Heidi Klum

Trust Heidi to be competitive about everything. When she heard Kim Kardashian had a nasty carbuncle on her face, (we don’t mean Kanye) she just had to go her one (hundred) better. Don’t sweat it. A little Aleve and that should clear right up.

Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

Say hello to Linda Evangelista, Miss Teen Saint Catherines, Ontario, and the best reason you’ll see today to feel better about your OWN 80′s hair.

Well, it was a great Grammys, wasn’t it? Whether you were into Epic FAIL or Epic Win, it was one of the most entertaining live broadcasts of the past year at the very least.

LLVERYCOOLJ

To start with: LLCoolJ. Just yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!

Whew!

Mini Minaj at the 54th Annual Grammy Awards

Also: Mini Minajes = adorbz. Sophia Grace and Rosie are the two little girls who rose to fame (and Ellen appearance) by being adorable and performing a Nicki Minaj song for their proud parents, who posted it on YouTube, where it went viral. Believe me, WAY more entertaining than “Roman,” and I ain’t even Catholic!

Anne Get Your Gonch

Anne Vyalitsyna is apparently a Victoria’s Secret model. Let me tell you, Victoria couldn’t have any secrets in that dress. She looks like she rushed out of the ladies’ room with half her skirt tucked into her tampon.

Fergie is straight laced

Fergie’s own husband tweeted, “I see London, I see France…” On the other hand, yay for bringing Granny Pants back. No doubt a contract from Playtex is en route.

Kelly Osbourne attributes her makeover to a bat-free diet

Surprise success of the night: the formerly-revolting Kelly Osbourne. How classic! The hair even coordinates with the tats!

And now: ADELE.

First of all, although I can’t find any still photos of it, I loved her second dress of the night, the one in the video. The Armani in which she started the evening was pretty enough, but frankly looked like a plain old vintage piece in that sparkly polyester everybody’s Nana used to wear to parties where she wanted to feel sexy at sixty. This is one of the downfalls of black; the details become invisible. The second, cocktail-length dress, was pretty, old-fashioned, with just the right amount of detailing highlighted by cream underlay, and the fact that the big silver metal zipper in the back (which was inexpertly sewn) was visible every time she turned around was, frankly, completely endearing.

Win! All the! GRAMMYS! ADELE!

Also, I MUST have this lipstick, if not the entire look. Internet, can you help me?

Of course you can. Presenting: Adele at the Grammys: the makeup tutorial!

We’re back! Labour Day is over and it’s time to get back to labouring, including at the dazzling penthouse lair of the Manolosphere. Today we’re going to discuss something similarly stunning: Model/Designer/Muse/Force of Nature Inès de la Fressange.

Who else looks like that in jeans?

Sure, it’s easy to look that good in “this old thing” when you have genes like hers, but we can all use a little Parisian style in our lives, even if we don’t come from Paris (Inès comes from St. Tropez, which must be where she got that remarkable accent; either that or she spent WAY too much time listening to Kaiser Karl in the 80′s, but didn’t we all?). She never took her job too seriously, and was always refreshingly blunt and unpretentions in interviews. I do remember that she insisted her dog was a much better model than she was, and the photo certainly proved Jim had potential: also, since she successfully talked Vanity Fair into photographing him, she could write off his dog food.

Ines de la Fressange and Jim: WORK IT, LABRADOR!

Here are her essentials for visiting LA (a contract with Loreal doesn’t hurt either):

She’s mostly retired from modeling now, which is only fair to the younger girls of 40-something, and is directrice of Roger Vivier, which is why she’s generally photographed wearing the famous flats first made popular by Catherine Deneuve in Belle de Jour.

Now Inès has given in to her didactic side (she never just modeled; she usually narrated as well ,and very entertainingly) and written (or at least dictated, in appropriately sexy voice) a book, Parisian Chic, and while the sole bookseller here in Upper MuskOx does not carry it, I am highly inclined to order this puppy, for style can always use a refresher and it is satisfying unto one’s very soul to go through a book by a living avatar of chic and go, “I knew that. I knew that, too. Yup, that one as well…” and so on. I don’t know about you, but after the kind of summer I’ve been having, this looks like a charming sorbet before the onset (onslaught) of the next season.

See, she can read too! Try THAT, Lily Cole!

It’s time to announce a winner on our Scary Supermodel caption contest, and here it is:

Carole
May 19, 2011 at 10:34 am

Champagne wishes and Botox dreams.

Congratulations and imaginary swag to Carole! To celebrate her great victory, we virtually offer this stickfigurriffic silver caviar dish. It makes me think of the lovely Janice, somehow. She reminds me of a really glamorous Baba Yaga/Dita Von Teese cross, splashing around starkers in a giant caviar dish filled with Champagne and propped up on the bones of fallen models of years gone by.

Caption this avatar of grace and beauty in the comments. The winner gets fabulous imaginary prizes!

She's asking for it. Give it to her in the comments

Suzy Parker, Man Ray style

All American beauty Suzy Parker wasn’t above ripping off a look from some hollow-chested Euro shutterbug, thereby prefacing the Gena Rowlands glasses-as-headband phenomenon by some years. Who do you like better, Suzy or Man Ray’s original model, the titled and tilted Marquise Casati?

Marquise Casati by Man Ray

And now, on to some discombobulating gossip links:

The Gospel according to Don Cherry (raincoaster)

Andre Leon Talley vs Cthulhu in the fashion wars (Ayyyy)

Fashion Fascist vs Art Ninja: who will survive? (Lolebrity)

Cinco de Mayo: Let there be Carnitas! (Manolofood)

Suri Cruise beats out that tatty Kate Middleton for Best Dressed (AgentBedhead)

America’s Royal Wedding is on: are you on the list? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Marie Osmond’s post-Easter miracle: resurrecting her first marriage (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The rear view looks like the moons of Jupiter, in hammer pants (CelebritySmack)

The Parachute Club aren’t dead: they’ve just become this woman’s stylists (CelebVIPLounge)

Don’t mess with the Donald! (CityRag)

Jesse James secures his place in the hearts of American women (DailyStab)

Congratulations, Mariah. It’s a noun and an adjective! (EarSucker)

RIP Perry White (FitFabCeleb)

An Unforgettable Writer’s Farewell (Gawker)

Busted! These celebs are total mugs (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Hey, Abbottabad! Jon Stewart is on first, second, third and home base (HaveUHeard)

Zsa Zsa is back! in the hospital (HollywoodHiccups)

Will they be changing the name to “The Real Divorcees of Beverly Hills?” (INeedMyFix)

The Cokorexia Twins leave Global HQ (MathewGuiver)

Britney makes a blogger cry!! (PoorBritney)

Colin Firth wspieolsiigeou what was I saying? (SwoonWorthy)

You know what to do. Do it in the comments:

I think it’s pretty clear there can be but one cocktail accompaniment to this, and that is a Naked Martini, otherwise known as gin, straight up (note not neat; “straight up” is shaken or stirred over ice to put a little water and oxygen into it, and gets it nice and cold, and now your cocktail trivia lesson for today is at an end).

And now, your gossip links, including the one from which I stole that picture:

And this is what happened to Steve Jobs, Viggo Mortensen and Julian Assange (raincoaster)

Help poor John Galliano find another job! (Ayyyy)

Winedown with Jean-Georges! (ManoloFood)

I am Woman, Hear me roar! (Lolebrity)

He’d better never date Jessica Simpson (AgentBedhead)

“Hustler?” Gee, I knew she was looking for work, but golly! (BusyBeeBlogger)

We should feel sorrier for her because she’s wearing THAT (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The Empress of Lucite just got some more plastic (CelebritySmack)

Lock up your lesbians! Xtina is single! (DailyStab)

America is a Miley-free zone? (EarSucker)

Gee, Catherine Zeta-Jones, haven’t seen much of you lately, comparatively speaking (FitFabCeleb)

PWND! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

We LOST track of Evangeline Lilly (HollywoodHiccups)

Gwyneth Paltrow’s hip bones make the cover of Self (INeedMyFix)

Marilyn Manson official scrapes the bottom of the barrel (MathewGuiver)

Because nobody watches Britney vids for the singing (PoorBritney)

RIP Mr. Tiger Beat (Swoonworthy)

What does “Virgin Marathon” even mean? You hold out till marriage? (TheSkinny)

It was the jacket, wasn’t it? (TheSkinnyChic)