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Never Forget: Laura Palmer RIP

Laura Palmer RIP

Laura Palmer RIP

I can never decide if I’m an 80’s girl (DuranDuran makes my skin crawl, but I adore early Madonna and U2) or a 90’s girl (U2 again, Nirvana, and the post-punk scene), but Twin Peaks is certainly greater than anything the 80’s ever came up with (I mean, Dynasty?). And it was 25 years ago today that Laura Palmer died, kicking off the whole mysterious boondoggle, inspiring many, many more.

From the equally mysterious Gawker Dating site comes this anonymous posting…

Diane, I really need some help on this one.

No, I’m not stuck in the Black Lodge or possessed again. I’m just starting to get lonely on my endless assignment in this weird, remote place.

Sometimes I’m romantically pursued by teenagers, or else I fall for convent-bound types. But what I really need is someone who can appreciate a slice of cherry pie and a damn fine cup of coffee.

Do you know anyone like that, Diane? Because at this point I’m totally willing to relocate.



Surely somewhere out there is a woman who just likes a slice of cherry pie and a damn fine cup of coffee…Volunteers to the left.

Who’s That Girl: Pre-Raphaelite Version

Who's that girl?

Who’s that girl?

You know how this works: put your guesses in the comments. Your clue for this challenge: Our mystery girl has a current beef with a current it-girl. So either she’s still alive or she’s a really really assertive ghost.

Mister Lawrence for Miss Dior

Jennifer Lawrence is just thrilled to be here

Jennifer Lawrence is just thrilled to be here

And here we have the lovely and talented Jennifer Lawrence, appearing for Miss Dior the fragrance, which is delicate, classic, young, and probably the scent your grandmother wore the night she lost her virginity (if she wasn’t the “Charlie” class). The House of Dior is one of the greatest design houses and is currently having a wonderful year both in terms of design and in terms of PR, having hung on to the beautiful and fragrant Natalie Portman and now snagged the hottest young woman in Hollywood to represent their most youth-appropriate fragrance.

So it is a mystery to me why they’ve done her up like a very expensive and sweaty butch barfly at last call, but they have. What is more heinous still is having the brass to release this photo in the US with a crappy crop job just to cut out the cigarette. If you’re going to go to such lengths to make something acceptable to the American market, do not simultaneously lower the quality by an order of magnitude, because we can, like, tell. It’s condescending, and it’s not as if it can’t be done well: the French version of Emma Watson’s Tresor Midnight Rose commercial had a cigarette in it; the American did not, but you don’t miss it and there is no visible hole where it was. If we’re going to have censorship in the name of bodily purity, let it at least be done well. At seventy bucks a bottle, it’s not like they can’t afford to pay someone competent.

Miss Dior

The Ice Queen, Frosted

Sienna Miller, Ice Queen

Sienna Miller, Ice Queen

Sienna Miller. What to do with Sienna Miller? Well, it’s not like Hollywood is waiting for me to answer the question, but if they were, I would like to think I’d come up with a better answer than this dress. Let’s break it down.

Sienna Miller is beautiful beyond the lot of mortals, and it looks to be natural. Good for her. She also has exactly the body type that looks great in designer clothes, and isn’t afraid to put the work in to make sure she stays that way and makes an impression on the red carpet.

So why, in the name of Duncan Hines, is she wearing what appears to be a thickly-spread layer of buttercream frosting on her tits?

Who’s That Girl: Harper’s Bazaar Edition

Dakota Fanning in Harper's Bazaar

Dakota Fanning in Harper’s Bazaar

How quickly they grow up, eh? This, my friends, is not a photoshopped-to-hell-as-usual Julianne Moore. Nor is it a vintage portrait of Helena Bonham Carter as a young Faerie Kin. It is, in fact, the all-growed-up Dakota Fanning, looking quite astonishingly beautiful in Harper’s Bazaar. The hair, the poise, the makeup, the shape, the colours; I love everything about this except the flammable-looking fur trim. One might (and one does) quibble about some of the other Bazaar Beauties in the series, but this photo is indeed a document of iconic beauty.

It is, yes, the superfantastic!

Greatest Lifetime Movie in History or GREATEST LIFETIME MOVIE IN HISTORY?

Holiday Horror

Holiday Horror

I have no idea, because we don’t get Lifetime movies up here in Canuckistan, and it’s not on Bittorrent (I was only checking for research purposes, you undertsand). But if you have Lifetime, apparently you’ll see it sooner or later.

Deadly Spa!

When Dawn, an overworked single mother, agrees to take her teenage daughter, Kayla, to a luxurious but isolated spa retreat, the women believe they have escaped to a paradise of spa treatments, yoga, and nature hikes until a series of disturbing incidents has Kayla questioning the perfection around her.  Kayla is convinced they have to leave but Dawn is now hooked on the fantasy constructed by David James, the handsome and charismatic founder of The Source.  The two women split up, with Kayla determined to hike out of the wilderness no matter what it takes while Dawn must come to terms with her own perception of reality and the growing fear that her daughter was right and has now disappeared.

Now, a bit of background. Waaay back in the last century, I was allowed to declare it a holiday any time Satan’s School For Girls came on late at night, I would be allowed to call a sleepover and take the next morning off school. The whole thing was worth at least one school-free morning per year. Now at last comes the perfect pair to make it a double bill!

And by all means, read the best movie review that I’ve seen since Ishtar came out.

Until it’s available on download, I’ll have to content myself with the comically dated eighties effort Death Spa instead!

Carey Mulligan Cannes do!

Carey Mulligan Cannes do!

Carey Mulligan Cannes do!

Yet another snap from a Cannes photocall, in this case for the Great Gatsby (or the Mediocre Gatsby if you believe the reviewers). In this shot, director Baz Luhrmann congratulates Carey Mulligan on her brilliant re-purposing of an ironing board cover and a pair of maternity pants.

The Not-So-Great Gatsby

The Not So Great Gatsby

The Not So Great Gatsby

Whoopsie, Daisy! Looks like Carey Mulligan’s photoshoot has gone a bit too long and she’s lost the ability to concentrate. Won’t someone give the poor, miserable manniquin a chamberpot?

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