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Happy Valentine’s Day from Ayyyy and the Superfabulous Johnny Weir

Oh, Johnny, it’s too bad we never hung out when you were in Vangroover, because we would have had a fabulous time! I can’t resist a passive-aggressive activist (just ask Julian Assange) and it doesn’t get better than Johnny “No, I Won’t Say A Word About Gay Rights at Sochi” Weir. Some men know how to send a message without making any noise at all.

So far the world’s brassiest figure skater has treated us to a solid week of accelerating levels of superfabulousness, culminating in a sequined ensemble which practically bitchslaps the director and demands a Bob Fosse solo. Poor Tara Lipinsky; she is very much the dowdy, butt-bowed bridesmaid at this party, despite that stunning braid.

The many faces and outfits of Johnny weir

The many faces and outfits of Johnny Weir

Johnny is, of course, married to a Russian, and is known formally as John Garvin Weir-Voronov. He and his husband Victor have been married since 2011.

Friday Caption Contest Results: Tom Daley Edition

Ho, ho, ho, it’s time to see who’s been naughty or nice enough to win our Caption Contest from Friday.

Tom Daley Santa

Tom Daley Santa

Klee December 16, 2012 at 9:44 am #

“Finally-I get MY wish!” exclaimed Mrs. Claus

Kudos and imaginary swag to Klee, who has now wrapped up two victories in a row! It’s hard to imagine a better fantasy pressie than British diver Tom Daley, so we’ve decided to give her this series of Tom Daley Stripping gifs. Feliz Lookitdat!

Friday Caption Contest: Tom Daley Edition

Oh, Santa baby! This should inspire a few of you to new heights of snarktastic appreciation. Captions in the comments section, like always.

Tom Daley Santa

Tom Daley Santa

Hump Day Hunks: Bowling League Edition

We can’t pretend that bowling has exactly the macho appeal of, say, running with the bulls, but it still has a lot going for it. Like these guys: Team Nerdist vs Team Mad Men.

A Whole in Won

Dude that is a HOLE lotta pant

Dude that is a HOLE lotta pant

Professonal golfer John Daly here exhibits all the classical restraint and good taste for which he and his cohort are celebrated at country clubs around the world.

Which must be why Donald Trump wants to get into the biz.

In related news, I used to work with an aspiring pro golfer at Starbucks, and I made him raise his right hand and swear never to wear dorky clothes. He promised to be the first hip-hop golfer in the world.

Also: these are pajamas. I own them, that’s how I know. Also, give thanks you’re seeing them now, and not once they’ve shrunk a bit. Austin Powers Moose Knuckle is not a good look on anyone!

And now, in an effortless segue, your celebrity link roundup for today:

If you got into Hogwarts… (raincoaster)

Swag: I has it! (Ayyyy)

Naughty Potters! (ManoloFood)

James Potter LIVES! (Lolebrity)

Return of the Living Dead (tv shows) (Crasstalk)

Mel Gibson has been a bad, bad boy! (AgentBedhead)

Jewel has a chip (BusyBeeBlogger)

Daisy Lowe is 22 going on 45 (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Zooey “Snobby Cow” Deschanel vs Journo (CelebritySmack)

Beyonce-daddy attempts reputation management (CelebVIPLounge)

Harry Potter, dirty tagger! (CityRag)

Oh everybody! Look, Renee Zellwegger has a new “Aniston Boyfriend” (DailyStab)

Kennedy castoff gets part-time job (EarSucker)

Baby Spice Impersonator earns five quick bucks (FitFabCeleb)

Haven’t seen much of you lately…until you wore THIS! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Shia is full of Shiat (HaveUHeard)

That’s what you get for slumming, Nicki Minaj (HollywoodHiccups)

If finding dwarves hot is wrong, I don’t want to be right (INeedMyFix)

Britney beats back the Bad Boys of Fleet Street (PoorBritney)

Oh come ON, celebrity press. There’s no room in those Wranglers for a royal Babeh! (PopBytes)

Sergio Ramos, you almost make me want to watch soccer. But they wear more clothes than this (SwoonWorthy)

Lindsay Lohan shot! (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

Friday Caption Contest Results: Tennis Ball Dress Edition

It is time to announce our winner in Friday’s caption contest. Who will it be? Well, it sure won’t be the woman who had to wear the damn thing.

 

Tennis Ball Dress

Tennis Ball Dress

igirl99
June 18, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Ballsy!

Congratulations and virtual swag to first-time winner, igirl99. For her hypothetical swag, we virtually offer the imaginary Ettika black leather double wrap tennis bracelet:

Ettika black leather double wrap tennis bracelet

Post-Hump Day Hunk: Tom Brady and his amazing crotch cam

Tom Brady's crotch cam has even his dog laughing at him

Tom Brady's crotch cam has even his dog laughing at him

Wow. It really IS telescopic! And I thought that was just a line!

Don Cherry’s 3D Coat of Many Colours Links

Don Cherry we now our gay apparel

Don Cherry we now our gay apparel

Thank god that Don Cherry, Living National Treasure, chose to wear this jacket for tonight’s final. Whenever I couldn’t bear to watch the Canucks, I could at least look at his jacket and pretend I was on mushrooms.

Don Cherry’s suit looks like 1 of those pics where you unfocus your eyes & a dinosaur pops out
If only it were a Stanley Cup. THIS is a Stanley Cup:

and THESE are your gossip links:

Anon and On: what’s everyone’s favorite digital anarchist hive mind up to lately? Only announcing its one year plan to change the world. Yeah, good luck with that. Also, who the hell takes marketing tips from Stalin? (raincoaster)

Taste the Biscuit: whatever it is, it tastes like 70′s synth-jazz and looks like your grandparents playing a set of Iron Maiden at Walmart. (Manolofood)

Barefoot boy revealed: did you guess our long-toed stranger correctly? Check out this fabulous, completely imaginary prize! (Ayyyy)

The Fellowship of the Blind Item: can you guess which LOTR star came on to Sean Bean and got a soaking instead of a tumble? (Lolebrity)

Favorite Movie Soundtracks: what’s yours? Oh really? That’s not as good as mine. I mean, mine is pretty obscure, and you won’t have heard of it, but I bought the soundtrack before the script was even written, back when it was an independent comic and…OW! WHY’D YOU HIT ME??? (Crasstalk)

Spandex is a privilege, not a right, Ke$ha: nobody wants to see your elephanttoe, girl, particularly not with shiny highlights. (AgentBedhead)

Anthony Weiner is a wolf in she’s clothing: and really, anything I could write after that is superfluous, no? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Vanessa Hudgens has apparently hired Anthony Weiner as her stylist: why yes, my laundress always does the ironing in skivvies and four inch heels, doesn’t yours? You must not work in Congress! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Get to know Christian Slater in the Biblical sense: good heavens, clickbaiting? MOI? (CelebVIPLounge)

Ahnold’s babymama is apparently the dumbest person on Earth: how’d you like to start out in life with those two as parents? A condom full of walnuts and an obese plastic surgery addict who does for free things that any self-respecting mistress charges for. (EarSucker)

You’ve gotta get up pretty early to put one over on Kim Cattrall. And while you’re up, you’d better mix her a drink if you know what’s good for you. (FitFabCeleb)

Luke, I am your mother: Natalie Portman spawns successfully! Even I can’t snark on a newborn baby, so that’s all there is to this headline. Awww. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Five bucks says Joss Stone arranged this: kidnap/murder plot exposed. In other news, Joss Stone still exists. (HaveUHeard)

Liquid Dancer will melt your brain: this man makes Michael Jackson look like Jerry Seinfeld on the dancefloor. (HelloGiggles)

Check out John Edwards’ OKCupid pix: oh wait, that’s his mug shot! God, aren’t you sad you didn’t get to vote for this show pony after all? (HollywoodHiccups)

Justin Timberlake enjoys smoking weed to turn his brain off: the rest of us just listen to his music for that. (INeedMyFix)

WHY did I forget about this Great Dane? And why did I forget I was going with the colon format on these damn links? Because he’s so hot I got discombobulated, that’s why. (SwoonWorthy)

Oh great: Kate Hudson snares another sucker. Start the countdown to the breakup and heroin rehab. (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

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