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Rooney Mara stretches herself

Rooney Mara ponders

Rooney Mara ponders

Rooney Mara is pictured here immediately after accepting her latest role in the next Star Trek movie: A humourless, brittle Romulan functionary. As the shutter snapped, she was wondering what the director meant by “typecasting.”

A Jennifer Aniston Sandwich

Aniston De Rossi DeGeneris

Aniston De Rossi DeGeneris

I know Aniston has her fans, and the only Vanity Fair magazine I have failed to buy in the last twenty years was the one with her on the cover, because it sold out, but I’m over that. So over that. I don’t blame anyone. Particularly not Jennifer Freaking Aniston. Noooo, not me.

Where was I? Oh, right, explaining why I ran this picture although I get on with Jen about as well as Angelina. Except Jen doesn’t know I’m alive. But other than that, the same.

I ran this picture because:

a) anything with Aniston is a guaranteed hit machine. Wouldn’t be surprised if she’s hired an army of Indian IT grads to sit there and churn out scripts to keep reloading pages with her on them.

b) it has Portia de Rossi in it, and I got her book Unbearable Lightness for Christmas and it is quite literally the best celebrity-written book I’ve ever read, not counting Stephen Fry’s, because Stephen Fry is not a celebrity, he is a demigod.

I’d no idea she was in law school when she broke for Hollywood, achieving near-instant success, nor any idea she’d been a child model. Nor that when she starred in the very enjoyable caper film Falsa Identidad (Who Is Cletus Tout?) she weighed less than 85 pounds, and passed out in the makeup chair. At one point in the book she mentioned how grateful she was to the wardrobe department at Ally McBeal for designing ingenious pads to round out her pants and skirts, so she didn’t look emaciated on-camera.

She never once thought of herself as anorexic or bulimic. She thought she was a “gym rat” who was concerned with fitness. She defined being in good shape as lying in her bed with one knee stacked on the other: if the thighs didn’t touch, she was fit. She was also less than a hundred pounds. Intervention after intervention went by without making a dent on her skewed self-image.

You’ll have to buy the book to find out how this A student, successful model, Hollywood A lister, and deeply reflective woman learned to identify, then overcome, a form of self-torture that she had been perfecting since she was twelve years old. Buy it. Anorexic or not, there are lessons in it for all of us.

Sey WHAT???

Amanda Seyfried Les Miz Premiere

Amanda Seyfried Les Miz Premiere

We need to have a little chat with Amanda Seyfried’s stylist. Congratulations on the cantilevering job up top (sponsored by Wonderbra?), but down below it appears that someone couldn’t make up her mind between going as a flamenco dancer or an ice dancer. The extra-floppy hip flange looking like the underside of a mushroom with a tumor is just overkill.

Wakey Wakey

marion cotillard

marion cotillard

Congratulations to Marion Cotillard, shown here wayyyyyy past her bedtime, accepting the BAFTA award for Best Supporting Nightgown.

Saturday Caption Contest: Demi Lovato Edition

After a false start, we’re back and over the Death Flu of Death, so here’s our latest slightly delayed Caption Contest. You know what to do; do it in the comments section to this vision of fresh-faced beauty, Demi Lovato.

Demi Lovato

Demi Lovato

 

Net Loss

Naomie Harris

Naomie Harris

Someone should rescue actress Naomi Harris from this designer disaster? She came to compete in the Women’s Free Skate, and the next thing you know, someone threw a mosquito net over her and transformed her into this transparent tent.

Chips down, players up

Jennifer Tilley wins

Jennifer Tilley wins

Actress, celebrity, and Colin Firth’s ex-sister-out-law Jennifer Tilly is currently cutting quite a swathe through the world of professional poker, winning her way to an income substantial enough that she’s talked about ditching acting altogether. That’s what WE call a Party Casino!

Fortunes have been won and lost on the poker table, but Tilly has a system. A secret. Something never known to fail in the history of mankind. What is the key to her gaming success? Two things:

2 secrets of Jennifer Tilly

2 secrets of Jennifer Tilly

Everything’s Just Bynes!

Amanda Bynes is just Fynes, thank you

Amanda Bynes is just Fynes, thank you

Beleaguered and possibly unbalanced starlet Amanda Bynes has stopped the hit-and-run madness that terrified SoCal drivers, and has developed an intriguing sideline in hanging out in bathrooms and changing rooms for hours at a time, only to emerge feigning surprise anyone finds it odd. Nothing to see here! Nothing except the fact that the woman is literally walking around New York City with her shirt tucked into her underwear. I’m pretty sure that is probable cause enough to get you Bellevue’d.

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