Ayyyy!

Indiana Jones and the Fortress of Suckitude? (AgentBedhead)

Cindy Crawford and the Potion of Immortality (IBBB)

Ashley Olsen: “Small world, isn’t it?” Elizabeth Hurley: “Too small for the two of us” (CelebritySmack)

That woman is old enough to be your granddaughter, George Clooney! (DListed)

This is how we say goodbye in Hollywood (Defamer)

Throw me the American Idol pedo, I’ll throw you the whip (GabbyBabble)

Don’t call him Junior! RyRey and ScarJo may breed (DailyStab)

Don’t call Ryan Seacrest Junior either! Although he probably likes it when you do that (CandyKirby)

Hollywood snakes. Why’d it have to be Hollywood snakes? (Mollygood)

Tori Spelling looking rough: It’s not the years, it’s the mileage (ImNotObsessed)

Pubic lice. Why’d it have to be pubic lice? (raincoaster)

Nina Garcia sez: You can’t do this to me! I’m an American! (PerezHilton)

Indiana Jones and the Temple of LaBeoufcake (JustJared)

So once again, law enforcement, what was briefly yours is now ours. Welcome back, Wino (CeleBitchy)

Obama is allowing you to tag along. So why don’t you give your mouth a rest? Okay, doll? (Gawker)

Charity benefits can be tricky things.  There’s always a quandary over what’s going to get those wealthy industrialists to notice you more.  Do you showcase your boobs by strapping them down in the same manner as the Lilliputians did to Gulliver? Or is it better to hike your skirt up around the armpits and go with the legs instead?  Choose wrongly and you could end up going home with one of those underperforming hedge fund managers instead *shudder*.

Remember Little Miss Muffet and that debacle involving the curds and whey? Soleil Moon Frye shows us what it would be like if she grew up, finally overcame her fears and got a job at the circus as an animal tamer. After all, have you seen the size of those arachnid home intruders nowadays?

Boy, that must have been quite an intense haircut Lori Petty booked herself in for.  She’s even kept the hair salon smock as a memento of the profound experience.  Wouldn’t be surprised to find a giant pair of shears and megawatt hairdryer hiding somewhere in there as well.

Paris Hilton prefers granny panties (Websters)

Mischa Barton doesn’t have enough body fat for that much cellulite! (SeriouslyOMG)

Celebrities send a message to Tom Cruise (JustJared)

ScarJo and RyRey are engaged (GabbyBabble)

Nine Inch Nails gives away their entire album for free (AgentBedhead)

Gary Dourdan was wearing Lindsay Lohan’s coke pants (Defamer)

TomCruise.com does not fail to bring the kray-zee! (Gawker)

Britney to make special guest appearance in court (ImNotObsessed)

Gwyneth Paltrow finds her son disturbing (DailyStab)

Lawn Gyland sets the bar high: Dina Lohan is Mother of the Year (CandyKirby)

Stripper-portraying “actress” Lindsay Lohan to stretch self again on Ugly Betty (POTP)

The Jennifer Aniston love machine lays waste to Hollywood, if you believe her PR (Mollygood)

Simon Cowell may not be all menthol-flavoured sweetness and light (ICYDK)

Jessica Simpson’s boobaerobics (CityRag)

They shot the wrong one: Heidi lives! (IBBB)

Celebs at the Kentucky Derby (HollywoodRag)

God cannot kill Bai Ling! (DListed)

Nicole Richie not exactly prepared for this whole “motherhood” thing (CeleBitchy)

With a name like “Peaches” what are the odds she’d turn out boring? (CelebritySmack)

John Mayer commemorates this day with historic haircut (CelebrityDirt)

Christina Aguilera is overcome at the emotional celebration (CandyKirby)

Asbestos is the opiate of the people…the people who go on Scientology cruises (AgentBedhead)

Madonna and Justin Timberlake entertain the masses (DailyStab)

Let them eat brioche, say Angie and Brad (ImNotObsessed)

Brazilian shoemaker poses with accessibly-priced, responsibly-manufactured footwear (DerekHail)

Britney Spears blew $61 million dollars in one year and you earn no interest on your tax refund (CeleBitchy)

Gadfly of the establishment the DC Madam dies under mysterious circumstances (Jezebel)

The Man keeps the People down yet again (DListed)

Comrade Ricky Martin launches human rights hotline (ICYDK)

Performers reenact the effect of Capitalism on the Worker. Also: hawt (CelebSlam)

People Magazine now the official newsletter of Doublethink (Websters)

The Opiate of the People just got the cover of Time (Mollygood)

SATC collective maintains party line (PopSugar)

Rehab a rehab: do I smell a new Vegas-themed commune? (Defamer)

At least someone was on hand to sound the death knell for protest marches: Million DJ March (Gawker)

Control of the means of production means Stella McCartney will keep you in pretty, lucite chains (GabbyBabble)

The overlords stick together even on AI (CelebritySmack)

David Blaine keeps his mouth shut for 17 minutes, 4 seconds longer than I thought he could (CeleBitchy)

Pink Floyd’s pig is an ironic cultural critic (SeriouslyOMG)

Gape at Christina Ricci’s long-lost twin! (CandyKirby)

Gasp at the humongous tips left by Johnny “Has-No-Human-Flaws” Depp (GabbyBabble)

Wipe that frown off your face with Frownies! (IBBB)

Ashley Olsen will show you her tiny gerbil teeth (CelebWarship)

Open wide, here it comes, Miley (PrettyOnTheOutside)

Katie Holmes soon to star in the Camp Gold Base Follies production of “The Day the Clown Cried” (AgentBedhead)

Gosling protests for poultry! (ICYDK)

Dr Teeth not included: Rocker stage name stories (Spinner)

Amy Winehouse has a love bite (PopSugar)

New York’s great eccentrics (Gawker)

The Curse of the Beautiful People! (Defamer)

Miley Cyrus seriously needs to keep her mouth shut (DailyStab)

Angelina wipes that smile off Gwyneth’s face (ImNotObsessed)

Paris Hilton’s boyfriend writes the soundtrack to her next cavity search (CelebritySmack)

If it has sequins, then it must be ok to wear outside the house (even if it’s pretty much just an oversized sweatshirt)!

But how then does one explain the foot bandaging?  The result of taking an ill-advised stroll over hot coals or broken glass, do you think?

Wow, check out the meticulous detail on that - you can really tell that someone thought long and hard about the fine line between high art and mere porn, especially when carving out that fig leaf shape.  This is clearly the work of several master craftsmen acting in perfect concert, impossible to replicate by yourself no matter how fashionably attuned you may think you are. Remember that these things are best left to professionals, otherwise it will only end in utter and complete tragedy.

Miley Cyrus is Electra Woman for the 21st Century! (Celebuwreck)

Speaking of “parent issues:” Michael Jackson Comeback Threat Alert Red (CelebSlam)

Gwyneth Paltrow is only ever Gwyneth Paltrow, even when it costs other people a fortune (CeleBitchy)

Gwyneth Paltrow pulls a Miley Cyrus, twenty years later (NOTW)

Amy Poehler will be a good Baby Mama (Derober)

Why Miley Cyrus’ overexposure is all Annie Leibovitz’s fault (Gawker)

TR Knight brings GLAAD tidings politicians don’t want to hear (E!)

Celebrity beverages. Must be of legal age or, presumably, on an Annie Leibovitz shoot (Jossip)

Annie Leibovitz is sorry we all misunderstood the naked fifteen-year-old “art” (WendyWayrad)

Battle of the B-Movie Directors (AgentBedhead)

Miley Cyrus just wants to make you happy (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Kirk Douglas defends the olds (Defamer)

John Travolta sez: looking like a porn star is not just for kids anymore! (Yeeeeah)

In sexually-exploited-former-child-star news: Britney sane enough to reprise HIMYM role (Dlisted)

Slash’s kids keep their clothes and their attitude ON, baby! (SeriouslyOMG)

Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn are so money, yet lack cabfare? (PopSugar)

Beyonce and Jay-Z have good old-fashioned values (HolyMoly)

Meanwhile, 15-year-old with longest odds actually turning out classy (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Miley Cyrus is a budding Annie Leibovitz herself (CelebritySmack)

Pamela Anderson works hard for PETA, does not know what you mean by “cognitive dissonance” (PopBytes)

Is the Hoff old enough to be dating EVE HERSELF??? (ImNotObsessed)

In this day and age of sustainable awareness, it’s rather disappointing to see a famous designer like Donna Karan promoting the idea of wearing 50% more dress than necessary. How thoroughly irresponsible when something with that much fabric could clothe an entire runway of supermodels! For all we know, she could also be carrying around noxious carbon emissions in that fanny pack of hers.  Thank goodness for the new generation of ecologically responsible celebrities like Mischa Barton who are trying to make a difference through the power of recycling.

Gwyneth Paltrow wears what the Manolo tells her to (JustJared)

Renee Zellweger, charter member, Starfuckers Incorporated (DailyStab)

Elisabeth Hasselbeck and My Little Pony: which one of these is slumming? (CandyKirby)

Shia LaBoeuf may or may not have gotten lucky(? if you call it that) (WendyWayrad)

John Cusack refers Paul Leydon to the hand (JeanJacketsBad)

Bloody Hell! Pete Doherty is insane (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

JLo goes all, like, Alpha Mommy on Nicole Richie (IBBB)

Adrien Brody is marrying retired Aunt Selma from Miami Beach? (ImNotObsessed)

Flat busted: Amy Winehouse arrested (People)

Ellen DeGeneris gently gyno-probes Ashlee Simpson (CelebritySmack)

Harrison Ford’s Brazilliant deforestation PSA/man-on-man chest waxing video (Defamer)

Celebrity cosmetic surgery slideshow (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Betty and Veronica: still best frenemies (CounterfeitChic)

Madonna is a natural beauty on “Today.” And what planet? (DListed)

Mariah Carey to turn Empire State Building gay (HollywoodRag)

Heidi Fleiss on her high horse again (WOWReport)

The happy(?) couple: Carmen Electra and Rock Himbo #3 pose for engagement pix (Websters)

Encounters with Seth Green (Mollygood)

Jonas Brothers kill and bury Elvis Costello, Johnny Cash’s musical cred (MTVBuzzworthy)

Clay Aiken thinks people from Omaha are stupid (EvilBeet)

Rachel Zoe is one cougar who never changes her spots (GoFugYourself)

Scientology teaches Katie Holmes to speak in tongues (CeleBitchy)

Scientology’s niece speaks! (AgentBedhead)