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Naomi 20 Watts

Marchesa dress wearing Naomi Watts

Marchesa dress wearing Naomi Watts

Seriously Ms. Watts, you would have to be a pretty dim bulb to think this lampshade from Marchesa was ever the right choice.

Cate Blanchett Airbaby Coming Along Nicely

Cate Blanchett's Dior High Score

Cate Blanchett’s Dior High Score

Cate Blanchett took her airbaby out for another walk yesterday, allowing her to show off the very latest design from the retro-90’s House of Pogs couture.

Cate Just Can’t With This

Cate Blanchett

Cate Blanchett would like a napkin, please.

And that was the moment that Cate decided to call an end to her torrid affair with Spiderman. Sure, it’s fun and all, but the limo en route to the red carpet is no place for bukkake.

Cut that out!

Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy on the red carpet

Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy on the red carpet

Okay, if there’s anybody that doesn’t love these two, you may now close the blog and go back to, I dunno, Brittle Hipster Menthol Snobbery Blog or what-have-you. Now that I’ve got it straight that their new movie is not a sequel to the Robert DeNiro Heat, I’m all the more eager to see it.

And can we just stop for a moment and admire the way Sandy is absolutely nailing it here, fashion-wise? From the tips of her black pedicure to the strappy sandals to the cut out leather dress which signals Badassery and also the ability to wear a cut out leather dress in one’s forties to the unfussy, beachy hair, Sandra Bullock is owning it.

Which makes it my sad duty to say that Melissa is, unfortunately, not owning it. She ain’t even renting it. There is “easy” but then there is “shapeless.” And the scrolldown fug, Oh My God! If they were palazzo pants I might almost forgive this thing, with its tacky cheap zipper that won’t stay in place, its no-neckline neckline, and it’s revolting cupping of the tummy. But noooooo! The one place this thing is tight where it’s supposed to be tight is just where it shouldn’t be. It draws the eye to those awful $45-Payless-looking platforms and frankly make her look like she’s going to tip over any second. Unbalanced is the word for this look. The fabric seems nice, and the color is good on her if not amazing, but it doesn’t fit, and if it did fit it would still look damn awkward. Melissa, there are going to be a lot of red carpets in your future, and this ain’t your first time out at this particular rodeo. “Knockoff Norma Kamali” is not your look; learn this now.

Friday Caption Contest: Cannes Recycle!

You know what to do. Do it in the comments for fabulous, completely imaginary prizes!

This is a green dress, no really

This is a green dress, no really in a way

I believe this is the first time the red carpet at Cannes has played host to any garment made from plastic foam muffin pans, but then there’s a first for everything.