Ayyyy!

“Juliet? You’re breaking up…look, why don’t we just meet at the churchyard? You bring the eyeliner and candles, I’ll bring some Evanescence CDs.”

He Pingping was a small wonder (True/Slant)

Bogie prepares to par-tay! (Lolebrity)

Iggy goes off-script (AgentBedhead)

The Betty and Veronica of male has-beens continue their respective roles (AmyGrindhouse)

Russell Brand can’t even walk barefoot correctly (BusyBeeBlogger)

Britney’s on the loose! (CeleBitchy)

Irish sayings for St. Patrick’s Day (CelebritySmack)

American Idol is killer (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Michael Lohan has a heart??? (DailyStab)

Kim Cattrall, Cat woman (INeedMyFix)

Kirstie Alley is cheap and irreligious! (HaveUHeard)

Shia Labeouf  should have gotten a hook! (GabbyBabble)

Have you seen Kate Winslet’s bum? (EvilBeet)

Betty White is a goddess! (IBBB)

Justin Biehber is a Twit! (LitelySalted)

Coco is a dictator! (Movieline)

Ben Stiller is a victim! (SeriouslyOMG)

Supernatural is covered! (TenGossip)

Thanks to a malfunction at Picapp, I’m not sure exactly who these people are, but given the news about Wayne Newton’s financial troubles (see farther down this post) I can only assume they’re some sort of Wayniac fund-raising team, perhaps busking on the street for pennies and francs to pay off creditors. All that fabulousness doesn’t come cheap!

Bums in Seats: the dollar value of celebrity bottoms (True/Slant)

The United States of Jay-Z (Lolebrity)

The Return of Reznor (AgentBedhead)

Diane Krueger has a past (LitelySalted)

Lady Gaga dares you to cross the line (AmyGrindhouse)

Hold the phone! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Nic Cage needs more than a tax shelter (CelebritySmack)

Dr Who homeless? (HolyMoly)

Betty White won’t do the casting couch (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Hot men: all you can eat! (CeleBitchy)

Nude jogging: doesn’t that hurt? (CrazyDays&Nights)

All About Eve 2.0 Nicole vs Selena (EvilBeet)

Sean Penn is such a charmer (GabbyBabble)

Bumpits hit the red carpet (GoFugYourself)

Demi Moore is immortal (INeedMyFix)

Jennifer Aniston is a total pro (IBBB)

Rihanna has found her perfect man (JustJared)

Jon Stewart gets lucky on Chatroulette (Movieline)

Johnny Depp? Or Keanu Reeves? (AccidentalSexiness)

Rootin’ Tootin’ Wayne Newton needs you, Wayniacs! (PerezHilton)

Green Lantern 3D (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Kate Moss vs Sienna Miller (UKPopSugar)

Charlie Sheen is rejected (RadarOnline)

Mickey Rourke overshare! (SeriouslyOMG)

Who the heck is Nikki Yanofsky? (TenGossip)

Overshare roundup (YoungBlackAndFabulous)

It’s just not fair: as Mylene Farmer proves, sexy, elegant French chanteuses can look sexy, elegant, French and chanteuserrific even while falling flat on their faces.

And now for a few words from sexy, elegant French chanteuserati Mylene Farmer and Vanessa Paradis: Um, Mylene is so French she may in fact be NSFW unless you work at Playboy, so you’re warned. Vanessa is of course wholesomeness itself in corporeal form; how else do you think she snared Johnny Depp, eh?

Mylene:

Vanessa:

Okay, Sven Kramer, my imaginary boyfriend, you may have gotten the gold for the fastest skater and the gold for the purtiest Olympian other than Johnny “Fierce” Weir, but I’m still saying the Russian in the back there wins the platinum medal in the fashion Olympics. Don’t nobody look their best in orange. Not even you:

And seriously; ankle socks?

Lindsay Lohan airs it out (Lolebrity)

Lara vs Leia (AgentBedhead)

Elvis Pattinson immortalized (AmyGrindhouse)

Clive Owen steals some poor girl’s jacket (BusyBeeBlogger)

and she wonders why she doesn’t have any friends (INeedMyFix)

Gilligan’s Island of the Living Dead (CelebritySmack)

Lohan throwdown (AllieIsWired)

Lilo on the down low (HolyMoly)

Flying Tomato peels! (DailyStab)

The family that tases together, stayses together (GabbyBabble)

Betcha can’t fug just one (GoFugYourself)

Someone please give Sarah Palin a real job (Gawker)

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! (EvilBeet)

Giantess free to attack again! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

These tourists are SO much prettier than ours (HaveUHeard)

Fran Drescher Fission! (IBBB)

There’s a thin line… (LitelySalted)

Moon, June, Spoon, Gay PrOn? (Movieline)

We like JLo’s Hue (TenGossip)

Bride of Freakenstein (PopBytes)

Well THIS should get a telethon (DListed)

Remember … to SMILE, dummy (UKPopSugar)

Jane Fonda shouldn’ta blogged it! (CelebCosmeticSurgery)

Yes, it’s William Shatner’s world. We only dwell in it.

Bob Crane most certainly DID! (Lolebrity)

L.Ron is at it again (AgentBedhead)

Leno’s Monologue (AmyGrindhouse)

Leno’s Monologue reviewed (DrunkHulk)

Lesbian liplock lost! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lions, lambs, Robert Pattison, and Betty White in a tree (CeleBitchy)

Love vs Lily (EvilBeet)

Lyrical magic (DListed)

Lucas to destroy Scientology (Gawker)

Ladies swing free (DailyStab)

La Lauper at Launch (CelebritySmack)

Lady Gaga hangs loose (CelebDirtyLaundry)

LoHew still employed (GabbyBabble)

Life of a teenage fug queen (GoFugYourself)

Love, vampire style (INeedMyFix)

Laverne without Shirley (IBBB)

Lads Own World (LitelySalted)

Legion of Twitterati (Movieline)

…you should have worn it instead of these ones, Chani:

And up top? Totally 80’s Night:

Courtney Love, Chickenhawk.

Mark Twain sings the Greatest Hits of the 70’s (Lolebrity)

Gangsta! (MaterialBitch)

Oscar Campaign Violations (Movieline)

Courtney Love sics the FBI on Ed Norton (PerezHilton)

Nazis for Jordan! (UKPopSugar)

Suicide a felony? (PopBytes)

Beaver shot (SeriouslyOMG)

St. Angelina bails out (ASL)

Tyler Durden’s Rules (CopyBlogger)

Keith Urban is an icehole (Manolo)

Canucks Amok! (Gawker)

The Crazies come out at Midnight (TenGossip)

Rapper quarantined! (WOWReport)

Crazy young drunk girl vs crazy old meth mom (LitelySalted)

Tiger Woods drained (JustJared)

Suri ditches the ‘rents (IBBB)

Lady Gaga attacks! (INeedMyFix)

Prada axes models (HollywoodBackwash)

This is what DIVORCE is for, people (EvilBeet)

Avril Lavigne crosses the line (DListed)

Kelly Ripa’s biker cred (DailyStab)

The Mischamobile got towed (Celebslam)

Pete Doherty’s babysitter sentenced (AgentBedhead)

The White House Party Crashers claim their first scalp (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Blog hijacked! (CelebritySmack)

Kirstie Alley, frontman (CeleBitchy)

Did someone steal Daniel Boone’s hat? (HolyCandy)

Hugh Jackman gets cut! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Levi Johnson’s court order (AmyGrindhouse)

Prince Felipe of Spain tries his best to make up for the injustice of hereditary monarchy by being really, really ridiculously good-looking.

Andrew Koenig’s body found (TrueSlant)

How to raise a Death Eater (Lolebrity)

Reports of his death have been greatly exaggerated (AgentBedhead)

Paris in the mourning (AmyGrindhouse)

Get a coffin of your own (AllieIsWired)

Charlie Sheen locked up at last (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Canada mourns (BusyBeeBlogger)

John Hamm has a gun in his pocket (AccidentalSexiness)

JSimp slammed for porker faux pas (CeleBitchy)

Whitney Houston died out there (CelebritySmack)

Pickleback slays ‘em (PopEater)

I Believe this is your token happy link (CelebVIPLounge)

Lily Allen passed out, passed over (HolyMoly)

The Return of Mark Kerrigan (EvilBeet)

Johnny Depp is surprised to still be here (DailyStab)

Antonio Banderas turns Unabomber (DListed)

Ashton Kutcher will kill the internet (Towleroad)

Kellan Lutz doesn’t want you to kill puppies! (GabbyBabble)

Blood in the water! (GoFugYourself)

Lady Gaga’s body parts (HaveUHeard)

Matt Damon is a dead man (INeedMyFix)

Time to kill animals! (IBBB)

The death of New Age (LitelySalted)

Jay Leno dances on Conan’s grave (Movieline)

Beautiful Thieves (TenGossip)

Far less beautiful thieves (Heeb)

Craig Ferguson killed his audience (SeriouslyOMG)

These ads will kill your fun (PerezHilton)