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Dances with Dorks

Starring everyone’s favorite awkward uncle, Prince Charles, busting a move and maybe a few vertebrae in a traditional Saudi Arabian dance. Keep in mind that in Saudi the sexes cannot dance together, lest they be overcome by lust, so you might want to keep a cold shower handy while watching.

Then again, maybe not.

If he turns your crank, however (and he has turned a few in his time, must be the ears) you can try persuading any awkward man of middling height to wear this charming accessory while tripping the light or lumbering fantastic as the case may be.

This should toast your chestnuts

PHG and Askars

PHG and Askars

Yes, it’s Prince Hot Ginge’s enormous ginger beard backing up Askars for Christmas. Don’t say we never did nuthin’ for ya! If that Tom of Finland style shot doesn’t warm your cockles nothing will.

Happy Halloween from Ayyyy!

Princess Charlene is Disney's newest villainess: Melancholia

Princess Charlene is Disney’s newest villainess: Melancholia

Looking like Maleficent’s blonde evil cheerleader niece, Princess Charlene represents dutifully, as she always does. The day when she finally snaps, I hope the paparazzi are there to see it.

If you’ve left things till far too late and still haven’t got a good costume (what, no Guy Fieri?) and decided you haven’t got the bod (or the tolerance for synthetics) to do a Miley Cyrus, never fear. We’ve got a do-it-yourself gecko costume from the same YouTube genius as brought you Miley. Enjoy?

Also, we toast the return of Chloe!

If you neglected Halloween altogether, you can always print yourself out an Anonymous mask and hang out till November 5 and the Million Mask March.

Someday My Prince Will Come

Prince Andrew Uniformly Attractive

Prince Andrew Uniformly Attractive

Prince Andrew in a sweater could make me sweat

Prince Andrew in a sweater could make me sweat

Prince Andrew fly me to the moon

Prince Andrew fly me to the moon

Alas, by the time he finally shows up, he’ll be thirty years past his best-before date.

 

Prince Andrew today *SOBS*

Prince Andrew today *SOBS*

Although the part about being held at gunpoint as an intruder would be par for the course for my boyfriends, if not usually at their mothers’ houses. Oh, Randy Andy, ou sont les hunks d’antan?

Madame Tussaud’s Finest Hour

MoneGASP! Royal Family.

MoneGASP! Royal Family.

Designer Karl Lagerfeld stares grimly at the latest exhibition in the House of Wax. Sure, he recognizes Princess Caroline and her brother, along with his corpse bride. And who doesn’t know Natalia Vodyanova, even in that ghastly lipstick? Alas, M. Arnault there looks more like a youthful Griffin Dunne, while unfortunately, none of the attendants was able to enlighten Uncle Karl as to the reason the Stockard Channing figurine on the far left was included in the display.

Hump Day Hunk: Prince William’s Murse

Prince William and his faithful Murse

Prince William and his faithful Murse

He may have been a mere tow-headed tyke, but even then Prince William would have none of your saucy sartorial side-eye. A boy needs his murse.

Prince H

Prince Heidi Ho

Prince Heidi Ho

HRH Prince Harry of Great Britain. Harry, short for Heidi, apparently. Dare we hope Heidi Ho?

For Queen and Corgis!

Queen and Dorgis

Queen and Dorgis

Well, actually these aren’t corgis. They’re the corgi/dachshund cross that resulted from the time Princes Margaret’s dachsie got his freak on with one of the Queen’s bitches. Still cute though, and just in time for SunDog!

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