of internet captioning: eternal glory awaits!

In case you’re not familiar with our old pal BoJo, here’s a nifty little video of him introducing the Olympics.

I See Seersucker; I see Seer/Suckers

Seersucker Thursday

Seersucker Thursday

Finally, the US government does something I like: they celebrate the immortal holiday known around the world (or at least around the Capitol) as Seersucker Thursday. Guess what they do on Seersucker Thursday? Sure, wear seersucker suits, but they also…um.

Um.

Play seersucker games?

 

Seersucker sidesaddle?

Seersucker sidesaddle?

Eat special seersucker foods?

 

Seersucker candy
Seersucker candy

It is indeed difficult to go wrong with seersucker, perhaps the greatest of America’s innumerable contributions to fabric; however, as the woman on the far right demonstrates, it is indeed possible.

Senators better dressed than in togas

although togas would work in the heat of summer

Diagonals? Really??? Diagonals? Somebody didn’t go to boarding school!

The Un-Blushing Bridesmaid

The Unblushing Bridesmaid
The Unblushing Bridesmaid

Lily Allen has always been known as the “Dirt with angelic face” singer, and it’s nice to see she comes by it honestly. This is what her sister chose to wear to Lily’s wedding yesterday, keeping up the standard of class, but of unspecified altitude.

Then again, maybe she had the dress fitted before she got the boobs fitted. And serve her right if she couldn’t breathe all night.

I dunno about you, but I definitely feel in need of something strong to wash that out of my mind’s eye. I recommend the Nuptial Cocktail and some gossip links.

Palin Poetry: the Palinleaks Haikus. America gets the Japanese poetic forms it deserves, as Sarah Palin’s emails get put through the Haiku Finder. Art really IS everywhere! (raincoaster)

Who needs the tooth fairy? Who needs Food Porn? We’ve got the Magic Rum Fairy! (ManoloFood)

Emma Watson is back in the harness. Gee, I didn’t know there was a new Matrix movie in the works. Still, this will come in handy for her battles with arch-enemy Fat Bastard. (Ayyyy)

Harrison Ford IS Errand Runner! I’d like to take a look at his Furby, if you know what I mean and I think you do! (Lolebrity)

Debbie Reynolds is selling off her children’s inheritance and YOU CAN BUY IT! Yes, it’s the celebrity crap auction of the year, and open for business! Someone call Harrison Ford, quick! (Crasstalk)

Starfuckery failure: pro edition. ScarJo needs to go study at the scabby, callused knees of Courtney Love. (AgentBedhead)

It’s time to draw the line! Catherine, Duchess of Whatever, the Artist Formerly Known as Kate Middleton, needs an eyeliner intervention, people. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Gary Dourdan is brought to your police department by the Letter E. Unlike the last time, when he was brought to your police station by the letters DUI. (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Mazel tov, kids. Now, can the world please forget about Lily Allen? (CelebritySmack)

Who are the 10 best actors in Hollywood? Other than the “I didn’t hook up with him” Kardashians? (CelebVIPLounge)

JWoww kisses a dog. So things are looking up for her in the romance department. (CityRag)

Ladies and gentlemen, start your gingham! Jessica Simpson, superchic fashion powerhouse, is cloning herself. (DailyStab)

Taylor Momsen…remember her? Well, it looks like she’s hooking up with an electrician now. (FitFabCeleb)

Paparazzis pap’d! Six celebrities spying on you. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jessica Alba’s kid is going to be VERY popular with the tabloids! Nothing like leaking on your mom in front of a row of reporters. (HaveUHeard)

Conan O’Brien enters the Greatest Commencement Speech Sweepstakes. Will he take it from Steve Jobs? It’s Team Coco vs Apple Fanboys in the final round: Dartmouth vs Stanford. (HollywoodHiccups)

I’ll take “let them get the damn picture instead of crashing the car with your children in it” for a hundred, Alex! On the other hand, how desperate must a pap be to try to get a picture of Tori Spelling? (INeedMyFix)

Prince Hot Ginge in his undershirt. It doesn’t matter what I type here; you’re not reading it anyway. (SwoonWorthy)

People still date Lindsay Lohan’s castoffs? In other news, Demi Lovato is apparently capable of making good decisions again. (TheSkinnyChic)

 

Happy 48th Birthday, Johnny Depp!

Johnny Depp birthday boy

Johnny Depp birthday boy

Happy birthday to Johnny Depp, everyone’s favorite artsy pirate. I love this picture, both for the ripped knee (even though it’s so obviously done for fashion, rather than simply worn through and I normally hate that) and for the fact that THANK GOD my invisibility cloak worked and you can’t see what Johnny’s smiling at.

Ahem.

Let’s toast the birthday with a truly delicious Blue Jeans cocktail and some celebrity gossip:

Did I say I was finished with Julian Assange? Oh baby, I haven’t even STARTED yet. Here are his delicious links (insert dirty play on words of your choice here) plus more evidence he thinks of himself as Bill the Galactic Hero. (raincoaster)

Guess the Mystery Feet! This is a former A-lister with Garbo-esque tendencies and major sex appeal. Also: you KNOW what they say about men with long toes… (Ayyyy)

Will it saber? With a massive freakin’ Kenyan Spearhead? You bet your sweet bippy it will! GI Joe meets Funnest Bartender On Earth in the latest in the beloved YouTube series starring Matt Stache. (ManoloFood)

Arianna Huffington is so trendy! She’s seen here attempting to drain a media rival of blood. Bad news, Ari: you’re thirty years too late! (Lolebrity)

Caption Obama and his new best friend. Captioning iz hard, yo! (Crasstalk)

II, Claudius. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there’s a sequel for everything. (AgentBedhead)

Can a blogger get a Like, y’all? Vote for sleepy Bee and win eternal gratitude and possibly backlinks! (BusyBeeBlogger)

11 things you did not know about Jennifer Hudson but were obviously too afraid to ask, right? I mean, she’s pretty intimidating since the Oscar and all, eh? God, that woman terrifies me. (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Cocaine is a helluva drug. This is not a repeat from 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007… (CelebritySmack)

The Social Climber Formerly Known as Kate Middleton is not resting on her laurels. In fact, her laurels are shrinking. (CelebVIPLounge)

And the #1 thing you didn’t know about Jennifer Hudson: she was hospitalized today. (DailyStab)

Insufferable celebrity complains about insufferable celebrities who complain about people. Fuckit, I only click to Taylor Swift stories for eyeliner tips. (EarSucker)

Billboard becomes target. As Bieliebers descend upon convenience stores nationwide in hormone-crazed fugue state, actual magazine readers suffer. (FitFabCeleb)

Is your Bichon Frise a total Celine-diva? Your Rottweiler ready for prime time? Your Vizla good enough for The Voice? Yes, it’san Animal Lip Dub video contest! (HelloGiggles)

Russell Crowe is no Roundhead! Team Cavalier here! In other news, if he ever tweets his penis we’ll all be able to pick it out of a lineup more easily, so thanks for that, Russ! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Put yourself in Shania Twain’s shoes. Literally. (HaveUHeard)

Selina Gomez is taking desperate measures to protect herself from Bieber fans. What, no “exhaustion” dearie? (HollywoodHiccups)

Ryan Reynolds is INSATIABLE! Yeah, it’s a clickbaiting headline. What, you expected more from me? (INeedMyFix)

Britney covers Madonna. No, it doesn’t mean that, you perv. Although I did think of leading with “Britney ON Madonna” as I’m all clickbaity today. (PoorBritney)

Goopy on Teh Ghehs. Because that’s ALL they need. (PopBytes)

48 sexy shots of Johnny Depp. In other news it’s Johnny Depp’s birthday, but why am I still typing? You’re not gonna read anything past that link, are you? (SwoonWorthy)

Shania Twain goes down. That’s a three-point landing the hard way. (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

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