I’m sorry, people, do we really have to go over this after all this time?

Charo cannot be upstaged. It cannot be done. Stop trying.

And now, it’s time for our Sexy Links. Enjoy them with a sexy cocktail like the Big Blue Sexy:

Sextradited! Julian Assange is going to Sweden! (raincoaster)

and how much do they make busking in that lobby anyway? (Ayyyy)

Dinner with Julian could get sexy! (Manolofood)

Steve Martin is a spammer! (raincoastermedia)

Marlon Brando is rollin’ dirty! (Lolebrity)

The King must be hard up (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan can afford a car? (BusyBeeBlogger)

How to Kreate a Kardashian (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Let them eat Paris Hilton’s birthday cake! (CelebritySmack)

Champagne wishes and caviar … nails? (CelebVIPLounge)

Making money this way is still more respectable than doing Glitter (CeleBitchy)

EVERYBODY’s a Material Girl (DailyStab)

Buy some Bieber! (Earsucker)

It’s a living, eh Natalie? (FitFabCeleb)

Kiki Drunkst spent her allowance on eyeliner (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Rosie O’Donnell is gonna have to get a job now! (HaveUHeard)

Also, she was trying to auction off her Plus One (INeedMyFix)

Is there MONEY in being an internet troll? (PoorBritney)

The Donald is just pissed Rihanna is richer than him (PopBytes)

and for this she gets $5million a picture (SeriouslyOMG)

I’d pay good money to have seen this live (TheSkinny)

You know how it works. Put your guesses in the comments, and with the track record you people have, it should take you about forty-five seconds.

No peeking!

And after it’s taken you no time at all to guess our illustrious guest, you can peruse our gossip links for today.

Angela Lansbury murders her whiskey (lolebrity)

Today in WTF (raincoaster)

Shoe horns and corn links (Ayyyy)

A toast to toast! (Manolofood)

Helen Mirren will kick your ass (AgentBedhead)

Still life with cocktails? WHERE’S MY INVITATION? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Justin Bieber gets waxed! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The Man with the Golden Reality Show (CelebritySmack)

But was Timberlake naked, too? (CelebVIPLounge)

The Cougar Report (Cougared)

Mazel Tov, Alyssa Milano (DailyStab)

This is why Britney still has more money than you do (Earsucker)

Colin Firth is shameless (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Bieber buzzed (GossipTeen)

Lady Gaga is impervious to weather (HaveUHeard)

Billy Ray Cyrus is kittenwhipped (INeedMyFix)

Britney’s video fallout (PoorBritney)

Faye Dunaway flies coach, gets punk’d (PopBytes)

Kate Beckinsale uses her boobs as a pet carrier? (TheSkinny)

Baby Spice 4.0 on the way (SkinnyChic)

Christian Louboutin has a lot to answer for (for which to answer? Whatever) in particular these heinosities for both sexes:

For Gentlemen:

This Louboutin demonstrates what men think of as "spikes"

And for the Ladies:

To Lady Gaga, these are just fluffy

Now, I’m sorry.

No, I’m not.

But these BOTH look like either two people suffering from EPIC plantar warts (isn’t it nice they found each other? I bet the romcom would star Jennifer Aniston and Ben Stiller, and be nearly as painful as the disease) OR they were lovingly hand-crafted in an Italian atelier from the intimate membranes of a Stegosaurus with history’s worst case of genital warts.

Having planted that lovely thought in your head, I’ll now degrade you further with todays corny links.

Britney Spears is corny (Lolebrity)

Just say YES to creamed corn and ketchup with this delicacy (Manolofood)

“Evergreen” is still the top kernel of corn (raincoaster)

Joan Collins’ liquor is a little more rarefied (ayyyy)

Gaga’s brains are totally frittata (AgentBedhead)

Chris CORNell (BusyBeeBlogger)

Duelling cornballs, nobody wins! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Bagel-to-Perogy communications perfected (DippedInCream)

Kingston’s just a niblet off the ol’ cob (CelebritySmack)

What the Adele? Isn’t WalMart too cornepone? (CelebVIPLounge)

Elisabetta Corn-all-ass (CityRag)

Aw, shucks, Canada’s hottest export returns! (DailyStab)

Gaga’s husky voice comes from the Whiskey Yoga Diet (GirlsTalkinSmack)

I always forget which one is Korny (FitFabCeleb)

Bieber creamed! (SeriouslyOMG)

Daniel Radcliffe is all Aw Shucks (CeleBitchy)

She’s a niblet, and shrinking! (TheSkinny)

Nice stalks! (GossipTeen)

Is that a corncob in your pocket, Brad, or??? (HaveUHeard)

Simon Cowell is picking Canada’s best crop of niblets (INeedMyFix)

If Gwyneth Paltrow is a vegan, does that make her a cannibal? (AmyGrindhouse)

Britney got her silks combed (PoorBritney)

Sui, Sui, pig, pig, pig (PopBytes)

Mariah’s ready to pop (EvilBeet)

Congrats to the cute couple

Awww, isn’t that cute? The Duchess of Alba and her boytoy Alfonso Díez are making it legal. Living proof, if any were needed, that an aggressive nose job that results in you breathing out of two large pores in the middle of your face is never a wasted expense, if it allows one to attract men known to society paper readers everywhere as “and Unnamed Friend”.

In honour of the lovely couple, let’s toast them with a classic Champagne cocktail fortified with a little Spanish brandy, and read some sexy gossip links:

inside raincoaster (raincoaster)

Ryan Reynolds has a sexy fra…what was I saying? (Ayyyy)

Kate Spade’s sexy movie (ManoloFood)

Fred and George Weasley KNOW they’ve got it (Lolebrity)

Sir Elton has some words for our generation’s biggest a$$ (AgentBedhead)

Chris Isaak’s steamy new video (BusyBeeBlogger)

Tila Tequila’s sex tape means we’ll never be rid of her (CelebDirtyLaundry)

WHAT is Gaga doing to herself in bed? (CelebritySmack)

ScarJo doesn’t let cobwebs grow on her ladybits (CelebVIPLounge)

VD Stars! (CityRag)

OMG Tila Tequila and Jennifer Aniston appear in sketchy video together (DailyStab)

Michelle Trachtenberg loves her body and tells you ALL about it (FitFabCeleb)

They get wet (GirlsTalkinSmack)

J Hud talks about her new body (HaveUHeard)

Anderson Cooper is NOT into beatings! (INeedMyFix)

Britney’s got yogabutt! (PoorBritney)

What’s Lady Gaga’s sex name? (PopBytes)

Forget the body: what has Nicole Richie done to her face? (TheSkinny)

Chuck Berry on line one… (SeriouslyOMG)

Let’s see if we can’t get back on track here with that no-fail staple of celebrity blogs everywhere, the Friday Caption Contest. Do your best/worst to pointless bimbo Aubrey O’Day and her furry friend: give it to them right in the comments section.

That's the closest either of them ever came to getting engaged, you know

Sigh. George, what went wrong?

That’s my boy. Very few people know that back in ’92 and ’93 I was actually a founding member of the George Stephanopoulos Fan Club, and a contributor to their monthly newsletter, the Stephanopouletter. My copy of The War Room has nearly worn out from being watched every 4th of July. I saw him in person at the Vancouver Summit, where I looked up from my glamorous work unloading the coffee for Starbucks, saw him, and froze. It’s not too often I’ve had my breath taken away, but that was one of those times. An American Secret Service agent who’d no doubt seen this happen to dozens of hapless women walked over and said, “That’s George Stephanopoulos. But he’s not old enough to date.”

Le Sigh.

Where was I? Oh, right. In the spirit of bipartisanship I’ll try to remember to feature a picture of Young John McCain at some point in the future, or you can just cheat and click through for that.

And now, the gossip links!

Julian Assange’s new do (raincoaster)

Shut UP, Emma Watson (Lolebrity)

Guess the gap-toothed guy (Ayyyy)

Our WORLD EXCLUSIVE lasted exactly one day (ManoloFood)

Stayin’ Alive? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! (AgentBedhead)

The baby’s first word was “rhinoplasty” (BusyBeeBlogger)

Jimmy Buffetted! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Have YOU ever been upstaged by your own dress? (CelebritySmack)

Paris Hilton shows you her puppies (CityRag)

But which one is MegaShark and which is Gatoroid? (DailyStab)

Never before has spandex restrained so much for so little purpose (FitFabCeleb)

Gag (GirlsTalkinSmack)

So she was single in the sense that nobody would be seen with her? (HaveUHeard)

Jon Cryer is no different from anybody else (INeedMyFix)

Sad, gender-confused Britney (PoorBritney)

The CougarTown drinking game! (SeriouslyOMG)

Related articles

• Bipartisanship Ho? John McCain Tells Stephanopoulos ‘We Can Work With This’ (mediaite.com)

Now with added flaming dice goodness!

The Julian Assange coloring book (raincoaster)

It! Is! Time! (Ayyyy)

King of the Road (Manolofood)

Chuck Norris fears this man (Lolebrity)

Interview with raincoaster (SurveyMagnet)

Beastie Boys beat 2010 (AgentBedhead)

Owen Wilson…daddy? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Demi Lovato morphing into Demi Moore? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Natalie Portman is a cannibal! (CeleBitchy)

Hold it against Britney (CelebritySmack)

Michael Douglas has left Tumortown (DailyStab)

Famous people: VERY different from you and me (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Natalie Portman in World’s Ugliest Maternity Dress (HaveUHeard)

Sandra Bullock simultaneously beats Jesse James AND ScarJo (INeedMyFix)

The verdict on holding it against Britney (PoorBritney)

Who invited TomKat? (PopBytes)

Mila Kunis gets real about weight (TheSkinny)

Empress Gaga? President Gaga? (EvilBeet)

Victoria Beckham to switch to flats in 6 months or so (GabbyBabble)

Trailer parks of the world wild for Bieber, apparently (FitFabCeleb)

Sy-Phillis! Cloris Leachman`s talent is contagious! (Movieline)

Selah.

That rumbling sound in the distance?

Kim Kardashian Kardigan

Relax: it’s not an earthquake. It’s just the Earl of Cardigan rolling over in his grave.

Dear Santa, is it SO much to ask… (raincoaster)

Santa Andy has to put up with some mean drunks on Christmas (Ayyyy)

Julia Child, acolyte of Cthulhu??? (ManoloFood)

Ryan Gosling is into light bondage (Lolebrity)

The War on Christmas tweets (AgentBedhead)

Jennifer Aniston has the scent of desperation (AmyGrindhouse)

Hugh Jackman has cricket balls (BusyBeeBlogger)

Alanis Morissette for Ever (CeleBitchy)

Natalie Portman is packing babeh, off the market (CelebritySmack)

Is EVERYONE pregnant? Please stop her before she breeds (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Hottest accessory of 2010: Klingonhead (CityRag)

But would Lady Gaga have broken up the Beatles? (EvilBeet)

KK hits rock bottom and starts digging (FitFabCeleb)

World’s most hated couple makes honest homewreckers of one another (GabbyBabble)

Best Busts of 2010 (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kelly Osbourne goes Full Flamewar (HaveUHeard)

Justin Bieber’s impurity ring (INeedMyFix)

To get your little gold man, get a little man of your own (Movieline)

Richard Chamberlain comes out, Perez whacks him (PerezHilton)

and all I got were slipper socks. AGAIN (PopBytes)

Lily Allen is engaged (PopSugar)

Santa brought the world some JLoHew/AlyMil action (SeriouslyOMG)

Charlie Sheen not dead (WeNewsIt)