Surely I’m not the only one who sees this.

Some people will do ANYTHING to get a part, I’m telling you. Playing politics is a big part of Hollywood, I guess.

Obama has Osama’s paperwork (raincoaster)

We need a decision: which of these classic beauties wore it better (Ayyyy)

Karl Lagerfeld brings the chocolate…if not the taste (ManoloFood)

Mission Accomplished 2.0 (Lolebrity)

Can we get Hamlet updated for bodybuilders? Yes, yes we can. (AgentBedhead)

Can Obama protect us from Charlie Sheen, Free Agent? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Can he get us a good, cheap date? Or do we have to stoop to this date-bidding site? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

PARDON RICK SPRINGFIELD!!! (CelebritySmack)

Can Obama provide a DNA sample? We’re trying to figure out who fathered January Jones’ child (CelebVIPLounge)

Bieber safety: an international concern. Should we take it to the UN? (DailyStab)

Declare Beckam’s Birthday a national holiday! (DippedinCream)

SAVE JENNIFER HUDSON! She is headed for oblivion! (EarSucker)

Can Obama get Miley Cyrus to keep it in her pants? (FitFabCeleb)

Ban the ballcap! Celebrities can afford better, surely? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Can Obama capture the Canadian terrorist Justin Bieber (HaveUHeard)

In the name of all that is holy, STOP THE CELEBRITY NEPOTISM (HollywoodHiccups)

Can Obama save little Jaden Smith from a life of child labour? (INeedMyFix)

Can he get me an invitation to Goldie Hawn’s ranch, too? (MathewGuiver)

Will he appoint Britney Ambassador? (PoorBritney)

Can we lock Lohan up and throw away the key? (PopBytes)

America needs heroes like these! (SwoonWorthy)

Fight hunger! Feed the celebrities! (TheSkinny)

Robert Pattinson attempts to bring back the Reagan Brown Suit

Oh dear god. Sweet jeebus. Normally, I kind of love RPattz: he looks like he would have an unfortunate tang if it were a warm day, something like the bottom of a pub ashtray, but normally he’s just crazy enough to keep it interesting, unlike his co-stars (Tai the elephant excepted: if she’s good enough for Banksy, she’s good enough for me). But while he may have been talked into wearing this diarrhea-coloured monstrosity on the general principle that “a suit is dressy” a significant part of me hopes that halfway through a beer-laden schnitzelfest he ripped it in pieces and ran down the cobblestones naked and cackling. If he didn’t, please don’t inform me.

Now I am going to drown my sorrows with a Boilermaker or ten and some gossip links.

Tiling tigers: trippy! (raincoaster)

Bling it on! Talk about an accessory to crime! (Ayyyy)

Sunday food porn: Canadian Content chez Timmy’s (ManoloFood)

Renee Zellweger’s smile secret (Lolebrity)

Beach Reads: everyone’s dirty secret (Crasstalk)

Ozzy Osbourne loses it. Who knew he’d ever found it in the first place? (AgentBedhead)

Lady Gaga’s Truth or Dare! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Robert Pattinson blah blah OH MY GOD NOT A BROWN SUIT!!!! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Pink and a half! (CelebritySmack)

A grizzly (mama) look at Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin (CelebrityVIPLounge)

My Big, Cheap Royal Wedding pictures (FreakingNews)

Sadly, neither were hurt in the attack (DailyStab)

But she IS addicted to Kabbalah water! (EarSucker)

Survivor recap included because that guy is HOT! (FitFabCeleb)

Justin Timberlake will not beFriendWithBenefit you (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Blake Lively sees red (HaveUHeard)

The trailer is out for the Final Harry Potter movie (HollywoodHiccups)

Beyonce Scrooged 70 people this Christmas (INeedMyFix)

Jillian Michaels’ ass-ironing secrets (MathewGuiver)

A thousand bucks does not include Britney (PoorBritney)

The Jersey Shore is replicating!!! (PopBytes)

Jon Hamm admires the view (Swoonworthy)

Now, if only we could get the REST of her to vanish as well (TheSkinnyChic)

The Royal Wedding entrance like none other. My shameful past as a Prince Andrew fangirl with full-on subscriptions to Majesty AND The Royals comes out as I say the Princess Ann and Camilla lookalikes are really startlingly good, but the emo cynic within me comes out when I note that even the fake Prince Harry has way more fun than the fake Prince William, who has way more fun than either of the real ones.

Now, let’s toast these glorious ersatzii with (what else?) a Buck’s Fizz and some common gossip links.

Tee Many Martoonis (ManoloFood)

Spa No Go? Oh. (raincoaster)

Marilyn Monroe conquers the world! (Ayyyy)

Is this how the Spears family started? (Lolebrity)

Tom Cruise sees red (AgentBedhead)

And it turns out he’s not even related to Viggo! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Evan Rachel Wood lives up to his name (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Vanessa Hudgens in tampon chain fashion tragedy (CelebritySmack)

And then Trump asked for its birth certificate (CelebVIPLounge)

Joey Ramone lives on. On white trash (CityRag)

NPH has double trouble (DailyStab)

How many celebutards does it take to dance on the head of a mushroom? (DippedInCream)

Oh, Aniston, it’s SO mutual (EarSucker)

Mike Tyson is serious about this yoga thing, too (FitFabCeleb)

Elizabeth Hurley will never age. STOP IT ALREADY, BITCH! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Let me get this straight…If you sleep under Miley Cyrus’ armpits, you will never have nightmares? (HaveUHeard)

JSimp wigs out (HollywoodHiccups)

Shack up with Glee! (INeedMyFix)

Royal Wedding rehearsal shocker! (MathewGuiver)

Nicki Minaj drops the dildo for Britney (PoorBritney)

Fergie drops the “D-List Bomb” on the TSA (PopBytes)

Huh? Seriously? Kirstie Alley was onstage at the same time? (Swoonworthy)

Miley Cyrus appears to have a shin cellulite problem??? (TheSkinny)

 

It's true, everyone loves a bad boy in a leather jacket

Happy 80th Birthday to Leonard Freaking Nimoy! You’ll always be a week and a day younger than William Shatner!

Now I think I’ll carefully sip a thimbleful of Romulan Ale in his honour.

Gramps Gets Down! (raincoaster)

This is why the pinkos never win (Lolebrity)

The Eternal Question: Mugler edition (Ayyyy)

Sophia Loren tries out a new look (ManoloFood)

That’s my dating life sorted then! (AgentBedhead)

Blind Item Egoist! Let me guess: Prince Philip? (BusyBeeBlogger)

It’s a dog’s life. Meanwhile, I stay in Motel 6 (CelebDirtyLaundry)

It’s Tween vs Tween! (CelebritySmack)

Angelina to step into Dame Elizabeth’s sandals (CelebVIPLounge)

Sean Penn gets made over (CityRag)

Khloe Kardashian Kovers Kosmopolitan (DailyStab)

Reese Witherspoon calls RPattz a dirty, dirty boy (EarSucker)

Lilo doesn’t look a day over 40 (FitFabCeleb)

James Franco: we get the public intellectuals we deserve (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Preppy label amputates model’s arm! (HaveUHeard)

Britney, Jackass, the jokes write themselves (HollywoodHiccups)

Do YOU have what it takes to be a Torontonian? (INeedMyFix)

Kingston Rossdale is a playa! (MathewGuiver)

Enrique can’t out-diva Britney (PoorBritney)

Thar’s gold in them thar hills alive with the sound of music (PopEater)

Judge Judy’s oral issue (Radar)

Now HERE Is some decorative royalty! (SwoonWorthy)

Tom and Katie have a time machine, apparently (TheSkinnyChic)

So Liv Tyler and Jimmy Fallon get in a time machine… (SeriouslyOMG)

Mubarak Chic: yes, you can judge a book by its cover

Truly has it been said that fascists generally have the best uniforms. When it comes to fallen dictators, however, the same is not true. Look at Hosni Mubarak here, former president of Egypt and current homeless dude. Never mind the cut of his jib, we can tell he’s earned those stripes. It may look like a regular old pinstripe suit, but if God is in the details I’d have to say this qualifies as blasphemy, because those stripes are actually made up of his name, printed over and over. Of such gaudy heights of self-aggrandizement may the average Mafiosi only dream.

Speaking of gaudy pinstripes, let’s drown our sartorial sorrows with a classic Bronx Cocktail and a few buttoned-down gossip links, shall we?

Baby on Board (raincoaster)

Nicole Kidman could use a sammich (Lolebrity)

London Fashion Week is for the birds (Ayyyy)

I scream! (ManoloFood)

He should fit right in with Lindsay and Gadaffi (AgentBedhead)

Charlie Sheen too busy winning to retain custody of his kids (BusyBeeBlogger)

Justin Bieber sells out to rich witch doctor? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

A simple summit with Lady Gaga (CelebritySmack)

Robert Pattinson cheats on Tai (CelebVIPLounge)

Babies: totally Team Coco (CityRag)

Katie “Sue” Holmes (DailyStab)

Kim Kardashian, Saviour of Autotune (Earsucker)

Save Oprah! (FitFabCeleb)

Another sign Russia is in desperate straights (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Oh man, the ski lobby hates celebrities (HaveUHeard)

ScarJo publicly toejobs Sean Penn (INeedMyFix)

Oh Em Jee, the Oscars are about to get awesome (MathewGuiver)

Britney’s V shots (PoorBritney)

Sad Mugshot Xtina is sad (PopBytes)

Amanda Seyfried’s magically transforming Doc Martens (TheSkinny)

Five Angels, only two backsides among them (TheSkinnyChic)

Congrats to the cute couple

Awww, isn’t that cute? The Duchess of Alba and her boytoy Alfonso Díez are making it legal. Living proof, if any were needed, that an aggressive nose job that results in you breathing out of two large pores in the middle of your face is never a wasted expense, if it allows one to attract men known to society paper readers everywhere as “and Unnamed Friend”.

In honour of the lovely couple, let’s toast them with a classic Champagne cocktail fortified with a little Spanish brandy, and read some sexy gossip links:

inside raincoaster (raincoaster)

Ryan Reynolds has a sexy fra…what was I saying? (Ayyyy)

Kate Spade’s sexy movie (ManoloFood)

Fred and George Weasley KNOW they’ve got it (Lolebrity)

Sir Elton has some words for our generation’s biggest a$$ (AgentBedhead)

Chris Isaak’s steamy new video (BusyBeeBlogger)

Tila Tequila’s sex tape means we’ll never be rid of her (CelebDirtyLaundry)

WHAT is Gaga doing to herself in bed? (CelebritySmack)

ScarJo doesn’t let cobwebs grow on her ladybits (CelebVIPLounge)

VD Stars! (CityRag)

OMG Tila Tequila and Jennifer Aniston appear in sketchy video together (DailyStab)

Michelle Trachtenberg loves her body and tells you ALL about it (FitFabCeleb)

They get wet (GirlsTalkinSmack)

J Hud talks about her new body (HaveUHeard)

Anderson Cooper is NOT into beatings! (INeedMyFix)

Britney’s got yogabutt! (PoorBritney)

What’s Lady Gaga’s sex name? (PopBytes)

Forget the body: what has Nicole Richie done to her face? (TheSkinny)

Chuck Berry on line one… (SeriouslyOMG)

Sigh. George, what went wrong?

That’s my boy. Very few people know that back in ’92 and ’93 I was actually a founding member of the George Stephanopoulos Fan Club, and a contributor to their monthly newsletter, the Stephanopouletter. My copy of The War Room has nearly worn out from being watched every 4th of July. I saw him in person at the Vancouver Summit, where I looked up from my glamorous work unloading the coffee for Starbucks, saw him, and froze. It’s not too often I’ve had my breath taken away, but that was one of those times. An American Secret Service agent who’d no doubt seen this happen to dozens of hapless women walked over and said, “That’s George Stephanopoulos. But he’s not old enough to date.”

Le Sigh.

Where was I? Oh, right. In the spirit of bipartisanship I’ll try to remember to feature a picture of Young John McCain at some point in the future, or you can just cheat and click through for that.

And now, the gossip links!

Julian Assange’s new do (raincoaster)

Shut UP, Emma Watson (Lolebrity)

Guess the gap-toothed guy (Ayyyy)

Our WORLD EXCLUSIVE lasted exactly one day (ManoloFood)

Stayin’ Alive? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! (AgentBedhead)

The baby’s first word was “rhinoplasty” (BusyBeeBlogger)

Jimmy Buffetted! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Have YOU ever been upstaged by your own dress? (CelebritySmack)

Paris Hilton shows you her puppies (CityRag)

But which one is MegaShark and which is Gatoroid? (DailyStab)

Never before has spandex restrained so much for so little purpose (FitFabCeleb)

Gag (GirlsTalkinSmack)

So she was single in the sense that nobody would be seen with her? (HaveUHeard)

Jon Cryer is no different from anybody else (INeedMyFix)

Sad, gender-confused Britney (PoorBritney)

The CougarTown drinking game! (SeriouslyOMG)

Related articles

• Bipartisanship Ho? John McCain Tells Stephanopoulos ‘We Can Work With This’ (mediaite.com)

Yes, that's a vagina sweater

Thanks to our pal DemiCouture, we were made aware of this … remarkable … sweater from Topshop. Perchance is it Brazilian?

Definitely your go-to choice if you’re either “professionally companionable” or dating a guy who drives a Hummer.

Saint Bill of Murray (Lolebrity)

Michael Douglas photobomb! (raincoaster)

Julian Assange is the greatest photoshop opportunity of our time (Ayyyy)

Cheese it! That’s too expensive! (Manolofood)

Katie Holmes and the World’s Ugliest Pants (AgentBedhead)

But did he put it on her FINGER? (AmyGrindhouse)

Are We There Yet contest (BusyBeeBlogger)

Jennifer Aniston pulls a Bridget Jones (CeleBitchy)

Palin putting it around? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

I see dumb people. They don’t know they’re dumb (CelebritySmack)

Annalynne McCord gives a puppy a helping hand (CityRag)

This choice of Catwoman is nuts! (DailyStab)

You can get arrested for just acting weird? (FitFabCeleb)

Xtina is X-ed out in someone else’s bed (GirlsTalkinSmack)

P!nk is F!!!ing Perfect (HaveUHeard)

Rachel Zoe is unapologetically elasticized (INeedMyFix)

Spears for Sears? (PoorBritney)

Prince + Madonna = Tru Luv 4 eva (PopBytes)

David Spade is OLD: FACT of life (SeriouslyOMG)