Sorry, it was there. I had to use it.

Larry Craig and the Village People get their groove on! (Disembedded)

Celebrities love Mr. Bones (Jezebel)

Life after Xena for Lucy Lawless (AgentBedhead)

LiLo’s new BF jilted his fiance for her (with bonus mug shot goodness) (CelebritySmack)

Pamela Anderson as: Hooker Bride Barbie! (DailyStab)

Colin Farrell and Natalie Portman do good (GlitteratiGossip)

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, not so good (GoFugYourself)

Donald Trump disses George Clooney and Angelina Jolie. Start the countdown to the assassination (HolyCandy)

LAPD investigates Orlando Bloom’s car crash (I’mNotObsessed)

Raising Suri Cruise by the book: Dianetics (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Michael Jackson on Kid Nation? Uh, so to speak. (JustJared)

Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia not dating (OK)

Victoria Beckham cracks a smile (PerezHilton)

Kate Moss debuts her Joan Collins tribute collection (MollyGood)

Taye Diggs hotter even when goofy than any man you know (PopSugar)

Ellen DeGeneris releases the hounds (TMZ)

Kimora Lee Simmons, Russell Simmons, their kids, and Djimon Hounsou at the Pumpkin Patch (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Paris Hilton dumps another one (TheRadReport)

Celebrities cheat on their taxes too! (TheJellyfisher)

Debra Messing’s got a new job (Seriously?OMG!WTF?)

L’Oreal kidnaps most of Scarlett Johanssen’s nose (Scandelerious)

Although she paid someone to take away some of it already  (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

A night of passion with Robbie Williams (AgentBedhead)

Brad Pitt sobers up for the kiddies (CelebritySmack)

Donnie Osmond’s almost drug bust (Starpulse)

Vincent “Vampire” Gallo vould luff to meet chou (GoFugYourself)

Suri Cruise is a two-fisted drinker (HolyCandy)

Jennifer Aniston’s secret wish (I’mNotObsessed)

Colin Farrell discusses his son’s cerebral palsy (ICYDK)

Leo DiCaprio manorexic? (TheSkinny)

Lindsay Lohan, Playboy Bunny possibility? (Egotastic)

Small, bedraggled Olsen creature attends Calvin Klein event (JustJared)

Sienna Miller’s graveyard grope session (TheMeatScale)

Anthony Kiedis joins The Embarrassing Parent Club (TheSuperficial)

Jessica Alba’s hot wheels (CelebrityCarParade)

LiLo is back, beyotches! (CelebrityNation)

Alicia Keys’ wetsuit (YoungBlackAndFabulous)

Britney and Jamie-Lynn attacked! (Adeline and Hazel)

Kiefer Sutherland hasn’t got time to plead not guilty! (TMZ)

But he does have time to do 48 days (PerezHilton)

Charlie Sheen’s girl is a RealDoll (Defamer)

Lindsay Lohan is high on puns (OK!)

Hoff is off! (the wagon) (Mollygood)

Linday Lohan and Joey Buttafuoco…wait, what? (Mr.Paparazzi)

Forward Britney’s resume to HR! Thank me later (HolyCandy)

TomKat out to dinner, not lunch (I’mNotObsessed)

Nicole Richie’s baby bump gets bigger, browner (DailyStab)

Jude Law IS Celebrity Dave (AgentBedhead)

Vince Neil’s wife, Amanda Lepore? (CelebritySmack)

Tom Cruise’s blackmailer’s death “suspicious.” You don’t say? (CeleBitchy)

Has Angelina Jolie had a schnozzoplasty? (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

George Clooney is never living this one down (Jossip)

Britney passed her drug test (DListed)

Tinsley Mortimer’s poncho, life are not like yours (ParkAvenuePeerage)

Victoria Beckham to play flying monkey? (TheMeatScale)

Jennifer Lopez keeps mum (GirlsTalkinSmack)

John Stamos plays doctor at Disney World (JustJared)

Eva Longoria’s dirty home movies? (DailyStab)

Right Now, Van Halen still rocks (AgentBedhead)

Tom Cruise’s enemies spontaneously repent, off selves (CeleBitchy)

Spice Girls sell out (CelebritySmack)

Britney doesn’t need a babysitter anymore, y’all! (I’mNotObsessed)

Britney’s scofflaw ways that lost her kids (GabbyBabble)

But she’ll always have the Just Britney art show (WOWReport)

Keith Urban’s motorcycle wipeout (ICYDN)

Mary-Kate thinks she’s God, possibly inhaled (NYDN)

It’s Take Your Shiloh to Work Day for Brangelina (AllieIsWired)

Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom together again for the first time (HolyCandy)

The (d)evolution of Carrot Top (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Ben- blames -Nifer for failure (HollywoodOffender)

Pamela Anderson engaged to Paris’ pornographer  (Yeeeah)

Katie Holmes “acts,” forgets to move facial muscles (LaineyGossip)

David Letterman welcomes Paris Hilton, wipes floor with her (Defamer)

One tries very hard to be a hip woman, while the other is naturally disposed to having womanly hips.

What do you do when you’ve planned a romantic evening of Dianetics by candlenight and your human wife has a headache (yet again)?

Meet the KT1000 – most listless robot everrrr.

Tom, if that tight suit will allow you, I suggest you open the compartment in her back and replace the batteries. While you’re at it, you might as well install a wardrobe expansion pack. For both of you. Those clothes are so pre-AI.

If you’re yearning to spend some time with Tom Cruise in all his 9-foot glory (yes triple the usual size!) get down to the Acuna-Hansen Gallery in LA :

A nine-foot tall portrait of TOM CRUISE is the main attraction in a new exhibition featuring 31 paintings and drawings of the movie star. Artist Mark Stockton has created a series of Cruise masterpieces for his show, 1983, at the Acuna-Hansen Gallery in Los Angeles. The actor didn’t sit for Stockton – the artist created his new pieces from stills and publicity shots from Cruise’s first five major movie roles in The Outsiders, Losin’ It, Risky Business,Taps and All The Right Moves.

You can also view the artwork at Mark Stockton’s website and reminisce about the days of old, before Tom became all-powerful and all-knowing and loudly declarative in his all-loving of the women. After the exhibition, the entire collection will be mounted in Katie’s sleeping chambers as homage to what adorned her bedroom walls as a teen and as a salutary reminder to be careful what you wish for.

It’s a better look than a bottle of cheap whiskey, for sure. Best get down to the local portrait studio now and have yours done ahead of the crowd.

If you don’t have a baby handy, why not use the next best thing?