Want:

The Marie Antoinette Hoodie. Decapitate! It's great!

I NEED this in time for Bastille Day! Let’s toast to this excellent Threadless design with a glass of fine Armagnac diluted with just a splash of the late queen’s favorite tipple, Evian water. I can’t drink Evian straight; as Janis Joplin said, No water in my whiskey, man. It hurts my throat.

And now, your Friday gossip link roundup:

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Shadow of a Superstar (Ayyyy)
Katherine Heigl gets the new Colonic Facial (CelebrityBeehive)
Herman. Pee-Wee Herman. (Lolebrity)
Fresh, free-range Hamm (Gawker)
War Dog of the Week (Warning: sappy) (ForeignPolicy)
That’s no lady! (AgentBedhead)
Two minutes and thirty-nine seconds with James Franco (AmyGrindhouse)
Dolph Lundgren is just asking for it (BusyBeeBlogger)
Dora the Explorer on the rocks (CeleBitchy)
Lindsay Lohan is not such a twit anymore (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Kim Kardashian’s snack tray holds a drink (CelebritySmack)
Britney weaned the kids off Cosmos (CityRag)
Cojo vs Ronald McDonald (CojoStyle)
Amy Winehouse crashes a lap (CrazyDaysAndNights)
Wino has “something” up her nose (INeedMyFix)
I SAID, Pull up yo damn pants! (Crunk&Disorderly)
Awww, I bet on Aeschylus (DailyStab)
Sienna Miller loves dressing up in Grandma’s outfits (DListed)
Is Renee Zellweger Bridget Jones or Jennifer Aniston? (EvilBeet)
Gooooood morning, Republicans! (HaveUHeard)
Snooki is a lobster racist! (IBBB)
80′s cartoon trivia quiz (LitelySalted)
Grover stars in new Old Spice campaign (MovieLine)
Amy Winehouse’s Taxi Driver (PerezHilton)
Weird celebrity fetish news (SeriouslyOMG)
Creepy celebrity dolls (ASL)

Yes, Prince Andrew, Duke of York, ex-husband of Fergie, the former Randy Andy, uncle of the two reigning Royal Hunks. These two shots are living proof that the minute they discover golf they begin to go to seed. (side note: feathers are totally in this year)

James Dean has a surprise for Roddy McDowell (Lolebrity)

Barack Obama’s terrorist connections! (raincoaster)

This is beyond(ce) good taste (AgentBedhead)

KFat is back (AmyGrindhouse)

Lindsay Lohan’s got a face for radio (BusyBeeBlogger)

Elizabeth Hurley is full of … hot water? (CeleBitchy)

Happy Birthday, Ginger Nice (CelebrityFashionWatcher)

Mariah is mum (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Best Lilo pun of the week (CityRag)

Bonono (CojoStyle)

Courtney Loves looking smart (GoFugYourself)

also loves her talcum powder! (PerezHilton)

Betty White kicking ass and taking names (HaveUHeard)

Gerard Butler’s bust (INeedMyFix)

Urine time! (IBBB)

Ronaldo is dating Damien from The Omen? (JustJared)

Daniel Radcliffe’s Out Outtakes (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Does this blood make me look fat?

If I’m going to Get The Look, I’m sure as HELL not wearing it sober! This calls for a Naked Martini, otherwise known as three ounces of gin and an olive. In fact, it calls for three or four of them.

Seriously, it looks like The Manson Family Goes to Burning Man.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail:
I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Eat, Brains, Love (Lolebrity)
Marilyn Monroe was crafty! (raincoaster)
Less of a teaser and more of a threat, I’d say (AgentBedhead)
Christina Ricci can dial a phone without using her hands (AmyGrindhouse)
This is why they call them Twits (AnythingHollywood)
Matthew McConaughey in see-through top (BusyBeeBlogger)
There are two good reasons ScarJo lost this role (CeleBitchy)
Happy Birthday Sea- DON’T HIT ME!!! DON’T HIT ME!!! (CelebrityFashionWatcher)
This might make me like Justin Bieber (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)
First Christopher Hitchens, now Michael Douglas (CelebritySmack)
Nicole Kidman’s architect is Fisher-Price (CityRag)
Jesus is a Bieber impersonator (CojoStyle)
Up With Juggalos! (DailyStab)
Holy crap, that Mel Gibson doesn’t mess around (GabbyBabble)
The blonde leading the blonde (GoFugYourself)
Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in White Hunter, Black Swan (HaveUHeard)
How long is this woman going to have to dress like this before the pregnancy rumours start, people? (INeedMyFix)
True Blood: Get the look! (Whatevs)
What a hoser, eh? (JustJared)
This blog is unapologetically pro-tux. Dapper formal wear for all! (PerezHilton)
Levi Johnson has a clean Slate (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Now it’s Britney who’s Drrrrrty (PoorBritney)
Celebrity alma maters (UKPopSugar)
The Brady Bunch get summer jobs; this is not a repeat from 1972 (SeriouslyOMG)

Jennifer Aniston as Barbra Streisand as Snooki

It’s true. Once seen CANNOT BE UNSEEN. Snooki is everywhere, I’m telling you!

Jennifer Anniston as Barbra Streisand as Snooki in leopard

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail:
I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

And now, to our winners-and-losers-themed links

raincoaster won a makeover! (raincoaster)
Ned Flanders’ Deaf Metal (Lolebrity)
Shopping Spree Contest! (Shoeblogs)
Fat people win! (ManoloBig)
Who’s that (famous) man? (ManoloMen)
Abandoned cottage makeover (ManoloHome)
Sometimes everybody wins, whether they know it or not (ManoloBrides)
Gwyneth Paltrow finally wins my pity (AgentBedhead)
Spokesmodels Sandra Bullock and Betty White get down and dirty (AllieIsWired)
Britney Spears wins respect??? (AmyGrindhouse)
Scott Disick wins a 28 day vacation! (BricksAndStones)
Joel Madden dishes up a free dinner for the starving (BusyBeeBlogger)
John Goodman wins by losing (CeleBitchy)
Lindsay Lohan wins freedom, is still a loser (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Mad Men casting call contest (CelebritySmack)
Your eyeballs are the big losers here (CojoStyle)
You win some, you lose some (hair) (DailyStab)
The women of the world lose, big-time (DListed)
Jackie O wins at everything (EvilBeet)
The watermelon test (FourFour)
Look who won the box office! (GabbyBabble)
Win Real Housewives swag! (HaveUHeard)
This Details interview is a win for everyone except Tom Cruise (JustJared)
Somebody won the fertility lottery again (PerezHilton)
Torchwood wins, loses, wins, loses, wins, loses… (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Who will Buy Britney for this Blogger! (PoorBritney)
Any day I can post a Prince William story, I’ve won (UKPopSugar)
Tila Tequila drives a Lambo, is still a loser (PopBytes)
This is why Craig Ferguson wins the universe today (SeriouslyOMG)

which isn’t as filthy as it sounds.

Princess Diana In Memoreo

It just means I’ve found EatingOffThePeople’sPrincess, a blog that consists of nothing but artfully consumed and arranged foods on a Princess Diana commemorative plate. I mean, did the world really have to wait for blogs to come into existence to give these things a purpose? What did people do with them before, other than sell them on eBay and flea markets? How many generations of royal divorces would you have to collect these puppies to have four place settings, anyway? I don’t remember any Princess Margaret/Tony Snowdon commemorative divorce plates.

Be sure and see the “Di Hard” and “Di Harder” entries! I wonder if this counts as posthumous public service?

You won’t believe this. Your brain will explode from all the fabulousness on display as Tim Gunn of Project Runway tears apart the worst-loved super hero costumes of all time:

“You’d think an escape artist would want to have peripheral vision…”

“This looks so Broadway! I can just see Ann Miller tapdancing in this,” on Catwoman’s outfit. “I’m a fan of the Michelle Pfeiffer look, not the Halle Berry one. If your look is invoking the word “Halloween” that’s a sign it’s not working for you.”

And part two:

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail:
I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Lindsay Lohan’s new low: cannibalism! (Lolebrity)
Celebutweet of the day: Mel Gibson (TrueSlant)
Don’t stop till you’ve got enough (raincoaster)
The magical healing power of shoes! (ShoeBlogs)
Not exactly the Dove of Peace (ManoloBig)
The sweet smell of Success! (ManoloMen)
CelebrityDad Faceoff: Bale vs Day-Lewis (TeenyManolo)
George Carlin was prescient (ManoloFood)
Reincarnating furniture (ManoloHome)
If Donnie Darko had lived, this would have been his wedding cake (ManoloBrides)
Kim Cattrall’s dream comes true (BusyBeeBlogger)
Vampires crushed by super-villain (CeleBitchy)
Switzerland is NO place for a family vacation! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Pro-Am pornstar challenge! (CelebritySmack)
Brad Pitt once again beautiful beyond the lot of mortals (DListed)
The most mind-boggling piece of clothing in the history of the world (FourFour)
The Dream is over for Christina Milian (GabbyBabble)
Angelina defends her celebucub fashionista (HaveUHeard)
Pamela Anderson is going back in time! (EvilBeet)
Cindy Crawford is not mortal! (INeedMyFix)
But Betty White IS a god! (Movieline)
Prince Harry’s ex downgrades to reality tv (UKPopSugar)
How can you be so messed up you get fired from being a rehab patient? (PopBytes)
The King and Queen of America (SeriouslyOMG)
Who got cheated on the Emmy Nominations? (SquareEyes)

Yes, Kristen Stewart smiling. I couldn’t believe it either.

Michael Jackson, a saint for our times (TrueSlant)

Michael Jackson still dead: update at 11 (raincoaster)

Chuck Norris, designer (lolebrity)

Atheists don’t get hymns (TheManolo)

Work it out (ManoloHome)

Consolation Prize (ManoloBig)

Swaddling clothes have a LIMIT PEOPLE: Bridal Diaper myth debunked (ManoloBrides)

It’s confession time! (TeenyManolo)

Katy Perry and Russell Brand are off the market? (AllieIsWired)

Sandra is Free! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lohan 2.0 isn’t waiting for the casting agents (CeleBitchy)

The plastic surgery double standard (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Jennifer Capriati took a shot at suicide (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Amy Locane DUI Death (CelebritySmack)

Pocket celebs (CityRag)

I’m sorry, hon, Elizabeth Hurley comes along once in a lifetime (SeriouslyOMG)

Oprah on top (HaveUHeard)

Prince Harry goes down (INeedMyFix)

Wow. Real life wins, for once.

[If you're a gossip blogger who'd rather be drinking than linking, drop me an email at raincoaster at gmail dot com. I'm offering an affordable new link outsourcing service.]

Elizabeth Taylor vs Plastic Grrl! (TrueSlant)

Gaga, Grounded (Lolebrity)

Zee Frenssssh! (TheManolo)

This has GOT to be some horrible Freudian metaphor (ManoloHome)

Terror in the Kitchen! (ManoloFood)

About that bottle of Scotch… (ManoloBig)

Buddy got back (problems)? (ManoloMen)

Hit the Target! (TeenyManolo)

Hamlet would not have married her (ManoloBrides)

Jonah, Hexed (AgentBedhead)

Robert Pattinson CARES about us! (AmyGrindhouse)

Amy Winehouse, drama queen? (BricksAndStones)

Clive Owen smells (BusyBeeBlogger)

OK! is a comedy magazine? (CeleBitchy)

The Bride of Wildenstein (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

We have a Gaga DOWN! Repeat: we have a Gaga DOWN! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

ONE LiLo is quite sufficient, thank you (CelebritySmack)

A dandy reason to hang out in cafes (OhTheScandal)

Suri’s tribal tattoos (CityRag)

Not all royals have British Teeth (CojoStyle)

Jimmy Buffet is pro-Margarita, anti-Oilspill (DailyStab)

Five bucks on Sarah Jessica Parker’s twins (DListed)

Daniel Radcliffe does not fancy the Bieber (EvilBeet)

You do NOT go up against Oprah, my friend. (GabbyBabble)

Maybe she could just use the eyeshadow on her legs? (GoFugYourself)

I suspect Gaga (HaveUHeard)

Prince Albert locked down (INeedMyFix)

I’m ok, Britney’s a nutbar? (PoorBritney)

The Hills are alive with the sound of recaps (IBBB)

Ke$ha <3 Star Trek (JustJared)

10 greatest Real Worlders (MovieLine)

George Michael goes Down Under to come out on top (PerezHilton)

RPatz seen with Banksy ex (UKPopSugar)

I think Madame Tussaud’s just “repurposed” the Delta Burke statue (PopBytes)

The man dates Katy Perry: he’s never SEEN those before (SeriouslyOMG)