Professonal golfer John Daly here exhibits all the classical restraint and good taste for which he and his cohort are celebrated at country clubs around the world.
Which must be why Donald Trump wants to get into the biz.
In related news, I used to work with an aspiring pro golfer at Starbucks, and I made him raise his right hand and swear never to wear dorky clothes. He promised to be the first hip-hop golfer in the world.
Also: these are pajamas. I own them, that’s how I know. Also, give thanks you’re seeing them now, and not once they’ve shrunk a bit. Austin Powers Moose Knuckle is not a good look on anyone!
And now, in an effortless segue, your celebrity link roundup for today:
If you got into Hogwarts… (raincoaster)
Swag: I has it! (Ayyyy)
Naughty Potters! (ManoloFood)
James Potter LIVES! (Lolebrity)
Return of the Living Dead (tv shows) (Crasstalk)
Mel Gibson has been a bad, bad boy! (AgentBedhead)
Jewel has a chip (BusyBeeBlogger)
Daisy Lowe is 22 going on 45 (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Zooey “Snobby Cow” Deschanel vs Journo (CelebritySmack)
Beyonce-daddy attempts reputation management (CelebVIPLounge)
Harry Potter, dirty tagger! (CityRag)
Kennedy castoff gets part-time job (EarSucker)
Baby Spice Impersonator earns five quick bucks (FitFabCeleb)
Haven’t seen much of you lately…until you wore THIS! (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Shia is full of Shiat (HaveUHeard)
That’s what you get for slumming, Nicki Minaj (HollywoodHiccups)
Britney beats back the Bad Boys of Fleet Street (PoorBritney)
Lindsay Lohan shot! (TheSkinnyChic)
Finally, the US government does something I like: they celebrate the immortal holiday known around the world (or at least around the Capitol) as Seersucker Thursday. Guess what they do on Seersucker Thursday? Sure, wear seersucker suits, but they also…um.
Play seersucker games?
Eat special seersucker foods?
It is indeed difficult to go wrong with seersucker, perhaps the greatest of America’s innumerable contributions to fabric; however, as the woman on the far right demonstrates, it is indeed possible.
Diagonals? Really??? Diagonals? Somebody didn’t go to boarding school!
Thank god that Don Cherry, Living National Treasure, chose to wear this jacket for tonight’s final. Whenever I couldn’t bear to watch the Canucks, I could at least look at his jacket and pretend I was on mushrooms.
Don Cherry’s suit looks like 1 of those pics where you unfocus your eyes & a dinosaur pops out
and THESE are your gossip links:
Anon and On: what’s everyone’s favorite digital anarchist hive mind up to lately? Only announcing its one year plan to change the world. Yeah, good luck with that. Also, who the hell takes marketing tips from Stalin? (raincoaster)
Taste the Biscuit: whatever it is, it tastes like 70′s synth-jazz and looks like your grandparents playing a set of Iron Maiden at Walmart. (Manolofood)
Barefoot boy revealed: did you guess our long-toed stranger correctly? Check out this fabulous, completely imaginary prize! (Ayyyy)
The Fellowship of the Blind Item: can you guess which LOTR star came on to Sean Bean and got a soaking instead of a tumble? (Lolebrity)
Favorite Movie Soundtracks: what’s yours? Oh really? That’s not as good as mine. I mean, mine is pretty obscure, and you won’t have heard of it, but I bought the soundtrack before the script was even written, back when it was an independent comic and…OW! WHY’D YOU HIT ME??? (Crasstalk)
Spandex is a privilege, not a right, Ke$ha: nobody wants to see your elephanttoe, girl, particularly not with shiny highlights. (AgentBedhead)
Anthony Weiner is a wolf in she’s clothing: and really, anything I could write after that is superfluous, no? (BusyBeeBlogger)
Vanessa Hudgens has apparently hired Anthony Weiner as her stylist: why yes, my laundress always does the ironing in skivvies and four inch heels, doesn’t yours? You must not work in Congress! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Get to know Christian Slater in the Biblical sense: good heavens, clickbaiting? MOI? (CelebVIPLounge)
Ahnold’s babymama is apparently the dumbest person on Earth: how’d you like to start out in life with those two as parents? A condom full of walnuts and an obese plastic surgery addict who does for free things that any self-respecting mistress charges for. (EarSucker)
You’ve gotta get up pretty early to put one over on Kim Cattrall. And while you’re up, you’d better mix her a drink if you know what’s good for you. (FitFabCeleb)
Luke, I am your mother: Natalie Portman spawns successfully! Even I can’t snark on a newborn baby, so that’s all there is to this headline. Awww. (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Five bucks says Joss Stone arranged this: kidnap/murder plot exposed. In other news, Joss Stone still exists. (HaveUHeard)
Liquid Dancer will melt your brain: this man makes Michael Jackson look like Jerry Seinfeld on the dancefloor. (HelloGiggles)
Check out John Edwards’ OKCupid pix: oh wait, that’s his mug shot! God, aren’t you sad you didn’t get to vote for this show pony after all? (HollywoodHiccups)
Justin Timberlake enjoys smoking weed to turn his brain off: the rest of us just listen to his music for that. (INeedMyFix)
WHY did I forget about this Great Dane? And why did I forget I was going with the colon format on these damn links? Because he’s so hot I got discombobulated, that’s why. (SwoonWorthy)
Oh great: Kate Hudson snares another sucker. Start the countdown to the breakup and heroin rehab. (TheSkinnyChic)
At the premiere of Mildred Pierce, Kate Winslet refused to answer questions about the infamous “cigar burn” scene.
Now I need a very strong French 125 so the bubbles can wash that image right out of my mind’s eye. Why don’t you join me in a cocktail and some mindless (yet Shatnerian) gossip links?
Nuclear Boy: World’s least appealing anime character (raincoaster)
Happy Wok! Like! Shatner! Day! (ManoloFood)
Red and Blue and Rad All Over (Ayyyy)
David Lynch’s hair in art history (Lolebrity)
Paris Hilton proves the world is improving (AgentBedhead)
Gwen Stefani in drop-crotch jodhpurs (BusyBeeBlogger)
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Spinsters (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Looks like the herbal tea and yoga aren’t working, Chris (CelebritySmack)
Tolstoy is about to get a lot more bodice-rippy (CelebVIPLounge)
Kirstie Alley has the moves (DailyStab)
James Franco has found his Cinderella (DListed)
Randy Quaid is Big In Vancouver (CeleBitchy)
James Franco is no Perez Hilton (DippedInCream)
Chris Brown, you’re no Charlie Sheen (FitFabCeleb)
More on the Canadian takeover of the entertainment industry (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Mildred, pierced (HaveUHeard)
Another Low-Class Lohan (HollywoodHiccups)
Russell continues Branding (INeedMyFix)
Jennifer Hudson’s dress is NSFEpileptics (MathewGuiver)
Britney Spears? There’s an app for that (PoorBritney)
All About Who??? (PopBytes)
William! Shatner! SHIRTLESS! (Swoonworthy)
80′s groupie still has fans (TheSkinny)
Britney sez Math Is HARD! (TheSkinnyChic)
ZOMG I THINK I JSUT FAINTED… (SeriouslyOMG)
and, apparently, oblivious to the fact that her dress is caught in her pantyhose.
Let’s toast the fact that WE are not, as Gallagher says, walking around with our clothes tucked into our underwear, with a Kilt Lifter Ale and a sigh of relief.
Angels are devils (raincoaster)
Lady Gaga is an ape (Ayyyy)
Survival tips for meeting the savage Naomi Campbell (CelebrityBeehive)
The end of civilization as we know it (AgentBedhead)
This will probably be the most beautiful child ever made (BusyBeeBlogger)
Some fine DNA dodged a bullet with this one (CeleBitchy)
Meanwhile, Gisele is spreading hers around (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Hairless ape has, yes, another book deal (DailyStab)
This is like crossing a Shetland Pony and a Mastodon (HaveUHeard)
Vestigal celebutard, the last of its species, manages to survive (INeedMyFix)
RIP James Dean (Lolebrity)
Former child stars butt heads to establish dominance (PerezHilton)
For conspiracy fans: The Midwich Rockers Approacheth! (PregnancyFashion)