Tom Cruise, Mad Hatter

Not even seasoned pro SuperSuri can keep a straight face under these circumstances. While Tom is not wearing his hat indoors (a privilege reserved for the ladies) he is still putting his foot in it (and a nice chapeau is no place for a pied) by wearing the universal symbol for “I have hair plugs” while in the pool. Remember the defense offered by the British officer caught starkers while chasing a giggling blonde down a hotel hallway: “A gentleman should always be attired in the uniform appropriate to the activity in which he is engaged.”

The defense was successful, by the way, which this Trunks and Topper ensemble is not.

You know what to do, so do it in the comments, for fabulous, imaginary prizes!

Tom Cruise longhair

Do what you do best in the comments to Tom Cruise and his little bundle of sunshine and thetans.

Who's Suri Now

The Royal Wedding entrance like none other. My shameful past as a Prince Andrew fangirl with full-on subscriptions to Majesty AND The Royals comes out as I say the Princess Ann and Camilla lookalikes are really startlingly good, but the emo cynic within me comes out when I note that even the fake Prince Harry has way more fun than the fake Prince William, who has way more fun than either of the real ones.

Now, let’s toast these glorious ersatzii with (what else?) a Buck’s Fizz and some common gossip links.

Tee Many Martoonis (ManoloFood)

Spa No Go? Oh. (raincoaster)

Marilyn Monroe conquers the world! (Ayyyy)

Is this how the Spears family started? (Lolebrity)

Tom Cruise sees red (AgentBedhead)

And it turns out he’s not even related to Viggo! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Evan Rachel Wood lives up to his name (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Vanessa Hudgens in tampon chain fashion tragedy (CelebritySmack)

And then Trump asked for its birth certificate (CelebVIPLounge)

Joey Ramone lives on. On white trash (CityRag)

NPH has double trouble (DailyStab)

How many celebutards does it take to dance on the head of a mushroom? (DippedInCream)

Oh, Aniston, it’s SO mutual (EarSucker)

Mike Tyson is serious about this yoga thing, too (FitFabCeleb)

Elizabeth Hurley will never age. STOP IT ALREADY, BITCH! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Let me get this straight…If you sleep under Miley Cyrus’ armpits, you will never have nightmares? (HaveUHeard)

JSimp wigs out (HollywoodHiccups)

Shack up with Glee! (INeedMyFix)

Royal Wedding rehearsal shocker! (MathewGuiver)

Nicki Minaj drops the dildo for Britney (PoorBritney)

Fergie drops the “D-List Bomb” on the TSA (PopBytes)

Huh? Seriously? Kirstie Alley was onstage at the same time? (Swoonworthy)

Miley Cyrus appears to have a shin cellulite problem??? (TheSkinny)

 

It's true, everyone loves a bad boy in a leather jacket

Happy 80th Birthday to Leonard Freaking Nimoy! You’ll always be a week and a day younger than William Shatner!

Now I think I’ll carefully sip a thimbleful of Romulan Ale in his honour.

Gramps Gets Down! (raincoaster)

This is why the pinkos never win (Lolebrity)

The Eternal Question: Mugler edition (Ayyyy)

Sophia Loren tries out a new look (ManoloFood)

That’s my dating life sorted then! (AgentBedhead)

Blind Item Egoist! Let me guess: Prince Philip? (BusyBeeBlogger)

It’s a dog’s life. Meanwhile, I stay in Motel 6 (CelebDirtyLaundry)

It’s Tween vs Tween! (CelebritySmack)

Angelina to step into Dame Elizabeth’s sandals (CelebVIPLounge)

Sean Penn gets made over (CityRag)

Khloe Kardashian Kovers Kosmopolitan (DailyStab)

Reese Witherspoon calls RPattz a dirty, dirty boy (EarSucker)

Lilo doesn’t look a day over 40 (FitFabCeleb)

James Franco: we get the public intellectuals we deserve (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Preppy label amputates model’s arm! (HaveUHeard)

Britney, Jackass, the jokes write themselves (HollywoodHiccups)

Do YOU have what it takes to be a Torontonian? (INeedMyFix)

Kingston Rossdale is a playa! (MathewGuiver)

Enrique can’t out-diva Britney (PoorBritney)

Thar’s gold in them thar hills alive with the sound of music (PopEater)

Judge Judy’s oral issue (Radar)

Now HERE Is some decorative royalty! (SwoonWorthy)

Tom and Katie have a time machine, apparently (TheSkinnyChic)

So Liv Tyler and Jimmy Fallon get in a time machine… (SeriouslyOMG)

Now with added flaming dice goodness!

The Julian Assange coloring book (raincoaster)

It! Is! Time! (Ayyyy)

King of the Road (Manolofood)

Chuck Norris fears this man (Lolebrity)

Interview with raincoaster (SurveyMagnet)

Beastie Boys beat 2010 (AgentBedhead)

Owen Wilson…daddy? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Demi Lovato morphing into Demi Moore? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Natalie Portman is a cannibal! (CeleBitchy)

Hold it against Britney (CelebritySmack)

Michael Douglas has left Tumortown (DailyStab)

Famous people: VERY different from you and me (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Natalie Portman in World’s Ugliest Maternity Dress (HaveUHeard)

Sandra Bullock simultaneously beats Jesse James AND ScarJo (INeedMyFix)

The verdict on holding it against Britney (PoorBritney)

Who invited TomKat? (PopBytes)

Mila Kunis gets real about weight (TheSkinny)

Empress Gaga? President Gaga? (EvilBeet)

Victoria Beckham to switch to flats in 6 months or so (GabbyBabble)

Trailer parks of the world wild for Bieber, apparently (FitFabCeleb)

Sy-Phillis! Cloris Leachman`s talent is contagious! (Movieline)

Selah.

Yes, this exists.

The Sex Pistols have released a new fragrance.

Resisting tradition, fighting conformity and disregarding aromatic conventions it leaves a fresh, restless bite of lemon, sharpened and intensified by a defiant black pepper. Electrified by aldehydes, the fragrance exudes pure energy, pared down and pumped up by leather, shot through with heliotrope and brought back down to earth by a raunchy patchouli.

As well as a strong scent, the bottle also makes a bold impression, with its iconic graphic inspired by the front cover of the single ‘God Save the Queen’ released in 1977.

Kill me now.

Who John Cusack is NOT dating (raincoaster)
Saturday Caption Contest: Royalty in 3D! (Ayyyy)
Anarchy in the UK! (Manolofood)
The derivation of Anna Wintour (Lolebrity)
Tom Cruise, size queen (AgentBedhead)
DArquette in Miami (BusyBeeBlogger)
The Situation is…desperate (CeleBitchy)
How many divorces can you get at one time? (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Heidi Klum gave the paps the slip (CojoStyle)
The Greatest Musical Event of Our Time occurred (DailyStab)
Canada stops for Cookie Time (DListed)
Katy Perry dressed up as a toilet roll cover for the AMA’s (HaveUHeard)
Justin Bieber’s Usher innuendo (INeedMyFix)
The Britney Debate rages on (PoorBritney)
Brendan Fraser’s special effects (SeriouslyOMG)

Oh, I know what you’re thinking, but I have my reasons.

Tommy Boy may be as nutty as a Sandra Lee-inspired fruitcake, but he sure is pretty! I’d join him for a Risky Business Cocktail any time (if only to keep his mouth full so he couldn’t talk).

Joel is no mystery man (raincoaster)
Gary Oldman, man of a thousand grooming choices (Lolebrity)
Nigella Lawson and John Cusack would be a dream couple (Manolofood)
Norman Mailer and a poodle (Ayyyy)
Ewww, Simon Cowell arms! (AgentBedhead)
Whut up, Don Draper? (BusyBeeBlogger)
Mariah, that’s not very flattering to your husband (CeleBitchy)
Two and a Half Times as much Idiocy (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The Addams Family paints the town black (CityRag)
Who’s Sari Now? (CojoStyle)
The 90′s are back and your local arena’s got ‘em! (DailyStab)
Now THAT is a funny caption (DListed)
Yeah, but do they KEEP it down? (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Harry Hughini? (HaveUHeard)
Kiefer is coming! Kiefer is coming! (INeedMyFix)
The bodyguard shakedown breakdown (PoorBritney)
We ALL feel that way, honey (SeriouslyOMG)