Ayyyy!

The Hoff knows the mighty power of an 8 1/2 by 11 (Defamer)

Kimberly Stewart wears possibly the ugliest shoes the universe has ever seen (TheRadReport)

Katie needs a raise! (BittenAndBound)

Lindsay Lohan will NOT assume the missionary position (Yeeeeah)

David Beckham says his prayers (TheBlemish)

Jennifer Aniston’s Miss Havisham decorating scheme (POTP)

A little bit country, a little bit hip-hop, a LOT batshiat insane (ImNotObsessed)

Kelly Osborne, unmasked! (LARagMag)

Gentlemen, start your engines: Emma Watson is legal (Derober)

Tom Cruise will do anything for Becks, even endure soccer (DailyStab)

Mary-Kate Olsen celebrates New Year’s in April. Also, apparently, Halloween (JustJared)

Britney’s comeback plan (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Pete Doherty maintains personal hygiene in prison  (AgentBedhead)

Brangelina is a contraceptive (CeleBitchy)

Shirley Manson is a grown-up (CelebritySmack)

Tilda Swinton just as strange as imagined (CircusHour)

Liveblogging Sex with Sue (CandyKirby)

Gwyneth Paltrow is an alien (GoFugYourself)

RIP PawPaw (Gawker)

Drew Barrymore heckles for charity (WendyWayrad)

Naomi Campbell’s body fluids are felonious (CelebWarship)

Woody Harrelson is built, bald, and bare (Defamer)

Luciano Pavarotti pulled an Ashlee Simpson (Gawker)

What are the Presidential candidates like in bed? (TheStranger)

William and Harry react to the verdict in the Princess Diana inquest (PerezHilton)

Botox: it’s all about a jarring lack of self-awareness (CircusHour)

Demi Moore’s bloodsucking leeches (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Victoria Beckham attempting takeover of “Baby Spice” role (Mollygood)

Britney’s partner in fashion crime to be Christian Audigier (Styleguide)

The Britney-FedEx breakup starts a trend (ImNotObsessed)

Kate Moss weighs 98 pounds soaking wet: the proof! (ICYDK)

Like shooting fish in a barrel: Rob Lowe blackmailed! (HuffPo)

Kylie Minogue speaks out about breast cancer (CeleBitchy)

Whitney Houston’s boobs and Dionne Warwick’s face at Muhammad Ali’s Fight Night (Bossip)

Tom Ford is Gay James Bond (DListed)

Britney hitches her star to the comeback tour bus (CelebSlam)

Sharon Stone’s basic instinct is to keep her knees together, thankfully (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Hayden Panettiere terrifies a small child (WWTDD)

Jessica Alba wore black to her baby shower (DailyStab)

Ashlee Simpson vs Mariah Carey (Yeeeeah)

Vlad loves Georgie (KnowledgeIsPower)

Tony loves Georgie (raincoaster)

Stop Uwe Boll, save the world! (AgentBedhead)

V for Valtrex attends wedding (CelebritySmack)

Jackass demonstrates jackassery (GabbyBabble)

The Naughty outpulls the Nanny: Fran Drescher snubbed by paparazzi (TMZ)

What the Elle? (Yeeeeah)

DANNY BONADUCE MAKES TOTAL SENSE!!!!! (CelebritySmack)

Forget Waldo: where in the world is Suri? (Celebitchy)

Your heartbreaking Amy Winehouse pic o’ the day (CelebWarship)

Pete Doherty fan demonstrates British foreign policy at concert (HolyMoly)

Princess Kalina brings her baby back to Bulgaria (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Lindsay Lohan’s lesbian love triangle (CelebNewsWire)

The difference between Simon Cowell’s car and mine (CelebrityDirt)

Miley Cyrus as the Easter Bunny (CircusHour)

Hollywood’s biggest fashion offenders (DailyStab)

Kate Beckinsale’s fugu phobia (PerezHilton)

The end of civilization as we know it, and it’s Paris Hilton’s fault (Mollygood)

Nothing is sacred to Disney (Dlisted)

Bruce Willis will moisten a bitch! (ICYDK)

Twelve greatest opening credits in history (AgentBedhead)

Nicole Kidman’s Botox cannot hide her excitement (Defamer)

Jesus died on the cross so you would tip your damn barista (Jezebel)

How to be a YouTube superstar (Gawker)

Patrick Swayze’s dismal diagnosis (Defamer)

The 5 best faces of Patrick Swayze in Ghost (BWE)

50 gayest songs of all time (SameSame)

Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz are dancing, but who’s the fool? (AgentBedhead)

Salma Hayek prefers boys. Sorry Penny! (Dlisted)

Catherine Zeta Jones has some body image issues (GabbyBabble)

Demi Moore allegedly does not? There’s no justice! (CelebritySmack)

Conflicted Matthew McConaughey designs the very t-shirts he spurns (E!)

The Amy Winehouse soap opera continues apace (Yeeeeah)

Mary-Kate Olsen better keep her monkey paws off mah mayun! (Star)

Daniel Radcliffe faces serious death threats, gets SAS guards (Celebitchy)

Shar Jackson sticks up for FedEx (Bossip)

The Anna Nicole Smith movie: words fail (JustJared)

Julia Roberts and Ozzy Osbourne? (Cityrag)

Smells like…Daddy’s concert! (CelebNewsWire)

Best comedy of the last 30 years is…a joke! (HolyMoly)

Lily Allen is hospitalized for depression (EvilBeet)

Ben Stiller is pumped, Robert Downey Jr is black. Huh? (DailyStab)

Jessica Alba discovers esoteric French cuisine: the ham and cheese sandwich (Dlisted)

RIP Gary Gygax (TeenyManolo)

JLo and Marc Anthony are so over doing it (DailyStab)

Liev Schrieber is a sexy supervillain (Derober)

Rosie O’Donnell: a portrait of the artist as a pile of junk food (AgentBedhead)

Nicole beats Xtina in the Mommystakes (CelebritySmack)

Jessica Alba is turning into JLo: Oh No! (IBBB)

Paris Hilton’s Buddhist holy man is unholy sham (GoneHollywood)

Vanessa Hudgens gets her drink, arrest on (BackseatCuddler)

Madonna and Demi Moore’s Oscar party candids (Defamer)

20 stupidest faces of Patrick Swayze, and that’s some tough competition (BWE)

Jeremy Piven parties with geeks (Gawker)

Famous writers as children (SomethingAwful)

The Project Runway guide to New York (Gridskipper)

Celebrities without necks (Celebitchy)

Pete Doherty … nah, I can’t say THAT! (Celebwarship)

Mac Guy sez Charlie’s Angel smells heavenly (ImNotObsessed)

There IS no tomorrow for Paula Abdul (ICYDK)

Mary-Kate Olsen’s face approaching Joan Rivers territory (Cityrag)

KFed is fat. Word. The word is “Fat.” (Yeeeeah)

Jamie Lee Curtis is not afraid of Jason, not afraid of Freddy Krueger, and she’s sure as HELL not afraid of a little constipation (GlitteratiGossip)

Ryan Seacrest’s shameful, secret passion for Simon Cowell (AgentBedhead)

Johnny Depp, The Hoff, and the Demon Barber Chair of Fleet Street (Celebitchy)

RIP blues guitarist Jeff Healey (EW)

Marion Cotillard says she was misquoted (Dlisted)

Accidents and babydaddy uncertainty are all in the family: the Spears family (Celebslam)

Angelina Jolie cannot be unsexed (Cityrag)

Scarlett Johansson auctions herself off (ImNotObsessed)

George Clooney doesn’t need no stinking swag bag (Gabsmash)

Sienna Miller loves coke (Ninjadude)

Olsen Twins’s book leaked! (236)

Kate Moss demoted (Popsugar)

Oprah is such a giver (IBBB)

Elle MacPherson shows off her lingerie line (CelebritySmack)

Prince Harry is a cunning linguist (CircusHour)

Sandra Bernhard supports a losing cause (AwfulPlasticSurgery)

Jamie-Lynn is expecting a boy, massive publicity (CelebrityBabyScoop)

If at first you don’t succeed, then pester, pester again like a lecherous old man - especially when the bare-skinned nubility of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen is at stake:

Playboy boss Hugh Hefner reportedly is hoping to convince the Olsen twins to celebrate their 22nd birthday in June by stripping off in the magazine. The media mogul has attempted to woo Mary-Kate and Ashley to disrobe in Playboy since they turned 18, and he’s now launched a renewed bid to tempt them out of their clothes for a special celebratory photo shoot.

A source tells Star magazine, “Hef thinks the twins are every young man’s fantasy.”

But insiders insist the Olsens are holding out for a more classy magazine deal, telling Star, “They’re all about high-end fashion these days. They want to do Vogue.”

Better prepare for a tough negotiation Hef, I hear that Insect World is also offering them megabucks for a centrefold of them wearing nothing but their most seductive lenses.

That would be “Nottie” (AgentBedhead)

Yoko Ono lays the smackdown on a Lennon-grabber (Celebitchy)

Actually, we don’t like Lindsay Lohan most of the time (Yeeeeah)

The New York Celebrity Death Map (Gridskipper)

Bai Ling bailed (Defamer)

Hayden Christensen isn’t gay, he’s just emo (Gawker)

Scarlett Johansson is a Blind Melon fan. Natalie Portman, not so much (GoFugYourself)

Amy Winehouse covers her tits for once (CelebritySmack)

Ewan McGregor is the new Chris Crocker (GabbyBabble)

The Olsen Twins are a couple of bags (ImBringingBloggingBack)

Johnny Knoxville’s close call (GoneHollywood)

Nick Lachey shills blinged-out Hot Wheels (DailyStab)

Hilary Duff’s duff choice (HolyCandy)

Kate Moss, supermodel, crimefighter (HolyMoly)

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard spend Valentine’s Day together (ImNotObsessed)

Billy Baldwin skips out on a lunch tab (Mollygood)

I am cougar: hear me roar (Cityrag)

Tom Cruise forces Katie Holmes to lose an “I” (ASocialitesLife)

Indy Fever begins! (EvilBeet)

Lily Allen is a 16-Hour Party Person (PerezHilton)

Boy Wonder no more: Chris O’Donnell is Man Wonderbread (Websters)

Britney busts loose, boots bodyguard (PerezHilton)

Kirstie Alley’s body thetans get the better of her (Websters)

Heath Ledger had ingested the entire alphabet, but it was all legal (Yeeeeah)

Delta Burke is an institution! Also in an institution (Celebitchy)

Mary-Kate Olsen is a purse hoarding hobbit (ImNotObsessed)

Sienna Miller is pretty, useless (AgentBedhead)

Adrien Grenier is veg-friendly (TheMeatScale)

Kirsten Dunst also institutionalized, not an institution (DailyStab)

Jordana Brewster is going to be a star someday… (Defamer)

Christina Aguilera doesn’t NEED your oxygen! (fourfour)

What happens in Miss Nevada stays in Miss Nevada, at least until she showers (Dlisted)

Brittany Murphy is 65, but her lips are only 3 months old (GoFugYourself)

Scientology is one big, dysfunctional family (HolyCandy)

Amy Winehouse may swap rehab for prison (CelebParasite)

Flight of the (Steven) Seagal (HolyMoly)

Tabloid roundup: the week in oversexed hobbits (Mollygood)

Who wants to look like a celebrity? Everyone, apparently (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld slaver over the juicy, tender souls of the innocent (CelebritiesEating)

Wacko Jacko will crash the Grammys (CelebritySmack)

Republicans and nerds put the “trade” in sex trade (Jezebel)

YOU don’t know how to cure constipation! Tom Cruise DOES! (Youtube)

And Adam Sandler knows Tom Cruise…or at least is willing to blurb on his behalf (EvilBeet)

The Tom Cruise Scientology video you haven’t seen! (YouTube)(for now!)

Quiz: Who’s your TV boyfriend? (CelluloidBlonde)

Attention bloggers: Adopt A Writer! (AdoptAWriter)

Brit-onomics: how Britney Spears feeds multitudes (Defamer)

How not to be Heath Ledger (Gawker)

Britney is sick “in a good way,” feeling philosophical (TMZ)

Rambo vs the Governator (AgentBedhead)

Kate Moss looks like her mother (DailyStab)

George Clooney goes after Britney with a baseball bat (AllieIsWired)

Ashley Olsen always looks like you’re about to hit her with a stick (ImNotObsessed)

The Hannah Montana terrorist has been arrested (TrashyCeleb)

Jennifer Love Hewitt tells you 10 things you don’t know about women (POTP)

Dolly Parton’s plastic surgery roundup (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Stephen Colbert gets the Mount Rushmore treatment (CelebritySmack)

Anderson Cooper puts his foot down on the Heath Ledger mania (HolyCandy)

Was Katie Holmes pregnant before meeting Tom Cruise? (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Britney gave Drew Barrymore a run for her money (NinjaDude)

McDreamy in uniform, sigh… (PerezHilton)

Pamela Anderson is a vegetarian dish past its freshness date (Copyranter)

Heath Ledger, 28, RIP (Gawker)

Heath Ledger’s scarily foreshadowing interview (PerezHilton)

Heath Ledger’s final bow (Defamer)

Now that Suzanne Pleshette is gone, it’s all up to Angie Dickinson (raincoaster)

P. Doody has another name change (CelebritySmack)

Angelina Jolie is DISSED! (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Scarlett Johansson’s boobs cheer up the troops (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan wins two Razzies! (HollywoodOffender)

Christina Aguilera’s baby is one of the Chosen People (GabbyBabble)

The TomKat robot! (PrettyOnTheOutside)

Dita VonTeese offers you her secret weapon (CelebWarship)

The John Travolta Scientology video, in case you thought you’d seen them all (CeleBitchy)

Beauty Queen bitchfight (Dlisted)

Margaret Cho lets flow (HuffPo)

Mena Suvari rocks the Auntie Entity Beyond Thunderdome look (GoFugYourself)

Charlie Sheen vs Denise Richards: classfest! (HolyCandy)

Nicole Richie watched herself give birth in the mirror (ImNotObsessed)

30 Seconds to SARS (Mollygood)

If studying the mating habits of macaques means getting to hang out by relaxing hot springs, then sign me up:

Male macaque monkeys pay for sex by grooming females, according to a recent study that suggests the primates may treat sex as a commodity. “In primate societies, grooming is the underlying fabric of it all,” Dr. Michael Gumert, a primatologist at the Nanyang Technological University in Singapore, said in a telephone interview Saturday.

…Gumert found after a male grooms a female, the likelihood that she will engage in sexual activity with the male was about three times more than if the grooming had not occurred.

We have an opportunity then, to conduct a little social experiment to see how much in common we have with these creatures. Now - all the men who are so inclined, please examine the picture below and tell us whether the promise of a passionate encounter with this fine specimen is enough to get you running your fingers through that head of hair like a meaty comb.