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Jesus Speaks!

Oh, snap! Isn’t it easier to just order the collection from Amazon? And on that happy, life-saving note, let’s have a Golden Girls CockTea and share some gossip links. Roll up your caftan sleeves, because this is juicy.

Golden Girls CockTeas

Golden Girls CockTeas. Thank you for being a bartender!

Some people are too smart to fall for Nickelback. Like these Irish folk dancing PhD candidates. (raincoaster)

To serve man. With appropriate wines and side dishes. No really, this is a how-to article (ManoloFood)

Brad, Pitts. I liked Colin Farrell’s look better on Colin Farrell, did you? (Ayyyy)

My boyfriend wrote a book about me and here is my review of it. Oh, this should be juicy! (Crasstalk)

When duckfaces collide! Kim Kardashian and Snooki prepare to ruin popular entertainment for a generation. (AgentBedhead)

Teach me how to Dougie. Over and Over and Over and Over and Over and Over. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Dude looks like a lady…in the right light, if you squint a bit, so another dude said Sure, why not? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Oh come ON! That’s Arnold in drag, you’re not fooling anyone. (CelebritySmack)

Kirk Cameron needs to adjust his medication. I don’t think Stephen Hawking ever did heroin. (CelebVIPLounge)

It’s Lady Gaga’s world. We just read magazines in it. Magazines that tell us it’s her world. (DailyStab)

Happy Birthday, Trent. My Future Husband is looking good! Nice of his current wife to warm him up for me (DippedInCream)

Eva’s revenge: ZsaZsa in a coma! Magda still dead. (EarSucker)

Vanessa Hudgens gives up on dreams of acting, joins Glee. She’ll be opening for Nickelback soon. (FitFabCeleb)

Fergie, Duchess of Pork, butters up the mealticket. God knows she’s unemployable (GirlsTalkinSmack)

and Liza and Halston were there, too! The world says good-bye to Oprah. (HaveUHeard)

Two and a half men. Your guess whether it’s Cryer, Kutcher or Jones who’s the half. (HollywoodHiccups)

I’m sorry but this is no Robert Redford. Or Nick the Narrator, for that matter. Not even a passable Sam Waterston. (INeedMyFix)

Tori Spelling doesn’t look a day over 45. No seriously, check this out. But bring your eyebleach. (MathewGuiver)

ABSNEY! Britney’s getting her body back, bitches! (PoorBritney)

Colin Firth soaking wet. Bubble bath. Wine. What are you still doing reading this? (Swoonworthy)

This is not the dress with which to wear a novelty bra, darling! Reality stars: You can dress them up…wait, no, you can’t. (TheSkinny)

Lady Gaga guards the mouth of Hell. This explains a great deal, if you really think about it. (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

John Galliano gets a promotion

SHE is coming for you. On HIS orders.

Fed up with his title of “Favorite Funky Fashion Troll,” John Galliano has gone upscale, old-skool. Remember (or am I the only one old enough?) the Great Schism? Well, Galliano has gone and repeated history. Doesn’t “The Pope of Paris” sound so much better than grubby little Avignon?

Multiple popes? Collect the whole set! Gotta catechism ’em all!

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Lindsay Lohan’s perp walk of fabulousness

Lindsay Lohan's glitter perp walk of fabulosity

I bet the jail rolled out a red carpet, too. Wet with the blood of the innocents

via: cvxn:worstfuckingideas:whydoihaveablog:

Oh Lindsay, leave it to you to have a perp walk attended by a glitter-tossing entourage. Or, wait, maybe this was that crazy Brazilian religious nut who would shake her head and throw off drifts of solid gold dandruff. And then you’d be prison lovers, and then you’d be released and forget her but remember the name of her good coke contact. That would be so you.

Lindsay Lohan: what a mug! (Lolebrity)
Nicole Dobernig haz a flamewar! (raincoaster)
Lin Yu Chun cheated by plastic doll! (Shoeblogs)
Ransom note art (ManoloHome)
Truck that, chef! (ManoloFood)
Ask Auntie Plumcake (ManoloBig)
A lil drinkie-poo? (TeenyManolo)
I’m at a loss for a compost metaphor here (ManoloBrides)
A hem! (ManoloMen)
Elvis, now with 75% more Awesome (AgentBedhead)
Brad Pitt’s moneyballs (BusyBeeBlogger)
Taste the Gaga! (CeleBitchy)
Glamour model goes too far down the alphabet (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Happy Restraining Order Day! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
There’s something about Zac (CojoStyle)
Inflation on the Jersey Shore (HaveUHeard)
Wino is regressing to fetal (INeedMyFix)
The Brostitute (Movieline)
Guess the guns (PopBytes)
Phoebie Cates is still 18 (SeriouslyOMG)

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Tangerine Tom Jones gossip links!

Just in case you’ve ever wondered what our ancestors saw in high-waisted pants, here’s Tom Jones to clarify, in eye-ripping orange.

and now, your gossip link roundup:

Why do they love Michael Jackson so much? (TrueSlant)

Celine and Cher stare into the past and the future (Lolebrity)

Secret Love (TheManolo)

Love animals? (ManoloHome)

Who loves School Food? (ManoloFood)

Love to hate this type (ManoloBrides)

Leg-loving men (ManoloMen)

Which celebrity dad do you love best? (TeenyManolo)

Love the model, hate the artist? (ManoloBig)

Pigs in love (raincoaster)

Shirley loves Kristen (AgentBedhead)

Whitney Port’s new look: Love it or Leave it? (AmyGrindhouse)

Love floats? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Worst Guy in the World finds Love (CeleBitchy)

Everybody loves Susan Boyle (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

We all love to watch Paris go down (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Give your heavy metal patriotism some love (CelebritySmack)

Granny will love this (CojoStyle)

Gerard Butler speaks out about his secret love (DailyStab)

Don’t you love a good Lilo fight? (DListed)

Amy Winehouse, slave to love (EvilBeet)

Karl Lagerfeld’s advice on love’s little side-effects (FakeKarl)

Betty White loves LeBron and Cleveland (GabbyBabble)

Britney LOVES her coffee (GoFugYourself)

Rihanna shows the Look of Love (HaveUHeard)

Somebody’s in love with Matt Damon (INeedMyFix)

Mel Gibson loves four letter words (IBBB)

Men love Marisa Miller (JustJared)

Sending our love to Back to the Future: Happy 25th! (Movieline)

Love among the Vampires (UKPopSugar)

Everybody loves Liza! (PopBytes)

Nobody loves Stephen Fry’s new look (SeriouslyOMG)

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Hump Day Links: Holy Week Edition

Holy Week in Zamora Day 1

Aww, no need to take it so seriously, guys: I’m having a bad hair day myself!

Celeb Snaps: Jesse James’s Nazi Salute and Ricky Martin’s Big News (TrueSlant)

Is Jesus a celebrity? (TheCelebrityIndustrialComplex)

Jesse James says it’s all a big misunderstanding (Lolebrity)

Celebrity retweets! (raincoaster)

The Madden Brothers decoded (AgentBedhead)

GLAAD to be Ricky Martin (AmyGrindhouse)

Jesse James is taking Tiger Woods’s sloppy seconds (BusyBeeBlogger)

Just in time for holy week, Madonna wants to dress your children (LaughingStork)

Pot and Kettle in name-calling dramz (Celebitchy)

Let’s all think like Lady Gaga (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Carrie Underwood kissed a dog (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity Pantslessness (CityRag)

Dancing With(out) the following Stars (DailyStab)

What Dominatrix clowns wear in mourning (GoFugYourself)

Hell froze over and it’s Kate Hudson’s fault (HaveUHeard)

Kief Speaks! (INeedMyFix)

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What a mug!

Susanna Maiolo goes on the hunt

Dressing for the occasion, my friends, is not just a good idea: it’s the LAW, and breaking it can subject you to fierce penalty from the fashion police. So remember, when you’re going out pope-tackling and will likely end up on the front page of every newspaper in the world, that’s probably the time to put away the old “lucky pope-tacklin’ sweatshirt,” hit the Chanel counter for a little makeover, and maybe pick up something comfortable, something that lets you move, but something that won’t make you look quite so much like a sad little Jean Teasdale wannabe run amok.

This?

the mark of the loser. the pope-tackling Jean Teasedale

Is not how you want to be remembered, honey. When you’re pretty sure to lose out to the other side, your only revenge is to at least look better than they do.

Prince Charles And The Duchess Of Cornwall Visit The Pope

Yeah, good luck with that!

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Martini Navratalova Links

The Martini Navratilova is perhaps one of the most perfect cocktails ever invented: injury and cure in one, with a dash of wit. Most recipes are a standard mix of classic cocktail ingredients, but my favorite recipe is more basic, as well as more amusing: vodka and Gatorade.

All eyes on Katy Perry (CelebuWreck)

Beyonce stars in Tron 2.0 (DListed)

Gwyneth Paltrow needs to lay off the herbals, eat a sammich (AgentBedhead)

Gee, if these two crazy kids can’t make it as a couple, what hope is there for the rest of us? (CelebritySmack)

Jesse James is an outlaw! (DailyStab)

Cosmetic surgeon saves America! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Ellen comes out against Prop 8 (CeleBitchy)

Ode to Papouli (IBBB)

Brother Barack can come out now (Jewcy)

Leo DiCaprio passes the torch to Zac Efron (PopSugar)

Jean-Claude van Damme is back, bitches! (Defamer)

CliffNotes: A Trainwreck Named Winehouse (CandyKirby)

Suri Cruise will stiff the playground valet and he will LIKE it (CelebWarship)

Gwyneth Paltrow attends children’s charity event in a brewery (ImNotObsessed)

The celebrity couple’s in trouble when HIS fashion choices make it into the article (JustJared)

Sloppy Seconds and the City (Mollygood)

Puppycam! (SeriouslyOMG)

Don’t quit your day job, Ashton (Websters)

Vampire’s Kiss Links

The Vampire’s Kiss has no cure, but if Gatorade came in Garlic flavour it would be pretty close.

The lights are on but nobody’s home at the Playboy Mansion (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lindsay and Sam are mole people (CelebWarship)

Hugh Grant is working his way down the romcom co-star list (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Marilyn Manson doesn’t even try anymore (AgentBedhead)

Celebrities who don’t need masks to terrify (CelebritySmack)

Does Kate Hudson have a new victim? (DailyStab)

Heidi Klum is a goddess! (DListed)

They don’t make Bond girls like they used to (Defamer)

Punchline of the day (EvilBeet)

Karl Lagerfeld was in costume yesterday too (FakeKarl)

HalloWEENs (FourFour)

Colin Farrell is a bad boy (GabbyBabble)

For Juliette Lewis, every day is Halloween (GoFugYourself)

The gargoyles 0f NYC (CityRag)

The gargoyles of the A List (Worth1000)

Kate Moss without makeup (IDLYITW)

An interview with Satan (HolyCandy)

Grover works the red carpet (IBBB)

Let them eat cupcakes then! (CandyKirby)

THIS is reality tv? Polo??? (Mollygood)

Katherine Heigl goes green? (PopSugar)

What a dog that Jennifer Garner is (SeriouslyOMG)

Finally! Jamie Lynn has a job! (Websters)

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