Ayyyy!

YOU don’t know how to cure constipation! Tom Cruise DOES! (Youtube)

And Adam Sandler knows Tom Cruise…or at least is willing to blurb on his behalf (EvilBeet)

The Tom Cruise Scientology video you haven’t seen! (YouTube)(for now!)

Quiz: Who’s your TV boyfriend? (CelluloidBlonde)

Attention bloggers: Adopt A Writer! (AdoptAWriter)

Brit-onomics: how Britney Spears feeds multitudes (Defamer)

How not to be Heath Ledger (Gawker)

Britney is sick “in a good way,” feeling philosophical (TMZ)

Rambo vs the Governator (AgentBedhead)

Kate Moss looks like her mother (DailyStab)

George Clooney goes after Britney with a baseball bat (AllieIsWired)

Ashley Olsen always looks like you’re about to hit her with a stick (ImNotObsessed)

The Hannah Montana terrorist has been arrested (TrashyCeleb)

Jennifer Love Hewitt tells you 10 things you don’t know about women (POTP)

Dolly Parton’s plastic surgery roundup (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Stephen Colbert gets the Mount Rushmore treatment (CelebritySmack)

Anderson Cooper puts his foot down on the Heath Ledger mania (HolyCandy)

Was Katie Holmes pregnant before meeting Tom Cruise? (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Britney gave Drew Barrymore a run for her money (NinjaDude)

McDreamy in uniform, sigh… (PerezHilton)

Pamela Anderson is a vegetarian dish past its freshness date (Copyranter)

Heath Ledger, 28, RIP (Gawker)

Heath Ledger’s scarily foreshadowing interview (PerezHilton)

Heath Ledger’s final bow (Defamer)

Now that Suzanne Pleshette is gone, it’s all up to Angie Dickinson (raincoaster)

P. Doody has another name change (CelebritySmack)

Angelina Jolie is DISSED! (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Scarlett Johansson’s boobs cheer up the troops (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan wins two Razzies! (HollywoodOffender)

Christina Aguilera’s baby is one of the Chosen People (GabbyBabble)

The TomKat robot! (PrettyOnTheOutside)

Dita VonTeese offers you her secret weapon (CelebWarship)

The John Travolta Scientology video, in case you thought you’d seen them all (CeleBitchy)

Beauty Queen bitchfight (Dlisted)

Margaret Cho lets flow (HuffPo)

Mena Suvari rocks the Auntie Entity Beyond Thunderdome look (GoFugYourself)

Charlie Sheen vs Denise Richards: classfest! (HolyCandy)

Nicole Richie watched herself give birth in the mirror (ImNotObsessed)

30 Seconds to SARS (Mollygood)

If studying the mating habits of macaques means getting to hang out by relaxing hot springs, then sign me up:

Male macaque monkeys pay for sex by grooming females, according to a recent study that suggests the primates may treat sex as a commodity. “In primate societies, grooming is the underlying fabric of it all,” Dr. Michael Gumert, a primatologist at the Nanyang Technological University in Singapore, said in a telephone interview Saturday.

…Gumert found after a male grooms a female, the likelihood that she will engage in sexual activity with the male was about three times more than if the grooming had not occurred.

We have an opportunity then, to conduct a little social experiment to see how much in common we have with these creatures. Now - all the men who are so inclined, please examine the picture below and tell us whether the promise of a passionate encounter with this fine specimen is enough to get you running your fingers through that head of hair like a meaty comb.

Nicole Kidman pregnant, quitting (Defamer)

Tony Randall’s sex life (Jezebel)

Miley Cyrus underage Twizzling (Gawker)

Princess Buttercup divorces her Prince Humperdink (AgentBedhead)

Xtina shows off the baby-maker (TheMeatScale)

Mr. Blackwell’s Worst-Dressed List (Dlisted)

Your daily Britney roundup (Yeeeeah)

Paris Hilton drunken vagina exclusive (DrunkenStepfather)(NSFW, duh!)

Your new Bond Girl (TheBlemish)

Madonna visits Mumbai (JustJared)

Chris Crocker in a blender (Youtube)

Adriana Lima talks about her sex tape (TheBastardly)

New York’s roots (CelebritySmack)

Halle Berry and babydaddy out and about (DailyStab)

Toga, Toga, Toga! (GoFugYourself)

Karl Lagerfeld on the New Hampshire Primary (HolyCandy)

JLo Hewitt in the most beautiful dress I’ve seen in ages (ImNotObsessed)

George Clooney is quote o’ the day (EvilBeet)

Pitt/Jolie lovematch (Websters)

The QuWIIn! (TeenyManolo)

Brendan Fraser is on the market again, ladies! (Defamer)

Misha Barton stars in “The DUI” (TMZ)

Casey Affleck discovers “Casey Affleck” is not a name worth dropping (AgentBedhead)

Britney’s latest FB is married (CelebWarship)

The Lohan Sisterhood of the Travelling Pantslessness (CelebritySmack)

Sinead O’Connor and the Pogues live in Dublin (GabbyBabble)

Britney Spears stole her kids’s Christmas presents (TheBlemish)

Angelina and Brad feed the kids McFood for Christmas Dinner (DailyStab)

The most annoying celebrity of 2007 (PopCrunch)

Lindsay Lohan betrayed by convict; convict who takes Terry Richards photographs (Derober)

Angelina’s plastic sturgeon secret (MakeHerUp)

Amy Winehouse to enjoy Norwegian interlude of, say, 8-12 months (Dlisted)

Sean Connery: a man called “Sue” (Huffpo)

Shadenfreude Special: the Hilton sisters lose out on $4 billion (IDLYITW)

John Cusack refuses to crush ignoramus interviewer (Popoholic)

Jessica Alba is engaged, still pissy (Popsugar)

Titmuss retires her tits (Sun)

Smells like… Justin Timberlake? (JustJared)

The latest Jennifer Aniston’s Uterus rumor (HolyCandy)

MK Olson apparently cannot afford shoes (ImNotObsessed)

Britney Spears in her most challenging role ever: virgin! (AgentBedhead)

Jessica Alba no longer ovulating (HolyCandy)

Olsen Twins not trolls: Olsen Twins elves instead! (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Janice Dickinson has a dating time warp (CelebritySmack)

Victoria Beckham has aquarium-ectomy (BricksAndStones)

Clone a Beatle for $48,000 (GoneHollywood)

Johnny Depp in the role of a lifetime! (DailyStab)

Naomi Campbell in cellphone freakout #eleventy-billion (Gabsmash)

Madonna finds yoga just not relaxing enough. May we suggest an enema? (Mollygood)

Kylie Minogue’s dominatrix gear at the Nobel Peace Prize dinner (Websters)

Ike Turner is dead: party at Tina’s! (PerezHilton)

Zac Efron cranks his Soulja Boy (JustJared)

Vince Vaughn: please don’t drink and dress (TheMeatScale)

Eva Longoria doesn’t do kinky (WOWReport)

Britney’s mystery illness? An allergy to press. Oh, go ahead, pull the other one (EvilBeet)

Top Celebrity Meltdowns of 2007 (ImNotObsessed)

Jennifer Love Hewitt may not have a big butt, but she’s got a big rock (DanasDirt)

Bryan Adams serenades PeeWee Herman with that good, old-fashioned Canadian Christmas Reggae (HolyMoly)

Most Overpaid Celebrities of 2007 (Defamer)

Posh Spice, thumb-sucker! (CelebritiesEating)

Pete Doherty, guidance counselor (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse is the new Brigitte Bardot. Karl Lagerfeld is, apparently, the new Frances Farmer (CelebritySmack)

Christina Aguilera’s baby shower (HollywoodBackwash)

Angelina discriminates against blue-eyed blondes. Like Shiloh (WWTDD)

Fergie tries out for Texas Chainsaw Massacre update (DailyStab)

Jessica Simpson is ready for her full-frontal closeup (DerekHail)

Kate Moss wears a pantsless panda ensemble to Led Zeppelin (DListed)

-Kat is tired of Tom- (CeleBitchy)

Renee Zellweger needs help staying sane (ImNotObsessed)

Lindsay Lohan thinks Bud Light isn’t real beer. She may have a point (NinjaDude)

Kylie Minogue and the Nobel Prize. Yes, you read that right (PerezHilton)

Teri Hatcher power walks, could use another 2% bodyfat (TheSkinny)

PETA vs the Olsen Twins (HolyCandy)

Adam Sandler to the rescue! (Defamer)

Gwyneth Paltrow may not be the friendliest person on the planet (Jezebel)

Alex Trebek in jeopardy (Mollygood)

Julia Roberts is back, and bigger than ever. Also starey in a Nicole Kidman way (EvilBeet)

Pink and Juliette Lewis could both use some decaf (Webster’s)

Behold the hotness that used to be Sean Connery (TheMeatScale)

Fake Posh … but I repeat myself (AgentBedhead)

Carson Daly is a scary scab (Mollygood)

Steve Carell, master of suave (SplashNewsOnline)

Hayden Panettiere starts a Used Panty club (Defamer)

The Fabio/George Clooney peace talks (Radar)

Kirsten Dunst is Kelly Slater’s latest rent-a-blonde (Dlisted)

Mary-Kate Olsen does the fetal homeless girl look (DrunkenStepfather)

Britney is late, not pregnant (Popsugar)

Britney has a messy house with a not-so-secret sex room (HolyCandy)

Jake Gyllenhaall will play legendary sex symbol Joe Namath (but is there a nude Cosmo spread in the contract? That’s what WE want to know!) (ASocialitesLife)

Becks blogs (PerezHilton)

in rehab news: the Wino Watch begins… (TheMeatScale)

Kelly Osborne grows up, cleans up real good (GoFugYourself)

Johnny Depp gives Vanessa Paradis a punny present (ImNotObsessed)

Thank GOD Paris Hilton prefers pantyhose to stockings (CelebritySmack)

Manolo says, and yet, one has to admire her single-minded devotion to “fashion”.

Chelsy Davy comes to her senses; Prince Harry now off the market again (HolyMoly)

Tom Cruise, skanky old perv? (AgentBedhead)

Boy George vs Ginger Spice, bet on the chick to win (GabbyBabble)

Natalie Portman busts a move (IDontLikeYouInThatWay)

Zac Efron gets posies from photogs (JustJared)

Viggo Alan Poe: quoth the raven, Stallone is directing??? WTF? (TunaFlix)

Mary Kate Olsen shows off her troll hooker style (TheMeatScale)

13 going on 40: the latest Lohan (HolyCandy)

Amy Winehouse fired by tour manager (CrabbiesHollywood)

George Clooney is ready to ride (TMZ)

David Copperfield’s island, reputation sinking (StupidCelebritiesGossip)

A Paltrow grows in Brooklyn (but still looks Protestant) (Mollygood)

Chloe Sevigny for Chloe (DailyStab)

Lohan on the loose! Lock up your sons! (D*anasDirt)

Hard time for Lindsay (WebstersIsMyBiotch)

A surgeon’s thoughts on the Donda West case  (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Hawt Rainn Wilson and hot Dr. Pepper (Defamer)

Spice Fug (GoFugYourself)

Britney can’t drive with the Federspawn (PerezHilton)

Heather Mills is the Wicked Witch of the Wasteland (AgentBedhead)

Monster Thriller Horror Celebrity Roundup (HolyCandy)

Britney’s Party in the Potty (CelebritySmack)

Is Angelina preggo? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Lane Garrison about to get 3 years experience working the orange jumpsuit (Dlisted)

Frankenbust! (CityRag)

Jon Bon Jovi has more street cred than we ever dreamed (DailyStab)

Lance Armstrong and an Olsen??? (I’mNotObsessed)

Britney’s lawyers handle “all that stuff” ie the kids (PopSugar)

When Pierce Brosnan attacks! (NinjaDude)

RIP, Robert Goulet (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Michael Jackson haunts Brooklyn (MollyGood)

Lindsay Lohan bails on New Year’s bash (Yeeeah)

Happy Halloween! Your kid looks slutty! (CeleBitchy)

The View goes all-transvestite for Halloween! (Defamer)

And the people are…

Catherine Zeta-Jones messy, still hotter than anyone you know (DanasDirt)

Trista Sutter, celebrity mom, self-hating whale (TeenyManolo)

Pete Doherty dumps Irina Lazareanu, targets Kate Moss (TheRadReport)

Scarlett Johansson gives away body parts to her men (CelebWarship)

Amy Winehouse won’t get sloshed before concerts, unlike the audience (WendyWayrad)

Katie Holmes, bastard spawn of Tinkerbell and Godzilla (GoFugYourself)

Ashley Olsen’s Donald Duck impression (ImNotObsessed)

Owen Wilson interview goes live at the witching hour (EvilBeet)

Cindy Crawford, serial sellout (DerekHail)

Natalie Portman, nude no more! (DailyStab)

Renee Zellweger rocks the inpatient look (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Britney Spears carrys drugs in her purse (HollywoodBackwash)

Japan makes Posh Spice smile (Glosslip)

Jessica Biel pulls a Britney Spears move, attacks with brolly (CelebSlam)

Keanu Reeves, 43, has girlfriend, 20 (GabbyBabble)

Borat sued for making etiquette expert look uptight. Whodathunkit? (HolyCandy)

Britney’s hit and run charge dismissed, DWL sticks (PopOnThePop)

Beyonce is your fat aunt (Fatback)

The Unsexiest Women: the blowback (2BlogOrNot2Blog)

Paris Hilton not to molest Rwanda just yet (Oscar Valdez)