Congratulations to Manolosphere favorite the Duchess of Alba and her boytoy, Whatsisname. It was a lovely ceremony by all accounts, and a lovely dress (with requisite detailing on the back, because of course the guests are staring at the back of the dress for most of the ceremony).
Also lovely: the undoubtably soon-to-be-made romcom, starring Vincent Cassel and Jocelyn Wildenstein.
Yes, I know it’s an annoying Julian Assange gif. I just didn’t want you to completely forget me while Glinda‘s in da howse. Once my world stops spinning, I’ll be back (and probably with photos of Wills and Kate, who’ve delayed their trip to Yellowknife so they can be sure to meet me. I guess I should answer their Facebook Friend requests, eh?).
I’m a bad, bad blogger. Here I am all caught up in the playoffs and I let you go without your Hump Day Hunk. Well, no worries, he’s here now and none the worse for being late. At this age (even older than me!) he needs his beauty rest.
Someone needs to show this photo to Davy Jones, stat! And while we’re at it, this one as well:
Ringo always had a propensity to play the fool unwittingly; it was this and not his equally regrettable penchant for country music, that led to the endless “but without Ringo, they could have gone far” arguments.
Poor dweeb. Let’s drink to Ringo with a Ringo Cocktail (much better than a John, a Paul, or a George, it must be said) and distract ourselves from the pathetic meaninglessness of existence with some gossip links.
Hideous video proof of the atavistic survival of HP Lovecraft’s unspeakable Cthulhu-worshipping Deep Ones. In related news, not all Brazilians are attractive in bikinis. Who knew? (raincoaster)
Saturday Caption Contest: Janice Dickinson. Caption this avatar of style and grace for fantastic, completely imaginary prizes (Ayyyy)
VODKANAPPING!!! I repeat: VODKANAPPING! Have you seen this Crystal Head vodka roaming the Californian countryside? If so, forget the police and call me: I’ll bring Campari. Negroni time, baby! (ManoloFood)
Severus Snape schools Voldemort. Oh, this will not end well: probably in slash, in fact. Yes, all wizard battles should be settled in X-rated slash fanfics, if you axe me which I note you did not but you should anyway. Not that I would write that. Well, not for free, anyway (Lolebrity)
Anthony Burgess is more prolific than you FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!!! Seriously, won’t this dude ever let up? What’s his fucking problem anyway? (Crasstalk)
Handy-dandy how to handle internet drama tips for fun and/or profit. Or just cheap laughs sometimes (raincoastermedia)
Lady Gaga’s shoes almost outed Ryan Seacrest. Finally, she performs a useful social function. Almost. Insert tortured Cinderella/sex toy/Freudian metaphor here (AgentBedhead)
Matthew Perry attempts to focus on sobriety. It’s a lot easier to focus when you close one eye, dude. I uh, read it somewhere. (BusyBeeBlogger)
The Wisteria Sisters strike again! Kate Middleton’s sister climbs into the ranks of the aristocracy (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Wonder Woman is Dead!!! And the universe strokes its adamantium bracelets and goes “dodged a bullet there”. (CelebritySmack)
The Gouvernator has a plus one. Or two. Or three. Or, really, how desperate ARE the women of California? Seriously! (CelebVIPLounge)
Ashton Kutcher cast in Two and a Half Men. He has tons of experience being the baby of the family, so this should work out well. (DailyStab)
Mariah Carey almost loses her twin unicorn babies! Child Protection Services are just a bunch of big ol’ anti-partyite poopooheads. (EarSucker)
KK and KO show off the latest in “capable of withstanding incredible horizontal tension” couture. Sponsored by Azzedine Alaia for Michelin and the Jaws of Life. (FitFabCeleb)
14 celebs getting their drank on! Cheers, we’ll drink to that. To the point where we can’t see Snooki’s burnt mug clearly anymore and can go to sleep happy. In related news, Irish Pajamas is a thing (GirlsTalkinSmack)
This isn’t the first time a police escort has taken a 16-year-old home, but it’s the first time Ryan Seacrest’s dream ever came to actual life knowmasayin? (HaveUHeard)
The Muppets are back, bitchez! Lock up your stuffed toys and hide your anthropomorphic pets! (HollywoodHiccups)
Britney’s Dramamobile is on display. But then, so is everything of Britney’s, all the damn time. (PoorBritney)
Ashton Kutcher will have you know he’s a man of parts. And you can see most of them in this picture. (SwoonWorthy)
There’s just something about this skeevy bastard that I like. Maybe it’s that he’s a winning rally driver. Maybe it’s that he looks so intellectual, and dresses so Pool Shark. Maybe it’s that hell, it’s been a long time and … but there, I’ve said too much. And besides, I can’t run Prince Harry every week, can I?
Let’s toast to Adrien’s dream come true with a spirited round of Pool Shark, the Drinking Game and some gossip links.
Wine A-Z; the ultimate Go Cup! A jogging bra/wine skin combo? Why the hell not, my camelbak imbues my Sauv Blanc with aromas of Gatorade as it is. (Manolofood)
Van Gogh and Orcas Unicorn Chaser. Make your hump day a little smoother with soothing pictures of swirling stars and wild whales in Downtown Vangroover. Yes, orcas belong in a gossip roundup. I’m Canadian, dammit. (raincoaster)
Top That! Princess Beatrice’s amazing Hat of Hideousness (+10) is for sale on eBay to benefit children, if not onlookers (Ayyyy)
George Clooney chickens out. The television remake of Men Who Stare At Goats was disappointingly downscaled. (Lolebrity)
Life, Death, Violence, Barbie, and extremely mixed messages. I’m not exactly sure where the war crimes tribunal comes into it, but apparently it does, somewhere. Also: Ken is a draft dodger? (Crasstalk)
Dear God, Johnny Depp is a kinky beast. Taking a page from Chuck Berry, he made Penelope Cruz dress up as a … no, I can’t even say it. Seriously, nobody would put Salma Hayek through that. (AgentBedhead)
Is House getting evicted? Hugh Laurie has a great big, leaky mouth. There, take THAT image into your Bertie/Jeeves slash-thinking mind. (BusyBeeBlogger)
Yet another Jagger kid poses nekkid. Surely I thought we’d run out of these potato-faced wonders by now, but apparently not. Is “Club Kid” really a career choice? (CelebDirtyLaundry)
This is perhaps the most terrifying headline of all time, until you smack yourself in the head and say “IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU PERVERT” and move on. But still. (CelebritySmack)
Oh, Will Smith. It’s not the size: it’s how you use it! And using it to annoy an entire neighborhood is just Letting the Thetans Win. (CelebVIPLounge)
Bristol Palin, now surgically enhanced! But not improved: it wasn’t brain surgery, after all. (DailyStab)
Taylor Swift will out a bitch! This girl doesn’t exist off the record, and if you’re dating her, neither do you (EarSucker)
Lady Gaga is Asian? Golly, she MUST have had some serious work done; she doesn’t look it. (FitFabCeleb)
Owen Freaking Wilson and yeah, like, a bunch of other celebs in Cannes, but who gives a rat’s ass about them? Eh? OWEN WILSON! (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Jennifer Aniston’s steamy banana handling. Look ma, no hands! No desperation, either…that is so NOT the sound of faint weeping I hear. Nosiree Bob. (HaveUHeard)
L’innocent sentenced to live in mansion next door to coke connection. Poor thing. That’ll teach HER! (HollywoodHiccups)
Who’s the $100 million man? The one going around spreading herpes? Yeah, “That one who dated Paris Hilton” doesn’t really narrow it down any. (INeedMyFix)
Joan Rivers better watch her back: Kermit the Frog is after her job. The Red Carpet just got a little greener and a LOT cuter (PopBytes)
Adorable Prince Harry and adorable puppy being adorable. Adorbz! What are you still doing here? CLICKY CLICK CLICK! (Swoonworthy)
Caption the Gouvernator and his ex. I’m thinking something Harry Potter related. She reminds me of Emma Thompson’s character, the Divinology professor. (RightCelebrity)
Some people will do ANYTHING to get a part, I’m telling you. Playing politics is a big part of Hollywood, I guess.
Obama has Osama’s paperwork (raincoaster)
Karl Lagerfeld brings the chocolate…if not the taste (ManoloFood)
Mission Accomplished 2.0 (Lolebrity)
Can we get Hamlet updated for bodybuilders? Yes, yes we can. (AgentBedhead)
Can Obama protect us from Charlie Sheen, Free Agent? (BusyBeeBlogger)
PARDON RICK SPRINGFIELD!!! (CelebritySmack)
Declare Beckam’s Birthday a national holiday! (DippedinCream)
Can Obama get Miley Cyrus to keep it in her pants? (FitFabCeleb)
Ban the ballcap! Celebrities can afford better, surely? (GirlsTalkinSmack)
In the name of all that is holy, STOP THE CELEBRITY NEPOTISM (HollywoodHiccups)
Can he get me an invitation to Goldie Hawn’s ranch, too? (MathewGuiver)
Will he appoint Britney Ambassador? (PoorBritney)
Can we lock Lohan up and throw away the key? (PopBytes)
America needs heroes like these! (SwoonWorthy)
Fight hunger! Feed the celebrities! (TheSkinny)