Want:

The Marie Antoinette Hoodie. Decapitate! It's great!

I NEED this in time for Bastille Day! Let’s toast to this excellent Threadless design with a glass of fine Armagnac diluted with just a splash of the late queen’s favorite tipple, Evian water. I can’t drink Evian straight; as Janis Joplin said, No water in my whiskey, man. It hurts my throat.

And now, your Friday gossip link roundup:

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Shadow of a Superstar (Ayyyy)
Katherine Heigl gets the new Colonic Facial (CelebrityBeehive)
Herman. Pee-Wee Herman. (Lolebrity)
Fresh, free-range Hamm (Gawker)
War Dog of the Week (Warning: sappy) (ForeignPolicy)
That’s no lady! (AgentBedhead)
Two minutes and thirty-nine seconds with James Franco (AmyGrindhouse)
Dolph Lundgren is just asking for it (BusyBeeBlogger)
Dora the Explorer on the rocks (CeleBitchy)
Lindsay Lohan is not such a twit anymore (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Kim Kardashian’s snack tray holds a drink (CelebritySmack)
Britney weaned the kids off Cosmos (CityRag)
Cojo vs Ronald McDonald (CojoStyle)
Amy Winehouse crashes a lap (CrazyDaysAndNights)
Wino has “something” up her nose (INeedMyFix)
I SAID, Pull up yo damn pants! (Crunk&Disorderly)
Awww, I bet on Aeschylus (DailyStab)
Sienna Miller loves dressing up in Grandma’s outfits (DListed)
Is Renee Zellweger Bridget Jones or Jennifer Aniston? (EvilBeet)
Gooooood morning, Republicans! (HaveUHeard)
Snooki is a lobster racist! (IBBB)
80′s cartoon trivia quiz (LitelySalted)
Grover stars in new Old Spice campaign (MovieLine)
Amy Winehouse’s Taxi Driver (PerezHilton)
Weird celebrity fetish news (SeriouslyOMG)
Creepy celebrity dolls (ASL)

Busted! Robert Downey Jr playfully outs Jude Law’s clever hickey-hiding strategy. How is Sienna these days, anyway?

All (strangely enough) happy to be associated with the release of GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra, but can you tell which one of us ultimately bested the said cobra and turned it into a crotch hugging suit for the heck of it?

It was just one of those days. One of those Double Jack Daniels Manhattan days. Actually, it was one of those TWO Double Jack Daniels Manhattan days.

Moving on…

Another reason to hate Gwyneth Paltrow (HolyMoly)

Lady Gaga NSFAustralia (AmyGrindhouse)

Lindsay Lohan drunk-dials US (BusyBeeBlogger)

Octovision! (AgentBedhead)

Bono goes fishing (PopBytes)

Honestly, who brings their own drugs to a jail visit? (CelebritySmack)

Pink’s washboard (TheBlemish)

Jessica Simpson soon to appear at an unemployment office near you (CeleBitchy)

Nerdcore man-candy at Star Trek promo (EvilBeet)

Eminem shares the Spock luv (Jezebel)

DRod gets deep sixed (DailyStab)

Rapunzel Man (DListed)

The Beatles are back! (GabbyBabble)

Harriet Carter Wednesday (IBBB)

Sienna Miller’s chest sponsored by Burger King and Spongebob Squarepants? (INO)

Madonna adopts Italy (UKPopSugar)

Lilo unrestrained! (POTP)

Twitter owns Ashlee Simpson’s baby pix (JustJared)

Head Start for Celebrity Babies (SeriouslyOMG)

Hugh Jackman drops in (ASL)

JLoHew’s escort faux pas (TENGossip)

All actresses with enviable decolletages, but one of us seems to have nipples that have gravitated too far south.  Can you tell which one, dear readers?

You need something nourishing if you’re going to pull an all-nighter, and the midnight cocktail has nutritious Stout, full of sustaining carbs!

Michael Jackson “his” Blanket (YBF)

Bai Ling and Mickey Rourke, king and queen of Hell Prom Night (Websters)

Dame Edna for MAC cosmetics, NO REALLY (WOWReport)

Paula Abdul changes it up (CityRag)

Oprah was a bad girl? Are you on crack? (CeleBitchy)

How to make it onto American Idol in 20 easy steps (BWE)

Is this the next Ambassador to the Court of St. James? (FakeKarl)

The Hudson River Miracle (Gawker)

The Hero of the Hudson (EvilBeet)

Christmas lives forever in the heart of Taylor Momsen (JustJared)

Jade Goody has never looked better (HollywoodTuna)

The BAFTAS don’t care about British people! (Defamer)

Katie Holmes is on fiyah! (CandyKirby)

Sienna Miller shops from someone else’s cart (Lainey)

Britney’s Fantasy Island discovered, mapped (GOTA)

Patrick Swayze is ON! (SeriouslyOMG)

Stars as Big Girls (PopBytes)

Pink never drops them, she just recycles them (POTP)

Lily Allen is VERY close to her brother (BFYL)

Travesty Alert: Karate Kid remake (IBBB)

The hottest accessory in Hollywood (CelebritySmack)

Karl does not care about your demode recession woes (HolyMoly)

Fake Chanel, real useful (Cvxn)

Anne Hathaway has found her new liar (AmyGrindhouse)

Verne Troyer on the rampage! (TheLondonBlog)

How to start a cult (AgentBedhead)

The Happy Birthday Kate Moss quiz (UKPopSugar)

There’s an entire family of Mule drinks including the Moscow Mule, a hangover perhaps from the days when they were more common than Kias and performed more or less the same work. Among them, one stands alone: the Mule’s Hind Leg is to be avoided at all costs, particularly the cost of your sanity the next day.

Not that I would know anything about that.

Free Starbucks coffee for voters! (CelebuWreck)

Rihanna believes your bag should always be bigger than your dress (CelebrityFashionWatcher)

FYI no, Cher does not have cancer (CelebrityDirt)

SNL soon not to return SOMEBODY’s calls (BusyBeeBlogger)

Bruno crashes anti-gay rally (JustJared)

Buy Saddam Hussein’s yacht (Bitten&Bound)

Anonymous attacked! (AgentBedhead)

Helena Christiansen is queen of the cougars for Agent Provocateur (CeleBitchy)

Some people will do ANYTHING to get elected (CelebritySmack)

Peaches Geldof pulls a Winona Ryder (HolyMoly)

Ryan Reynolds on the New York Marathon (DailyStab)

It’s Jennifer Aniston’s fault you’re pregnant (CandyKirby)

Politics: it’s black and white (Mollygood)

Robert Downey Jr’s manparts in peril! (Defamer)

Sienna Miller now being paid to freak out (UKPopsugar)

I like to have a Martini
I like three, at most
After three I’m under the table
After four, I’m under the host!
Dorothy Parker

Sienna Miller, superhero! (Lolebrity)

Janet Jackson appears to believe she’s one as well (JustJared)

It’s Pink Shirt Day! (TeenyManolo)

Mischa Mouse debuts as designer (CelebuWreck)

This Brit makes an ass of herself (AgentBedhead)

Congratulations to Miss Tara Reid on her engagement (CelebritySmack)

Congratulations to Miss Samantha Ronson on her engagement (HolyMoly)

Petra Nemcova congratulates Kelly Osbourne on her skirt made entirely of disco shirts (DailyStab)

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt reunited? (GabbyBabble)

Jessica Alba’s BDSM PSA (EvilBeet)

Harriet Carter lingerie day, yay! (IBBB)

Katy Perry, novelty stripper in a toddler costume (Websters)

Ashton Kutcher on the bathroom habits of the billionaires (POTP)

Is it hot in here or is it just me? (AprilWinchell)

Betsey Johnson is SO STOKED for Talk Like A Pirate Day (GoFugYourself)

La WHA? (CrunkAndDisorderly)

Bears invade LA! (CandyKirby)

The secret history of the Obama pig (Defamer)

Anne Hathaway is no longer a receiver of stolen goods (TheSmokingGun)

When you’ve struck out everywhere else… (SeriouslyOMG)

The Brohawk, in its native environment (Radar)