I think it says a lot about my age when every time I see anything about the new Transformers movie, my mind automatically turns it into “The Dark Side of the Moon.”

I don’t know much about Shia LeBeouf.  Well, actually, he seems kind of like a self-centered jerk. But what I do know is that since he ruined the last Indiana Jones movie for me, I refuse to pay money to watch him perform.  Cate Blanchett wasn’t any good in the movie either, but it’s Cate Blanchett.  Galadriel gets a lifetime pass.

Fred Astaire loved his shoes

Strangely for a man of his era, but not-so-strangely for a trained athlete, Fred strongly maintained that he had no favorite drink, so I suppose when we salute Fred we will have to do it with an elegant dancing slipper full of imaginary Champagne. He may not have known much about alcohol, but he obviously knew from shoes, and for that we honour him.

And then trudge right on to our tawdry, drunken gossip links. *hic*

The secret of Rebecca Black’s success (raincoaster)

Happy Birthday, Brando (ManoloFood)

Show of hands! (Ayyyy)

The Great Game? (Lolebrity)

in the same way diarrhea is explosive (AgentBedhead)

Mae West could tame anything (BusyBeeBlogger)

Celebrity Apprentice roundup (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Elizabeth Hurley is back, bitches! (CelebritySmack)

The Ambiguously Gay Duo IRL (CelebVIPLounge)

Maybe we should drop HIM on Benghazi? (DailyStab)

But you couldn’t pay her to listen (EarSucker)

Billy Ray bought the first one! (FitFabCeleb)

OMG it’s like stretch pants got marked down at Walmart! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Heidi Klum slimed! (HaveUHeard)

Crackers, Jack. (HollywoodHiccups)

Lindsay Lohan typecast (INeedMyFix)

It’s like if Mad Max Thunderdome had cheerleaders (MathewGuiver)

Just how Fatale is Britney? (PoorBritney)

He could slime me anytime (SwoonWorthy)

OMG fatty fat fatties! (TheSkinny)

and, apparently, oblivious to the fact that her dress is caught in her pantyhose.

Let’s toast the fact that WE are not, as Gallagher says, walking around with our clothes tucked into our underwear, with a Kilt Lifter Ale and a sigh of relief.

Angels are devils (raincoaster)
Lady Gaga is an ape (Ayyyy)
Survival tips for meeting the savage Naomi Campbell (CelebrityBeehive)
The end of civilization as we know it (AgentBedhead)
This will probably be the most beautiful child ever made (BusyBeeBlogger)
Some fine DNA dodged a bullet with this one (CeleBitchy)
Meanwhile, Gisele is spreading hers around (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Hairless ape has, yes, another book deal (DailyStab)
This is like crossing a Shetland Pony and a Mastodon (HaveUHeard)
Vestigal celebutard, the last of its species, manages to survive (INeedMyFix)
RIP James Dean (Lolebrity)
Former child stars butt heads to establish dominance (PerezHilton)
For conspiracy fans: The Midwich Rockers Approacheth! (PregnancyFashion)

I really don’t know what he’s doing, but he seems to be having fun with it.

PS thought it was time I throw a bone to the pre-cougar age group. You’re welcome.

“Juliet? You’re breaking up…look, why don’t we just meet at the churchyard? You bring the eyeliner and candles, I’ll bring some Evanescence CDs.”

He Pingping was a small wonder (True/Slant)

Bogie prepares to par-tay! (Lolebrity)

Iggy goes off-script (AgentBedhead)

The Betty and Veronica of male has-beens continue their respective roles (AmyGrindhouse)

Russell Brand can’t even walk barefoot correctly (BusyBeeBlogger)

Britney’s on the loose! (CeleBitchy)

Irish sayings for St. Patrick’s Day (CelebritySmack)

American Idol is killer (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Michael Lohan has a heart??? (DailyStab)

Kim Cattrall, Cat woman (INeedMyFix)

Kirstie Alley is cheap and irreligious! (HaveUHeard)

Shia Labeouf  should have gotten a hook! (GabbyBabble)

Have you seen Kate Winslet’s bum? (EvilBeet)

Betty White is a goddess! (IBBB)

Justin Biehber is a Twit! (LitelySalted)

Coco is a dictator! (Movieline)

Ben Stiller is a victim! (SeriouslyOMG)

Supernatural is covered! (TenGossip)

Yes, herbal tea. We’re way holistic around these parts, yo. Especially when we’re hung over.

Time for the Libertines (AgentBedhead)

Christian Bale’s Terminal hotness (AmyGrindhouse)

Hugh Jackman dials down the testosterone (BusyBeeBlogger)

Michael Jackson’s kids surprisingly normal-looking (GlamBabyBumps)

Let’s speak Frankly (BWE)

Emma Watson, princess? (CeleBitchy)

Michael Jackson has skin cancer (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Kathleen Turner, you’ve changed (CelebuWreck)

Katie Price pimps out pix (HolyMoly)

The Ricky Martin of Greece wins Eurovision (DListed)

Shia’s greatest roll? (EvilBeet)

Patriotic partying with the Hoff (GabbyBabble)

Uncle Karl’s walk in the park (FakeKarlLagerfeld)

More Mariah (PopBytes)

New Viggo! (UKPopSugar)

CHiPs 2.0 (INO)

John Mayer survives brutal attack (SeriouslyOMG)

Giving every middle-aged sex fiend false hope (AgentBedhead)

Britney’s first choice busted! (Celebitchy)

In the UK t hey do celeb wrapping paper, here, we have celeb condomwrapping. (CelebritySlam)

Full House fully in revival (DailyStab)

 It’s the end of the world as we know it (Defamer)

TomKat poses well (EvilBeet)

Barack + Barbara = Love (GabbyBabble)

 Twilight fashion crimes (GoFugYourself)

Full House to be refilled (CandyKirby)

 Lilo’s Fun with MySpace (IBBB)

Shia on a skateboard (JustJared)

Maddox makes your baby feel inadequate (PopSugar)

Madonna, photographed by Jules Verne (Websters)

 The Puppycam Diaspora (Gawker)

Shia LaBruised recovers from cougar attack (Defamer)

Golden Girl, you are not so Golden (BusyBee)

The first rule of Aloe Vera Club is… (AgentBedhead)

The Hoff is an EMPEROR! (CeleBitchy)

Kelly Osbourne has a black eye (CelebritySmack)

Your Daily Kiefer (DailyStab)(Sigh)

Tequila: Lost, but not forgotten (Defamer)

How can we be lovers if we can’t be Nicolette Sheridan Friends (DListed)

Britney spends time with her tots (GabbyBabble)

Top 10 Beauties (CandyKirby)

Ben Affleck is outward bound (PopSugar)

The political also-ran catfight. What the hell: there isn’t anything else on. (CNN)