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Sarah Jessica Parker, exercising damage control

Please, I don’t know these people!

No use hiding Sarah Jessica Parker, we know it’s you under all that hair and skintight glitter.  But we can understand why you wouldn’t want to be photographed hanging out with certain people.  Word might get around that you wholeheartedly endorse certain things about them, like his flashy new website and what’s become of her hair.

Dawn Links

RIP YSL (TeenyManolo)

Angelina and Brad: all ur babeez (Lolebrity)

MTV Awards liveblogging (Defamer)

Heart-Shaped box? Kurt Cobain’s ashes stolen (NewsOfTheWorld)

More Death of Gen-X news: Donnie Darko sequel coming (AgentBedhead)

Win Radiohead! (POTP)

Tomkat’s Thetan-exorcism/housewarming party (OK)

Steven Tyler is a surprisingly good actor, if you buy this (CelebritySmack)

Chris Rock rocks (Websters)

Manhattanhenge (CityRag)

20 hottest young royals. Hair apparently optional for Heir Apparent (Bumpshack)

The Clay Aiken pregnancy story debunked (IBBB)

Sarah Jessica Parker’s gown gets around (Gawker)

Real people duke it out over which of them is the real imaginary person (PageSix)

Amy Winehouse doing exactly as well as expected after drive-through rehab (CeleBitchy)

Victoria Beckham has some trouble at the Marc Jacobs fitting (TheRadReport)

Rainn Wilson gets fashion tips from Ayyyy (JustJared)

Pete Wentz rocks the manpris as his wife bails on concert tour (DailyStab)

Jessica Simpson still dragging Tony Romo around (ImNotObsessed)

Warrant out for Christina Aguilera (CandyKirby)

Tatum O’Neal back on crack (Mollygood)

Universal Studios on fire, and we don’t mean their movies! (PerezHilton)

Missing Links and Party Animals

Link Challenge: Animal Magnetism

Victory for Narnia! (BuzzSugar)

Jack Black’s Pandamonium (Lolebrity)

Carrie Underwood executes tricky reverse camel toe with half-revolution (IBBB)

Party animal Paula Abdul celebrates Sober Day (SeriouslyOMG)

Gwyneth Paltrow, Joaquin Phoenix and the Brain-Eating Frogs (CandyKirby)

Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty and other beautiful, unhousebroken creatures (GabbyBabble)

A lion protects her cubs: a Lohan, on the other hand… (CeleBitchy)

Kitlers vs Uwe Boll (AgentBedhead)

Megan Fox flips for Peter Fox (CelebritySmack)

Guess who’s prehensile claws these are! (Bastardly)

Lindsay Lohan’s minkgate continues (EvilBeet)

Bunnies on the Loose! (DailyStab)

Secretariat in Paris (ImNotObsessed)

John Mayer also horse-like, but not horsey (CelebSlam)

Hello Kitty appointed Japanese ambassador to the world (DListed)

Sexiest Male Vegetarians…could use some meat (Defamer)

Nicole Kidman visibly carrying passenger (Mollygood)

Attention-seeking is a highly competitive game

Jaunty

Don’t you hate it when you’ve spent a whole afternoon trying to clobber together your most eyecatching combination of accessories, only to be outdone by the hat that ate Leicester Square?

It’s a man eater

Giant on the Loose In NYC! Accessorized Like a 5th Grade Girl!

 Reports are coming in slowly, but it is rumored that the giant is angry and prone to throwing massive hair scrunchies at marginally talented actresses.

Oh No! Not the slap bracelet!!!

We have not yet been able to confirm reports that earlier today Kim Cattrall was taken out by a six-foot slap bracelet.

Information Superlinkway

Lily Allen miscarriage (PerezHilton)

Was Gywneth Paltrow’s hospital visit pregnancy-related? (HollywoodBackwash)

B52s release a new album (WOWReport)

Pete Doherty wears lingerie (Yeeeeah)

Or maybe he goes commando (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse’s husband is a Mommy’s Boy (CelebWarship)

Diddy needs a new parasol valet (ASocialitesLife)

Piven buys dresses for women he’s never met (Mollygood)

Tara Reid; your drunk boobie pix roundup (Cityrag)

Sarah Jessica Parker pretends she didn’t have a nose job (ImNotObsessed)

There’s more than one Britney Spears? OH NOES! (JustJared)

Oprah fires Dr Phil’s Britney-bandwagon-jumping opportunistic Texas ass (Popbytes)

Hasselhoff holidays in rehab, lives out Fairytale of New York (CeleBitchy)

Rachel Ray throws coffee diva fit (HolyCandy)

Kate Moss, now appearing as Slutty Professor Trelawney (GoFugYourself)

The Albino Wino goes haywire (DListed)

Everybody wants Britney dead (Defamer)

Johnny Depp dresses down for Paris (CelebritySmack)

Meta! Article on how people don’t read (Gawker)

Joan Collins, rock of ages (Jezebel)

Only two more sleeps till Halloween

If you are still locked in the throes of indecision, fret no further for I have given you below the visual tools to looking utterly fabulous on the scariest night of the year – the pointed hat & chin combo, the self adhesive werewolf hair patch, the full length fully-lined cape and Richard Grieco.

For the lovesick couples, I invite you to eschew the Brangelina, the Bill and Hillary or the Beckhams and go as something way more mysterious and spooky, even alltogether ooky. Something neat..sweet..petite (da da da da dum, snap snap).

It’s been a rough week for Sarah Jessica Parker

Geez, what’s a girl gotta do to get some soft lighting and hand cream around here?

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